With apologies to Dr. Seuss...
It's Christmas Eve
What Can You Do
If Like Me
You are a Jew
Do you find George W
and throw a Shoe??
These are the Tates - And these are the Campbells... and this is... My Blog!
Once again, ladies and gentleman it is time to present our annual....."Being a Jew on Christmas" column. First of all, if you don't celebrate Christmas and you are looking for something to do Christmas Eve (And we welcome people who fall into that category and googled themselves over here!) - here is a great idea. This year our Temple has a great idea for a terrific fundraising event. Years ago there was this hilarious comedian named Christopher Campbell. Campbell became interested in Judaism and underwent a Reform Conversion. Then he grew interested in Conservative Judaism and underwent a 2nd conversion. Finally, Orthodoxy intrigued him... and well you can figure it out. By the way each conversion required a separate Bris so you can imagine how painful this must have been. Campbell moved to Israel, changed his name to Yisrael, and his story is quite funny. He will perform his one man show "An Evening with Yisrael Campbell" next Wednesday Night at the Highland Park Conservative Temple. If you are in Joisey come on by. They will be serving food and advanced tickets are only 38 bucks. Proceeds go to help rebuild our Temple which was badly damaged in a fire in 2006. Here is a clip from You Tube:
As I have mentioned in prior years, each year I try to catch my three traditional Yule movies,. First is the classic movie "It's a Wonderful Life" which of course features Sheldon Leonard, a cousin of Trophy Wife (who was born the day of the Manson murders at the home of Sharon Tate) It airs Wednesday Night on NBC.... and another favorite of mine is "Scrooged" with Bill Murray which will air on Christmas Morning on Cinemax.. Of course the highlight is my own Rocky Horror Picture Show - the cult favorite "A Christmas Story" which runs for 24 hours on TBS.... This is my chance to yell out.. "I see that the Bears are playing Green Bay on Sunday", ."You'll shoot your eye out"... (which I tried to get a mall Santa to yell at me for a You Tube video only to realize my cell phone camera battery had foshnizzled) and of course - "Fragilleeeee - It Must Be Italian".
Some of my fellows Hebrews and Shebrews say they felt left out with all the holiday hullaballoo. Usually this time of year, we have wrapped up Hannukah and we start thinking ahead to New Years....but this year Hanukah is late so it actually coincides with Christmas as it did in 2005. - In past Christmases, I either had a job that needed staffing for the day so I would fill in for my co workers that day or I would just hang around at home. Last year we went to Atlantic City and I hit a royal flush on video poker (Double Down Stud) and won 500 bucks! Nonetheless, while some people want stores to change their "Christmas-y" themes to "Holiday" themes, I dont care at all. I like Xmas decorations and besides, some of the best Christmas songs were written by Jews.
As soon as Christmas is over, all the media will start doing their year in review stuff and their 2009 previews. The economy is in the tank but thankfully we have a new President taking over and hopefully this bailout will infuse some much needed money into companies that provide credit and breathe life into housing, cars and high priced ticket items that people don't pay for with cash. The troubling story of Bernard Madoff emerged this past week.... and if you read the Washington Post on-line you will see the meticulous research conducted by journalist Julie Tate.
Madoff actually has me agreeing with Donald Trump.. He told CNN that Madoff is a sleaze bag Trump is 100% right. . Madoff wrecked the holiday season for hundreds if not thousands of people who have fallen victim to his Ponzi scam. I'm sure many people may quietly snicker about rich people that lost a lot of money, but there are a lot of people here whose entire life savings were wiped out because they bought into Madoff's fraudulent scam and unwisely gave him ALL their money. But it's not just rich people... Charitable foundations invested millions of dollars with that thief and now they have nothing.. which will devastate the people who were to benefit from those non profit groups. I am hearing that the wonderful Hadassah organization which my wife and mom have been very active in, lost approximately 70 million dollars!
How much can they force him to repay? And how many people were in on this scam? Nobody believes it for a minute that he acted alone... since highly detailed financial statements were sent to hundreds of his victims that could not have been prepared by one 70 year old man. Are we really supposed to believe that he fessed up to his sons and these honorable young men were so mortified by their father's shocking confession that they ran straight to the phone and called the cops? I'm not saying the sons were in on it too, but the scenario as it was told is very hard to believe. And how will this debt be repaid? Down the road, if it turns out the sons are found to be in on it, they should be forced sell their homes and then use all the money to repay the victims. And where will these people live after long prison sentences? I personally don't care, since I'm more concerned with the retirees who are now totally wiped out. But maybe if the judge wants to be fair he will force Madoff and his co defendants to live in the same kind of lifestyle as the worst victim of this scam. And if that victim ends up at the YMCA.. well it may be time to get some more cots for Madoff and his cronies.
And just when you thought the year would end with the Madoff story....
Earlier in the column I wrote about Yisrael Campbell and his fundraising show on December 24th. He is actually funny, but I find nothing amusing about Heath Campbell and his wife Deborah. As a matter of fact this couple is so physically ugly that when you look at a picture of both of them - it is hard to tell which is the man and which is the woman. This woman is allegedly 25 but looks 50 and is balding worse than I was when I was 35. But the ugliness is not only on the outside...
H. Campbell is very proud of himself. He loves Nazis so much that not only is his home decorated with Nazi memorabilia and swastikas but he decided to name his son Adolf Hitler Campbell.. and his younger kids are also stuck with similarly offensive names. A lot of people say little Adolf is going to have a rough life and will get picked on because of his name. However, in reality even if he had a normal name, young Adolf was doomed from the start when he was born to such hate filled parents. The crap he hears about from those parents is going to manifest itself into his day to day activities with other kids in school, unless he is home schooled and one can only imagine what he will learn about WWII. Basically, this kid is going to have a rough life. And how bizarre is it for a Christian to be Anti Semitic since Jesus was Jewish. And... if Heath Campbell hates Jews so much maybe he shouldn't immunize his kids with medications that were discovered by Jews. Kinda surprising DYFS doesnt swoop in and take those poor kids away.
Heath defends his Nazi crap with the usual stupidities we hear from the Nazi supporters. He talks about "other Nazi party accomplishments" not related to the Holocaust. But to me that is just a load of crap because all pre Holocaust Nazi accomplishments were the means to an end to achieve the ultimate goal of an Aryan Nation. Granted, Hitler got the trains to run on time, but it was all part of the grandiose bigger plan. Not that I'm comparing him to Hitler, but it's kind of similar to people who will say that they met Bernard Madoff at a country club and he was so nice to them. Of course he was... it was all part of the master plan to get into your wallet and steal your money!
And then the story took a bizarre twist. It was time for the kid's birthday and his parents went to Shop Rite and requested a birthday cake that said "Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler". Shop Rite told him they would not sell such an offensive cake. And besides the kid's middle name is Hitler.. who other than Charles Nelson Reilly's parents ever ordered a cake with a kid's middle name on it too? The parents were obviously just doing it because of their lack of character, because frankly I doubt anyone would care if the cake just said "Happy Birthday Adolf".
Then...the story gets even sicker.
Heath Campbell claims he went to the Wal Mart in nearby Pa... (these rednecks live in the area of NJ near Easton PA) and he claims that Wal Mart baked a Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler cake for them. It isn't that they baked a blank cake and gave him the stuff to spell it out himself. He claims that a Wal Mart employee in their bakery thought it was pefectly ok to spell out those words on a birthday cake. As much as I applauded Shop Rite's decision, when I first heard this I was mortified that Walmart... as much as I hate that place for how they treat American business owners .... was being slandered by this Nazi wannabe.
But then came the shocker... in a statement issued by Anna Taylor of Wal Mart's PR department she admitted that they baked a Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler cake! While Heath Campbell thinks its so funny that he names his kid Adolf Hitler, Wal Mart should have followed Shop Rite's lead and sold him a cake and told him to write it himself. (I know people will make the argument that The Producers has a song called "Springtime for Hitler" but in that context, it makes sense because it is not glorifying a murderer but mocking people who would want to see such a musical.) And if a local Mom and Pop bakery baked such a cake, I am sure that the local Jewish community would be up in arms and protesting outside that bakery! But Wal Mart didn't think it was such a big deal to insult the memory of the millions who died at the hands of Hitler.. I don't expect much from Heath Campbell since he has proven himself to be an absolute idiot, but I expect more from a huge corporation like Wal Mart. And what is Wal Mart doing next? Baking Osama Bin Laden cakes with a burning World Trade Center for September 11th??
How can any relative of a Hitler victim or Holocaust survivor ever step foot into a store that seems to think a Hitler cake is funny? Think about this next time you are about to walk into a Wal Mart.
ADDENDUM
After posting this Friday afternoon, I later found out who paid for the cake. We did! That's right Heath Campbell and his wife REFUSE to work and are collecting welfare. He claims he has emphysema and she claims she has a bad back although she seems good at getting on it since she already has 3 kids. Hopefully somebody will google Heath Campbell and Welfare fraud and take away his free ride.... and hopefully take away his kids too and put them into a good home.
PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK - Pumpy has never won 11 games and last week in his first attempt at 11 he came up short.. as his record dropped to 10-5. This week we go to Illinois the home of the beleaguered Governor Blagojevich who just doesnt seem to go away. To quote A Christmas Story.... "The Bears are playing Green Bay". The Bears are 4 1/2 point faves. Sayeth the Pump: "Jean Shepherd wrote and narrated A Christmas Story and since he was born in Chicago - I gotta take the Bears!"
UNBIASED GIANTS FAN PICKS OF THE WEEK: Last week we went 1-1-1 and we are now at 28-16-1.
GIANTS 3 faves over Carolina - NBC flexed the game into prime time... I wonder if ESPN can flex the Rutgers bowl game too so it isn't on a Monday Afternoon!! If the Giants win they ice home field for the whole playoffs. If they lose they will get a first round bye if the Vikings lose one of their 2 games.... which creates a scenario that the Giants could finish 0-4 and still get the first weekend off. Not gonna happen. Jacobs is back and so are the Giants!
Atlanta 3 doggies over MINNESOTA - The Vikings are owned by the Wilf family of NJ. Wilf is the chant you hear at the games by fans who have a werewolf fetish. Go Falcons.
Jets 4 1/2 faves over SEATTLE - The Jets really really really need to win... nothing would be worse than missing the playoffs at the hands of their former QB in next week's finale against Miami.
CLIP OF THE WEEK - The Soap announcer was Rod Roddy who also was the announcer on The Price is Right. Here is a clip from a Price is Right this week where something incredibly bizarre happened! Many people have noted Drew Carey's very nonchalant reaction to an event that was quite incredible.
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