I see that Entertainment Weekly has announced that the smartest person on TV is .... Seth McFarlane. No argument here... some of the stuff that I see on Family Guy and American Dad is laugh out loud absolute brilliance! And with EW announcing it's decision... I think it is time for NWOW to announce our winner for "Moron of the Year".... a terrific followup to last week's Turkey Awards. Turkeys are one thing.. but a Turkey on his worst day is better than a Moron on his best day. On with the nominees...
LOIS FELDMAN
Lois is the poster child of how one evolves from Turkey to Moron! We introduced you to her last week... she and her husband went to the Minnesota - Iowa College Football game and after imbibing a few adult beverages at a friend's house prior to the game she arrived at the game intoxicated. Then shortly before halftime she informed her husband she needed to "go pishen before intermission". Shortly thereafter, Feldman was in the bathroom... but instead was in the Mens room and was caught having sex with a guy in the stall... a guy who was not her husband who was apparently still sitting in his seat!
A number of people were standing outside the stall cheering on Ms. Feldman with chants of "Blow us Lois". Security arrived followed by the police and Lois was arrested. However, the guy was just some fella who she had met and she told the Des Moines Register she didn't even know his name until she saw the story in the paper. Last week Lois was the winner of the Turkey Award... the Police announced the case was closed, and that was the end of the story.
However...
Lois has decided to add a bizarre new chapter... telling the newspaper The Daily Times Herald that something she drank might have been tampered with leading to her sexual liason... and now she is alleging foul play. Puh-leeze... I will admit that I don't know how many minutes it took from the time she left her seat till she was caught with her proverbial pants down... but I find it hard to believe that she has the audacity to claim that this guy might have been up to some monkey business. Here he was at halftime... and he sees a drunk woman in the mens room willing to have sex with him... What would the typical single guy do? The cops closed the book on it after her arrest.. she should just let it go and get her life back in order. This earns her a nomination for Moron of the Year... and if she wins, she will have to abdicate her Turkey Crown to the first runner up.
ROBERT ZARINSKY
Now here is a guy I have written about before... one excerpt from my column actually showed up on The Star Ledger's blog roundup column on their website and possibly their paper. Incidentally I am going to announce right here that I am defecting to the Daily News starting this Sunday after reading the Sunday Ledger since childhood. The Sports has declined so dramatically, I just had to make the switch!
I wrote about Zarinsky somewhat sympathetically back in early 2007 when I was one of the few people to give him some benefit of the doubt about the slew of murder accusations that he was facing. Oddly enough it was on January 11, 2007 when I predicted the beginning of this New York Giants dynasty that I told the story of Zarinsky... a rare voice who actually was not ganging up on him.
{He had accumulated a pretty large bank account because his mom's will left him a lot of money while his sister ended up with very little. Several years ago, while he was still serving time in prison for killing a teenage girl in the 1960s, his sister told police that he had also killed a cop in the late 1950s. It turns out the sister had been caught red handed stealing about 100k from her imprisoned brother's hefty bank account and “made a deal” that if they dropped the charges against her, she would testify against him because he was the culprit in an unsolved cop killing back in the late 50s.
Ultimately, 40 years later Zarinsky went on trial for the cop killing.. but he was acquitted. Some jurors felt he did it, but didn’t feel prosecutors proved their case. The officer's widow then filed a civil suit against him, sort of like the Goldman family filed against OJ Simpson… Zarinsky had trouble finding a lawyer and ended up representing himself at that trial and lost the case.. As a result of losing the case, he had to fork over all of his remaining money to the cop's widow}
However, after that... a judge overturned that verdict and told the widow she had to return the money to Zarinsky... but unfortunately she had spent it. She did manage to raise the funds... but when she returned it.. Zarinsky arrogantly demanded that she pay him back a larger sum to include penalties and interest. At that point, I too jumped on the anti Zarinsky bandwagon. There was no reason for him to be so nasty to this poor widow; and after reviewing the original court trial, although I wouldn't trust a word his vindictive sister had said, there were other witnesses at the scene who could have been a little more trustworthy. But even so, the case was almost impossible to prove so many years later, so I took the acquittal with a grain of salt. I had also read about his bullying tactics, and his treatment of the widow was no exception. What the heck was the big deal if he didn't get the interest on money she only had for a year? He got his money back after almost causing her to lose his house.. and that should have been the end of it. But his subsequent nastiness left a bitter taste in my mouth and others who had originally been willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Several months ago, Zarinsky was again hauled into court for a hearing in another murder case.. but this time he was quite ill. Here is a clip from that January 25, 2008 column that shows I had enough of this loser...
{He apparently has a health problem that forced him to be wheeled into a courtroom hooked to an oxygen tank that was helping him breathe. I think I have been watching too much lighting up on Mad Men on AMC because here is my opinion: I dont know what the indoor smoking laws are... but I think if the judge, prosecutors, or jury need a cigarette during the trial... they should get to have one right there in the courtroom. Unfortunately, the oxygen tank poses a risk to all our smokers.. but I think their comfort is more important... so I say anytime somebody needs a smoke... simply take the oxygen tank out of the room and force Mr. Zarinsky to just figure out a way to get some air. So what if he struggles a little bit...}
Well the final chapter - last Friday Zarinsky kicked the bucket and died all alone... His body lies unclaimed and more than likely he will be cremated and buried in an unmarked grave.
DEE QUINN OR WHATEVER HER NAME IS
This one has the potential to be turned into a great movie. A 46 year old Brooklyn woman named Doreen Giuliano watched her son get sent up the river when he was convicted of killing a 19 year old college student from Northwest New Jersey. The new issue of Vanity Fair is going to have a whole write up about this... but in a nutshell, sonny boy was sentenced to a 25 year to life sentence in connection with the death of 19 year old Michael Fisher. Doreen's son apparently got mad at poor young Mr. Fisher because he sat on a table instead of a chair! Well Mom was understandably upset that her boy was convicted and came up with a remarkable scheme that shows us how important it is to keep jurors anonymous.
Doreen went out and got a makeover and totally changed her appearance. Then, she got herself a list of the jurors and figured out who might be the biggest shlub in the bunch. Doreen made up a new name and moved near this one former juror. and started hanging out in his hood... wearing push up bras, tight shirts and short shorts. She even peeked into his window and saw a cat and figured that her new identity would be as a ... cat lover! Once she "accidentally bumped into" the juror, Doreen now using the name Dee Quinn caught his attention and became his new squeeze. She also provided him with plenty of alcohol and marijuana... and in her best Jack Bauer imitation, managed to get him to fess up to certain opinions he had about her sonny boy and certain aspects of the trial (including jury deliberation issues that he questioned) that she recorded on a hidden tape recorder. The tapes were turned over to a lawyer, and as a result of mama's detective work, the conviction is being appealed.
Here is an interesting tidbit... Doreen/Dee is married and her husband was in on the whole thing! However, he insisted on one rule... no sex with the juror! Now let's see this juror was just totally embarrassed by this crazy woman and here could be a perfect chance for some revenge. Why doesn't he just publicly announce that he was getting busy like he was in a Minnesota football stadium mens room? If he says he was sleeping with her... who exactly would you trust in this type of he said - she said situation? I know people google their way to these columns and might criticize me that encouraging the juror to brag about having sex with her could damage their marriage - but then again how about the pain Fisher's parents must be going through seeing that their son's killer might be freed because of his mother's tricky scheme??
AND THE WINNER IS...
All of the above nominees should have a chance to win... but every once in awhile somebody comes along that just blows everybody else out of the water. We as a society have a tendency to idolize people as they make their way up the ladder and kick them in the ass as they tumble down. This year's winner is Plaxico Burress. Here is a guy who was a major player on a Super Bowl winner and a team that has a shot at repeating... yet no matter what happens from hereon in... he will either be on the outside looking in at a potential championship, or will take a huge amount of blame if the team falls short. Did the Giants really need this distraction??
Here is my disclosure - I don't own a gun... never did... never will. I am not of the gun people. I used to live in rural Northwest NJ where there are neither sidewalks nor neighbors, and I know that out in the sticks guns are common tools for this adventure called "hunting". Hunters are activists, and they along with the NRA like to point out the constitutional rights of people to bear arms (or as dyslexic animal lovers like to say - the right to arm bears). But, it is hard to defend the use of guns in the inner cities and NY has taken major steps to make it very difficult to own and carry a gun.
Some athletes unfortunately have been the victims of violent crimes in their homes and feel its necessary to keep a gun at home for protection. Others, like former Net Jayson Williams are just stupid and play with them like they are toys. Nonetheless, with so many athletes being robbed I support Plaxico 100% that he wants a gun at home.
But when his gun accidentally went off and he shot himself in the thigh, he was not at home.. he was at a crowded nightclub in New York City. And the fact that he transported the aforementioned gun from his home to the club without the proper permit was ridiculous. And the concept that he carried a gun to a club because he needed it to feel safe? If i go in an unsafe area... I roll up the windows. lock the doors... and drive through the area as fast as I can. I sure as heck wouldn't hang out in an area I don't feel safe... and one would think Plaxico would know better...
The ensuing cover up has cast a bad light on a lot of innocent people who were just going about their business that fateful night last week. And, the Giants have already proven that they can do well without certain individual players who have not been playing since last year's big run including names such as Jeremy Shockey, Michael Strahan, Tiki Barber, and Usi Umiyora. You can add Plaxico to that list - because the Giants have played well in the games that he has missed. But there is that nagging doubt that if this run falls short of a 2nd straight Super Bowl, Plaxico might be overvalued and used as an excuse... and possibly considered as a key component for future seasons.
It really would be a travesty if this Burress situation derails this team... and it is so stupid of him to throw everything away like this. In addition, the media felt this story was supposed to be the big story for the holiday weekend when in reality the terrorist attacks in India should have been a bigger story.
And that is why Plaxico Burress is the Winner of the 2008 Moron of the Year Award!!
PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK - Pumpy lost last week dropping to a still impressive 9-4. This week we go to New York, the state with the strict gun laws that Plaxico Burress violated, the home for the only team that actually plays in NY - The Buffalo Bills. This week the Bills play Miami in Toronto as part of an annual trip The Bills makes to Canada arranged by Blue Jay owner Ted Rogers who just died this past week. The Bills are 1 point faves. Sayeth The Pump: "Even though Jet fan Walter Nagel wants me to pick Buffalo... I must say that since Former Bill OJ Simpson was a loser in court - the Bills will be losers too! Go Miami!"
UNBIASED GIANTS FAN PICKS OF THE WEEK - Last week we went 2-1 to improve to 25-14 - 11 games over .500!
GIANTS 7 faves over the Eagles - What's the difference between the Giants and the Eagles? When the Giants went into OT against the Bengals, they knew the game could end in a tie!
PITTSBURGH 3 faves over Dallas - A Giants win combined with a Cowboys loss means the Giants win the NFC East.
NEW ORLEANS 3 faves over Atlanta - Im not sure if the Falcons loss combined with a Giant win gets the Giants in... but it's time for the Falcons to cool down.
No comments:
Post a Comment