Friday, January 25, 2008

They Must Be Giants

Tuesday Night I was watching Law and Order SVU and for once I actually predicted "the twist".. a wacko activist who stole embryos from a clinic was shot down by a client of that clinic whose wife was sent to Iraq. The cops tracked him to the airport where he had to gone to pick up his wife - in a body bag! Nice twist to make him seem sympathetic... and have you noticed that the military is very quiet about transporting bodies back home after somebody gets killed?

Then as the credits rolled, the screen split and with breathless despair Chuck Scarborough and Sue Simmons came on to tease the upcoming 11 o'clock news with the horrible news of the death of Heath Ledger... and the mugging of reporter Jay DeDapper. On and on the news went about Ledger... (I heard about it when I got a little blurb on my Yahoo messenger account that I got an email from TV Guide annoucing the news in the afternoon... Brokeback Mountain?? Never saw it! Oh yeah... hes the Joker in the next Batman movie!!) So as the news went on and on and on about Ledger... it occured to me... why dont they devote this much coverage every time a heroic soldier is killed while fighting in Iraq??

Heath Ledger notwhithstanding, the biggest news of the week was the Giants winning the NFC Title. And did I get to watch the game?? Nooooo.. I was at DAS's wedding but I did get to hear the 2nd half on the radio...and that was a great call by the radio team. We pulled into the driveway as the game winning field goal was kicked.. prompting me to get out of the car and literally jump up and down in my driveway in celebration. The Giants would be headed to the Super Bowl. I couldnt believe it... 3 straight playoff road wins including victories over supposed powerhouses Dallas and Green Bay and now, just one gigantic obstacle will keep the Giants from football immortalilty! Who woulda thunk that?? Well, let's go back in the time machine to January 11, 2007 and if you check the archives, that column was indeed entitled..."Will 2007 Be The Year of the Giant?"

That was the column I wrote about 3 Giants... The Giant Ego of Donald Trump... Giant Subs and The NFC Chamption NY Giants. I wrote about the Giant ego of Donald Trump who somehow has kept his silly Apprentice reality/infomerical show on the air. ... I also bragged about my discovery of The Kosher Subway in Flatbush.. and now I have gotten word that there is also one in Livingston which is fantastic since I don't have to spend money on a Verezzano toll to eat a kosher sub. Speaking of the Verezano... as I drove home from the DAS and Mrs. DAS wedding in Forest Hills to try to futilely catch the tail end of the game, my cockamimie GPS kept directing me to go through Brooklyn towards that evil Verezano toll!! Why oh why couldnt it just lead me to the promised land of Manhattan via a toll free bridge??

That column also pointed out an odd coincidence involving subs and a notorious crime spree in Union County during the 1960s. I took a rather unpopular stance defending the legal rights of Robert Zarinsky, the prisoner who was acquitted of killing a cop after his sister ratted him out when he caught her looting his hefty retirement account. Zarinsky however lost his civil suit and had to pay all that money to the cop's widow who got some lame-o legal advice and went on and spent the money. Zarinsky appealed the verdict and won... and then the widow was on the hook for the money. Zarinsky however should have quit while he was ahead because if you reread the original column, I was actually one of the few people who gave him the legal benefit of the doubt. Now Zarinsky has lost any iota of support from here,.... he keeps hounding this poor woman for penalties and interest... Also, his wife wisely dumped him and married a better man,....and this abusive son of a bitch seems to only be happy if he is harrasing someone like the poor widow.

Now ol' Zarinsky is about to go on trial for another crime and my tolerance of him has run out. He apparently has a health problem that forced him to be wheeled into a courtroom hooked to an oxygen tank that was helping him breathe. I think I have been watching too much lighting up on Mad Men on AMC because here is my opinion: I dont know what the indoor smoking laws are... but I think if the judge, prosecutors, or jury need a cigarette during the trial... they should get to have one right there in the courtroom. Unfortunately, the oxygen tank poses a risk to all our smokers.. but I think their comfort is more important... so I say anytime somebody needs a smoke... simply take the oxygen tank out of the room and force Mr. Zarinsky to just figure out a way to get some air. So what if he struggles a little bit...

The other Giant in that column was of course The NY Giants, and much maligned QB Eli Manning. Here is an excerpt to remind you guys of the praise I heaped on your NFC Title Winning Quarterback.....

The Giants played a brutal schedule especially during the early part of the season. Yet they got off to a 6-2 start that included big comebacks against The Eagles and The Falcons. However, everyone seems to have forgotten since they fizzled down the stretch to finish 8-8 (including a tough game against the division rival Redskins who wanted nothing more than to knock NY out of the playoffs). Now all these Giants/Eli Manning critics who are soooo eager to point out the poor 2nd half during the soft part of the schedule claim that the latter part of the season is most important.. If that’s the case, why don’t they give Eli credit for his late TD drive in the 4th quarter Sunday during a drive that included a 1st and 30? After tying the game at 20, the Giants defense couldn’t keep the Eagles from eating the clock and kicking a game winning field goal as time expired. Yet for some reason, my fellow Giant fans wants to blame the QB! Now the Ledger says that Bill Parcells was turned down when he made overtures to take over the vacant GM position. I guess they don’t love the Tuna.

By the way The Ledger refers to the Newark Star Ledger not the late actor Heath Ledger. Oh and by the way, if anybody ever finds me unconscious... don't call Mary Kate Olson... call freakin' 911!! I have now deleted all Olson sisters from my speed dial just to avoid the temptation!

Incidentally, once I was done jumping up and down in my driveway.... I bolted to my computer to my email to trash talk a buddy of mine who is a .... Cowboy fan... who has been blasting the Giants for trading for Manning and giving up Phillip Rivers and a few draft picks. This guy is The Phil Mushnick of our social group who will find the oddest topic to debate - by the way Mushnick is way off in today's Post when he opines about this theories about why Knick Announcer Mike Breen left his gig on The Imus Show. My opinion on any trade is to give it some time to gel... but once Rivers and his gang were sent home packing, I was ready for some trash talking and some crow eating. Interestingly enough, my buddy is still holding his ground.. which is odd because I dont see a lot of Giants fans particularly upset about the deal as The Giants prepare for the Super Bowl while The Chargers are playing golf!! In addition to that... if the roles were reversed and The Giants had traded away the first pick of the draft to San Diego, and Manning had led his team to The Super Bowl, you know that the phone lines on the all sports stations would be burning up with angry Giants fans upset that the team traded away a first pick who is now bound for The Super Bowl. I guess the Cowboys fans just haven't caught on that making it to The Super Bowl puts Mr. Manning in some very good company. If he beats The Patriots, he might be our generations Sir Edmund Hilary!


Here it is.... no Giants game for me last Sunday, but Trophy Wife and I took our camera to DAS's wedding... Here is a clip where we refer to last weeks podcast replay from 2006 where I told my liberal pal DAS he should move back to the area from FL and marry his woman!! Well, ol' DAS is finishing up some kind of project so he is temporarily commuting back and forth... Also in the clip is my cousin Elly Sue who did a tremendous good deed and introduced DAS to Mrs. DAS. And since Trophy Wife and I sort of hooked Elly Sue up with her hubby... I am taking some credit for DAS. He also bears an uncanny resemblance to the Rabbi at the synagogue I went to as a kid.


Here is a very funny scene from Coming to America, the movie that was notorious for the phrase... "This is beautiful... What is it, velvet?"

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