Friday, June 16, 2006

TV 2Q - Plus Some Well Deserved Coulter Bashing!

In the unlikely event that GOP bigshot Georgette Mosbacher happens to Google her way into this blog…. Well, Georgette, you may want to skip the sixth paragraph of today’s column! Since I am going on vacation next wk, I’ll write a little more than usual, so save it up till I come back to blogging land. Also word out to my homies Neil and Young Chuck for mentioning me in their blogs! I worked with Young Chuck back in the early 90s, and I called him that because he bore an uncanny resemblance to Chuck Scarborough. I haven’t seen him in at least 12 years and it was neat that he thought of me! He apparently isn’t aware that I wrote about his incredibly unforgettable appearance on Who Wants to be a Millionaire... I also had a heated debate in the comments section with "Belchie" about how far Chuck went on the show! Maybe I'll get "Belchie" and Young Chuck on a future podcast so we can finally settle this issue once and for all!

As we begin to prepare for next week’s vacation, its time for the NWOW (Nate's World of Words) Quarterly Television Report. It sounds more official when we call them "quarterly" reports. and this would be a good time to take a look back at the last 3 months... plus take a peek at what the new tv season will look like. We'll get into more details about the new season in the Fall…. probably after baseball season when I start noticing that the New Season has arrived.

The 05-06 season wrapped up just before Memorial Day… we already did a column on the season finale of Lost... Other shows wrapped up their seasons last month, but it seems that the season finales are like the last day of school... because the moment Chuck and Sue start delivering the 11 oclock news... I already have forgotten what I just watched. I got a kick the other day when they did a story about a prom that was ruined when several students were sent to a local hospital for blood tests after being falsely accused of drinking at the prom. Now NJ 101.5 will be sponsoring a do-over prom. What happens if somebody didn’t like their prom date? Do they still have to take the same person to Prom 2?

Once the warm weather rolls in, I pretty much stop watching the tube except for baseball and the news. Besides the 2 remaining episodes of Game Show Marathon I doubt Ill watch any of the summer shows except possibly The Contender on ESPN. I did watch Big Brother back when it first started.. and i also liked that goofy show a few years ago where new actors re-enacted scripts of old sitcoms such as What’s Happening?

While watching my old favorite Larry King the other night, I saw a debate about Ann Coulter and her absurd new book where she criticizes the 9-11 widows calling them the "Witches of East Brunswick" and says they are milking this tragedy for all its worth while they enjoy their millions. Before I even address this absurdity. I first want to apologize to Georgette Mosbacher because the next paragraph will absolutely positively offend her. Mosbacher who is incredibly pretty and much older than you think... was quite insulted on Monday night’s show when Charlie Rangel accurately noted that Ann Coulter always wears short skirts for her talk show appearances. Ms. Mosbacher thought that comment was offensive.

Coulter is one of those hot blonde right wing wacko spinsters who is jealous of the 9-11 women. I saw her on Leno the other night (while catching comedy genius George Carlin) and she over enunciates her evil words like the over the top acting by the villains from the old Batman TV show. Carlin wisely didn’t heckle her since it would have been like getting into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. Unlike that miserable wretch Coulter, the 9-11 widows were women who actually found husbands ..These women were loved and admired, and unlike Ann… were desired. Coulter despite her good looks, goes home alone each night and the only action she gets is from her battery operated apparatus. Nobody wants her. Nobody cares about her opinions. Bush is an incredibly incompetent dumb lousy president and Coulter just doesn’t want to admit it. She also takes issue with Cindy Sheehan whose poor son was a victim of this unnecessary war. This “Operation Restore Democracy” is a bunch of malarkey… Keep in mind that the Mets season took a turn for the better when they added 2 pitchers who defected from Cuba. Democracy Shmemocracy…. Maybe if there are more Communist countries for baseball players to defect from.. the Mets will get even better!

Wanna buy a book? Pick up the fine tomes written by Anderson Cooper or Tim Russert from Meet the Press. If you must read Coulter’s book... get it from the library... it's FREE, and it won't pad Coulter's pockets. Talk about irony…. She spends so much time talking about a Bush that can‘t get the job done… .

Ok can someone please call Georgette back to the blog?? Its ok to come back now…..

'05 - '06 RECAP

The season finales each year get more action packed as producers seem to think the season must end with a major twist... CSI had Grissom doing the ol' hoochie mcscoochie with his co-worker, CSI NY had a main character shooting her boyfriend in self defense, and CSI Miami had David Caruso's new wife shot dead.. Don’t his ears hurt every time he yanks his sunglasses off with that dramatic flair??

24 had Jack Bauer shipped off on a slow boat to China.. so maybe the new season will start in the middle of the sea as he spends the 1st 3 hours swimming for shore? I didn’t think the season was that great but Jean Smart was awesome as the First Lady! Grey’s Anatomy has McDreamy and McSlutty hooking up again... and killed off the heart transplant guy Denny causing his dr./paramour to bolt out of the hospital saying this was not the career for her.. (The actress has a movie career.. she won’t be out of work for too long) Desperate Housewives got rid of the Applewhites and gave Marcia Cross enough meaty scenes to get her a much deserved Emmy. And of course the gray haired guy won American Idol.. the most popular show in the world… yet I really lose interest after the Gong Showesque audition episodes at the beginning of the season.

I did add 2 new shows to my TV repertoire this past quarter. Now that we finally get HBO, I saw this season's episodes of The Sopranos. It seems to be ok... I didnt see the earlier years, and one day.,.. i might watch them on dvd... The show really does not glamorize the mob, and actually the better episodes were the ones where they acted like buffoons.. specifically the guy who mugged Lauren Bacall for her freebies and the fact that he later hooked up with Julianna Marguilies' recovering alcoholic character, and was such a great help to her recovery, promptly reintroduced her to a life of drugs and alcohol. It was troubling to see Vito killed because he is gay. Whatever happened to the ol' "He's gay - Not that there's anything wrong with it."

The other show is Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's Shalom in the Home. Each week he and his little trailer visit another family in crisis and Shmuley does his thing to bring some sanity into these dysfunctional homes. Its hard to tell how much these families gain from his feedback, but so far he has come up with some solid advice. I first met Shmuely at an appearance several yrs ago at Lincoln Square Synagogue that was also attended by one of his fellow Oxford scholars.. a gentleman by the name of Cory Booker - now Newark's Mayor!

SITH hit a high point a few weeks ago when his show did an episode with a lesbian family. Considering his ultra orthodox background, it was quite interesting to see how accepting he was... he even invited the couple and their daughter to his home! And then he dropped in an interesting factoid... his brother is gay! I did not know that. It’s interesting to see how an ultra orthodox Jew is more accepting of a homosexual than a Sopranos mobster!

'06 - '07 PREVIEW

Now the new season schedule has been announced, and at this early stage, none of the new shows look too spectacular. Usually I will notice who is doing well in the Nielsens in the early weeks of the season, and I will start catching those shows in November. The two that seem to be getting the most ink are the sitcom and drama about a Saturday Night Live type show.. Everyone seems to think SNL is becoming a big hit again. Actually, its not too entertaining, but it gets buzz because people download the pre-recorded bits from the internet. The live stuff? Fooey.. And now 2 shows are going to go behind the scenes of that type of show. How about a behind the scenes show about Fridays and the infamous night that Andy Kauffman cursed out the cast on live TV? That would be worth watching.

The networks announced their schedules in May, but then NBC asked for a mulligan and re-introduced a brand new schedule. Based on an early glimpse, Sunday looks to have some potential.. American Dad moves up an hour forming an 8 to 9;30 line-up of The Simpsons, AD and Family Guy. CBS meanwhile becomes the “Columbia Bruckheimer Sunday” network as the TV genius takes over the post 60 minutes lineup with The Amazing Race, Cold Case and Without a Trace. Thursday at 9 will also include a showdown between CSI on CBS and Grey’s Anatomy on ABC. And, Tuesdays from 9 to 11 will have a Law and Order twin bill with Criminal Intent and SVU.

A few other things to point out… The WB and UPN merge this fall and the new network.. CW basically will fill its schedule with shows that I have never seen and will probably never watch. Katie Couric will anchor the CBS Evening News, and Meredith Viera will replace her on Today… and Rosie O’Donnell will replace her on the View. Rosie O’Donnell will be replaced by… uh…. Hmmm, what exactly was Rosie doing??

And football will have a new spot in primetime.. ABC attacks the vast Saturday night wasteland by throwing on a weekly college football game that will probably get huge ratings in Michigan and Florida, but not here. And Monday Night Football is no longer on ABC… but Al Michaels and John Madden take their act to NBC for Sunday Night Football. MNF will continue on ESPN and more than likely will get better ratings than the ABC replacement programming.

The actual season will start in early Sept, right after all the annual ceremonies commemorating 9-11. By then hopefully Ann Coulter's absurd comments will be long forgotten, and construction will be underway on the new WTC. I almost hate to agree with Donald Trump but he has a point that all the parties involved should just put all the squabbles aside and rebuild the old Twin Towers.. I think we should capture Osama Bin Laden - alive.. bring him to the ground breaking ceremony, and hang him.... after allowing 9-11 survivors to hack at his testicles blindfolded as if he were a pinata. Then once he takes his last breath, let the groundbreaking celebrations begin. Sell the whole thing on pay per view and give the proceeds to the 9-11 widows.

In late October once Billy Wagner throws the last pitch, and Lastings Milledge makes the catch to help the Mets win the World Series, we will revisit the fall season to see which of these shows are here to stay. That will also coincide with the mid term elections which will show us once and for all how sick America is of George Bush,…but Anne Coulter no doubt will blame the 9-11 widows for that…. Or maybe by then she will start picking on Holocaust survivors… Elie Wiesel better watch out.


Steve said...

Dude... Milledge isn't even going to be with the Mets down the stretch... He'll be in Norfolk... We are going to need Floyd's left handed bat in the lineup... Let's have Floyd make the final out of the world series...

Nate said...

Dont you think they will put him on the playoff roster and then put him out there in the 9th inning for defense? Or maybe we are putting the cart before the horse?