Hello Movie Club Peeps.. Its time once again for a movie club column as we kick off our Summer Movie Club Series of Godfather Movies.. For those of you new to this blog, we kicked it off last year when I watched the six Star Wars movies in chronological order, and this summer we continue with The Godfather anthology. So basically we go from Yoda to Vigoda.
It was cool to see a movie with Abe Vigoda where he still looked somewhat young. Keep in mind that the movie was made a mere 3 years before Barney Miller... A show where he looked very old… yet he has barely aged in the 30 years since that show premiered. Oddly enough, check out Max Gail who played Wojo.. He looked very young on that show, yet once its run ended.. he aged about 20 years almost overnight when he grew facial hair on his baby face and stopped wearing his toupee.
Vigoda came to mind recently when I saw a blind item in the Daily News about a "top secret love affair" involving 2 sitcom co stars who are now secretly dating now that one of the couple has reached the legal age of consent. A lot of bloggers think this refers to rumors that John Stamos is dating one of those Olsen twins... but I thought that the actress who played the baby adopted by Vigoda in the Fish spinoff had now grown up and was dating that stud Abe.... Or it could be Cloris Leachman started dating one of those kiddies on "Malcolm in the Middle". I wonder if Stamos and the Olsen Twin stay up watching Nick at Night to re-watch the scenes they did together on Full House…Hey remember when we got locked in the gas station and you missed your birthday party?
And why you may speculate did it take so long to get this column together?.... Good luck trying to find the Godfather as a Blockbuster Rental. I went to 3 pretty well stocked Blockbusters and nobody had it for rent.. they did have it for sale for about 20 bucks. I think video stores are about to undergo another major transformation. Years ago there used to be all those Mom and Pop video stores that rented out videotapes until they were swallowed up by the big franchise stores. Then tapes were phased out in favor of dvds.
Here comes the next trend: Blockbuster phased out late fees so now people who like the movie they rent just keep the dvd for the price of the movie plus a "restocking fee". That’s why i couldn’t find any copies of “The Godfather“.. Nobody returns ’em. However, dvds are so cheap to manufacture compared to videotapes, that you can buy dvd’s for about the same as the cost of renting them.. (except for those new grocery store kiosks which rent 'em for a buck and sell 'em for about 20). Take a look at the video store next time you go.. the rental space has decreased... and now the stores are increasing their sales. Maybe that started with TV shows on DVD that are hard to rent because they take hours to watch?. And if I’m not mistaken, I think it was Johnny Carson who started this trend when he made the bold decision to sell old tapes of “The Tonight Show”. This is the wave of the future. Forget about the "restocking" fee replacing unreturned movies.. ... That’s just a fee charged to people who keep their rental movies to offset the profit they will make when they resell them on Ebay.
I didn’t buy Godfather at Blockbuster. but found it for 10 bucks at Best Buy. I also bought four movies for 10 bucks at B-buster.. although getting a fourth good movie was a bit of a challenge. One movie that was inexplicably on the discount rack was last years Oscar Winner Crash.. a perfectly narrated thought provoking masterpeace of a movie that uses the word "blank" better than a Match Game Marathon! It was also quite unpredictable unlike “For Better or For Worse” where everybody knows that Elizabeth is going to hook up with her old boyfriend (now divorced) at her friend’s car dealership at about the same moment that her current boyfriend dumps her.
It’s kind of interesting that I bought Crash while looking for The Godfather. Both are excellent movies and show different stages of loyalty people feel to their family. But Crash dispels a lot of prejudicial presumptions while The Godfather plays into a lot of the stereotypes one would associate with an organized crime family. Crash does have a remarkable amount of coincidence in terms of how the storylines overlap that has not been pulled off as well since Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City. (I’m sure Dangerspouse will be happy that I have a reference to PBS here!) Seinfeld also utilized that type of storytelling technique tying in unrelated storylines in a nice little bow, as they made the ride to the finish line a funny adventure.
The Godfather’s screenplay is with a few exceptions very true to the original book written by Mario Puzo. The movie opens up at a wedding as Al Pacino figuratively takes a bullhorn and announces to the world that he is ready to launch his incredible acting career. He tells his girlfriend Kay (played by an oh so young Diane Keaton,) the background of his family. It’s an interesting perspective since Al’s Michael Corleone is a Marine who looks at his family’s business from the perspective of the outside looking in. Michael is a military man.. a definite outsider whose dedication to not being part of “the life” is only overshadowed by his loyalty to his father.. The Godfather Don Vito Corleone. played by the legend Marlon Brando. (I still can’t figure out how he was able to concentrate during that bathtub scene in “Last Tango in Paris”.. what an actor!)
Michael nonchalantly tells her about how his dad muscled his way with a music agent by “making him an offer he couldn’t refuse” which basically meant do it my way or I’ll shoot you.. Or in this case a contract can contain his signature or his brains. When she is shocked he points out to her…”That’s my family… it’s not me”. Hmmmm, maybe not. Ironically this all takes place at his sister’s wedding.. Later in the movie he will be The Godfather to his sister’s baby… but right after the baby’s baptism… he has the Baby’s daddy killed. which he then denies to his wife with a twisted logic later seen by Bill Clinton when he said he did not have “sex” with Monica Lewinsky. I wonder if years later, Michael and that kid go through the family albums.. “Hey that was taken at your Baptism.. That was the day I killed your daddy!”
The plot gets moving at the wedding where a singer appeals to the Godfather for some help getting a part in a movie. A popular singer linked to Organized Crime crossing over to acting and then becoming a bigshot in Vegas? Who could that be based on? Anyway, after movie mogul Jack Woltz wakes up and screams his lungs out when he finds himself in bed with his horse's head... the very next scene is with Don Corleone and potential drug kingpin Sollozo.. Corleone’s decision to stay out of the narcotics business and Sollozo’s decision to cut out the big shots within the Corleone family lead to the showdown between Sollozo and Michael Corleone….. the turning point in the movie where Michael sheds his identity as a Marine outsider and places himself smack dab right in the middle of the family business.
It’s interesting how the military parallels the rules involving the “family lifestyle”. Military respects rank and answers to authority yet we see scenes where someone dares to question authority.. At one point Michael Corleone tells his brother never to take sides against the family business when an issue comes up regarding the purchase of a Vegas casino. In another scene, one of the family members questions Don Corleone about not getting involved in the narcotics industry after he says no thank you to Sollozo’s drug dealing offer. Meanwhile another major turning point involves a corrupt cop who is on Sollozo’s payroll being questioned about roughing up Michael outside his father‘s hospital where is recuperating from a hit ordered by Sollozo.. Sollozo is also the guy who utters the classic line.. “try the veal”…
Ultimately that is the turning point where Michael begins his ascension to the top of the Family hierarchy. After getting a can of whoop-ass from the cop who should have been making sure that the hospitalized Don Corleone is safe while recuperating from gunshot wounds, Michael spends a lot of time with a broken jaw sounding very much like Morey Amsterdam. You almost expect Rose Marie and Dick Van Dyke to come out and make Richard Deacon jokes. Nonetheless, Michael takes care of business and then scoots his way to Italy where he meets a hot babe. His non traditional courtship consists of his giving her dad an offer he can’t refuse.. “his daughter can gain a husband or lose a father”. Incidentally he meets her while she is out walking with some children.. The same scenario where he runs into Kay in an attempt to reconcile. Do these gangsters come out of the woodwork when kiddies are around because it’s safe? That’s a move right out of the Hezbollah playbook where the terrorists hide like cowards among innocent children.
Incidentally, you wonder what Michael Corleone's Marine career was like. The movie takes place right after World War II, and it seems like Mike has some pent up anger that he takes out on people who cross him up. Keep in mind that Brando's Vito would threaten people with "offers they can't refuse".. but when push came to shove he'd behead a horsey or two. He didn't take revenge when a son was murdered, but instead went to arrange a peace pact with the other gangster bigshots. On the other hand, Michael gets a little roughed up and the next thing you know restaurant patrons are requesting tables in the shooting or non-shooting section.
The pacing and sense of dread is skillfully presented thanks to some excellent direction. There’s also a sense of anticipation that you just know deep down inside that something really really bad is about to happen. When Jack Woltz, the horse owner woke up, I sat up in terror rushing to lower the volume on my dvd player knowing full well that the moment he would discover his horsey’s head, his reaction would be a bloodcurdling scream that I hope wouldn’t wake the neighbors. The soundtrack is excellent and it’s quite cool to see such young versions of Robert Duvall and James Caan who had just achieved teenybopper status with the tearjerker “Brian’s Song”. The only minor issue is the movie is a bit too long and its hard to follow the names of the characters.. I had to see it twice and check out IMDB to get my facts straight for this column. Nonetheless, on a scale of one to four bladders meaning how less likely you would be to leave in the middle to go to the bathroom.. The Godfather I is a four bladder movie… And even though its not quite in The Godfather’s league… Crash is also a four bladder movie. Wow, 8 bladders in one place.. Its almost like the men’s room at sweltering Giants Stadium at Saturday Night’s Bon Jovi concert!
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
DAS - He's a Liberal.. But Despite That He's Still a Good Guy - Podcast Part II
Today we present Part II of our chat with DAS from DAS blog… Despite his liberal beliefs, we like him anyway. Today in Part II he talks more about his politics and as an added treat, since he bears an uncanny resemblance to my former Rabbi, he also chats about the weekly Torah portion.
This brings back memories of the synagogue we attended when we lived in Central Jersey until my mom sold her house in Union County in ‘97. As I mentioned in the Feb. 14th column I also got married there in 2004. Over the years, I spent a lot of time there…. usually trying not to getting caught yapping...
Since I came from a German family, the time that I arrived at services was always a topic of discussion… But when my mom would ask what time I got there… I had to clarify if it was the time I entered the building.. or the time I got to my seat… Y’see, I'm a social butterfly plus we also had a little group there called “The Nate Club”,… a little group of us whose membership consisted of being named Nate. One of those Nates who was fondly referred to as “Uncle Nate” passed away recently. He used to sit at the first seat after you entered the sanctuary, and it would be totally unheard of if I strolled to my seat without first visiting Uncle Nate, and it was always nice to catch up with what was going on with him. Therefore synagogue arrival time and seat arrival time were two very different times.
Uncle Nate was a big shot with the local public school system and in the early 80s when I was struggling with high school science he very kindly loaned me this new science text book that he had obtained…. He told me it was very valuable and not to lose it… which I promptly did.. Although it might have been stolen from me. Nonetheless.. Nate… science book… not together! I of course had to break the news to him.. And his reaction was why he was always a role model to me. He didn’t rant and rave and yell or scream but he very calmly made it very clear to me how disappointed he was in me which made me feel incredibly guilty. Over the years he would bring it up to me every once in awhile with a little twinkle in his eye that I knew I would never live it down.
After we moved out of Union County in ‘97, I saw Uncle Nate several times over the years. (Actually I lived in Woodbridge about a block away from the Union County line, so technically I was barely in Middlesex. The Union County Middlesex County line runs down the middle of the Pathmark so technically you could have a sandwich where the bread was bought in Union County and the tuna was bought in Middlesex County.) Uncle Nate was still looking pretty good into his mid 80s. About a year ago we got a call that he was not doing so well so we ventured off to pay him a visit. You could tell right away he wasn’t his old self. He was looking at the Sunday Paper and it took him awhile to remember who I was… He had been friends with my parents so it took some time to jog his memory, and even though he hadn’t seen me in about 3 years he eventually remembered who I was.. Even though he looked a lot younger than 87, it was obvious that he was having trouble with his memory... because a few minutes later he was having trouble remembering me.
I looked at Trophy Wife and told her… “Did you know Uncle Nate used to be a big shot in the local public school system?”… And without missing a beat, Uncle Nate looked at her and casually remarked.. “I sure was…… And your husband lost my science book!”. Then he looked at me and with a hint of that little gleam reminded me… “It was a physics book too!”
The floor there was very clean. I know that because I picked my jaw up from it!
Now here is Part II with DAS…. Click play or hit the icon at the title to play it in your Windows Media Player.
Next week: We go from the Nate Club to the Movie Club with Godfather I.
This brings back memories of the synagogue we attended when we lived in Central Jersey until my mom sold her house in Union County in ‘97. As I mentioned in the Feb. 14th column I also got married there in 2004. Over the years, I spent a lot of time there…. usually trying not to getting caught yapping...
Since I came from a German family, the time that I arrived at services was always a topic of discussion… But when my mom would ask what time I got there… I had to clarify if it was the time I entered the building.. or the time I got to my seat… Y’see, I'm a social butterfly plus we also had a little group there called “The Nate Club”,… a little group of us whose membership consisted of being named Nate. One of those Nates who was fondly referred to as “Uncle Nate” passed away recently. He used to sit at the first seat after you entered the sanctuary, and it would be totally unheard of if I strolled to my seat without first visiting Uncle Nate, and it was always nice to catch up with what was going on with him. Therefore synagogue arrival time and seat arrival time were two very different times.
Uncle Nate was a big shot with the local public school system and in the early 80s when I was struggling with high school science he very kindly loaned me this new science text book that he had obtained…. He told me it was very valuable and not to lose it… which I promptly did.. Although it might have been stolen from me. Nonetheless.. Nate… science book… not together! I of course had to break the news to him.. And his reaction was why he was always a role model to me. He didn’t rant and rave and yell or scream but he very calmly made it very clear to me how disappointed he was in me which made me feel incredibly guilty. Over the years he would bring it up to me every once in awhile with a little twinkle in his eye that I knew I would never live it down.
After we moved out of Union County in ‘97, I saw Uncle Nate several times over the years. (Actually I lived in Woodbridge about a block away from the Union County line, so technically I was barely in Middlesex. The Union County Middlesex County line runs down the middle of the Pathmark so technically you could have a sandwich where the bread was bought in Union County and the tuna was bought in Middlesex County.) Uncle Nate was still looking pretty good into his mid 80s. About a year ago we got a call that he was not doing so well so we ventured off to pay him a visit. You could tell right away he wasn’t his old self. He was looking at the Sunday Paper and it took him awhile to remember who I was… He had been friends with my parents so it took some time to jog his memory, and even though he hadn’t seen me in about 3 years he eventually remembered who I was.. Even though he looked a lot younger than 87, it was obvious that he was having trouble with his memory... because a few minutes later he was having trouble remembering me.
I looked at Trophy Wife and told her… “Did you know Uncle Nate used to be a big shot in the local public school system?”… And without missing a beat, Uncle Nate looked at her and casually remarked.. “I sure was…… And your husband lost my science book!”. Then he looked at me and with a hint of that little gleam reminded me… “It was a physics book too!”
The floor there was very clean. I know that because I picked my jaw up from it!
Now here is Part II with DAS…. Click play or hit the icon at the title to play it in your Windows Media Player.
Next week: We go from the Nate Club to the Movie Club with Godfather I.
Monday, July 17, 2006
DAS Goes Liberal... What Went Wrong? Part 1 of our Podcast Chat
On today’s podcast we chat with DAS from DAS Blog.. A nice guy who for some misguided reason has decided to go liberal. He used to live nearby in Edison and I met him when he belonged to the same organization as Trophy Wife. He was mentioned in Nate‘s World of Words (see the March 9th column in the archives) as my nominee to replace Ron Kuby as Curtis Sliwa’s liberal morning co-host on WABC. I think Kuby should have been fired when he was a defense witness when John Gotti Jr was on trial for trying to have Sliwa killed. The case ended in a hung jury and will be retried later this year.. but it was a big stab in the back by Kuby who would be a big nobody if it wasn't for Sliwa. Despite DAS’s liberal beliefs I like him anyway, so maybe this podcast might give the WABC powers that be another option for that morning slot.
You will hear in Part II that I asked him about his lack of commentary about Israel. Since we recorded this chat last week he did post a column and now I wonder why I opened my big mouth.
I am definitely far from liberal when it comes to Israel. But, in his Israel column.. I just can’t agree when DAS mentions the concept of the punishment fitting the crime and maybe bombing the hell out of the terrorists is a bit much and Israel should just abduct 2 of their soldiers instead.
Imagine a bunch of sex offenders get together and decide that they are going to kidnap and imprison a few of the Special Victims Unit cops. They announce the cops will be freed when more sex offenders are freed. You couldn’t sell enough tickets to watch the SWAT team storm that hostage house and kill those molesters. .
Legally speaking TREASON is a worse crime than child molesting.. And these terrorists who plot against the gov’t of Israel are treasonists. So when they kidnap soldiers and want other treasonist prisoners released… that is not a fair trade. These criminals are behind bars for a reason and do not deserve to be freed.. And if they were caught molesting young girls no bleeding hearts would be pleading for their release.. (except the ACLU.. They’ll take on any wacko cause)
And how do you punish a criminal? Well using the molester analogy, do you molest the molester… or do you imprison them for life? Likewise with the terrorist.. Do we just kidnap a couple of their men and ask for a trade like they are baseball players. Is a little slap on the wrist going to deter these terrorists from attacking again? Or doesn’t it make sense that a thorough destruction of the heart of the terrorist base is the only solution?. And since it looks like those Jew marked missiles that are landing in Haifa are coming from Iran.. it wouldn’t be a bad idea to let out a can of whoop-ass there too. Remember in the early 80s how Israel was so harshly criticized by many of these very same liberals for bombing out the Iraqi nuclear reactor?
Now back on January 29th (see the archives) we commented on an article in the much missed now defunct Jewish State newspaper where some goofball from Edison criticized a Rabbi there for asking the assembled crowd to pray for the death of the Iranian President during a Hannukah candle lighting ceremony. The letter writer ripped into the Rabbi….and instead put out this lovely nugget,…. “We should pray for the President of Iran to receive the knowledge and understanding that the Holocaust was an absolute tragic event in Jewish History”…OK.. How about we get all these Haifa residents to pray while these Iranian produced missiles continue to attack their homes! Can you imagine if the Jewish State had been publishing during the early days of World War II? “Oh don’t wish bad things on Hitler.. Lets pray for him”.
In light of those Iranian created missiles, I would like to invite that letter writer to have lunch with me so we can pose for a picture while I am wearing my “I’m with Stupid” T-shirt.
Here is a pic of DAS with some loonie kazoonie with a mullet acting like a cheerleader! (DAS is the one without the pompoms)
And now Ladies and Gentlemen… Part I of my buddy DAS…. Part II will be up later this week..
You will hear in Part II that I asked him about his lack of commentary about Israel. Since we recorded this chat last week he did post a column and now I wonder why I opened my big mouth.
I am definitely far from liberal when it comes to Israel. But, in his Israel column.. I just can’t agree when DAS mentions the concept of the punishment fitting the crime and maybe bombing the hell out of the terrorists is a bit much and Israel should just abduct 2 of their soldiers instead.
Imagine a bunch of sex offenders get together and decide that they are going to kidnap and imprison a few of the Special Victims Unit cops. They announce the cops will be freed when more sex offenders are freed. You couldn’t sell enough tickets to watch the SWAT team storm that hostage house and kill those molesters. .
Legally speaking TREASON is a worse crime than child molesting.. And these terrorists who plot against the gov’t of Israel are treasonists. So when they kidnap soldiers and want other treasonist prisoners released… that is not a fair trade. These criminals are behind bars for a reason and do not deserve to be freed.. And if they were caught molesting young girls no bleeding hearts would be pleading for their release.. (except the ACLU.. They’ll take on any wacko cause)
And how do you punish a criminal? Well using the molester analogy, do you molest the molester… or do you imprison them for life? Likewise with the terrorist.. Do we just kidnap a couple of their men and ask for a trade like they are baseball players. Is a little slap on the wrist going to deter these terrorists from attacking again? Or doesn’t it make sense that a thorough destruction of the heart of the terrorist base is the only solution?. And since it looks like those Jew marked missiles that are landing in Haifa are coming from Iran.. it wouldn’t be a bad idea to let out a can of whoop-ass there too. Remember in the early 80s how Israel was so harshly criticized by many of these very same liberals for bombing out the Iraqi nuclear reactor?
Now back on January 29th (see the archives) we commented on an article in the much missed now defunct Jewish State newspaper where some goofball from Edison criticized a Rabbi there for asking the assembled crowd to pray for the death of the Iranian President during a Hannukah candle lighting ceremony. The letter writer ripped into the Rabbi….and instead put out this lovely nugget,…. “We should pray for the President of Iran to receive the knowledge and understanding that the Holocaust was an absolute tragic event in Jewish History”…OK.. How about we get all these Haifa residents to pray while these Iranian produced missiles continue to attack their homes! Can you imagine if the Jewish State had been publishing during the early days of World War II? “Oh don’t wish bad things on Hitler.. Lets pray for him”.
In light of those Iranian created missiles, I would like to invite that letter writer to have lunch with me so we can pose for a picture while I am wearing my “I’m with Stupid” T-shirt.
Here is a pic of DAS with some loonie kazoonie with a mullet acting like a cheerleader! (DAS is the one without the pompoms)
And now Ladies and Gentlemen… Part I of my buddy DAS…. Part II will be up later this week..
Monday, July 10, 2006
Baseball '06 at the Half: Kenny vs. Penny
Well folks.. For the first time since the end of May... with the exception of Game Show Marathon, I will be firmly planted on my couch on Tuesday to watch one of my ol’ faves…. as Kenny Rogers and Brad Penny take to the mound for The All Star Game.. an event that unlike the present, used to be an annual festival of National League domination. Today we will look back at the ‘06 season’s first half plus we will dust off the pre season predictions from April, and revise them to see who indeed will be participating in the fall classic.
But first speaking of Game Show Marathon, we already had a column addressing the first four episodes. I didn’t catch Card Sharks, but I did see Match Game and Family Feud.. and I must admit it was pretty neat to see these old shows with their old sets and old theme songs. The Feud board didn’t swing around as it did in the 70s, but instead on GSM was swinging using the magic of computer animation. Also, it was interesting to note that no mention was made of Ray Combs who hosted the CBS version.
As for Match Game.. it wasn’t anywhere near as good as the original.. But nobody expected that. The open was fantastic and it was cool to see the orange flippy thing that opened the thousands of episodes I watched as a kid. I actually started to like Rikki Lake.. She is actually kind of cute (compared to her Hairspray days) and it was amusing to hear her comments that the thinking music reminds her of porno movie music. She even mentioned Ron Jeremy! And it was great to see Betty White but it was obvious that they shouldn’t use modern cross references with a woman in her mid-80’s! Her total unawareness of the MTV show Pimp My Ride actually hurt one of the contestants chances of winning the game.
Overall I liked the whole concept.. I loved Match Game and Press Your Luck and actually think Rikki did a nice job. If they decide to do it again,… they should not have her host the Price Is Right since it is disrespectful to Bob Barker to have another host, and they should also use celebrity contestants who actually like the game shows since contestant enthusiasm is a key factor that makes game shows so enjoyable.
A couple of baseball things I would like to address that grind my gears:
Here’s the term that I don’t like… Walk off home run.. Or walk off hit… Uh.. it’s a game ending hit.. Or game ending home run! They don’t walk off the field… they jump up and down and celebrate and then run into the locker room… But.. Each of those hits ends the game...so call it game ending!
One other thing... I love the All Star Game.. Why do those Fox buffoons feel compelled to make the game “count” by having the All Star game league winner earn home field advantage for the World Series? As Warner Wolf would say… “change the rule”… here is my proposal: After the game, each league has one player crowned as MVP… and if that player’s team makes it to the World Series.. his team gets home field advantage. And if neither mvp’s team makes it that far... (or both mvps make it).. then home field would go to the team with the best record.
In reality, the 162 games are about the teams,… but the All Star Game is about the players. Strategically, if Davids Wright and Ortiz are having a good game.. keep ‘em in a little longer than usual… That way if one of those players (or maybe a pitcher who squeezes out an extra inning) does get the MVP award.. his team will get the home field in the World Series, as opposed to the current dopey rule. What happens if the game is in the 14th inning and Royals Pitcher Mark Redman is on the mound and World Series home field rides on a Royal arm? Don't you think he will serve up a nice juicy game ending home run pitch so he can get out of the stadium, stop for some Mineo's pizza en route to the airport and then get home?
When I was a kid I wouldn’t miss the All Star Game for anything and that continues to adulthood. The NL used to win it every year and it was a rare chance to see the out of town All Stars who I would only see when their teams played the Mets or Yankees. Now with ESPN and fantasy baseball and the ability to closely follow every game, a lot of that magic is gone.. Plus apparently the sport is not as popular among the little pishers like it used to be. Once in the pre VCR early college years, I was invited to a party the night of the game… and I skipped the party. A couple of classmates needed a ride home, so after the game I went to the party and then took them home. One of the people lived across the street from The Scooter Phil Rizutto. It was after midnight, and when I dropped her off, I rolled down my window and bellowed “Holy Cow You Huckleberry”… A light went on in the house, and I quickly jumped in the car and sped out of Hillside as quickly as my Gold Duster would take me! Another year I taped the game to go to some hideous movie premiere for a movie with Hugh Grant and Tom Arnold that should have gone straight to video. But I did watch the game when I got home and avoided finding anything out about the results!
Then there is the infamous tie all star game of 2002 that led to this silliness of making the game “count”. It was also the turning point in how I hooked up with Trophy Wife. Back then I was friendly with her, but due to my sheer stupidity was not too interested in going out with her. A mutual friend had been trying to set us up, and on that very night Mutual Friend was meeting up with a friend who was coming in from out of town. The friend's car broke down a few miles from Mutual Friend's house so Mutual Friend went to pick him up and they went on their merry way. During their lovely evening, she called Trophy Wife who then called me to ask if I had jumper cables or Triple A. I told her I did and to call me at the last possible moment since I was deeply engrossed with the All Star Game.
Trophy Wife called a little while later and invited me over to hang out at her house till Mutual Friend got there.. and I could even watch the game. She only lived 5 minutes away so I hopped in the car… didn’t disturb Phil Rizzuto and headed over there and didn’t miss more than a batter or two. Well as it turned out the guy and his car were truly stuck and he had no way of getting home. So, I ended up driving this fellow all the way home to South Jersey and I didn’t get home till 4:30 the next morning. The next day Mutual Friend was so appreciative that as a gift she gave me movie passes and a certificate to a local restaurant on the condition… that I take Trophy Wife. I took her out the following Sunday, and finally came to my senses that she is a wonderful girl, and right after that we started dating.
So at least one person was happy with that All Star Game!
As for the season itself.. there have been a few interesting trends.. In the National League the Mets have run away with it,.. but all 4 other teams are still in contention for the Wild Card which just goes to show how mediocre the rest of the league is. Tom Glavine has a shot at the Cy Young Award. Jose Reyes, David Wright, Carlos Beltran, and St. Louis super-stud Albert Pujols have a nice battle going for the MVP Race. His St. Louis Cardinals can’t seem to run away with the NL Central just yet.. but the Reds who had been off to a great start are starting to tail off as their top 2 pitchers Aaron Harang and Bronson Arroyo are starting to come back to earth. Over in the West, the Padres have moved into the lead thanks to Mike Piazza starting to rediscover his bat swinging skills that so eluded him the last few years of his career with the Mets.
So lets make some mid season predictions… The Mets and Cardinals look like locks to win the East and Central Divisions since none of the other lame-o teams seem capable of knocking them off their perch. The West and Wild Card are interesting… I’m gonna take the Braves for the Wild Card since Bobby Cox has a way of coaxing the most out of his limited roster so I am going to say right here that the playoff streak will continue.. especially with John Smoltz and Tim Hudson anchoring the pitching staff. Keep in mind they are only 6 games out of the wild card lead. As for the West, my heart says the Rockies because they have some good young players and some uncharacteristically high quality pitching.. But, as I said in the pre season, the Giants have Barry Bonds.. and if he can put together one more half season of Barry Bonds baseball, that would be enough to catapult the Giants to the top of a very weak division. A lot of people like the Dodgers but despite their superb pitching, they will only get so far with Nomar Garciaparra and Jeff Kent anchoring the offense.
As for the American League, The Red Sox still have a 3 game lead over the Yankees.. Reliever Jonathan Papelbon has been incredible and is my choice for MVP.. Where would they be without him? Probably behind the injury plagued pitching starved Yankees and the upstart Blue Jays. Over in the Central, the Tigers and White Sox lead arguably the best division in baseball. The Twins have been playing very well lately with catcher Joe Mauer making a run at .400 but they just cant seem to make up any ground. The Indians who I thought had a great team this season are dead in the water after too many late inning bullpen meltdowns. Over in the West, the A’s have emerged to take a slight lead over the rest of the pack.
As for predictions… I think the Wild Card is coming out of the Central. I would like to be gutsy and pick the Twins who with Johan Santana and Fransisco Liriano have the best top 2 we have seen since the D’backs won the ’01 World Series with Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling. But, the Tigers also have some great players and they have 2 young rookie stud pitchers Justin Verlander and Zach Miner along with the ageless Kenny Rogers. So I’m picking the White Sox to move into first, paced by Cy Young contender Jose Contreras. Im sure the Yankees wish they had him now since they will finish THIRD to the Red Sox and the Blue Jays. What? The Yankees are just as far from the Wild Card as the Braves! Why the Braves and not the Yankees?? That’s because the teams in the AL are much better than the NL wild card wannabes. And the Yankees really need to address the loss of Hideki Matsui and Gary Sheffield. It also amazes me that the wacky Yankee fans boo Alex Rodriguez. ARod is one Albert Pujols Sr. condom away from being the best player in the game!
Over in the West, the Angels who now have a healthy Bartolo Colon and young rookie stud Jered Weaver along with John Lackey have enough to get them into the playoffs as the AL West Winners. I like how Weaver cracked the rotation… his excellent pitching led to the teams decision to cut his older brother Jeff!! Can you imagine the phone calls to Mom and Dad? First Jered calls.. “Hey Im in the big leagues..”.. then Jeff calls.. “I got cut by the Angels for some rookie putz”….
World Series prediction: How about a rematch of the ‘86 Mets-Red Sox series? Can they get Vin Scully to announce it? “Gets by Buckner… here comes Knight.. And the Mets win it!!”
But first speaking of Game Show Marathon, we already had a column addressing the first four episodes. I didn’t catch Card Sharks, but I did see Match Game and Family Feud.. and I must admit it was pretty neat to see these old shows with their old sets and old theme songs. The Feud board didn’t swing around as it did in the 70s, but instead on GSM was swinging using the magic of computer animation. Also, it was interesting to note that no mention was made of Ray Combs who hosted the CBS version.
As for Match Game.. it wasn’t anywhere near as good as the original.. But nobody expected that. The open was fantastic and it was cool to see the orange flippy thing that opened the thousands of episodes I watched as a kid. I actually started to like Rikki Lake.. She is actually kind of cute (compared to her Hairspray days) and it was amusing to hear her comments that the thinking music reminds her of porno movie music. She even mentioned Ron Jeremy! And it was great to see Betty White but it was obvious that they shouldn’t use modern cross references with a woman in her mid-80’s! Her total unawareness of the MTV show Pimp My Ride actually hurt one of the contestants chances of winning the game.
Overall I liked the whole concept.. I loved Match Game and Press Your Luck and actually think Rikki did a nice job. If they decide to do it again,… they should not have her host the Price Is Right since it is disrespectful to Bob Barker to have another host, and they should also use celebrity contestants who actually like the game shows since contestant enthusiasm is a key factor that makes game shows so enjoyable.
A couple of baseball things I would like to address that grind my gears:
Here’s the term that I don’t like… Walk off home run.. Or walk off hit… Uh.. it’s a game ending hit.. Or game ending home run! They don’t walk off the field… they jump up and down and celebrate and then run into the locker room… But.. Each of those hits ends the game...so call it game ending!
One other thing... I love the All Star Game.. Why do those Fox buffoons feel compelled to make the game “count” by having the All Star game league winner earn home field advantage for the World Series? As Warner Wolf would say… “change the rule”… here is my proposal: After the game, each league has one player crowned as MVP… and if that player’s team makes it to the World Series.. his team gets home field advantage. And if neither mvp’s team makes it that far... (or both mvps make it).. then home field would go to the team with the best record.
In reality, the 162 games are about the teams,… but the All Star Game is about the players. Strategically, if Davids Wright and Ortiz are having a good game.. keep ‘em in a little longer than usual… That way if one of those players (or maybe a pitcher who squeezes out an extra inning) does get the MVP award.. his team will get the home field in the World Series, as opposed to the current dopey rule. What happens if the game is in the 14th inning and Royals Pitcher Mark Redman is on the mound and World Series home field rides on a Royal arm? Don't you think he will serve up a nice juicy game ending home run pitch so he can get out of the stadium, stop for some Mineo's pizza en route to the airport and then get home?
When I was a kid I wouldn’t miss the All Star Game for anything and that continues to adulthood. The NL used to win it every year and it was a rare chance to see the out of town All Stars who I would only see when their teams played the Mets or Yankees. Now with ESPN and fantasy baseball and the ability to closely follow every game, a lot of that magic is gone.. Plus apparently the sport is not as popular among the little pishers like it used to be. Once in the pre VCR early college years, I was invited to a party the night of the game… and I skipped the party. A couple of classmates needed a ride home, so after the game I went to the party and then took them home. One of the people lived across the street from The Scooter Phil Rizutto. It was after midnight, and when I dropped her off, I rolled down my window and bellowed “Holy Cow You Huckleberry”… A light went on in the house, and I quickly jumped in the car and sped out of Hillside as quickly as my Gold Duster would take me! Another year I taped the game to go to some hideous movie premiere for a movie with Hugh Grant and Tom Arnold that should have gone straight to video. But I did watch the game when I got home and avoided finding anything out about the results!
Then there is the infamous tie all star game of 2002 that led to this silliness of making the game “count”. It was also the turning point in how I hooked up with Trophy Wife. Back then I was friendly with her, but due to my sheer stupidity was not too interested in going out with her. A mutual friend had been trying to set us up, and on that very night Mutual Friend was meeting up with a friend who was coming in from out of town. The friend's car broke down a few miles from Mutual Friend's house so Mutual Friend went to pick him up and they went on their merry way. During their lovely evening, she called Trophy Wife who then called me to ask if I had jumper cables or Triple A. I told her I did and to call me at the last possible moment since I was deeply engrossed with the All Star Game.
Trophy Wife called a little while later and invited me over to hang out at her house till Mutual Friend got there.. and I could even watch the game. She only lived 5 minutes away so I hopped in the car… didn’t disturb Phil Rizzuto and headed over there and didn’t miss more than a batter or two. Well as it turned out the guy and his car were truly stuck and he had no way of getting home. So, I ended up driving this fellow all the way home to South Jersey and I didn’t get home till 4:30 the next morning. The next day Mutual Friend was so appreciative that as a gift she gave me movie passes and a certificate to a local restaurant on the condition… that I take Trophy Wife. I took her out the following Sunday, and finally came to my senses that she is a wonderful girl, and right after that we started dating.
So at least one person was happy with that All Star Game!
As for the season itself.. there have been a few interesting trends.. In the National League the Mets have run away with it,.. but all 4 other teams are still in contention for the Wild Card which just goes to show how mediocre the rest of the league is. Tom Glavine has a shot at the Cy Young Award. Jose Reyes, David Wright, Carlos Beltran, and St. Louis super-stud Albert Pujols have a nice battle going for the MVP Race. His St. Louis Cardinals can’t seem to run away with the NL Central just yet.. but the Reds who had been off to a great start are starting to tail off as their top 2 pitchers Aaron Harang and Bronson Arroyo are starting to come back to earth. Over in the West, the Padres have moved into the lead thanks to Mike Piazza starting to rediscover his bat swinging skills that so eluded him the last few years of his career with the Mets.
So lets make some mid season predictions… The Mets and Cardinals look like locks to win the East and Central Divisions since none of the other lame-o teams seem capable of knocking them off their perch. The West and Wild Card are interesting… I’m gonna take the Braves for the Wild Card since Bobby Cox has a way of coaxing the most out of his limited roster so I am going to say right here that the playoff streak will continue.. especially with John Smoltz and Tim Hudson anchoring the pitching staff. Keep in mind they are only 6 games out of the wild card lead. As for the West, my heart says the Rockies because they have some good young players and some uncharacteristically high quality pitching.. But, as I said in the pre season, the Giants have Barry Bonds.. and if he can put together one more half season of Barry Bonds baseball, that would be enough to catapult the Giants to the top of a very weak division. A lot of people like the Dodgers but despite their superb pitching, they will only get so far with Nomar Garciaparra and Jeff Kent anchoring the offense.
As for the American League, The Red Sox still have a 3 game lead over the Yankees.. Reliever Jonathan Papelbon has been incredible and is my choice for MVP.. Where would they be without him? Probably behind the injury plagued pitching starved Yankees and the upstart Blue Jays. Over in the Central, the Tigers and White Sox lead arguably the best division in baseball. The Twins have been playing very well lately with catcher Joe Mauer making a run at .400 but they just cant seem to make up any ground. The Indians who I thought had a great team this season are dead in the water after too many late inning bullpen meltdowns. Over in the West, the A’s have emerged to take a slight lead over the rest of the pack.
As for predictions… I think the Wild Card is coming out of the Central. I would like to be gutsy and pick the Twins who with Johan Santana and Fransisco Liriano have the best top 2 we have seen since the D’backs won the ’01 World Series with Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling. But, the Tigers also have some great players and they have 2 young rookie stud pitchers Justin Verlander and Zach Miner along with the ageless Kenny Rogers. So I’m picking the White Sox to move into first, paced by Cy Young contender Jose Contreras. Im sure the Yankees wish they had him now since they will finish THIRD to the Red Sox and the Blue Jays. What? The Yankees are just as far from the Wild Card as the Braves! Why the Braves and not the Yankees?? That’s because the teams in the AL are much better than the NL wild card wannabes. And the Yankees really need to address the loss of Hideki Matsui and Gary Sheffield. It also amazes me that the wacky Yankee fans boo Alex Rodriguez. ARod is one Albert Pujols Sr. condom away from being the best player in the game!
Over in the West, the Angels who now have a healthy Bartolo Colon and young rookie stud Jered Weaver along with John Lackey have enough to get them into the playoffs as the AL West Winners. I like how Weaver cracked the rotation… his excellent pitching led to the teams decision to cut his older brother Jeff!! Can you imagine the phone calls to Mom and Dad? First Jered calls.. “Hey Im in the big leagues..”.. then Jeff calls.. “I got cut by the Angels for some rookie putz”….
World Series prediction: How about a rematch of the ‘86 Mets-Red Sox series? Can they get Vin Scully to announce it? “Gets by Buckner… here comes Knight.. And the Mets win it!!”
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Technology Schmecknology 2: Plug and Play vs. Pay to Plug
If you look back at the archives you will recall that last November 30 we had a Technology Schmecknology column about my misadventures involving the purchase of a new digital camera. I think I missed my calling to be a consumer electronics reviewer... but the thing about these electronics reviews is.. the reviewers really aren't that passionate about the product unless they spend their own money to purchase the reviewed item. Therefore I can’t do these columns too frequently, since I’m not exactly Mr. Rich Man.. although I am working on my 2nd million... I gave up on the 1st!
Last weekend I bought Trophy Wife a GPS system and I got myself a snazzy new Samsung SGH-d807 cell phone at the Cingular store. (And we welcome those frustrated SGH-d807 owners who can't figure out the mp3 player who googled their way over here today!) Trophy Wife bought the Tom Tom..(but calls the traffic service the Tom Note which is the name of the WOR Radio traffic reporter)... it was a good deal... she opened the box.... turned on the power button and she was good to go!
Then there is the adventures of my cell phone!
I was a late bloomer to the cell phone craze... holding out till the night in late 1999 when I was driving on a one way street in Edison and saw a motorcycle zipping up the wrong way.... Moments later it flipped over and tossed the rider several yards into the road.. Of course I had no cell phone... so I drove to the next intersection and sat in the middle of the road blocking traffic (maybe not the smartest idea) until a car came by with a cell phone. We called 911 and the police came. As far as I know the driver was not seriously injured.. but in an interesting twist they pulled the helmet off to show that it was a woman with long blonde hair!! Va Va voom.. I was gonna go to her and sing "I can be your hero baby" by Enrique Iglesias.. but the song had not been written yet!! I called the hospital later that night and they said the woman was ok.. but that was all the info they were allowed to give out.
That night I decided it was time to buy a cell phone. There was a cell phone store nearby in Rahway that was always advertising free phones so off I went to buy a free motorola flip phone with a one year OmniPoint (which became VoiceStream and then T-Mobile) contract. Every year I waited till the anniversary date and proceeded to the store and bought a new free phone. That cell phone store expanded considerably from '99 until a few years ago. The last time I saw an ad they were down to 2 stores, but I haven’t seen one of their ads in quite some time, so I don’t know if they got swallowed up by the big cell phone company stores in the malls.
I never did care about the fancy shmancy phones and some of the ultra ultra orthodox rabbis have told their peeps to use only the "kosher" phones.. phones that are just phones and have no extras like texting and internet which might corrupt the young minds if they go online and see boobies or tushies. They might be right though.. I saw a cell phone that had a video of midget porn… Now I know what the mp stands for in mp3... Midget porn!
Then in 2004... I got this newfangled phone from AT and T Wireless (now Cingular)... It was the coolest phone I ever saw! It had a slider that opened up to a QWERTY keyboard.. and it even had an FM Radio.. how cool! But…it only worked for one day! I went back to the broker’s store but he couldn’t help me.. it was an ATT Wireless problem!! ATT Wireless had amazingly already discontinued the sale of my defective phone… but they had those popular nokia phones with bowling.. but they were out of 'em so they offered me a different one. They sent that phone.. it was that phone with the teeny buttons that was being used in the promotions for American Idol to get the little pishers to call in to vote.. but it was unusable and was a piece of crap! I called ATT Wireless again.. raised some hell.. and amazingly the Nokia phone was no longer out of stock.
I used that phone till Super Bowl Sunday 2005.. when Trophy Wife (who always had a cingular phone) went with me to the Cingular Store and we purchased his and hers Sony Erricson phones. It was the first time I ever paid for a phone!! I used the phone until last weekend and it was ok except the sony erricsons have problems with the batteries not staying firmly in place which causes the phone to shut off.
So I decided to spring for a phone with an mp3 player. I bought a PNY mp3 player from Tiger Direct recently with 256 mb for 36 bucks to use as my summer mp3 at the pool and the beach. It works fine.. but it goes through a triple a battery quite quickly. I decided the phone would be the post summer mp3 player. I was all set to buy a Motorola Sliver.. I had done all the research but I think the salesmen are paid to plug the new Samsung … because he convinced me to buy that because it costs less money plus it has more mp3 memory space! Of course I had to buy a memory card/chip too to store aforementioned music and podcasts.
I went home and while Trophy Wife fiddled with her Tom Tom to get directions to any possible place to drive to... I opened my cell phone box and realized... there were no headphones! How was I gonna listen to my mp3 player without headphones?? That’s like selling a toilet without a flusher!! I went on ebay late that night and found a guy selling a bunch of tcochkes really cheap so I bid and won. I was happy till the next morning when I went online and realized why you shouldn’t ebay late at night... I bought the wrong headphones.. But I got the right car charger!!!
I called Samsung and they said the headphones should have been included... but as it turns out Cingular removes them from the package so they can sell 'em separately. Much to my chagrin, Samsung didn’t have any for sale.. and the Cingular stores didn’t have them since they are so new. Well along came T Mobile to the rescue.. they had the headphones from the prior generation Samsung phone which actually fit this one.. so now I could listen to my tunes and podcasts!
However.. I had my chip but how do you get the chip in the computer?? Hmmm... Back I went to the store. this time to Office Max to buy the usb converter.. Thankfully that only cost me a measly 10 bucks. It also took time to familiarize myself with the chip and how it snaps into the phone and into the sleeve for the usb converter. If you buy the phone, plan to dedicate an hour to figuring out how to make this work.
I then took my PNY mp3 and copied all of the music into my computer and then copied them back into the new cellphone. Woo hoo.. I was so excited.. I could now play my music.. I went to the mp3 player but it was telling me that there were no files stored! And every time I tried to play the music.. nothing!
I went back to the Cingular store on Monday (and by the way I just learned never to write a blog column as an email from my laptop because I just inadvertently deleted everything from the ATT Wireless 2004 defective phone up to this paragraph!) and the salesman pointed out the music wasn’t playing because it was in wma format and it had to be converted to mp3 format! Luckily I went online and found a website called switch which allowed me to download a program that converted all my music from wma to mp3. I again loaded it into the phone.. and now I could play the song if I highlighted it in the memory card.. but not through the mp3.. Also any file with a title with more than 16 or 18 characters wouldn‘t play.. So... back to the drawing board... I shortened the offending titles.. but it still didn’t work. It turns out it will only work if the music is in a file called "music"... Then and only then... the mp3 will allow you to transfer the file from memory to mp3!
Well it took 4 days but I finally have it working.. I haven’t tried the camera or video storage yet.. but one thing at a time. Here is a brief recap of what you need to do if you buy this phone!
1. Don’t expect all the stuff you need to be in the box.
2. Buy the memory chip, the usb converter and the headphones... they wont be in the box...
3. Convert all of your files from wma into mp3 format. Check out the switch website to get the program for this.
4. Put all of the music in.. but shorten the long titles.. No Sergeant Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band!
5. Transfer it into the file called "Music"
6. Go to the mp3 player and follow the prompts to import the music from the file into the mp3 player.
7. Thank me for saving you 4 days of aggravation!
In retrospect, the purchase of the tom tom and this phone remind me of those Apple commercials where they have a cool young hipster playing a Mac and a square geeky guy as the PC. They have a spot where the 2 guys are about to come out of the box and the Apple jumps right out and gets cooking while the pc sits there and sadly remarks all the steps that need to be done before he is ready to function. It might be a tongue in cheek ad for Apple.. But in reality I hear that the sliver with its built in I-pod… works instantly!
Last weekend I bought Trophy Wife a GPS system and I got myself a snazzy new Samsung SGH-d807 cell phone at the Cingular store. (And we welcome those frustrated SGH-d807 owners who can't figure out the mp3 player who googled their way over here today!) Trophy Wife bought the Tom Tom..(but calls the traffic service the Tom Note which is the name of the WOR Radio traffic reporter)... it was a good deal... she opened the box.... turned on the power button and she was good to go!
Then there is the adventures of my cell phone!
I was a late bloomer to the cell phone craze... holding out till the night in late 1999 when I was driving on a one way street in Edison and saw a motorcycle zipping up the wrong way.... Moments later it flipped over and tossed the rider several yards into the road.. Of course I had no cell phone... so I drove to the next intersection and sat in the middle of the road blocking traffic (maybe not the smartest idea) until a car came by with a cell phone. We called 911 and the police came. As far as I know the driver was not seriously injured.. but in an interesting twist they pulled the helmet off to show that it was a woman with long blonde hair!! Va Va voom.. I was gonna go to her and sing "I can be your hero baby" by Enrique Iglesias.. but the song had not been written yet!! I called the hospital later that night and they said the woman was ok.. but that was all the info they were allowed to give out.
That night I decided it was time to buy a cell phone. There was a cell phone store nearby in Rahway that was always advertising free phones so off I went to buy a free motorola flip phone with a one year OmniPoint (which became VoiceStream and then T-Mobile) contract. Every year I waited till the anniversary date and proceeded to the store and bought a new free phone. That cell phone store expanded considerably from '99 until a few years ago. The last time I saw an ad they were down to 2 stores, but I haven’t seen one of their ads in quite some time, so I don’t know if they got swallowed up by the big cell phone company stores in the malls.
I never did care about the fancy shmancy phones and some of the ultra ultra orthodox rabbis have told their peeps to use only the "kosher" phones.. phones that are just phones and have no extras like texting and internet which might corrupt the young minds if they go online and see boobies or tushies. They might be right though.. I saw a cell phone that had a video of midget porn… Now I know what the mp stands for in mp3... Midget porn!
Then in 2004... I got this newfangled phone from AT and T Wireless (now Cingular)... It was the coolest phone I ever saw! It had a slider that opened up to a QWERTY keyboard.. and it even had an FM Radio.. how cool! But…it only worked for one day! I went back to the broker’s store but he couldn’t help me.. it was an ATT Wireless problem!! ATT Wireless had amazingly already discontinued the sale of my defective phone… but they had those popular nokia phones with bowling.. but they were out of 'em so they offered me a different one. They sent that phone.. it was that phone with the teeny buttons that was being used in the promotions for American Idol to get the little pishers to call in to vote.. but it was unusable and was a piece of crap! I called ATT Wireless again.. raised some hell.. and amazingly the Nokia phone was no longer out of stock.
I used that phone till Super Bowl Sunday 2005.. when Trophy Wife (who always had a cingular phone) went with me to the Cingular Store and we purchased his and hers Sony Erricson phones. It was the first time I ever paid for a phone!! I used the phone until last weekend and it was ok except the sony erricsons have problems with the batteries not staying firmly in place which causes the phone to shut off.
So I decided to spring for a phone with an mp3 player. I bought a PNY mp3 player from Tiger Direct recently with 256 mb for 36 bucks to use as my summer mp3 at the pool and the beach. It works fine.. but it goes through a triple a battery quite quickly. I decided the phone would be the post summer mp3 player. I was all set to buy a Motorola Sliver.. I had done all the research but I think the salesmen are paid to plug the new Samsung … because he convinced me to buy that because it costs less money plus it has more mp3 memory space! Of course I had to buy a memory card/chip too to store aforementioned music and podcasts.
I went home and while Trophy Wife fiddled with her Tom Tom to get directions to any possible place to drive to... I opened my cell phone box and realized... there were no headphones! How was I gonna listen to my mp3 player without headphones?? That’s like selling a toilet without a flusher!! I went on ebay late that night and found a guy selling a bunch of tcochkes really cheap so I bid and won. I was happy till the next morning when I went online and realized why you shouldn’t ebay late at night... I bought the wrong headphones.. But I got the right car charger!!!
I called Samsung and they said the headphones should have been included... but as it turns out Cingular removes them from the package so they can sell 'em separately. Much to my chagrin, Samsung didn’t have any for sale.. and the Cingular stores didn’t have them since they are so new. Well along came T Mobile to the rescue.. they had the headphones from the prior generation Samsung phone which actually fit this one.. so now I could listen to my tunes and podcasts!
However.. I had my chip but how do you get the chip in the computer?? Hmmm... Back I went to the store. this time to Office Max to buy the usb converter.. Thankfully that only cost me a measly 10 bucks. It also took time to familiarize myself with the chip and how it snaps into the phone and into the sleeve for the usb converter. If you buy the phone, plan to dedicate an hour to figuring out how to make this work.
I then took my PNY mp3 and copied all of the music into my computer and then copied them back into the new cellphone. Woo hoo.. I was so excited.. I could now play my music.. I went to the mp3 player but it was telling me that there were no files stored! And every time I tried to play the music.. nothing!
I went back to the Cingular store on Monday (and by the way I just learned never to write a blog column as an email from my laptop because I just inadvertently deleted everything from the ATT Wireless 2004 defective phone up to this paragraph!) and the salesman pointed out the music wasn’t playing because it was in wma format and it had to be converted to mp3 format! Luckily I went online and found a website called switch which allowed me to download a program that converted all my music from wma to mp3. I again loaded it into the phone.. and now I could play the song if I highlighted it in the memory card.. but not through the mp3.. Also any file with a title with more than 16 or 18 characters wouldn‘t play.. So... back to the drawing board... I shortened the offending titles.. but it still didn’t work. It turns out it will only work if the music is in a file called "music"... Then and only then... the mp3 will allow you to transfer the file from memory to mp3!
Well it took 4 days but I finally have it working.. I haven’t tried the camera or video storage yet.. but one thing at a time. Here is a brief recap of what you need to do if you buy this phone!
1. Don’t expect all the stuff you need to be in the box.
2. Buy the memory chip, the usb converter and the headphones... they wont be in the box...
3. Convert all of your files from wma into mp3 format. Check out the switch website to get the program for this.
4. Put all of the music in.. but shorten the long titles.. No Sergeant Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band!
5. Transfer it into the file called "Music"
6. Go to the mp3 player and follow the prompts to import the music from the file into the mp3 player.
7. Thank me for saving you 4 days of aggravation!
In retrospect, the purchase of the tom tom and this phone remind me of those Apple commercials where they have a cool young hipster playing a Mac and a square geeky guy as the PC. They have a spot where the 2 guys are about to come out of the box and the Apple jumps right out and gets cooking while the pc sits there and sadly remarks all the steps that need to be done before he is ready to function. It might be a tongue in cheek ad for Apple.. But in reality I hear that the sliver with its built in I-pod… works instantly!
Monday, July 03, 2006
Thoughts for Independence Day 2006
Happy Independence Day Everybody… I hope everybody is enjoying the long weekend!
For some reason MTV has been running marathons of its dating show “Next”… a program that I consider a train wreck.. You don’t want to watch it.. But you just can't keep your eyes off it. I think they actually stole the concept from me.. For years I have told "stressed out with relationship problems" single friends to adopt my famous mantra… “As the slumlord would say.. Time to move on to the next project” I think MTV stole the concept and just shortened the name.. Nonetheless… it makes for some fascinating background noise while writing this blog, following out of town baseball games online, and getting acquainted with my new cell phone which will be addressed later this week in Technology Shmecknology Part II.
The show has one person going on dates with 5 different people who sit in a trailer and have the most bizarre small talk conversations while the fifth person is on the date. They win a buck for every minute they survive, but if the person doesn’t like them,… they bellow out “NEXT” and the next person comes out for a date.. If the person likes one of these poor suckers they have a choice for a 2nd date or a dollar for every minute the date lasted. I’m sure many people wouldn’t mind a dollar for every minute they endured on a “date from hell”.
A few things stood out about the weekend marathon…. Aside from the incredible shallowness of the show’s participants. One woman who was white did NOT want a white guy… Guy #1 emerges from the trailer with flowers which she calls sappy and immediately hollered ‘NEXT”… Out came Guy #2 who was white, and when this woman saw him… not only did she NEXT him the second she saw him….. but she threw the flowers at the poor guy too!! There was also a girl who said she had lost 100 pounds and was on her first date ever, and you just prayed that she wouldn’t take the rejection too personally and start chowing down again.. But luckily the guy who NEXTed her was a mensch about it and she took it quite well. Finally, one guy was being teased for having man-boobs.. So at the end, the 4 rejected bimbettes chanted out… “Good luck with your man-boobs….” and one remarked off the cuff… “And your man-gina too” I never heard the word man-gina.. But I find it very amusing.. And somewhat fun to say!
I am very proud to be an American.. And July 4th is a very special day for me! It's also a wake up call that its been more than a month since Memorial Day, and there is only 2 months left till Labor Day, so there is still time to live it up! It's also meaningful since I am the son of an immmigrant who learned English and assimilated into American culture as soon as he was off the boat. This might be an odd concept since there are too many immigrants who don't care to learn English, and the illegal ones are now making a big deal that they deserve immunity!
Usually July 4th is a relatively quiet day news-wise except for the Bicentennial in 1976 which was also the same day as the Rescue from Entebbe. Tim McCarver also hit a grand slam on Bicentennial Day but passed a teammate on the bases and was stuck with a a single. The Mets also once played a game in Atlanta that had rain delays and went 19 innings and ended at 4 AM at which point they launched the annual fireworks show and scared the living daylights out of the local residents who thought the city was getting bombed. However it was a big day in 1826....
I wonder what it would have been like if CNN had been on the air back in 1826. July 4th was a huge news day!! Our 2nd President John Adams and 3rd President Thomas Jefferson both died on the very same day! I can only imagine the mid day coverage on CNN…. Lets say one of the back ups was anchoring… say Rick Sanchez.. Who knows… maybe Daryn Kagan has to take a day off because boyfriend Rush Limbaugh is in the news again. Good thing hes not NBA player Eddie Griffin who crashed his car last week for DWM.. Driving While Masturbating.
Here is a possible transcript from July 4th 1826.…180 years ago!!
RICK SANCHEZ; Welcome to CNN… Daryn Kagan is out today… In the news, much is being bandied about Rush Limbaughs horse and buggy being detained because he had some illegal medication geared towards his inability to get his shmeckle to perform. Lack of performance by the shmeckle is a growing problem.. Its apparently rampant in the frontier states.. And here to talk about why shmeckles can’t get the job done is CNN Health Correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta…
GUPTA: Thank you Rick.. Shmeckles come in all shapes and sizes, whether excited or not excited. Unfortunately the Rush Shmeckle is like a deer frozen when confronted by a lantern of a frontiersman's horse. This is odd since he is dating my hottest co-worker although some could argue that Suzanne Malveaux is better looking. But what causes the shmeckle to fail as miserably as Rush Limbaugh’s and what can be done about it?
SANCHEZ; Sorry, Dr. Gupta, we have to interrupt for some breaking news.. Wolf Blitzer is standing by…
BLITZER: Yes, Rick, we here in the Situation Room are just getting word in right now that Former President John Adams… is dead! He died just a little while ago and we are expected to get an update soon from the Adams Family concerning the tragic death of our former President. I will be speaking with family spokesman Lurch later.. Apparently his last words were (and this is really true) “Jefferson still lives”…. a reference to his feud with fellow Founding Father Thomas Jefferson. Back to you Rick.
SANCHEZ; How sad.. To have a president die on the 4th of July… Its absolutely tragic… and a programming note… Tonight on Larry King Live.. a special looking back at the life and times of Former President John Adams… Larry will have a round table panel with the survivors who signed The Declaration of Independence 50 years ago today, and they will be discussing the former President and his life and times.. Again.. Former President Adams.. Has died. We will go to the weather in a moment but as we break for commercial and show you our new graphic and sad musical bed about the death of President Adams.. Wait a second.. Im just hearing we will be going back again to Wolf.
BLITZER: Yes Rick,… I am just getting word in my ear piece that former President Thomas Jefferson …. Is dead! The announcement has been confirmed at his estate by family spokeswoman and slave Weezie Jefferson.
SANCHEZ; Oh this is so tragic.. Both Jefferson and Adams are now.. Gone!! A programming note on this the 50th anniversary of the The Declaration of Independence, Larry King will host a 2 hour round table discussion about the deaths of these 2 founding fathers, and later tonight on Anderson Cooper 360, he will scold the surviving signers for lauding themselves, instead of getting medical attention for Adams and Jefferson!
Meanwhile MSNBC would be rerunning a taped Matt Lauer piece about the history of The View while the website would have some ass kicking coverage of the tragic events of July 4th 1826.
I also liked Benjamin Franklin… he was quite the genius… and thanks to a recent Star Ledger column for this nugget… apparently a reference to the multitudes of beans he ingested during the 1st 50 July 4th Barbecues! Besides discovering electricity with his discovery of the lightning rod.. He also created bifocal glasses.. The Franklin Stove and the odometer. I wish I knew this next bit of info when I was a kid when I had to write a paper about him… he also wrote an essay called…”Fart Proudly”… and this is a quote… “(I want) to discover some drug wholesome and not disagreeable to be mixed with our common food or sauces that shall render the natural discharges of wind from our bodies not only inoffensive but agreeable as perfumes.”
Way to go Benajmin Franklin! And... that might explain while some of the other signers looked kind of queasy when they posed for that infamous pic!
Happy 4th of July everybody!!
For some reason MTV has been running marathons of its dating show “Next”… a program that I consider a train wreck.. You don’t want to watch it.. But you just can't keep your eyes off it. I think they actually stole the concept from me.. For years I have told "stressed out with relationship problems" single friends to adopt my famous mantra… “As the slumlord would say.. Time to move on to the next project” I think MTV stole the concept and just shortened the name.. Nonetheless… it makes for some fascinating background noise while writing this blog, following out of town baseball games online, and getting acquainted with my new cell phone which will be addressed later this week in Technology Shmecknology Part II.
The show has one person going on dates with 5 different people who sit in a trailer and have the most bizarre small talk conversations while the fifth person is on the date. They win a buck for every minute they survive, but if the person doesn’t like them,… they bellow out “NEXT” and the next person comes out for a date.. If the person likes one of these poor suckers they have a choice for a 2nd date or a dollar for every minute the date lasted. I’m sure many people wouldn’t mind a dollar for every minute they endured on a “date from hell”.
A few things stood out about the weekend marathon…. Aside from the incredible shallowness of the show’s participants. One woman who was white did NOT want a white guy… Guy #1 emerges from the trailer with flowers which she calls sappy and immediately hollered ‘NEXT”… Out came Guy #2 who was white, and when this woman saw him… not only did she NEXT him the second she saw him….. but she threw the flowers at the poor guy too!! There was also a girl who said she had lost 100 pounds and was on her first date ever, and you just prayed that she wouldn’t take the rejection too personally and start chowing down again.. But luckily the guy who NEXTed her was a mensch about it and she took it quite well. Finally, one guy was being teased for having man-boobs.. So at the end, the 4 rejected bimbettes chanted out… “Good luck with your man-boobs….” and one remarked off the cuff… “And your man-gina too” I never heard the word man-gina.. But I find it very amusing.. And somewhat fun to say!
I am very proud to be an American.. And July 4th is a very special day for me! It's also a wake up call that its been more than a month since Memorial Day, and there is only 2 months left till Labor Day, so there is still time to live it up! It's also meaningful since I am the son of an immmigrant who learned English and assimilated into American culture as soon as he was off the boat. This might be an odd concept since there are too many immigrants who don't care to learn English, and the illegal ones are now making a big deal that they deserve immunity!
Usually July 4th is a relatively quiet day news-wise except for the Bicentennial in 1976 which was also the same day as the Rescue from Entebbe. Tim McCarver also hit a grand slam on Bicentennial Day but passed a teammate on the bases and was stuck with a a single. The Mets also once played a game in Atlanta that had rain delays and went 19 innings and ended at 4 AM at which point they launched the annual fireworks show and scared the living daylights out of the local residents who thought the city was getting bombed. However it was a big day in 1826....
I wonder what it would have been like if CNN had been on the air back in 1826. July 4th was a huge news day!! Our 2nd President John Adams and 3rd President Thomas Jefferson both died on the very same day! I can only imagine the mid day coverage on CNN…. Lets say one of the back ups was anchoring… say Rick Sanchez.. Who knows… maybe Daryn Kagan has to take a day off because boyfriend Rush Limbaugh is in the news again. Good thing hes not NBA player Eddie Griffin who crashed his car last week for DWM.. Driving While Masturbating.
Here is a possible transcript from July 4th 1826.…180 years ago!!
RICK SANCHEZ; Welcome to CNN… Daryn Kagan is out today… In the news, much is being bandied about Rush Limbaughs horse and buggy being detained because he had some illegal medication geared towards his inability to get his shmeckle to perform. Lack of performance by the shmeckle is a growing problem.. Its apparently rampant in the frontier states.. And here to talk about why shmeckles can’t get the job done is CNN Health Correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta…
GUPTA: Thank you Rick.. Shmeckles come in all shapes and sizes, whether excited or not excited. Unfortunately the Rush Shmeckle is like a deer frozen when confronted by a lantern of a frontiersman's horse. This is odd since he is dating my hottest co-worker although some could argue that Suzanne Malveaux is better looking. But what causes the shmeckle to fail as miserably as Rush Limbaugh’s and what can be done about it?
SANCHEZ; Sorry, Dr. Gupta, we have to interrupt for some breaking news.. Wolf Blitzer is standing by…
BLITZER: Yes, Rick, we here in the Situation Room are just getting word in right now that Former President John Adams… is dead! He died just a little while ago and we are expected to get an update soon from the Adams Family concerning the tragic death of our former President. I will be speaking with family spokesman Lurch later.. Apparently his last words were (and this is really true) “Jefferson still lives”…. a reference to his feud with fellow Founding Father Thomas Jefferson. Back to you Rick.
SANCHEZ; How sad.. To have a president die on the 4th of July… Its absolutely tragic… and a programming note… Tonight on Larry King Live.. a special looking back at the life and times of Former President John Adams… Larry will have a round table panel with the survivors who signed The Declaration of Independence 50 years ago today, and they will be discussing the former President and his life and times.. Again.. Former President Adams.. Has died. We will go to the weather in a moment but as we break for commercial and show you our new graphic and sad musical bed about the death of President Adams.. Wait a second.. Im just hearing we will be going back again to Wolf.
BLITZER: Yes Rick,… I am just getting word in my ear piece that former President Thomas Jefferson …. Is dead! The announcement has been confirmed at his estate by family spokeswoman and slave Weezie Jefferson.
SANCHEZ; Oh this is so tragic.. Both Jefferson and Adams are now.. Gone!! A programming note on this the 50th anniversary of the The Declaration of Independence, Larry King will host a 2 hour round table discussion about the deaths of these 2 founding fathers, and later tonight on Anderson Cooper 360, he will scold the surviving signers for lauding themselves, instead of getting medical attention for Adams and Jefferson!
Meanwhile MSNBC would be rerunning a taped Matt Lauer piece about the history of The View while the website would have some ass kicking coverage of the tragic events of July 4th 1826.
I also liked Benjamin Franklin… he was quite the genius… and thanks to a recent Star Ledger column for this nugget… apparently a reference to the multitudes of beans he ingested during the 1st 50 July 4th Barbecues! Besides discovering electricity with his discovery of the lightning rod.. He also created bifocal glasses.. The Franklin Stove and the odometer. I wish I knew this next bit of info when I was a kid when I had to write a paper about him… he also wrote an essay called…”Fart Proudly”… and this is a quote… “(I want) to discover some drug wholesome and not disagreeable to be mixed with our common food or sauces that shall render the natural discharges of wind from our bodies not only inoffensive but agreeable as perfumes.”
Way to go Benajmin Franklin! And... that might explain while some of the other signers looked kind of queasy when they posed for that infamous pic!
Happy 4th of July everybody!!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
And The Ann Coulter Jerk of the Week Award Goes To...
Well we are back from vacation! Trophy Wife and I spent a few days in MD. and we also took a bus trip to Atlantic City... MD was fun.. I have a few cousins living there. and even better, it gave me a chance to see all 11 of my 1st cousins from my mother's side in a 2 wk period. As far as I can recall, the last time all 12 of us were at the same place at the same time was at my cousins wedding way back in the early 70s.. we came pretty close in the late 90s when all except 1 showed up at another wedding.. and 10 of the 12 of us were at my wedding in Sept. of '04.
MD was sweltering... so we didn’t do too much outside. We went to the Inner Harbor which coincided with the Baptist’s huge convention. This Week in Baseball also was in Baltimore last wk too… How about that? We even saw some Amish people on vacation! I have never ever ever gone somewhere and seen Amish people on vacation.. unless it was that Rumspringa or Ooshpritzin or whatever its called.. that time when they go through their wild phase and determine if Amish is a life for them. They didn’t seem to be shpritzing though since they were wearing their regular Jebediah Butter Churning Outfits.
We had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory.. at around the same time the Baptists had their break. I actually found a lost ID badge near the water and thought about sneaking into their afternoon session to see what was going on there... Some of the Baptists were germaphobes too. The people at the next table ordered a glass of steaming hot water... and proceeded to soak their silverware in it before they ate from them. Too bad we left before the food came.... who knows what they did to the plate before they ate from it??
AC was fun too... Trophy Wife and I took the bus from Edison for about 26 bucks.. then they give you back 20 bucks which is directly deposited in the Showboat buffet’s cash register!! Nothing beats that buffet... and after about an hour of gastronomic delights, and a little tummy ache, we meandered off to the rest of the casino.. Trophy Wife likes to play the slots... and I strolled along the boardwalk heading to the Big Dollar Store, but it started raining so instead I went to play video poker at the Taj Mahal. They have a 5 card draw game, that actually tells you in advance what the sixth card is going to be when you take extra cards!! Now I know what its like for Kreskin to play poker! Trophy Wife actually discovered the Match Game slot machine which has nothing to do with Match Game but they use slot characters for Gene Rayburn, Brett Somers and Charles Nelson Reilly and they occassionally have a gimmick where you can play the big money super match. Lame-o.
Right outside the door near the Match Game, the casino had a Family Feud show where they charge 25 bucks to get in. I’ve heard of the Price is Right road show.. but frankly who the heck would pay money to see a game show that you can watch for free on any given day featuring any of the 4 different hosts?? I’m a huge Match Game fan and frankly I wouldn’t pay to see a casino Match Game if Gene Rayburn came back from the dead and 70’s Elaine Joyce and 70’s JoAnne Pflug paraded nude around the studio while BLANK-ing Richard Dawson. (Please insert your Bob Crane wisecracks here!) I actually snuck in the back and watched some Family Feud for a little bit, but when I went to retrieve Trophy Wife to join me, she misunderstood the concept of “quietly sneaking in” and she went waltzing in like a model on the catwalk.. right past the "security" who promptly offered to show us the door unless we wanted to part with 50 bucks... But since we already had made a nice donation to the slots... we decided to find something else to do.
I also took some time to catch up with the news last week. A few items caught my attention which leads to today’s awarding of the Ann Coulter Jerk of the Week Award. Here are the nominees.
THE PERSON WHO LEAKED OUT THE RUSH LIMBAUGH VIAGRA STORY - Imagine that.. ol rush gets detained for 3 hours at palm beach airport after he gets caught by customs official with a bottle of prescription viagra written out to somebody else! Not the best thing for a recovering prescription drug addict to get caught with... Shame on those people at the airport for releasing that info that would embarrass ol' Rush... hee hee... actually its kind of funny... I can only imagine how he and his way too beautiful girlfriend Daryn Kagan discovered that little rush couldn’t stand at attention... What kind of tricks did she resort to before he gave up and decided to go for the little pill?? One can only imagine her sashaying around the house wearing her "I love Bush" thong to see if they could prevent Rush from sagging as poorly as Bush's popularity rating. By the way this info was only released because Rush is famous.. If he was still toiling away at the Kansas City Royals PR office writing press releases about Matt Stairs clutch game winning 2 run homer helping the Royals improve to an exciting 26-50, none of this would have ever received an iota of media attention.
PRESIDENT BUSH - A perennial contender... I read a review of an HBO Real Sports about a story involving a huge outbreak of asthma in Pittsburgh among youngsters living there. I’m starting to watch more of the network especially that Life with Louie show... Imagine.. a crazy Kramer-esque neighbor showers in Louie's apt and parades around flashing his shmeckle! That’s wackier than my Match Game casino show. What other network could show such craziness? Anyway, it turns out there is a coal burning plant in Pittsburgh that is belching out some dangerous chemicals, an apparent no no according to EPA requirements and a new law called New Source Review. Well.. the big shots at these aforementioned plants also donated some huge amounts of shekels to President Bush and the Republicans and therefore some of these environmental requirements were subsequently waived. Former NJ Governor Christie Whitman who was the EPA director during the early dark days of this horrific Bush administration admits that rules were changed around at the expense of these poor little kids. On the show she complains that when she tried to enforce New Source Review at these plants. Bush quickly had her oversight over power plants taken away from her. The story was reported by Jon Frankel who used to be the weekend sports reporter on Channel 4 in the pre Bruce Beck days.
THE RELATIVES WHO WANTED THE MAN DECLARED DEAD -- A man disappeared during a sailing trip last September when Hurricane Rita hit the Gulf of Mexico.. Some of his relatives wanted him declared dead even though traditionally in a case like this, you need to wait 5 years. The law was amended after the tragic events of 9-11 when it became painfully obvious that day that the ”missing” people in the towers who were unaccounted for had obviously died. The waiting period was waived so the widows (including those so scorned by Ann Coulter) could collect on their insurance premiums.
The relatives bastardized the intent of the 9-11 law by trying to get a declaration that he was dead. They realized that if they declared him dead.. the widow's marriage to him would not hit the magical 5 year mark. According to the pre-nup, if the marriage lasted less than 5 years,... the wife would get only about 125k from the hubby's multi million dollar estate... They actually went to court to declare him legally dead so they could toss her out on the street and enjoy his shekels... I thought the five year rule was for divorce... not for widows.. but the Supreme Court heard the challenge made by Anna Nicole Smith's octonogenerian's late husband's son after he died a year or so after he married her.. the son by the way just dropped dead last week.. Incidentally the judge shot down the relatives' request to declare him dead.. And the man who died in the water… made his millions by bottling water!
THE TITLE SCAMMER - This one takes the cake. Allow me to introduce you to Fermin Galvez who was just convicted in an outrageous scam this past Friday. Fermin decided to be a stud and hooked up with a married woman. Unfortunately, the woman got sick and lapsed into a coma. Ol’ Fermin the stud got another girlfriend to pose as the coma woman and the impostor signed the title over so it appeared that Fermin and the coma woman were now the owners.
He then proceeded to sell the home to an unwitting couple who by some bizarre stroke of good luck had no money to put down, and managed to take out a huge mortgage with no money down... (trust me,. the rate on the 2nd loan must have been astronomical!) Why were they lucky to put no money down? 3 weeks after the closing, the first time buyers show up to start moving their stuff into the new home... and not only was Fermin still living there.. but he refused to let them in. The cops were called and the seller showed them a 2nd forged title showing that he still owned the house!! Amazingly the cops told the buyers to leave the premises! Ultimately the rat was caught when the family of the woman in the coma showed the courts medical proof that the woman was comatose the day “she“ signed the title over to Fermin.
They’re still trying to sort this mess out.. But the “buyers” will probably be on the hook for their mortgage payments until this is straightened out.. And since this will take months to sort out.. once they are late on their mortgage payments, their credit will take a huge hit and adversely affect their chances to buy a house that they will be allowed to live in. And as for the coma woman’s husband, legally he will ultimately be awarded the home, since by law a spouse is always on the title. …(I’m surprised this wasn’t caught during the first forged title…) The big financial loser will be the mortgage company that ends up losing the money that Galvez stole from them… But… the biggest loser is Fermin Galvez.. this weeks winner of the Ann Coulter Jerk of the Week Award!
MD was sweltering... so we didn’t do too much outside. We went to the Inner Harbor which coincided with the Baptist’s huge convention. This Week in Baseball also was in Baltimore last wk too… How about that? We even saw some Amish people on vacation! I have never ever ever gone somewhere and seen Amish people on vacation.. unless it was that Rumspringa or Ooshpritzin or whatever its called.. that time when they go through their wild phase and determine if Amish is a life for them. They didn’t seem to be shpritzing though since they were wearing their regular Jebediah Butter Churning Outfits.
We had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory.. at around the same time the Baptists had their break. I actually found a lost ID badge near the water and thought about sneaking into their afternoon session to see what was going on there... Some of the Baptists were germaphobes too. The people at the next table ordered a glass of steaming hot water... and proceeded to soak their silverware in it before they ate from them. Too bad we left before the food came.... who knows what they did to the plate before they ate from it??
AC was fun too... Trophy Wife and I took the bus from Edison for about 26 bucks.. then they give you back 20 bucks which is directly deposited in the Showboat buffet’s cash register!! Nothing beats that buffet... and after about an hour of gastronomic delights, and a little tummy ache, we meandered off to the rest of the casino.. Trophy Wife likes to play the slots... and I strolled along the boardwalk heading to the Big Dollar Store, but it started raining so instead I went to play video poker at the Taj Mahal. They have a 5 card draw game, that actually tells you in advance what the sixth card is going to be when you take extra cards!! Now I know what its like for Kreskin to play poker! Trophy Wife actually discovered the Match Game slot machine which has nothing to do with Match Game but they use slot characters for Gene Rayburn, Brett Somers and Charles Nelson Reilly and they occassionally have a gimmick where you can play the big money super match. Lame-o.
Right outside the door near the Match Game, the casino had a Family Feud show where they charge 25 bucks to get in. I’ve heard of the Price is Right road show.. but frankly who the heck would pay money to see a game show that you can watch for free on any given day featuring any of the 4 different hosts?? I’m a huge Match Game fan and frankly I wouldn’t pay to see a casino Match Game if Gene Rayburn came back from the dead and 70’s Elaine Joyce and 70’s JoAnne Pflug paraded nude around the studio while BLANK-ing Richard Dawson. (Please insert your Bob Crane wisecracks here!) I actually snuck in the back and watched some Family Feud for a little bit, but when I went to retrieve Trophy Wife to join me, she misunderstood the concept of “quietly sneaking in” and she went waltzing in like a model on the catwalk.. right past the "security" who promptly offered to show us the door unless we wanted to part with 50 bucks... But since we already had made a nice donation to the slots... we decided to find something else to do.
I also took some time to catch up with the news last week. A few items caught my attention which leads to today’s awarding of the Ann Coulter Jerk of the Week Award. Here are the nominees.
THE PERSON WHO LEAKED OUT THE RUSH LIMBAUGH VIAGRA STORY - Imagine that.. ol rush gets detained for 3 hours at palm beach airport after he gets caught by customs official with a bottle of prescription viagra written out to somebody else! Not the best thing for a recovering prescription drug addict to get caught with... Shame on those people at the airport for releasing that info that would embarrass ol' Rush... hee hee... actually its kind of funny... I can only imagine how he and his way too beautiful girlfriend Daryn Kagan discovered that little rush couldn’t stand at attention... What kind of tricks did she resort to before he gave up and decided to go for the little pill?? One can only imagine her sashaying around the house wearing her "I love Bush" thong to see if they could prevent Rush from sagging as poorly as Bush's popularity rating. By the way this info was only released because Rush is famous.. If he was still toiling away at the Kansas City Royals PR office writing press releases about Matt Stairs clutch game winning 2 run homer helping the Royals improve to an exciting 26-50, none of this would have ever received an iota of media attention.
PRESIDENT BUSH - A perennial contender... I read a review of an HBO Real Sports about a story involving a huge outbreak of asthma in Pittsburgh among youngsters living there. I’m starting to watch more of the network especially that Life with Louie show... Imagine.. a crazy Kramer-esque neighbor showers in Louie's apt and parades around flashing his shmeckle! That’s wackier than my Match Game casino show. What other network could show such craziness? Anyway, it turns out there is a coal burning plant in Pittsburgh that is belching out some dangerous chemicals, an apparent no no according to EPA requirements and a new law called New Source Review. Well.. the big shots at these aforementioned plants also donated some huge amounts of shekels to President Bush and the Republicans and therefore some of these environmental requirements were subsequently waived. Former NJ Governor Christie Whitman who was the EPA director during the early dark days of this horrific Bush administration admits that rules were changed around at the expense of these poor little kids. On the show she complains that when she tried to enforce New Source Review at these plants. Bush quickly had her oversight over power plants taken away from her. The story was reported by Jon Frankel who used to be the weekend sports reporter on Channel 4 in the pre Bruce Beck days.
THE RELATIVES WHO WANTED THE MAN DECLARED DEAD -- A man disappeared during a sailing trip last September when Hurricane Rita hit the Gulf of Mexico.. Some of his relatives wanted him declared dead even though traditionally in a case like this, you need to wait 5 years. The law was amended after the tragic events of 9-11 when it became painfully obvious that day that the ”missing” people in the towers who were unaccounted for had obviously died. The waiting period was waived so the widows (including those so scorned by Ann Coulter) could collect on their insurance premiums.
The relatives bastardized the intent of the 9-11 law by trying to get a declaration that he was dead. They realized that if they declared him dead.. the widow's marriage to him would not hit the magical 5 year mark. According to the pre-nup, if the marriage lasted less than 5 years,... the wife would get only about 125k from the hubby's multi million dollar estate... They actually went to court to declare him legally dead so they could toss her out on the street and enjoy his shekels... I thought the five year rule was for divorce... not for widows.. but the Supreme Court heard the challenge made by Anna Nicole Smith's octonogenerian's late husband's son after he died a year or so after he married her.. the son by the way just dropped dead last week.. Incidentally the judge shot down the relatives' request to declare him dead.. And the man who died in the water… made his millions by bottling water!
THE TITLE SCAMMER - This one takes the cake. Allow me to introduce you to Fermin Galvez who was just convicted in an outrageous scam this past Friday. Fermin decided to be a stud and hooked up with a married woman. Unfortunately, the woman got sick and lapsed into a coma. Ol’ Fermin the stud got another girlfriend to pose as the coma woman and the impostor signed the title over so it appeared that Fermin and the coma woman were now the owners.
He then proceeded to sell the home to an unwitting couple who by some bizarre stroke of good luck had no money to put down, and managed to take out a huge mortgage with no money down... (trust me,. the rate on the 2nd loan must have been astronomical!) Why were they lucky to put no money down? 3 weeks after the closing, the first time buyers show up to start moving their stuff into the new home... and not only was Fermin still living there.. but he refused to let them in. The cops were called and the seller showed them a 2nd forged title showing that he still owned the house!! Amazingly the cops told the buyers to leave the premises! Ultimately the rat was caught when the family of the woman in the coma showed the courts medical proof that the woman was comatose the day “she“ signed the title over to Fermin.
They’re still trying to sort this mess out.. But the “buyers” will probably be on the hook for their mortgage payments until this is straightened out.. And since this will take months to sort out.. once they are late on their mortgage payments, their credit will take a huge hit and adversely affect their chances to buy a house that they will be allowed to live in. And as for the coma woman’s husband, legally he will ultimately be awarded the home, since by law a spouse is always on the title. …(I’m surprised this wasn’t caught during the first forged title…) The big financial loser will be the mortgage company that ends up losing the money that Galvez stole from them… But… the biggest loser is Fermin Galvez.. this weeks winner of the Ann Coulter Jerk of the Week Award!
Friday, June 16, 2006
TV 2Q - Plus Some Well Deserved Coulter Bashing!
In the unlikely event that GOP bigshot Georgette Mosbacher happens to Google her way into this blog…. Well, Georgette, you may want to skip the sixth paragraph of today’s column! Since I am going on vacation next wk, I’ll write a little more than usual, so save it up till I come back to blogging land. Also word out to my homies Neil and Young Chuck for mentioning me in their blogs! I worked with Young Chuck back in the early 90s, and I called him that because he bore an uncanny resemblance to Chuck Scarborough. I haven’t seen him in at least 12 years and it was neat that he thought of me! He apparently isn’t aware that I wrote about his incredibly unforgettable appearance on Who Wants to be a Millionaire... I also had a heated debate in the comments section with "Belchie" about how far Chuck went on the show! Maybe I'll get "Belchie" and Young Chuck on a future podcast so we can finally settle this issue once and for all!
As we begin to prepare for next week’s vacation, its time for the NWOW (Nate's World of Words) Quarterly Television Report. It sounds more official when we call them "quarterly" reports. and this would be a good time to take a look back at the last 3 months... plus take a peek at what the new tv season will look like. We'll get into more details about the new season in the Fall…. probably after baseball season when I start noticing that the New Season has arrived.
The 05-06 season wrapped up just before Memorial Day… we already did a column on the season finale of Lost... Other shows wrapped up their seasons last month, but it seems that the season finales are like the last day of school... because the moment Chuck and Sue start delivering the 11 oclock news... I already have forgotten what I just watched. I got a kick the other day when they did a story about a prom that was ruined when several students were sent to a local hospital for blood tests after being falsely accused of drinking at the prom. Now NJ 101.5 will be sponsoring a do-over prom. What happens if somebody didn’t like their prom date? Do they still have to take the same person to Prom 2?
Once the warm weather rolls in, I pretty much stop watching the tube except for baseball and the news. Besides the 2 remaining episodes of Game Show Marathon I doubt Ill watch any of the summer shows except possibly The Contender on ESPN. I did watch Big Brother back when it first started.. and i also liked that goofy show a few years ago where new actors re-enacted scripts of old sitcoms such as What’s Happening?
While watching my old favorite Larry King the other night, I saw a debate about Ann Coulter and her absurd new book where she criticizes the 9-11 widows calling them the "Witches of East Brunswick" and says they are milking this tragedy for all its worth while they enjoy their millions. Before I even address this absurdity. I first want to apologize to Georgette Mosbacher because the next paragraph will absolutely positively offend her. Mosbacher who is incredibly pretty and much older than you think... was quite insulted on Monday night’s show when Charlie Rangel accurately noted that Ann Coulter always wears short skirts for her talk show appearances. Ms. Mosbacher thought that comment was offensive.
Coulter is one of those hot blonde right wing wacko spinsters who is jealous of the 9-11 women. I saw her on Leno the other night (while catching comedy genius George Carlin) and she over enunciates her evil words like the over the top acting by the villains from the old Batman TV show. Carlin wisely didn’t heckle her since it would have been like getting into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. Unlike that miserable wretch Coulter, the 9-11 widows were women who actually found husbands ..These women were loved and admired, and unlike Ann… were desired. Coulter despite her good looks, goes home alone each night and the only action she gets is from her battery operated apparatus. Nobody wants her. Nobody cares about her opinions. Bush is an incredibly incompetent dumb lousy president and Coulter just doesn’t want to admit it. She also takes issue with Cindy Sheehan whose poor son was a victim of this unnecessary war. This “Operation Restore Democracy” is a bunch of malarkey… Keep in mind that the Mets season took a turn for the better when they added 2 pitchers who defected from Cuba. Democracy Shmemocracy…. Maybe if there are more Communist countries for baseball players to defect from.. the Mets will get even better!
Wanna buy a book? Pick up the fine tomes written by Anderson Cooper or Tim Russert from Meet the Press. If you must read Coulter’s book... get it from the library... it's FREE, and it won't pad Coulter's pockets. Talk about irony…. She spends so much time talking about a Bush that can‘t get the job done… .
Ok can someone please call Georgette back to the blog?? Its ok to come back now…..
'05 - '06 RECAP
The season finales each year get more action packed as producers seem to think the season must end with a major twist... CSI had Grissom doing the ol' hoochie mcscoochie with his co-worker, CSI NY had a main character shooting her boyfriend in self defense, and CSI Miami had David Caruso's new wife shot dead.. Don’t his ears hurt every time he yanks his sunglasses off with that dramatic flair??
24 had Jack Bauer shipped off on a slow boat to China.. so maybe the new season will start in the middle of the sea as he spends the 1st 3 hours swimming for shore? I didn’t think the season was that great but Jean Smart was awesome as the First Lady! Grey’s Anatomy has McDreamy and McSlutty hooking up again... and killed off the heart transplant guy Denny causing his dr./paramour to bolt out of the hospital saying this was not the career for her.. (The actress has a movie career.. she won’t be out of work for too long) Desperate Housewives got rid of the Applewhites and gave Marcia Cross enough meaty scenes to get her a much deserved Emmy. And of course the gray haired guy won American Idol.. the most popular show in the world… yet I really lose interest after the Gong Showesque audition episodes at the beginning of the season.
I did add 2 new shows to my TV repertoire this past quarter. Now that we finally get HBO, I saw this season's episodes of The Sopranos. It seems to be ok... I didnt see the earlier years, and one day.,.. i might watch them on dvd... The show really does not glamorize the mob, and actually the better episodes were the ones where they acted like buffoons.. specifically the guy who mugged Lauren Bacall for her freebies and the fact that he later hooked up with Julianna Marguilies' recovering alcoholic character, and was such a great help to her recovery, promptly reintroduced her to a life of drugs and alcohol. It was troubling to see Vito killed because he is gay. Whatever happened to the ol' "He's gay - Not that there's anything wrong with it."
The other show is Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's Shalom in the Home. Each week he and his little trailer visit another family in crisis and Shmuley does his thing to bring some sanity into these dysfunctional homes. Its hard to tell how much these families gain from his feedback, but so far he has come up with some solid advice. I first met Shmuely at an appearance several yrs ago at Lincoln Square Synagogue that was also attended by one of his fellow Oxford scholars.. a gentleman by the name of Cory Booker - now Newark's Mayor!
SITH hit a high point a few weeks ago when his show did an episode with a lesbian family. Considering his ultra orthodox background, it was quite interesting to see how accepting he was... he even invited the couple and their daughter to his home! And then he dropped in an interesting factoid... his brother is gay! I did not know that. It’s interesting to see how an ultra orthodox Jew is more accepting of a homosexual than a Sopranos mobster!
'06 - '07 PREVIEW
Now the new season schedule has been announced, and at this early stage, none of the new shows look too spectacular. Usually I will notice who is doing well in the Nielsens in the early weeks of the season, and I will start catching those shows in November. The two that seem to be getting the most ink are the sitcom and drama about a Saturday Night Live type show.. Everyone seems to think SNL is becoming a big hit again. Actually, its not too entertaining, but it gets buzz because people download the pre-recorded bits from the internet. The live stuff? Fooey.. And now 2 shows are going to go behind the scenes of that type of show. How about a behind the scenes show about Fridays and the infamous night that Andy Kauffman cursed out the cast on live TV? That would be worth watching.
The networks announced their schedules in May, but then NBC asked for a mulligan and re-introduced a brand new schedule. Based on an early glimpse, Sunday looks to have some potential.. American Dad moves up an hour forming an 8 to 9;30 line-up of The Simpsons, AD and Family Guy. CBS meanwhile becomes the “Columbia Bruckheimer Sunday” network as the TV genius takes over the post 60 minutes lineup with The Amazing Race, Cold Case and Without a Trace. Thursday at 9 will also include a showdown between CSI on CBS and Grey’s Anatomy on ABC. And, Tuesdays from 9 to 11 will have a Law and Order twin bill with Criminal Intent and SVU.
A few other things to point out… The WB and UPN merge this fall and the new network.. CW basically will fill its schedule with shows that I have never seen and will probably never watch. Katie Couric will anchor the CBS Evening News, and Meredith Viera will replace her on Today… and Rosie O’Donnell will replace her on the View. Rosie O’Donnell will be replaced by… uh…. Hmmm, what exactly was Rosie doing??
And football will have a new spot in primetime.. ABC attacks the vast Saturday night wasteland by throwing on a weekly college football game that will probably get huge ratings in Michigan and Florida, but not here. And Monday Night Football is no longer on ABC… but Al Michaels and John Madden take their act to NBC for Sunday Night Football. MNF will continue on ESPN and more than likely will get better ratings than the ABC replacement programming.
The actual season will start in early Sept, right after all the annual ceremonies commemorating 9-11. By then hopefully Ann Coulter's absurd comments will be long forgotten, and construction will be underway on the new WTC. I almost hate to agree with Donald Trump but he has a point that all the parties involved should just put all the squabbles aside and rebuild the old Twin Towers.. I think we should capture Osama Bin Laden - alive.. bring him to the ground breaking ceremony, and hang him.... after allowing 9-11 survivors to hack at his testicles blindfolded as if he were a pinata. Then once he takes his last breath, let the groundbreaking celebrations begin. Sell the whole thing on pay per view and give the proceeds to the 9-11 widows.
In late October once Billy Wagner throws the last pitch, and Lastings Milledge makes the catch to help the Mets win the World Series, we will revisit the fall season to see which of these shows are here to stay. That will also coincide with the mid term elections which will show us once and for all how sick America is of George Bush,…but Anne Coulter no doubt will blame the 9-11 widows for that…. Or maybe by then she will start picking on Holocaust survivors… Elie Wiesel better watch out.
As we begin to prepare for next week’s vacation, its time for the NWOW (Nate's World of Words) Quarterly Television Report. It sounds more official when we call them "quarterly" reports. and this would be a good time to take a look back at the last 3 months... plus take a peek at what the new tv season will look like. We'll get into more details about the new season in the Fall…. probably after baseball season when I start noticing that the New Season has arrived.
The 05-06 season wrapped up just before Memorial Day… we already did a column on the season finale of Lost... Other shows wrapped up their seasons last month, but it seems that the season finales are like the last day of school... because the moment Chuck and Sue start delivering the 11 oclock news... I already have forgotten what I just watched. I got a kick the other day when they did a story about a prom that was ruined when several students were sent to a local hospital for blood tests after being falsely accused of drinking at the prom. Now NJ 101.5 will be sponsoring a do-over prom. What happens if somebody didn’t like their prom date? Do they still have to take the same person to Prom 2?
Once the warm weather rolls in, I pretty much stop watching the tube except for baseball and the news. Besides the 2 remaining episodes of Game Show Marathon I doubt Ill watch any of the summer shows except possibly The Contender on ESPN. I did watch Big Brother back when it first started.. and i also liked that goofy show a few years ago where new actors re-enacted scripts of old sitcoms such as What’s Happening?
While watching my old favorite Larry King the other night, I saw a debate about Ann Coulter and her absurd new book where she criticizes the 9-11 widows calling them the "Witches of East Brunswick" and says they are milking this tragedy for all its worth while they enjoy their millions. Before I even address this absurdity. I first want to apologize to Georgette Mosbacher because the next paragraph will absolutely positively offend her. Mosbacher who is incredibly pretty and much older than you think... was quite insulted on Monday night’s show when Charlie Rangel accurately noted that Ann Coulter always wears short skirts for her talk show appearances. Ms. Mosbacher thought that comment was offensive.
Coulter is one of those hot blonde right wing wacko spinsters who is jealous of the 9-11 women. I saw her on Leno the other night (while catching comedy genius George Carlin) and she over enunciates her evil words like the over the top acting by the villains from the old Batman TV show. Carlin wisely didn’t heckle her since it would have been like getting into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. Unlike that miserable wretch Coulter, the 9-11 widows were women who actually found husbands ..These women were loved and admired, and unlike Ann… were desired. Coulter despite her good looks, goes home alone each night and the only action she gets is from her battery operated apparatus. Nobody wants her. Nobody cares about her opinions. Bush is an incredibly incompetent dumb lousy president and Coulter just doesn’t want to admit it. She also takes issue with Cindy Sheehan whose poor son was a victim of this unnecessary war. This “Operation Restore Democracy” is a bunch of malarkey… Keep in mind that the Mets season took a turn for the better when they added 2 pitchers who defected from Cuba. Democracy Shmemocracy…. Maybe if there are more Communist countries for baseball players to defect from.. the Mets will get even better!
Wanna buy a book? Pick up the fine tomes written by Anderson Cooper or Tim Russert from Meet the Press. If you must read Coulter’s book... get it from the library... it's FREE, and it won't pad Coulter's pockets. Talk about irony…. She spends so much time talking about a Bush that can‘t get the job done… .
Ok can someone please call Georgette back to the blog?? Its ok to come back now…..
'05 - '06 RECAP
The season finales each year get more action packed as producers seem to think the season must end with a major twist... CSI had Grissom doing the ol' hoochie mcscoochie with his co-worker, CSI NY had a main character shooting her boyfriend in self defense, and CSI Miami had David Caruso's new wife shot dead.. Don’t his ears hurt every time he yanks his sunglasses off with that dramatic flair??
24 had Jack Bauer shipped off on a slow boat to China.. so maybe the new season will start in the middle of the sea as he spends the 1st 3 hours swimming for shore? I didn’t think the season was that great but Jean Smart was awesome as the First Lady! Grey’s Anatomy has McDreamy and McSlutty hooking up again... and killed off the heart transplant guy Denny causing his dr./paramour to bolt out of the hospital saying this was not the career for her.. (The actress has a movie career.. she won’t be out of work for too long) Desperate Housewives got rid of the Applewhites and gave Marcia Cross enough meaty scenes to get her a much deserved Emmy. And of course the gray haired guy won American Idol.. the most popular show in the world… yet I really lose interest after the Gong Showesque audition episodes at the beginning of the season.
I did add 2 new shows to my TV repertoire this past quarter. Now that we finally get HBO, I saw this season's episodes of The Sopranos. It seems to be ok... I didnt see the earlier years, and one day.,.. i might watch them on dvd... The show really does not glamorize the mob, and actually the better episodes were the ones where they acted like buffoons.. specifically the guy who mugged Lauren Bacall for her freebies and the fact that he later hooked up with Julianna Marguilies' recovering alcoholic character, and was such a great help to her recovery, promptly reintroduced her to a life of drugs and alcohol. It was troubling to see Vito killed because he is gay. Whatever happened to the ol' "He's gay - Not that there's anything wrong with it."
The other show is Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's Shalom in the Home. Each week he and his little trailer visit another family in crisis and Shmuley does his thing to bring some sanity into these dysfunctional homes. Its hard to tell how much these families gain from his feedback, but so far he has come up with some solid advice. I first met Shmuely at an appearance several yrs ago at Lincoln Square Synagogue that was also attended by one of his fellow Oxford scholars.. a gentleman by the name of Cory Booker - now Newark's Mayor!
SITH hit a high point a few weeks ago when his show did an episode with a lesbian family. Considering his ultra orthodox background, it was quite interesting to see how accepting he was... he even invited the couple and their daughter to his home! And then he dropped in an interesting factoid... his brother is gay! I did not know that. It’s interesting to see how an ultra orthodox Jew is more accepting of a homosexual than a Sopranos mobster!
'06 - '07 PREVIEW
Now the new season schedule has been announced, and at this early stage, none of the new shows look too spectacular. Usually I will notice who is doing well in the Nielsens in the early weeks of the season, and I will start catching those shows in November. The two that seem to be getting the most ink are the sitcom and drama about a Saturday Night Live type show.. Everyone seems to think SNL is becoming a big hit again. Actually, its not too entertaining, but it gets buzz because people download the pre-recorded bits from the internet. The live stuff? Fooey.. And now 2 shows are going to go behind the scenes of that type of show. How about a behind the scenes show about Fridays and the infamous night that Andy Kauffman cursed out the cast on live TV? That would be worth watching.
The networks announced their schedules in May, but then NBC asked for a mulligan and re-introduced a brand new schedule. Based on an early glimpse, Sunday looks to have some potential.. American Dad moves up an hour forming an 8 to 9;30 line-up of The Simpsons, AD and Family Guy. CBS meanwhile becomes the “Columbia Bruckheimer Sunday” network as the TV genius takes over the post 60 minutes lineup with The Amazing Race, Cold Case and Without a Trace. Thursday at 9 will also include a showdown between CSI on CBS and Grey’s Anatomy on ABC. And, Tuesdays from 9 to 11 will have a Law and Order twin bill with Criminal Intent and SVU.
A few other things to point out… The WB and UPN merge this fall and the new network.. CW basically will fill its schedule with shows that I have never seen and will probably never watch. Katie Couric will anchor the CBS Evening News, and Meredith Viera will replace her on Today… and Rosie O’Donnell will replace her on the View. Rosie O’Donnell will be replaced by… uh…. Hmmm, what exactly was Rosie doing??
And football will have a new spot in primetime.. ABC attacks the vast Saturday night wasteland by throwing on a weekly college football game that will probably get huge ratings in Michigan and Florida, but not here. And Monday Night Football is no longer on ABC… but Al Michaels and John Madden take their act to NBC for Sunday Night Football. MNF will continue on ESPN and more than likely will get better ratings than the ABC replacement programming.
The actual season will start in early Sept, right after all the annual ceremonies commemorating 9-11. By then hopefully Ann Coulter's absurd comments will be long forgotten, and construction will be underway on the new WTC. I almost hate to agree with Donald Trump but he has a point that all the parties involved should just put all the squabbles aside and rebuild the old Twin Towers.. I think we should capture Osama Bin Laden - alive.. bring him to the ground breaking ceremony, and hang him.... after allowing 9-11 survivors to hack at his testicles blindfolded as if he were a pinata. Then once he takes his last breath, let the groundbreaking celebrations begin. Sell the whole thing on pay per view and give the proceeds to the 9-11 widows.
In late October once Billy Wagner throws the last pitch, and Lastings Milledge makes the catch to help the Mets win the World Series, we will revisit the fall season to see which of these shows are here to stay. That will also coincide with the mid term elections which will show us once and for all how sick America is of George Bush,…but Anne Coulter no doubt will blame the 9-11 widows for that…. Or maybe by then she will start picking on Holocaust survivors… Elie Wiesel better watch out.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Game Show Marathon - Or Is It A Sprint?
A few months ago, I did a column here about the Top 14 game shows of all time.. and one of the rabid Price is Right fans who posted a comment.. Louis from Tampa… asked me what I thought were the worst game shows of all time. I have been mulling that over recently, and at some point, I will write a column about that very topic.. but for now I want to see a little more of Game Show Marathon to see where it would fit on that list. So far it looks like it won’t make the list, but I must admit that although it could have been executed better, it is a pretty interesting concept to have celebrities compete on a different game show each week.
I have always thought that reality shows were really fancy game shows. Originally reality shows were really documentaries.. But the producers decided to call them “reality shows” so the goofy kids watching would not think it was some kind of stuffy PBS documentary. Exhibit A would be “The Real World” on MTV, the original of the reality shows..
Along came Mark Burnett a few years ago and thought.. Hey lets make it a competition with a big money prize at the end of the reality rainbow. He created “Survivor” which took the real world to an exotic island and created a contest involving strategy and fitness both mentally and physically. After “Survivor”, almost all of the reality shows needed a finish line to have its participants thrive for. So with the exception of the freak show involving Paris Hilton, and Lionel Ritchie’s skeletal daughter… (Remember his 80s song to her….“Hello…. Is it food you’re looking for?”), most of the reality shows are now game shows.
Which brings us to GSM… The producers must have thought.. lets have a reality show where the contestants compete on a game show.. And now we have officially come full circle! I have reserved comment on it till now, since I was never really a big fan of the first 3 game shows that were featured in the competition, but now that we have seen Leslie Nielsen yelling out big bucks, no whammies on Press Your Luck and with old favorites Card Sharks, Family Feud, and Match Game looming in the coming weeks… I felt it was time to weigh in with my thoughts on this program.
The producers decided to remake CBS versions of some older classics… and rebuilt the sets and plunked today’s B-list stars right in the middle as if they traveled to the set in a Time Machine. . So far they have done 4 different games with one winner emerging from each game.. Those 4 semifinalists will advance to Card Sharks and Match Game.. And the champions will recruit their real families for Family Feud. I wonder how they will do the Feud… Richard Dawson did the ABC version, but the CBS version with a slightly different set and rules was the one hosted by Ray Combs.
The first episode featured “The Price is Right”.. The Bob Barker fans were not too thrilled to see Rikki Lake hosting it.. and I am not sure who drew the short straw to break the news to Bob that they would be doing his show without him. However, from a ratings standpoint, it was a good idea to do the show… since it is so incredibly popular.. It has run for more than 30 years on CBS Daytime and is the anchor of the consistently highly rated daytime lineup.
My idea that might have smoothed this over better.. Why not let Bob host TPIR and one or two of the other shows while rotating with Ricki Lake? They could have done Truth or Consequences with Barker.. Since that was the show he hosted for a ton of years before The Price is Right. Keep in mind that the GSM concept ran very successfully in England with 2 hosts named Ant and Dec. Ratings-wise, it made sense to premiere with TPIR… but I think that future editions of GSM should not include it as long as Bob Barker is around.. since it strikes me as being incredibly disrespectful having someone else hosting it while he is still alive and kicking.
The show really hit its stride with Thursday night’s episode of Press Your Luck. This was the type of show that employed strategy and had a sense of excitement. However I should point out that the celebrity contestants weren’t as familiar with the nuances of the game as regular contestants were back when the show originally ran. It also ranked 7th on my February 2006 list of the 14 Best Game Shows of All Time. Ricki did a decent job filling the late Peter Tomarken’s shoes and the episode was quite exciting, although it was not the smartest idea to kill the momentum by breaking for commercial with only 4 spins left in the game. The questions were also a bit too easy meaning there were more spins awarded to the players… (And why are they called spins since nothing is spun?) Nonetheless, it was very exciting and well done and might have been the high point for GSM since fans watching the later episodes of Match Game and Family Feud will inevitably start comparing Ricki to hosting legends Gene Rayburn and Richard Dawson.
As for the other two shows, I never really liked Lets Make a Deal.. And I only watched a few minutes of it on GSM. A lot of the bulletin boards say Deal or No Deal is really the new version of that show.. (although it does have elements of Press Your Luck since all the contestants do is Press Their Luck)… I am impressed that Howie Mandel always knows the names of the models. A recent gay contestant got so excited he would run up to each model after she opened his suitcase and give her a hug… This was on a day when they wore incredibly low cut dresses, and boobies were everywhere. How many heterosexual guys will go on next season acting gay just to get a nice little huggie with the hot models?
The other show was Beat the Clock.. That show originally aired way before my time… but I think GSM did a terrific job recreating it.. The showed clips from the 50s and then had the players re-create the very same stunts.
Two things stood out… the well polished floor was reflective and the model was wearing a skirt… Hmmm.. Did anyone else try to look up her skirt?? The other thing was every time they did a stunt that went awry… Ricki Lake would yell out ‘Shoot”… it was done often enough to start a drinking game! Hopefully she won’t slip and yell out something else like her former CBS colleague, Channel 2 reporter Arthur Chi’en. He was on the air live one day getting heckled by some Opie and Anthony fans, and cursed at them not realizing he was on the air live. (He claimed he thought he was taping a report) This is not to be confused with the Channel 2 sports report some 10 years ago with Bernie Smilovitz where he played a tape of Bobby Knight cursing up a storm.. WITHOUT the curses bleeped out… After the tape was done.. You could see Bernie and anchor Dana Tyler looking like deer caught in the headlights with Bernie thinking he better call his agent to start sending some resumes back to his hometown of Detroit, and Dana realizing that she would be one Roz Abrams contract signing from being relegated to weekend duty.
Chi’en by the way went to the NY Labor Board and filed a complaint and was actually awarded some money. And who ever heard of someone going to the Department of Labor and winning a case against an employer? Well your blog master just won a nice stack of shekels this past week after taking a former employer to Trenton. That same day in Trenton, a budget hearing with the Human Services Commissioner Kevin Ryan was interrupted when he got sick and had to be rushed to the hospital. His chief of staff told The Star Ledger she decided to send him to an out of town hospital because the CEO of that hospital is her former boss Former NJ Health Commissioner Dr. Clifton Lacy! Hey folks.. Lets impose the Ariel Sharon rule and go to the nearest hospital!!!!! Sharon had a stroke after passing the closest hospital to go to a second more distant facility! Ryan is ok by the way..
Speaking of former bosses, I was the last case to be heard.. In some cases the employer didn’t show up and the plaintiffs won by default… but in the cases where the employers showed up, those were won by the employers. Except mine.
I won’t bore you with the details… but after driving 2 hours in a rainstorm and realizing my former boss also had to shlep there from a farther distance.. I knew I could go home empty handed and still feel victorious. There were 2 parts to the case involving unpaid commissions.. I won the first one.. And in the 2nd one.. either the company didn’t have their facts straight.. or she lied under oath… But.. I got to cross examine my former boss… (How surreal! Isn‘t that the coolest thing?).. And I tried to do my best Felix Unger courtroom cross examination imitation. And even though I was not awarded money on the 2nd claim.. I still walked away feeling like a million bucks.
Speaking of Big Bucks…. If the upcoming 3 episodes are as exciting as Press Your Luck… the Game Show Marathon may become a regular television fixture. Next week is Card Sharks, followed by Match Game the following week.. And the final episode will be Family Feud. I get the feeling that some of these old favorites might be brought back at some point if GSM gets decent ratings.
I have always thought that reality shows were really fancy game shows. Originally reality shows were really documentaries.. But the producers decided to call them “reality shows” so the goofy kids watching would not think it was some kind of stuffy PBS documentary. Exhibit A would be “The Real World” on MTV, the original of the reality shows..
Along came Mark Burnett a few years ago and thought.. Hey lets make it a competition with a big money prize at the end of the reality rainbow. He created “Survivor” which took the real world to an exotic island and created a contest involving strategy and fitness both mentally and physically. After “Survivor”, almost all of the reality shows needed a finish line to have its participants thrive for. So with the exception of the freak show involving Paris Hilton, and Lionel Ritchie’s skeletal daughter… (Remember his 80s song to her….“Hello…. Is it food you’re looking for?”), most of the reality shows are now game shows.
Which brings us to GSM… The producers must have thought.. lets have a reality show where the contestants compete on a game show.. And now we have officially come full circle! I have reserved comment on it till now, since I was never really a big fan of the first 3 game shows that were featured in the competition, but now that we have seen Leslie Nielsen yelling out big bucks, no whammies on Press Your Luck and with old favorites Card Sharks, Family Feud, and Match Game looming in the coming weeks… I felt it was time to weigh in with my thoughts on this program.
The producers decided to remake CBS versions of some older classics… and rebuilt the sets and plunked today’s B-list stars right in the middle as if they traveled to the set in a Time Machine. . So far they have done 4 different games with one winner emerging from each game.. Those 4 semifinalists will advance to Card Sharks and Match Game.. And the champions will recruit their real families for Family Feud. I wonder how they will do the Feud… Richard Dawson did the ABC version, but the CBS version with a slightly different set and rules was the one hosted by Ray Combs.
The first episode featured “The Price is Right”.. The Bob Barker fans were not too thrilled to see Rikki Lake hosting it.. and I am not sure who drew the short straw to break the news to Bob that they would be doing his show without him. However, from a ratings standpoint, it was a good idea to do the show… since it is so incredibly popular.. It has run for more than 30 years on CBS Daytime and is the anchor of the consistently highly rated daytime lineup.
My idea that might have smoothed this over better.. Why not let Bob host TPIR and one or two of the other shows while rotating with Ricki Lake? They could have done Truth or Consequences with Barker.. Since that was the show he hosted for a ton of years before The Price is Right. Keep in mind that the GSM concept ran very successfully in England with 2 hosts named Ant and Dec. Ratings-wise, it made sense to premiere with TPIR… but I think that future editions of GSM should not include it as long as Bob Barker is around.. since it strikes me as being incredibly disrespectful having someone else hosting it while he is still alive and kicking.
The show really hit its stride with Thursday night’s episode of Press Your Luck. This was the type of show that employed strategy and had a sense of excitement. However I should point out that the celebrity contestants weren’t as familiar with the nuances of the game as regular contestants were back when the show originally ran. It also ranked 7th on my February 2006 list of the 14 Best Game Shows of All Time. Ricki did a decent job filling the late Peter Tomarken’s shoes and the episode was quite exciting, although it was not the smartest idea to kill the momentum by breaking for commercial with only 4 spins left in the game. The questions were also a bit too easy meaning there were more spins awarded to the players… (And why are they called spins since nothing is spun?) Nonetheless, it was very exciting and well done and might have been the high point for GSM since fans watching the later episodes of Match Game and Family Feud will inevitably start comparing Ricki to hosting legends Gene Rayburn and Richard Dawson.
As for the other two shows, I never really liked Lets Make a Deal.. And I only watched a few minutes of it on GSM. A lot of the bulletin boards say Deal or No Deal is really the new version of that show.. (although it does have elements of Press Your Luck since all the contestants do is Press Their Luck)… I am impressed that Howie Mandel always knows the names of the models. A recent gay contestant got so excited he would run up to each model after she opened his suitcase and give her a hug… This was on a day when they wore incredibly low cut dresses, and boobies were everywhere. How many heterosexual guys will go on next season acting gay just to get a nice little huggie with the hot models?
The other show was Beat the Clock.. That show originally aired way before my time… but I think GSM did a terrific job recreating it.. The showed clips from the 50s and then had the players re-create the very same stunts.
Two things stood out… the well polished floor was reflective and the model was wearing a skirt… Hmmm.. Did anyone else try to look up her skirt?? The other thing was every time they did a stunt that went awry… Ricki Lake would yell out ‘Shoot”… it was done often enough to start a drinking game! Hopefully she won’t slip and yell out something else like her former CBS colleague, Channel 2 reporter Arthur Chi’en. He was on the air live one day getting heckled by some Opie and Anthony fans, and cursed at them not realizing he was on the air live. (He claimed he thought he was taping a report) This is not to be confused with the Channel 2 sports report some 10 years ago with Bernie Smilovitz where he played a tape of Bobby Knight cursing up a storm.. WITHOUT the curses bleeped out… After the tape was done.. You could see Bernie and anchor Dana Tyler looking like deer caught in the headlights with Bernie thinking he better call his agent to start sending some resumes back to his hometown of Detroit, and Dana realizing that she would be one Roz Abrams contract signing from being relegated to weekend duty.
Chi’en by the way went to the NY Labor Board and filed a complaint and was actually awarded some money. And who ever heard of someone going to the Department of Labor and winning a case against an employer? Well your blog master just won a nice stack of shekels this past week after taking a former employer to Trenton. That same day in Trenton, a budget hearing with the Human Services Commissioner Kevin Ryan was interrupted when he got sick and had to be rushed to the hospital. His chief of staff told The Star Ledger she decided to send him to an out of town hospital because the CEO of that hospital is her former boss Former NJ Health Commissioner Dr. Clifton Lacy! Hey folks.. Lets impose the Ariel Sharon rule and go to the nearest hospital!!!!! Sharon had a stroke after passing the closest hospital to go to a second more distant facility! Ryan is ok by the way..
Speaking of former bosses, I was the last case to be heard.. In some cases the employer didn’t show up and the plaintiffs won by default… but in the cases where the employers showed up, those were won by the employers. Except mine.
I won’t bore you with the details… but after driving 2 hours in a rainstorm and realizing my former boss also had to shlep there from a farther distance.. I knew I could go home empty handed and still feel victorious. There were 2 parts to the case involving unpaid commissions.. I won the first one.. And in the 2nd one.. either the company didn’t have their facts straight.. or she lied under oath… But.. I got to cross examine my former boss… (How surreal! Isn‘t that the coolest thing?).. And I tried to do my best Felix Unger courtroom cross examination imitation. And even though I was not awarded money on the 2nd claim.. I still walked away feeling like a million bucks.
Speaking of Big Bucks…. If the upcoming 3 episodes are as exciting as Press Your Luck… the Game Show Marathon may become a regular television fixture. Next week is Card Sharks, followed by Match Game the following week.. And the final episode will be Family Feud. I get the feeling that some of these old favorites might be brought back at some point if GSM gets decent ratings.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Star Wars - Part 6 of 6 (Yippee!!)
Well for the first time since the 1st of the Star Wars movies came way back on Memorial Day Weekend 1977. I am finally all caught up!
This past weekend I plopped down on the couch, put on my Yoda watch, and tossed in the Return of the Jedi DVD. After giving out 4 bladders to Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back and liking the 2nd and 3rd movies from the first part of the trilogy (but not the first) I was eager to see how this was all going to end... considering I had started watching these epics back in November when I started this blog, and had already written 5 columns about movies I had never cared to see in the pre-blog days.
Return of the Jedi was released Memorial Day Weekend 1983... after having been filmed in the Fall of 1982. Ah.. the fall of 1982... if only Coach had put me in... we woulda been State Champs!.... Oh excuse me.. I just mind melded with Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite!
Return of the Jedi picks up where the Empire Strikes Back left off. Our pals, Luke, Leia, Chewie, r2 and c3 launch a rescue mission to extricate Han Solo from the clutches of Jabba the Hutt. Jabba.. who very much resembles a blind date I was set up on back in my single days.. had frozen Han solid in some carbonite... and it is time for his friends to rescue him! Princess Leia sneaks in to his fort disguised as a bounty hunter, but after de-freezing Han.. gets captured herself.
Ol' Jabba had other ideas however.. instead of freezing her solid... he forces her to strip down to a skimpy bikini and chains her to him. Not only does the movie have a sado-masochistic sub-text, but George Lucas was keenly aware that the little sci-fi fans who padded his pockets with millions of dollars in 1977 were now a bit older in '83 and were very interested in seeing some skin in their flicks. And boy does George deliver! Once this movie came out…the teenage boys ripped down their posters of Farrah Fawcett Majors and Cheryl Tiegs, and gallons of drool came from their braces-filled mouths as they spent a good half hour watching Leia chained to Jabba.. Ultimately, she turns the tables on him and wraps the chains around HIS neck.... giving the young teenage sci-fi fans something to act out once they hit their 20s and started going to Hellfire and other S and M clubs...
Incidentally, with all of these battles going on... none of the media in the Star Wars era felt it necessary to embed reporters on the warfront. Of course not.. it would have been too dangerous with asteroids zipping by, or armed clones shooting at you from every direction! Yet as I watched this on Memorial Day weekend, there was never ending coverage about the injuries sustained by Kimberly Dozier, and the deaths of her cameraman and soundman... and it makes you wonder why they just don't learn that we don’t need to embed the journalists on the warfront! Helloooo its too freakin dangerous out there! Didn’t they learn their lesson from Bob Woodruff? Four months after his injury, he is virtually out of the picture at ABC News as he recovers from injuries that are so severe he isn’t even well enough to record a podcast from his house!
Anyway... the theme of the final movie in this 6-pack is taking care of the the last piece of unfinished business.. Can the Emperor Palpatine convince Luke to join the Dark Side? Or will Luke resist the temptation and remain a Jedi? Ian McDiarmid’s acting in this movie is not quite as good as Star Wars III where he stole the movie in a remarkable performance. Keep in mind in Star Wars III,, he was playing the same character even though he was more than 20 years older but he was playing the same person… 20+ years younger!
Luke is the lone Jedi capable of toppling the evil empire. He lovingly refers to Darth as "Father" and flashes him those innocent little sweet puppy dog eyes as if he just spilled fruit punch on a white tablecloth and doesn’t want to get yelled at. Does he treat his father lovingly for any other reason besides the fact that playing nice with Darth will help bring down the Dark Side? Who would be nice to a father who tried to kill him? Would Joel Steinberg's adopted son who he beat so mercilessly be nice to him if he happened to run into him on the street? I would hope the son carries mace and a baseball bat just in case he happens to run into Steinberg so he can give Joel the can of whoop-ass he has had coming to him since the late 1980s.
But the battle for Luke to put aside his animosity towards Darth while being egged on by The Emperor becomes the focal point of this movie. The Emperor stands on the sidelines rooting on the Darth-Luke battle reminded me of Rowdy Roddy Piper and Mean Gene Okerlund egging on wrestling adversaries in the early 80s.
The film is filled with one adventure after another leading up to the ultimate battle. After the daring rescue and escape from Jabba the Hutt… our heroes continue on to meet up with the cute little Ewoks. The Ewoks communicate with each other by blowing shofars! I was half expecting them to deliver a Yom Kippur appeal and sell me some Israel bonds! While the gang lands at Ewok-land… Luke gets sidetracked bidding farewell to Yoda.. one of two major characters whose death totally surprised me… (The other was Darth Vader… I had no idea!!)
After the demise of Yoda.. Luke meets up with his pals at Endor… where at one point, Han professes his love to Leia.. who sharply replies “I Know”… exactly as Solo said to her when she told him she loved him in The Empire Strikes Back…
Simultaneously. an incredible Space attack gets underway.. Led by Lando Calrissian and some characters that look like goldfish. The pilots are divided up into teams based on color.. I wonder if they argued about their colors like the characters did in Reservoir Dogs. Its time once again for another 24esque 3 wars at once… this time a ground war with the Ewoks using their primitive weapons, a much more advanced brilliantly shot space war, and the war to end all wars.. The battle to convert Luke to move to the Dark Side… which ultimately will mean the end of either The Jedi or The Bad Guys!
By the way I noticed some Star Wars themes that were stolen by Lost… The scene where “The Others” appear from out of nowhere in the woods when Jack goes to confront them is right from Ewok-land,… the traps in the forest where they end up in a net in a tree.. And ultimately “the signal” our pals give each other when they look like they are in danger only to bail themselves out. Hmmm… didn’t Jack give Kate such a look in the season finale?
So what did I think?. Well I’m happy I’m done watching these movies!… I liked this film for the most part. But I didn’t like that they edited in Hayden Christensen in the finale where Luke sees the Ghosts of Jedi Past.… It immediately caught my attention, and I knew it had obviously been changed from the original…. (Hayden who has a fine planetarium was just a little pisher when this movie was made in the Fall of ‘82 while Uncle Rico was warming the bench). He just didn’t belong there.. and who got to break the news to Sebastian Shaw's family that he would NOT be in the DVD version.... That took as much guts as the CBS guy who had to tell Bob Barker that Rikki Lake would host The Price is Right for Game Show Marathon!
As usual the early 80s special effects were years ahead of its time.. And the musical score was outstanding. It was not quite as good as Star Wars 4 and 5….so therefore on a scale of 1 to 4 bladders meaning how less likely you would be to leave in the middle to go to the bathroom… Return of the Jedi gets 3 bladders.
So now that the Star Wars movies are finally done.. What is next? Well this summer we are moving on to our next anthology… another group of movies I have never seen….. The Godfather trilogy!! And if you have any suggestions for future anthologies for this blog, please leave them in the comments section.
This past weekend I plopped down on the couch, put on my Yoda watch, and tossed in the Return of the Jedi DVD. After giving out 4 bladders to Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back and liking the 2nd and 3rd movies from the first part of the trilogy (but not the first) I was eager to see how this was all going to end... considering I had started watching these epics back in November when I started this blog, and had already written 5 columns about movies I had never cared to see in the pre-blog days.
Return of the Jedi was released Memorial Day Weekend 1983... after having been filmed in the Fall of 1982. Ah.. the fall of 1982... if only Coach had put me in... we woulda been State Champs!.... Oh excuse me.. I just mind melded with Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite!
Return of the Jedi picks up where the Empire Strikes Back left off. Our pals, Luke, Leia, Chewie, r2 and c3 launch a rescue mission to extricate Han Solo from the clutches of Jabba the Hutt. Jabba.. who very much resembles a blind date I was set up on back in my single days.. had frozen Han solid in some carbonite... and it is time for his friends to rescue him! Princess Leia sneaks in to his fort disguised as a bounty hunter, but after de-freezing Han.. gets captured herself.
Ol' Jabba had other ideas however.. instead of freezing her solid... he forces her to strip down to a skimpy bikini and chains her to him. Not only does the movie have a sado-masochistic sub-text, but George Lucas was keenly aware that the little sci-fi fans who padded his pockets with millions of dollars in 1977 were now a bit older in '83 and were very interested in seeing some skin in their flicks. And boy does George deliver! Once this movie came out…the teenage boys ripped down their posters of Farrah Fawcett Majors and Cheryl Tiegs, and gallons of drool came from their braces-filled mouths as they spent a good half hour watching Leia chained to Jabba.. Ultimately, she turns the tables on him and wraps the chains around HIS neck.... giving the young teenage sci-fi fans something to act out once they hit their 20s and started going to Hellfire and other S and M clubs...
Incidentally, with all of these battles going on... none of the media in the Star Wars era felt it necessary to embed reporters on the warfront. Of course not.. it would have been too dangerous with asteroids zipping by, or armed clones shooting at you from every direction! Yet as I watched this on Memorial Day weekend, there was never ending coverage about the injuries sustained by Kimberly Dozier, and the deaths of her cameraman and soundman... and it makes you wonder why they just don't learn that we don’t need to embed the journalists on the warfront! Helloooo its too freakin dangerous out there! Didn’t they learn their lesson from Bob Woodruff? Four months after his injury, he is virtually out of the picture at ABC News as he recovers from injuries that are so severe he isn’t even well enough to record a podcast from his house!
Anyway... the theme of the final movie in this 6-pack is taking care of the the last piece of unfinished business.. Can the Emperor Palpatine convince Luke to join the Dark Side? Or will Luke resist the temptation and remain a Jedi? Ian McDiarmid’s acting in this movie is not quite as good as Star Wars III where he stole the movie in a remarkable performance. Keep in mind in Star Wars III,, he was playing the same character even though he was more than 20 years older but he was playing the same person… 20+ years younger!
Luke is the lone Jedi capable of toppling the evil empire. He lovingly refers to Darth as "Father" and flashes him those innocent little sweet puppy dog eyes as if he just spilled fruit punch on a white tablecloth and doesn’t want to get yelled at. Does he treat his father lovingly for any other reason besides the fact that playing nice with Darth will help bring down the Dark Side? Who would be nice to a father who tried to kill him? Would Joel Steinberg's adopted son who he beat so mercilessly be nice to him if he happened to run into him on the street? I would hope the son carries mace and a baseball bat just in case he happens to run into Steinberg so he can give Joel the can of whoop-ass he has had coming to him since the late 1980s.
But the battle for Luke to put aside his animosity towards Darth while being egged on by The Emperor becomes the focal point of this movie. The Emperor stands on the sidelines rooting on the Darth-Luke battle reminded me of Rowdy Roddy Piper and Mean Gene Okerlund egging on wrestling adversaries in the early 80s.
The film is filled with one adventure after another leading up to the ultimate battle. After the daring rescue and escape from Jabba the Hutt… our heroes continue on to meet up with the cute little Ewoks. The Ewoks communicate with each other by blowing shofars! I was half expecting them to deliver a Yom Kippur appeal and sell me some Israel bonds! While the gang lands at Ewok-land… Luke gets sidetracked bidding farewell to Yoda.. one of two major characters whose death totally surprised me… (The other was Darth Vader… I had no idea!!)
After the demise of Yoda.. Luke meets up with his pals at Endor… where at one point, Han professes his love to Leia.. who sharply replies “I Know”… exactly as Solo said to her when she told him she loved him in The Empire Strikes Back…
Simultaneously. an incredible Space attack gets underway.. Led by Lando Calrissian and some characters that look like goldfish. The pilots are divided up into teams based on color.. I wonder if they argued about their colors like the characters did in Reservoir Dogs. Its time once again for another 24esque 3 wars at once… this time a ground war with the Ewoks using their primitive weapons, a much more advanced brilliantly shot space war, and the war to end all wars.. The battle to convert Luke to move to the Dark Side… which ultimately will mean the end of either The Jedi or The Bad Guys!
By the way I noticed some Star Wars themes that were stolen by Lost… The scene where “The Others” appear from out of nowhere in the woods when Jack goes to confront them is right from Ewok-land,… the traps in the forest where they end up in a net in a tree.. And ultimately “the signal” our pals give each other when they look like they are in danger only to bail themselves out. Hmmm… didn’t Jack give Kate such a look in the season finale?
So what did I think?. Well I’m happy I’m done watching these movies!… I liked this film for the most part. But I didn’t like that they edited in Hayden Christensen in the finale where Luke sees the Ghosts of Jedi Past.… It immediately caught my attention, and I knew it had obviously been changed from the original…. (Hayden who has a fine planetarium was just a little pisher when this movie was made in the Fall of ‘82 while Uncle Rico was warming the bench). He just didn’t belong there.. and who got to break the news to Sebastian Shaw's family that he would NOT be in the DVD version.... That took as much guts as the CBS guy who had to tell Bob Barker that Rikki Lake would host The Price is Right for Game Show Marathon!
As usual the early 80s special effects were years ahead of its time.. And the musical score was outstanding. It was not quite as good as Star Wars 4 and 5….so therefore on a scale of 1 to 4 bladders meaning how less likely you would be to leave in the middle to go to the bathroom… Return of the Jedi gets 3 bladders.
So now that the Star Wars movies are finally done.. What is next? Well this summer we are moving on to our next anthology… another group of movies I have never seen….. The Godfather trilogy!! And if you have any suggestions for future anthologies for this blog, please leave them in the comments section.
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