Saturday, February 23, 2008

A Change Will Do You Good

With all this talk by Almost President Obama about change.. I thought it might be time to make a very minor change to the blog… Keep in mind we changed the name and background in January 2006 (From the simply titled Nate’s blog using the same background DAS uses, and adding The Clip of the Week in January of 2007) So, just as an experiment, for now, I am going to move my postings from Thursdays or Fridays to Sunday Mornings.. (actually late Sat, nite).. That way the NWOW readers… (which now trail my mortgage podcast listeners by an ever growing majority!) can read it like the Sunday paper… at their leisure on a Sunday or later in the week.

Obama might be pushing for “change” but aren’t we a society of people who are creatures of habit? Personally, I do the same routine every day …for the first two years at my current job, I always popped in to the ground level deli to pick up my morning caffeine hit – a well priced 1 dollar bottle of Diet Coke. The owner of that deli knew the name of every single person who worked in that building, and had thought about retiring down the road and using the sale of the deli as a retirement nest egg.

Unfortunately, he never had the chance. In late spring/early summer a catering company started renting office space in the building. The caterer owner, a guy with a very poor toupee made a deal with the building owner to take over the deli on a very lengthy lease essentially booting out the deli owner. The landlord and the toupee guy basically told the deli owner that his lease would not be renewed and he would be out the door after Labor Day.

After that, the sodas went up to 1.50 and I started buying the Diet Coke 6-packs at the grocery store instead. The new owners redid the floors and counters – eerily matching the pattern in our house by the way…. But then, less than six months later while returning to work after the 3 day weekend last Tuesday, would you believe it… the deli was gone!! Nothing! Nada! Closed! Empty! Nobody home! I went upstairs to where the catering company had their “headquarters” and they were gone too! Apparently Toupee Guy came in on Saturday and cleaned all his stuff and moved out in the dead of night – just like The Baltimore Colts!

So as part of moving to a new day, I’m starting to write on Thursday night instead of the usual Tuesday or Wednesday. I gotta write on my laptop because my new Logitech Optical Mouse spazzed out on me and my desktop is not functioning. So as I sit in the living room watching Don Rickles on Craig Ferguson, its time to hammer out a Sunday column! By the way, this is the first time I have ever seen Ferguson and he ain’t bad; He just did a very amusing bit portraying Prince Charles that was actually funny.

And today’s topic – I think it is time for the Birthright Israel Program to make a change:

Friends of mine who have toddlers do a lot of changing... changing diapers! Then when it's time to potty train the little pishers, they buy them Trainer Pants. Apparently Trainers are ready for an accident because they can hold a lot of crap. How ironic after reading Peter Trainor’s ridiculous editorial in The Jewish State because like his namesake… all his writings contain is…. Crap.. and lots of it!

The paper apparently felt it was important to re-print an excerpt that Trainor wrote about Birthright Israel in a magazine nobody ever heard of called “This” magazine. To counter the Trainor ramblings, the paper published an excellent counterpoint article by Liran Kapoano; but in reality they should have just printed Kapoano’s article and replaced Trainor’s article with ads or community announcements or singles ads… anything else would have contained more quality.

Birthright Israel is a fantastic program. Some big machers donated a ton of money to establish this program so Jewish college age kids can take a trip to The Holy Land and it is absolutely free! Kapoano wrote a terrific piece describing his experiences that originally appeared on his well written blog, and it was reprinted in the paper.

Well I think its time for Birthright Israel to be a bit more stringent on who is allowed the privilege to participate on the trip. When you look at the content of Trainor’s character, you realize that the money should have gone to a more deserving college kid. I googled Peter Trainor to see what would come up and one of the first things to appear is Kapoano’s blog. Kapoano seems like a nice guy… he likes to write about Zionism, Poker, and The Yankees. Well except for The Yankees… Incidentally lets send out some get well wishes To Bob Shepherd… Even a Met fan wishes only the best for the 90 something “Voice of God”.

Anyway Kapoano lives near my office… I would invite him to join me for a soda.. but the deli is closed. He wrote about Trainor’s piece which first appeared in THIS magazine with a snappy headline called “THIS sucks”. Kapoano has some good stuff here… including the fact that Trainor’s momma is just as whacked out as Sonny Boy. Momma Vera Szoke is the daughter of Holocaust survivors… yet she feels an urge to sympathize with terrorists who want to eliminate Jews just like Hitler did. Who knows what went on in that dysfunctional home? My homeboy Kapoano points out that Mama Szoke boasted to The Canadian Islamic Congress website that her son had visited “Palestine” several times.

Obviously the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. The first two paragraphs of Trainor-crap are innocent enough but then you get to the 2nd sentence of the 3rd paragraph where he calls himself “A Long time supporter of the Palestinian non violent resistant movement against the Israeli military occupation”.

The Crap Meter was now running – Trainor was now officially out of the closet as a Self Hating Jew… something I sarcastically point out his Holocaust grandparents must be quite proud of. I am sure Petey is well aware that if they are still living, he has brought his grandparents much shame. If they are dead, they are rolling in their graves as their time they spent tortured in a concentration camp was all for naught since the cause they so valiantly fought for is now being totally minimized by their offspring, because people like Peter Trainor who just roll over to Worldwide Jew Hatred will accelerate a future that Hitler envisioned with saliva drooling out of his mouth.

First of all Mrs. Szoke should have made sure little Petey was paying attention in school, but I get the impression he was the senior the freshmen used to pick on, so he was probably too busy being bullied to pay attention to his teachers. History teaches us that Palestine was under British Rule and at the conclusion of World War II, the state of Israel was created as a haven for all of the Holocaust Survivors who were now homeless. The Israeli government took over in 1948.. we’re almost ready to celebrate 60 years! - and almost instantly, the Arab neighbors hatched a dastardly plot to launch a military attack. They got the word out to the Arabs living there to bolt outta town before the bloodbath started, because once Israel was overthrown, they could go back home.

Well of course Israel stood her ground and now these Palestinians… people who had plotted against their government.. a term one would refer to as treasonists or terrorists wanted to come back home again! Of course, they wanted to live under the Israeli government… short of moving to America, there was no better place for them to live. The Arab countries didn’t want them!

Petey actually gives a pretty good description how the tour included a re-enactment of the formation of The State of Israel featuring Prime Minister Ben Gurion’s reading of the Declaration of Statehood. But the crap starts flowing right after that… he questions an assertion by the tour guide that the army is run by a “moral” agenda.. Petey also refers to the “expulsion” of Palestinians.. although they left willingly mistakenly thinking that The Arab army would defeat the new Israeli army.

He also talks proudly of volunteering for some silly organization that escorts Palestinians past check points ostensibly past the security that does such a heroic job every day by catching homicide bombers before they can strike. He also says that when the trip was over, he felt more detached from Israel than when the trip started. He admitted that he asked questions during the trip…. He probably felt detached because he was socially rejected by the other participants who realized that Peter Trainor is just an annoying pathetic loser.

And finally, Petey must have obtained a list of all the participants… I’m sure he was not the guy that everybody really wanted to stay in touch with after the trip ended! After the trip he annoyed them even further by sending out mass emails spewing his Self hating Jew mashugas. The tour guide responded and summed it up very well in this paragraph….

“Just want to say that I admire Peter’s dedication to this cause even though it is the cause of a people who want to blow up my children. Peter’s misguided dedication proves how people, even intelligent people can be led astray by masking themselves in the banner of righteousness. This is what Hitler did and this is what Arafat did. You have chosen sides,…. The side of my people’s enemy”

And with that, he requested to be removed from Petey’s email list.

Special thanks to Liran Kapoano for outing Trainor…and sadly there are a lot of self hating Jews like Peter Trainor amongst us. Most of them don’t have the audacity to steal money from a wonderful organization like Birthright Israel. What a waste of money that a great organization allowed this garbage to participate on this wonderful program!

Word out to The Birthright People… Screen Your Participants!!!!


ACTOR – Johnny Depp
ACTRESSS – Julie Christie – (I’m still laughing about that Christy Minstrels line in Nashville from the Feb. 28, 07 column!)
SUP. ACTOR - Javier Bardem
SUP. ACTRESS – Tilda Swinton
DIRECTOR – Coen Brothers
BEST MOVIE – No Country for Old Men


Last week's planned Grammy clips were all taken off by CBS! So this week.. here is A Change Will Do You Good... from Letterman!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Roger Over? (What's Our Vector Victor?)

First of all, before we start.... Is Amy Winehouse a real life person? Or is that Sasha Baron Cohen wearing a JoAnne Worley outfit?

The big news of the week seems to be Roger Clemens appearing before Congress in their steroids witch hunt. There is the old saying that you should be careful whose feet you step on climbing up the ladder of success because they will be the first ones to kick you when you slide down that ladder. And let's admit it... there are a lot of backstabbers we have encountered in our daily lives and we do enjoy watching them fall. I think that is actually kind of normal;

In Clemens case, I must admit I am a huge Mets fan and really never cared much for the guy. In 2000, I was there at Yankee Stadium at the 2nd game of the Shea-Yankee day night doubleheader when he plunked Mike Piazza with a pitch at the time when Piazza was writing the history books as The Best Met Hitter Ever... (We're still a few David Wright years away before Piazza gives up that title)... Then we had that heated World Series when Clemens threw a broken bat at Piazza and we all hated Clemens... although I think deep down we appreciated all of his stellar career accomplishments on the baseball field.

Fast forward now to 2008 and even though Piazza and the rest of us have put the Clemens ugliness behind us... I am still baffled by this circus going on in Washington. It's one thing to kick a dog when its down, but why gang up on Clemens? Shouldn't those elected officials be fixing the mortgage mess or getting our troops out of Iraq instead of asking Clemens which uniform he plans to wear at his Hall of Fame induction? And how about Waxman making a total ass of himself for criticizing Clemens for improperly contacting a witness (his former nanny) when it was his office that asked Clemens to track her down! Clemens later interrupted Waxman's closing comments.

Personally, I really don't care too much about The Clemens controversy. But all the news channels covered it Wed, and it became a battle of the liars to see who was more credible. Was Clemens at a party with Jose Canseco? Was the owner of a golf course able to "produce documentation" showing that Clemens was golfing during this party even though Brain McNamee insists Roger was getting stuff shot up into his body? And is any of this really important?

I can actually understand the whole backlash against Pete Rose, because he is known to be an arrogant jerk in real life who ticked a lot of people off during his career.... but who did Clemens really tick off en route to being such a fantastic pitcher?

One thing has become very obvious to me while watching all the new reality shows during the recently concluded writers strike... America is a country that likes to see people squirm. The most popular reality show during the strike, seems to be that lie detector show on Fox where people have to answer humiliating questions involving their family, friends, and even bosses, while they sit in the audience watching. Are we as a society so resentful of successful people that we have to snicker when everything starts to fall apart? And speaking of Fox.... is it really necessary to make us wait till January! to start 24 again?? They can't roll it out it out in April?? or September?? And no Heroes till September?? I guess I still have Lost... although after last night it appears that Sayid and Ben have been on the same team from Day One??

My nominee for 2007 Entertainer of the Year was Harvey Levin for creating the oh so popular TMZ website and TV Show. TMZ generally seeks to embarrass famous people. Is the daily chronicling of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan really that entertaining? Or other celebs who have problems? One of the funnier comedians I remember as a kid was Foster Brooks... in the era of The Dean Martin Roasts, he walked around "drunk" all the time.. but in reality he was always sober.. it was just his shtick. Nowadays, celebrities realize that being weird gets 'em in the headlines... .one of those Tilly sisters comes to mind, either Jennifer or Meg... and being in the headlines, makes 'em popular. How many of these celebs are pulling the ol' Foster Brooks and really acting weird? Are Michael Jackson and various other weirdos really that strange?? Have you ever seen Professor Irwin Corey in real life? Or Gilbert Gottfried? Or do celebrities realize that we enjoy seeing their downfalls so they put on the crazy act to attract attention?

Thursday, was showing that hysterical clip of a live discussion of The Vagina Monologues on The Today Show where Jane Fonda drops the c word on a stunned and mortified Meredith Viera. Its a funny clip, and even though Jane says it was the title of a monologue, you would think that the daughter of Henry Fonda would be savvy enough to know that you can't say the c word on TV.. even though its ok to have James Bond movies with Pussy Galore and Octopussy... Of course, they can talk about The Vagina Monologues till they're blue in the testicles... but God forbid Jane Fonda drops the C-word! Now all hell breaks loose... (even though The Today Show airs out of 30 Rock... the same building which created Triumph the Insult Comic Dog who recorded a song called "Cats are C-words".)

And isn't language all about context?? Hey The James Bond characters Pussy Galore and Octopussy, and The Sopranos Big Pussy are ok... and MTV can have a show called "pimp my ride" which has nothing to do with hookers.. but if an MSNBC commentator makes a wisecrack that Chelsea Clinton is being "pimped" out,.. everybody goes nuts because the word pimp could be looked at possibly as connecting Chelsea to the world's oldest profession! Just like Imus's usage of the word ho's which got him into such hot water. It was used as slang.... not to imply the Rutgers women were hookers... but nonetheless, the PC Police were all out in full force.

And speaking of Rutgers women... how insulting was that on Monday Night when I saw how Tennessee's clock operator totally screwed over the Rutgers womens team by stopping the clock so a post buzzer foul whistle was blown before the game ended. Don't you think this fiasco ticked off the Rutgers team a bit more than what some old man on the radio says? But despite this clock stoppage fiasco, barring some kind of collosal intervention, they are not replaying that last second or changing the outcome.. showing that you can't change sports history. It happened and that is the way it is.

Clemens has the Cy Youngs and the 350+ wins... and Bonds has the home runs, and like it or not, there was a period of time when steroids were not illegal in the Baseball Union Agreement. So, for us to go back in time, and strike down Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Rafael Palmiero for their statistical "accomplishments" is just a waste of time. I wonder what happens if it turns out that alcohol is found to enhance one's ability to hit the ball? Are they going to go back in time and try to change Mickey Mantle's Foster Brooks-esque attack on the record books?

On a related note, I heard that after the Grammys, Natalie Cole had some comments about Amy Winehouse. And let's admit it.. we all watched her performance to see if she would have a nervous breakdown on live TV. Cole says Winehouse should not be nominated for and given awards until she is treated for her demons... I disagree. This is the only opportunity they had to nominate her for New Artist of The Year... and based on the awards she won, she earned them since she was one Herbie Hancock stunner from a complete Barack Obama-esque February clean sweep... Speaking of Obama.. has anyone else seen John King on CNN and his crazy graphics machine that calculates the delegates? And if I'm not mistaken, isn't he engaged to CNN reporter Dana Bash? Have you noticed that every time she does an outdoor report on a windy day, she always seems to push aside her hair while flashing her gigantic diamond ring??

But should we take away sports records and award nominations for "personal demons" when there is drug use involved? Awards are the bread and butter of these industries.. they sell concert tickets and make memorabilia more valuable. Do we punish the performer who is caught by TMZ checking into rehab and reward those that keep their problems quiet and don't seek help? How many people came out of the wood work after Heath Ledger died claiming that he had an addiction problem?? Taking a performer's accomplishments and subsequent pay away is not the solution....

Maybe they should stand Pat? (not O'Brien; he's in rehab) In this TMZ (or maybe TMI) era of Lets Embarrass the Celebrity... a star might just choose to stay out of a "confidential" Rehab by saying... "They're tryin' to make me go to rehab; I said no, no, no."

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Super Giant Tuesday..... Expialadocius!

We'll get to more of our Giant lovefest in just a moment... but first... some thoughts on Super Tuesday.

Personally I didn't decide till the very end that my vote would go to... Barack Obama. Yep, even though I recently compared his Presidency to starting Johan Santana on Opening Day at Shea (or Citi Field) after one year in the minors, I couldn't bring myself to vote for Hillary. I went to the voting booth... my first time voting in my new district since I moved last year.... and as the woman in front of me was given her little voting ticket, she informed the voting booth registrar that she was actually an Independent. "Well" said the Registrar...."In New Jersey, an Independent can't vote... and we don't have you registered as an Independent so actually you can vote". "Well" said the woman.... "Then I will have to go to Town Hall and change my registration, and then I'll come back..." And as she walked off with an odd sense of triumph, I wisecracked..."Yeah... hurry back so they can tell you that you can't vote!..."

Welcome to New Jersey!!

First of all, I didn't vote for Hillary because she is the NY Junior Senator and she should have been at The Giants Ticker Tape Parade on Tuesday. I know she is campaigning.. but this is an important event... and Governor Spitzer was there as was Senator Schumer. And as for New Jersey's politicians.. why wasn't Governor Corzine at Giants Stadium for the big celebration Tuesday afternoon? Corzine was too busy to attend that event.. but had enough time to go to The Skylark Diner in Edison for a Tuesday Night Hillary Clinton Supporters Party,... just a few short miles away from Route 440 where he is planning to plunk down some toll booths! By the way, The Skylark is THE best diner in NJ since the late lamented Clairmont that used to be on Route 3 until the late 80s.

My other reason I was annoyed at Hillary...., on Monday Night when Eli Manning got stuck at the airport in Arizona and couldn't make it to NYC in time to appear at an already delayed taping of Letterman, Hillary got an extra segment. And that is where she really went wrong when she started talking about the Mortgage Crisis and totally got mixed up on a very basic concept that she should have understood. She told Dave that she wanted to change the mortgage industry so they would get rid of prepayment penalties that change the interest rates of people who pay off loans early.


Is Hillary confusing sub prime adjustable rate loans with Prepayment penalties? A prepay is just what it says.. the bank is paid a penalty fee if the loan is paid off early. The rate doesn't change... what rate is there.... the loan is paid off!! There's a zero balance! What do these banks in Hillary-land do... Charge 10% on a 0 dollar loan?? Did she encounter a prepayment penalty when she loaned her campaign a few million from her vast personal fortune? In reality she had her facts crossed and got mixed up with a sub prime loan but if she is getting this kind of easy stuff mixed up enough that I can catch it at 1220 AM .... will she get her facts mixed up when she is negotiating lenghty peace treaties in the Middle East??... Or giving Air Force Jets attack signs to bomb Iran??

Now that the Super Tuesday voting is done.... Obama and Hillary are back to Square One with no clear decisive winner, and the fight goes on. Ultimately, it might be a matter of who is mentally and physically stronger to maintain the 7 day a week grueling campaign pace in our society of people who are itching to skedoodle from their office as 5 o'clock approaches on a Friday afternoon!

The Republicans are making asses of themselves as usual. Rush Limbaugh bellows that likely nominee John McCain is not "conservative enough" by his lofty standards. Then he gets a letter from fellow Viagra user Bob Dole telling him how wonderful McCain is... and the voters seem to think so too as Mitt Romney is now out of the race. It's too bad. I think back to 1986 when The Mets beat The Red Sox in the World Series and I recall a great idea of a campaign commercial with Red Sox first baseman Bill Buckner.

"Hi this is Bill Buckner reminding you to Vote Romney For President - because everyone in America could use a good Mitt!!"

And speaking of World Champion Sporting Events where New York brought heartbreak to Boston...

The other Super part about Tuesday was that wonderful Parade... the first time a football team has been honored with a Ticker Tape Parade in New York City!! I stayed home most of Tuesday to watch it. I went to work afterwards and watched some of the Giants Stadium rally on Channel 4's website. The parade was pretty cool. I mostly watched Channel 4 with Darlene Rodriguez and Len Berman although I would have liked to have seen Carol Anne Riddel instead since a Rodriguez-Riddell pairing would have been quite the eye candy. The Parade was hastily arranged as apparently was the Coverage. Reporter Tracy Strahan speculated that she might be the 2nd most famous Strahan.. forgetting all about Michaels estranged wife who probably rooted for The Patriots on Sunday! Rob Morrison interviewed random Giants on the floats totally clueless about who he was speaking to at any given time... but all in all the whole day was excellent.. although I still have no idea why Whoopi Goldberg was there to warm up the audience. Huh?? Why not get someone from WFAN the flagship station of the NY Giants like a Steve Somers or Chris Carlin or somebody from Fox Sports? Whoopi? She was just as confused as The Channel 4 reporters and thankfully her appearance on stage was very short.

The speeches were entertaining... Tom Coughlin still hasn't loosened up.. Im sure Chris Snee who is his son in law has some interesting anecdotes from Coughlin family dinners. Schumer, who unlike Hillary, was there, gave the typical political silly speech even producing a unanimous declaration voted on by all 100 US Senators including Obama Supporter and Bostoner Ted Kennedy. As if all the Senators really voted?? Governor Spitzer was actually rather entertaining... but Michael Strahan tossed Tiki aside as THE Coughlin-era Giant who will have a HUGE broadcasting career with his incredibly hysterical speech which included that hysterical Stomp on the faces of those Patriots... (who by the way really had a fantastic season finishing at 18-1). Poor Eli Manning had to follow that act.. he might as well have just gotten up there and whistled the theme to "The Andy Griffith Show".

By the way since it was also Primary Day... there was an interesting twist to all the police blockades at The Parade. If a person needed to cross the street to vote.. they were allowed to bypass all the blockades to get across...literally walking right across the street of the parade route!

A couple of other notes from the game before we eventually return to our regular format. I forgot to mention that I was pleased to look at Patriot's punter Chris Hanson's tuchis all night as long as he was kicking the ball back to The Giants. Heck there was more Chris Hanson ass in that game than a Dateline NBC Predator Special! . Oh is that a different Chris Hanson??

And finally, in regards to today's first clip... just to address a question raised here a few weeks ago by a buddy of mine whether Eli Manning was worth 4 draft picks. (In that column he questioned in 2006 why the media didn't criticize The Giants for the deal) He defends his point quite articulately in this video... which was made just moments after the game ended and before Eli got the MVP.

Making such a comment at the end of 2006 was just a tad premature. And what happens if San Diego goes on an incredible run and starts winning a bunch of Super Bowls? Will Manning's one be good enough? Or does he have to win more than one? 2? 3? Personally, I am quite happy with Eli no matter what happens from hereon in... He was losing by 4 points in The Super Bowl with less than a minute left and he had the guts to get his team to the end zone. He told Letterman last night in his rescheduled appearance that he would prefer to be down by 4 instead of 3 where all he would need was a field goal to tie. He won all those road games at the end of the season... including playoff road victories in Dallas and Green Bay, the supposed Kings of The NFC. He might have that "Aw shucks" sweet boy look but the man is a warrior and I don't care how many guys they gave up... I believe The Giants made a fantastic trade and I doubt I will ever change my mind. Just making that drive to knock off the almost immortal Patriots from their undefeated perch is good enough for me!

By the way getting my buddy to agree that '06 was too premature to judge the trade was a peace treaty that even Hillary Clinton couldn't broker... although she may have thought we were talking about The Johan Santana trade which really slipped under the radar as Giant fans going to Shea in April will inquire...

"Santana?? When did we get Santana??"


Here is my buddy the Manning basher just moments after The Super Bowl. Look how giddy I look... I was calmer at my own wedding!!


Here is that legendary STOMP with Michael Strahan!

Monday, February 04, 2008

They Must Be Super Bowl Champion Giants!

Wow Wow Wow Wow... I'm so freakin shocked I dont know where to start.

First of all I have been battling some kind of sinus infection for the last several days... or maybe its a nasty cold. Nonetheless, the medicine gets your brain a little funny... I noticed all The Kennedys endorsing different candidates and speculated if Name That Tune's Tom Kennedy would endorse Ron Paul.

Then I started reading something about how some of The Lubavitchers think that the late Rabbi Schneerson is really the Messiah. They don't know for sure because he has not come back from the dead to claim his title... but what happens if he did?? Would people believe it was him... or would they think it was just a look-a-like? These are the kinds of weird thoughts that race through the mind when you take too much cold medicine.

Then it occured to me.. lets say The Rebbe is the Messiah... Dont you think he would want to make his appearance in such a way that all would see it?? I mean will mainstream Judaism accept this as really being The Messiah if a few followers announce that he is back?? And then, as I decided to spend Giants Super Bowl Weekend watching old videos of the 1986 Mets, it occured to me. I remembered the guy that parachuted into Shea... and I realized that if a parachutist landed on the field during a timeout... wouldn't that be an incredibly faboulous way to greet The Messiah??

Once the medicine wore off, I reread the dosage and realized I took too much! So don't write nasty letters.. it was the medicine talking!!

Nonetheless, A Parachuting Rebbe became a much talked about theme during the pregame. Originally I was gonna go to my buddy's house.. but for a variety of reasons.. plus this nasty cold/sinus situation....I decided to stay home and watch the game on my 42 inch hdtv and invite a few serious Giants fans plus Pumpstradamus. I was kind of zonked out in the days prior to Sunday... I stayed home Friday and slept a lot and did the same most of Saturday. I was going to go to our synagogue on Saturday afternoon because my Patriot buddy Barry teaches a very popular class... but I just didn't feel up to going there to trash talk him after his class. Ultimately, I didnt wake up till the early evening and realized I had slept off most of the last 2 days and felt remarkably well rested. Trophy Wife and I went to Lowe's to buy a few things Saturday Night and that was the pretty much all I did that day.

Sunday was game day and I made sure to feel as well as possible so I would be mentally ready for the game. Trophy Wife and I stayed home most of the day except for a quick trip to Pathmark to pick up some munchees. I popped on Mike and The Mad Dog... quite impressed that Mike Francesa would do 3 shows on Super Sunday and after signing off from Mike'd up at 12:35, he and the dog would hop a redeye so they could do the radio show from NYC on Monday afternoon at 1pm. Pumpstradamus never quite made it that fateful day... he probably thinks the game is next week. And in what turned out to be the turning point of the day.... I got a call from a guy we'll call "Timmy"... a guy we know from a group Trophy Wife has been a member of for years, and I only mention this for one reason.... in my heart of hearts,.... I believe he helped the Giants win the game!

Timmy wanted to know of any parties going on... of course I had already published my blog saying I would have a few serious Giants fans over... and he must have seen that. He said he was inviting his friend Rich to his house... and I told him to have a good time and watch out for parachuting Rebbes. A minute later, my cell phone rang and it was Timmy again. Timmy, ever the salesman made me an offer I couldn't refuse... (coinciding I guess with the Godfather Audi spoof commercial)... His pitch... he and Rich... a supposed Giant fan would come and bring some pizza. I hit the deal button and told them were more than welcome to join the fun.

Timmy bought a pizza filled with all kinds of goodies... some not good for those with sensitive tummies (and he saved me a trip and a tip by picking up a 2nd pizza too!) Nessim the Cowboy fan was here too... he was allowed to join us on the condition that he keep his Eli Manning trade bashing down to only during the commericals... (See the column from a week ago Friday - I think he still thinks Manning needs to prove himself. In the post game euphoria, we made a video talking about the trade. Later when I calm down I will watch it.) The rules were set.. Silence during the actual game play.. speaking would be allowed between plays.. and I was hoping for a miracle if it was a Giant win or The Rebbe on a parachute! Neither seemed likely as the game got underway.

The first half moved along rather crisply and The Giants went to the break down 7-3. At halftime I got up from my new red couch.. stretched my legs and gave Timmy a quick tour of the house.. since it was his first visit here. I didnt want to waste too much time, and I was still puzzling why there has to be a concert at halftime. Is that so families with young kids have enough time to get home if they leave an SB party at halftime?? Timmy took note of the fact there was a bathroom on every floor... and seemed to not be too comfy with how his multi topping pizza was treating his sensitive tummy.

I cleared the rest of the story with him before publishing... so he knows I am sharing this with my readers. Because while I was clearing it up with him, he disappeared for a loooong time into one of the bathrooms to clear out his colon. He seemed to leave at some point in the 3rd quarter, and didnt come back till the start of the 4th quarter. I was actually concerned and felt that maybe I should have shared a Lactaid with him! He eventually returned, plopped down in a green chair and as I asked him how he was feeling...

"How's your tummy Timmy" I inquired as Manning proceeded to complete that huge 45 yard pass thanks to a missed Patiot tackle to injured Jeremy Shockey's replacement Kevin Boss. (Btw, that shot of Shockey in his luxury box... he must have had a drink in front of him for every minute New England had possession of the ball.) My fellow Giants fans also noticed this coincidence, and realized that maybe rooting for a parachuting Rabbi Schneerson (too much meds for ol' Nate again) was not in the cards. As the next play... we started a new tradition of asking Timmy how his tummy was doing... and voila another Giant completion.. And again... I asked Timmy how his tummy was... and would you believe it.. here we were 3 minutes into the 4th quarter and Manning had just tossed a TD pass to David Tyree giving the Giants an improbable 10-7 lead!

And there you had our new tradition for the rest of the game... before every Giants offensive play... I had to ask Timmy how his tummy was... he would answer and The Giants would march on. (Sometimes we asked about his colon and I thought of calling him "Colin"... How's Your Colon Colin? Roger? Over.) While the Pats were on offense, I prayed for good health for Timmy's tummy because I didnt want to sit and watch the game with him in the bathroom. As a matter of fact after The Giants took a 10-7 lead, Timmy switched to another seat where I promptly informed him that he must return to his original green chair for good luck. He didnt listen to me at first but once Brady tossed that TD pass to Randy Moss... I ORDERED him to return to that green chair!! And he listened.

The miracle pass to Tyree.. where he clutched that ball and it stuck right to his helmet bringing back memories of that infamous construction worker in that 70s Crazy Glue commercial! . I had just asked Timmy how his tummy was... and on and on it went... all the big 4th down clutch plays... I asked Timmy about his tummy. And what preceded the big TD pass to Plaxico?? "Timmy hows your tummy?"

It was just a fantastic night... The Messiah never came that night.. but believe me that was one miracle in Arizona!! Just seconds after the game I zipped off an email to Barry The Patriot Fan... I knew that if I called up he woulda just hung up on my trash talking big I sent him an email asking where I could buy a Patriots 19-0 T-shirt? eBay perhaps?? ..

When all was said and done... it was a 17-14 win... which included a bizarre 4th down Patriot pass play when they should have tried a field goal... and dont you think the Patriots coulda used that extra 3 points as that one second didn't tick off the clock after The Giants swarmed the field in celebration, and the Patriots sulked off, minutes from immortality, but now one of 42 Super Bowl losers.... the victims of a fantastic Giant team.... and Timmy's sensitive tummy. (This reads like a Mamet play)

Now we await Super Tuesday... the big Ticker Tape Parade at the Canyon of Heroes!

Mazel Tov to the Giants and Best Wishes to the '72 Dolphins who also rooted us on for remaining the only NFL Super Bowl Champs to have an undefeated season!!

What an amazing night! By the way, I have some leftover pizza if anyone is interested....

CLIP OF THE WEEK - This comes from Vecman 86.

Friday, February 01, 2008

They Must Be Giants Part II

If you read last week's column... (and if you didn't, why not?) you are aware of a January 2007 column speculating if 2007 would be The Year of The Giant. Well, today we continue that theme, picking up where we left off last week.


Well folks.... it comes down to this. I have cleared out my schedule, cancelled any Super Bowl parties that are not in my sound proof living room and I am now mentally prepared for The Super Bowl. I might even wear a kittel to achieve total spirituality! This Sunday night... it's gonna be all Giants in my house!! The old Dolphins are holding their breath as the surprising Giants will try to keep The New England Patriots from undefeated immortality. This year I am having a few Serious Giants Fans over... and Pumpstradamus too as we get ready for what should be a fun evening. One of my buddies, a rather mild mannered fellow actually invited Trophy Wife and myself to his Super Bowl party, but I politely declined because a Giant Super Bowl is meant to be watched uninterrupted in a silent sound proof room!! Incidentally, he is quite mellow, but a more rabid Giant fan than myself and I sat in fear at my old apartment during the 2001 Super Bowl debacle because I was nervous that his David Banner/Incredible Hulk transformation during that horrific game was going to result in a hole being punched in a wall.

It didn't. The walls survived!

Anyway, this is it.. I am excited for my Boys... and I hope to be here next week kvelling about The Giants and trash talking my pal Barry who just goes on and on with his endless Patriot/Red Sox/Celtic trash talking! I even have banned any reference to that other quarterback.... the show with the blended family with six kids has now been renamed the Manning Bunch... and the gun safetly laws named for Ronald Reagan's press secretary shot by John Hinckley has been renamed The Manning Bill! Until Monday at least...

Both myself and Pumpstradamus are predicting... A Giant victory!! Actually Pumpy originally was going to stick to his original pick of ... The Colts.. and yes folks he has no clue that the Colts QB and Giants QB are brothers!! I asked him again... and sayeth The Pump:

I'm taking the Giants, because Giuliani (whose name also begins with "Gi") dropped out of the race this week to back McCain, who's from Arizona (and of course, the game will be played in Arizona) . Go Giants, and go McCain!

If they win.. Tuesday will be The Ticker Tape Parade... which coincides with... Super Tuesday.. Speaking of which....


Well so much for the collosal crash of Rudy Giuliani. You gotta love a Republican who thinks he is going to reinvent the wheel and ends up falling flat on his ass!! The ol' "Lets just put our eggs in Florda's basket ended up with eggs not in the basket but on Rudy's face! I didnt think Rudy would get too far anyway because his pro choice leanings dont jive with the wacko right wingers who run The Republican Party... but to go from front runner to also ran so quickly is just purely embarassing for Camp Rudy.

Personally, I dont have an issue with Rudy, but I am really bummed about John Edwards. I was all set to vote for him in Tuesdays primary...and now I am left dejected and broken hearted. I thought for sure that Edwards had the hair that was necessary to become The President! What happened?? I like Obama but he doesnt quite have the experience...its like starting Johan Santana on Opening Day at Shea after one year in the minors... but he'll be great in a few years... and I just dont like Hillary. Maybe Bill will help her behind the scenes when things get tough? I dunno... but somebody has to go up there against McCain in November... unless God Forbid, Mitt Romney wins the nomination. I'd rather see Huckabee instead of Mitt... at least he has a human side,... heck he lost 100 pounds... He can have his inauguration coincide with the Season Premiere of The Biggest Loser... or as I like to call it in the era of the popular Deal or No Deal....... Tummy or No Tummy. Speaking of which....


Will we ever have tv again?? The TV Writers strike goes on and on and on... and networks are hammering us with Reality TV. I have always said that a competition reality show is basically... a game show.. but the networks come up with bells and whistles to make the shows more "entertaining". I was watching The Moment of Truth on Wed night and the show is really "Lets embarass regular people and pay them a lot of money". Contestants are given a pregame offstage lie detector set and then have to squirmily sit on a set and truthfully answer humiliating questions. This is the kind of crap we will have to put up with until the Writers Strike ends.

Despite the strike... one show came back last night....Lost... returning for a very brief season, one of a few shows that still has fresh episodes left. The season premiere was just ok... it looked more like a Survivor episode as our heroes formed alliances picking between John and Jack. Hurley appears to be a nutjob post rescue ...He ends up in a loony bin and runs into a guy who I momentarily thought was The Haitian from "Heroes". But why is everyone believing Charlie's "message" from Penny?? Does anyone really know Penny?? Other than the fact that she is incredibly hot.. keep in mind that thinking the rescuers are bad guys based on one woman doesnt seem enough to convince me. Besides, the actress who plays Penny played that incredibly annoying woman on HBOs Tell Me You Love Me... Incidentally, everyone is wondering the identities of the other 3 "Oceanic Six"... shouldn't it be only one other survivor since Walt and his dad left the island at the end of Season 2??

Then on Thursday we got big news for game show fans... it looks like plans are underway yet again to attempt to revive Match Game. I dont get too riled up about that since they keep trying to bring it back in some way, and the projects never seem to get off the ground. Fox looked like it had some potential by shooting a pilot with Fred WIllard called "What the Blank?"...but that show never developed and frankly it would be impossible to even try to recreate the old magic used on the original 70s version. You could take a panel from the Comedy Central roasts and try to cobble out a panel from that crew... By the way why was ESPN's Dana Jacobson suspended for making a drunken wisecrack during an ESPN roast? Are roasts now politically correct? What the heck is that all about?? Did anyone see The William Shatner roast on Comedy Central?? DId you hear the comments made about Betty White?? One of the tamer comments came from Lisa Lampanella who said Betty White is so old that the first game show she went on the grand prize was... fire! Now Jesus jokes are forbidden, but Betty White jokes are ok??

One poster on a game show bulletin board has an idea to bring back Brett and Charles... not the originals.. but Ms, Butler and Mr, Barkley in the Brett and Chuck seats. That could work, but as I have said before here on NWOW, the only way that show would work again is if you get a host who will lay his ego aside like Gene Rayburn did so masterfully so the panelists get the chance to get all the yuks. Then.... maybe you have a chance.


This is from The Australian Match Game... called Blankety Blanks. In this version which aired in 1978... you will see that they have their own goofy shtick, none of which makes much sense.. but the guy Dave in the Charles Nelson Reilly seat is quite funny in the episodes that I have seen as you will see in the very last shot. And check out the set!