2008 Turkey Awards

I have been taking a little vacation for the last few days and I am out of the loop newswise... so I am not as up to date with the news as I ordinarily would be... nonetheless, it's quite tragic to see that terrorists would attack a Chabad center. Chabad is an outreach organization run by the Lubavitcher Hasidim that presents the fun side of Judaism in a non-confrontational non-prosletyzing manner. The centers are set up in remote locations forcing the young families that run it to move away from their families and friends to plant the seeds with a little "Fields of Dreams" if you build it they will come philosophy. Their success is incredible... I live near the one at Rutgers.... and it's always tragic when any kind of religious organization or house of worship is targeted by these lunatics. I was hoping for another miraculous Entebbe-esque rescue.. but it was not meant to be. Kudos to the nanny at that Chabad House who heroically rescued the couple's young son. A fundraiser is being conducted for this boy through the website ChabadIndia.org.


Today's column originates from Atlantic City. To me Thanksgiving is every day... especially since I met my sweetie.... so I don't need a Thursday turkey meal to be thankful. We usually get a little turkey brunch and then head down to take Donald Trump's money. This year I was sitting at the Taj and it occurred to me that if I hit a big jackpot, would Trump be able to still pay for his daughter's upcoming wedding to the son of Charles Kushner? Kushner is the criminal real estate mogul who got into trouble a few years ago and decided to blackmail his brother in law who was set to testify in court about Kushner's activities. When the brother in law refused Kushner's requests to not tell the truth in court, Kushner got his revenge, and hired a hooker to seduce the brother in law... She took him to a hotel and unbeknownst to the poor shlemazel, the whole thing was videotaped with a hidden camera. Then in his own version of "You've been punked", Kushner arranged to have the incriminating video delivered during his brother in law's child's birthday party. Class act.

Now Kushner and Trump are the fathers in law for this upcoming wedding... I was thinking that instead of The Apprentice - The Donald should do a reality show about his wedding planning meetings with Charles Kushner! It also occurred to me that when they have the wedding, Trump's hoity toity friends will have to be polite while in the presence of this low life Kushner. And then I thought about the conversations The Donald must be having with The Videotaper. I was looking at the ceiling at the Taj, knowing that the security cameras there were watching all the activity going on at the casino - an important point that male patrons should keep in mind when they stare at the Taj's cleavagey cocktail waitresses. I wonder if Kushner ever gives Trump advice about how to arrange those hidden cameras. And what about the wedding planner? Does Kushner give him advice about how to shoot the wedding in such a way so people don't see the camera? That seems to be his field of expertise.

Nonetheless, I didn't think it would ever happen but having Kushner in the family makes Trump actually likeable. So without further ado... we present our nominees for the Charles Kushner Turkey of the Year Awards....

1. The 3rd of 3 Naked Man Copycats

Last Monday's How I Met Your Mother had an episode that might have moved it into "Legendary Episode" status. In the show's attempt to come up with Seinfeild-esque yadda yadda catch phrases, Monday's episode might have hit the jackpot. There are 2 characters 1 male 1 female named Ted and Robin who are roommates. Ted comes home and finds a naked man sitting on his couch. Ted apologizes for the intrusion and the naked man says he and Robin were on a first date but she stepped out to take a call. Ted walked out... and headed to the nearby watering hole and told his other pals that Robin must have hit it off with this guy. "Not so" said one of the friends..."She texted me and said she didnt like the guy". Alarmed Ted ran home, passed Robin still outside on the phone and ran inside to ask the Still Naked Man if he was sure Robin would be so receptive to this naked situation. At that point, the show took an interesting turn when Naked Man informed Ted of his Modus Operandi... He knew Robin didn' t like him but his bad date gimmick was he would ask good looking women to use their bathroom, and then once he would get into the apartment....he would emerge from the bathroom - buck naked! As Ted gave him a "Whatcha talking about Willis" look... Naked Man informed him that it actually worked 2 out of 3 times.

The story actually turned out to be quite amusing - Robin who had found Naked Man repulsive actually fell for the gimmick and he got lucky! One of Robins friends heard about this and called her a slut which led to a scene of Robin and Naked Man on a 2nd date where he looks very bored and finally tries to get her to admit that her friend called her a slut and she was only having the 2nd date to prove to herself that she is not a slut. Then 3 other characters try out the gimmick and amazingly it works 2 of the 3 times.

Will this lead to copycat Naked Man attempts? If so, our first nominee for The Turkey Award is the 3rd guy who is not able to pull it off.


2. McDonalds lawsuit

The lengths people will go to to win a lawsuit in our litigous happy society. A guy in Fayetteville, Ark went to Mickey D's and oops he left his cell phone there. He called them up and the manager assured him that he would take care of it. Well yadda yadda yadda.. ol' Naked man in Fayetteville must have had his cell camera clicking away of his naked wife because the aforementioned phone allegedly contained pics of her butt naked. These pics subsequently ended up on the internet - and now the guy in Arkanas is suing McDonalds for 3 million dollars! McDonalds has not commented yet.. but I am sure their lawyers are digging up the account holder that uploaded the video and if it is an employee.... his phone records will be subpenoaed to see if there is any connection between the uploader and the plaintiff... such as "Hey if you upload these pics. we'll split our lawsuit winnings with you".


3. Fun and Games in The Twin Cities

Special thanks to the Drudge Report for uncovering this incredible story out of the Des Moines Register for pointing out that they were doing more than counting votes in Minneapolis last weekend.

38 year old Lois Feldman of Iowa went to last weekends Iowa Minnesota game with her husband Kelly. Mrs. Feldman admits that she had quite a few drinks prior to and during the game and just before halftime told her husband that she had to pish. The next thing she knew - she was under arrest.... Police found her in a - Mens room! and not alone... she was in the midst of some wild fun with a "Naked Man" and yadda yadda yadda... it was NOT her husband! The other fella was a 26 year old guy who Feldman claims she had not met until just prior to their encounter and she told the newspaper that she didnt even know his name till she saw it in the paper! According to the paper, about a dozen people were outside the stall cheering them on.. some even got a front row seat by peering between the cracks in the stall door! Feldman gave police wrong identification information which kept them from finding her husband... She ultimately hitched a ride back to her hotel with a stranger leaving her puzzled hubby behind. She has told the paper her husband has been supportive... but I don't buy this "I was out of control because I was drunk" excuse... although I would rather she her caught behind a toilet stall as opposed to behind a wheel. And, frankly after seeing that article over the weekend, call me naive.. but I was surprised how quickly the guy in the bathroom was able to get some action! That is until Monday when I discovered The Legend of... Naked Man. Nonetheless, you gotta admit that this woman is this year's winner of The Charles Kushner Turkey Award!


PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK:

Pumpy won again last week to improve to 9-3... and clinched a winning record for the 3rd straight season! This week we go to Minnesota the home of last weekends notorious Minnesota Iowa game where the Vikings are 3 point faves over Chicago. Sayeth the Pump: "I take the Bears because I was just listening to Barenaked Ladies.... not the Group.... the Iowa female football fans who do the ol' 1-2 cha cha with strange men in stadium mens rooms!"

UNBIASED GIANTS FAN PICK OF THE WEEK:

For the first time ever we are 10 games over at 23-13 after going 2-1 last week.

Giants 3 1/2 doggies over WASHINGTON - This might be a tough one... but a Giant win gives them a 1st round bye if they go on to beat Dallas for the division.

New Orleans 4 1/2 doggies over TAMPA BAY - Don't these oddsmakers see the huge points Drew Brees has been putting on the board??

GREEN BAY 3 faves over Carolina - If the Giants secure home field for the playoffs, I might have to start picking Jets games!

The Office of Homeland Financial Security

Well here we go with Year Number 4 of NWOW!

I think I have an idea of what President Obama should do the first day he is in office.... Well first he should spray some Lysol to get rid of the stench of George W's 8 years of failure. Looking back on the last time we had a competent President in the White House, I recall the first day of Clinton's administration. He went right to work to undo the Bush damage, and immediately changed the absurd Reagan-Bush era rule that cut off federal funding for any parenting clinic that mentioned legal abortion as an alternative. Now that Obama is ready to take over, I have some ideas.

By the way, I will admit that George W did one good thing while in office. In response to the 9-11 attacks, he created the Office of Homeland Security. Now, I can just see the first day at work for Obama. He calls in Rahm Emanuel..(just in case you missed it, his brother Ari Emanuel inspired "Entourage's" Ari Gold) . Emanuel calls in his "Lloyd" to take notes,.... smacks him around a little bit and gets down to brass tacks.

I doubt that President Obama reads blogs, but it would be cool on day 1 if he said..."You know that NWOW blog from November 21st.... I like that idea". That is because today I want to announce that I think America needs "The Office of Homeland Financial Security!".

Last week I criticized extreme Right Wing Republican Congressman Scott Garrett for his comments not supporting the auto bailout. If you read the comments you will notice that my old radio chum Dangerspouse reminisced about our old radio days when we used to have him on the air with us in the early 90s when he was known as Assemblyman E. Scott Garrett... I don't know what the "E" stands for... maybe "Eat my ass, poor people who need government help?" Garrett was not supporting the automakers bailout, and after thinking it over a bit more, I might be starting to agree.

The idea that these big shot CEO's each hopped on their private jets and headed off to Washington did not really look so good as they went to Capitol Hill to plead poverty. I believe ABC News broke the story but what really looked bad was when Congressman Brad Sherman asked each of those big shots who was there to ask for taxpayer money to raise their hand if they flew to Washington on a commercial airline. What a cringe worthy moment when he loudly pronounced "Let the record show - nobody raised their hand!"

That display did not make the auto CEO's look good, but nonetheless, I think we do need a bailout of some kind, although not one that will go directly to the Big 3 Automakers. Next Friday is Black Friday and unless ATM's start offering big bucks fast cash withdrawals, a lot of people are not going to be walking out of stores with high priced items. I see what has happened in 2008 for people trying to get mortgage loans, only to find out that the credit opportunities are gone. Subprime lenders offered 2 year arms so people could refi to a fixed within those 2 yrs, but those people looking for a fixed rate are finding out that the banks don't want to lend money.

And by the way, have you seen what has been going on with Citigroup? They announced mass layoffs, and their stock continues to drop. And what happens if they don't have the money to hold up their deal to pay for the naming rights for the Mets new stadium?? If the Citi money is supposed to pay to build Citi Field, where will the Mets play? Maybe they should have waited before they tore down Shea...

Last month on this blog and my podcast I floated an idea that all mortgage lenders should originate all new loans with a frozen line of credit worth 8 months of interest payments set up so only the lender can touch that money if the borrower is late with his monthly payment. This type of policy would drastically cut down on foreclosures. Right now an astoundingly high amount of families are losing their homes and many owe more than the house is worth. A couple of years ago, these people had equity. But unfortunately, they are now upside down because banks tough lending policies have forced sellers to accept lowball offers because they know another qualified buyer might be very hard to find. And this trend continues all across the USA, and unfortunately, the more sellers settle for less, the more the home values plummet.

Now auto financing is in deep trouble, and that is trickling down to other high ticket items that people buy on credit as we see that electronics giant Circuit City is filing for bankruptcy following in the footsteps of Tops, Nobody Beats the Wiz and Newmark and Lewis where the "Dick Lewis is watching" slogan was posted all over the place... including the mens room!

This may be the Christmas season that is all about cash. First it was the six figure home loans, now it's the five figure car loans. The companies financing auto loans are making them hard to get even with those amazingly unpopular Saved By Zero Toyota ads which could only be worse if Billy Mays started yelling in those commercials too. Back when I was a kid, people always seemed to buy cars with cash. But nowadays car prices are so high that almost everybody needs car financing....but if you are able to walk into a car dealership with a wad of cash... those commission hungry salesman are going to be all over you ... that is of course unless its like the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" episode where your salesman is Larry David and "Richard Lewis is watching" and barges in to mess up the sale.

Now Circuit City's bankruptcy is making the situation very scary if indeed this is a credit trickle down from mortgages to cars to electronics. The inability to sell products that are not paid for in cash is going to make it difficult for stores such as Best Buy and PC Richard to move along high ticket items. And if you don't have cash you may find it hard to get credit unless you have the most stellar FICO score This year people will be lucky if they can buy something using anything besides cash or my best friend - the Visa debit card which lets you buy stuff only if the money is already in the bank.

That is why it's time for our new President to create the Office of Homeland Financial Security. Even though Henry Paulson has tried to organize a 7 billion dollar bailout, every dollar has to go to exactly the right place - and I feel that money should protect companies providing credit. Send the money to Mortgage lenders, companies that provide auto financing and banks that offer credit for those items we like to drool over at Best Buy - let's use that money to give those companies some security. Let them be the ones who will be able to have reassurance that they will be protected. Up until recently, you needed good credit to get financing.... but right now that well is dry because lenders are just too scared to get burned again.

And if Obama can pick the right person to handle this task - and the money is appropriated correctly, it will breathe life into the mortgage companies, car financing companies and companies that provide credit to big box stores. And despite what people say about the sinking quality of American cars - the cars can sell themselves -with the help of car salesmen. And once auto financing kicks back into gear, sales will start to increase again, stock prices will go up and the Big 3 will start to make more money so their CEO''s wont be criticized anymore for using a $20,000 private jet to ask for more money.

And that is my idea for Day 1 of Obama.

Or he can buy a puppy.


PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK:

Pumpy was a winner last week celebrating Rahm Emanuel's upcoming 49th b'day and watching his record improve to 8-3. This week we go to New York, home of the Yankees and the Jets. This week George Steinbrenner officially handed off his responsibilities to his son. Sunday, the NY Jets are in Tennesee to play the Titans. The Titans are 5 1/2 point faves. Sayeth the Pump: "In honor of the automaker CEO's method of travel - I pick the Jets".

UNBIASED GIANTS FAN PICKS OF THE WEEK

Last week we went 2-1 to improve to a somewhat respectable 21-12.

Giants 3 faves over ARIZONA - This game is huge to give Big Blue a great shot at getting that oh so important week off after the regular season. If they win they would have a 3 game lead with 5 games left!

ATLANTA 1 fave over Carolina - Then we can root for home field throughout the playoffs.

San Fran 10 doggies over DALLAS - Hey this is in honor of Rahm Emanuel's 49th Birthday.



CLIP OF THE WEEK

We haven't had a clip for about a month so today we give you 2. I saw this on Neil Best's fine blog - in honor of George Steinbrenner who has now totally given up all of his Yankee responsibilities. Fans of Seinfeld know that the aformentioned Larry David played George Steinbrenner on Seinfeld. But Steinbrenner never appeared on the show... or did he? Check out this never aired clip and keep an eye out for the now defunct Nobody Beats the Wiz ad in the background at :49. There's that crazy 49 again!



CLIP OF THE WEEK #2

Here is the famous scene where Larry David becomes a car salesman only to be sabotaged by Richard Lewis.

Bloggiversary #3: 20 Wisecracks Worth Repeating

Well folks, we did it! This week we celebrate 3 years of NWOW with our 164th column! Amazingly I still haven't run out of material! I decided that for this year's Bloggiversary I would re-read the columns from the last 12 months and pull out some wisecracks that were worth repeating - kind of like the quotes section in your favorite magazine or newspaper.

While looking back at the last 12 months, I saw the usual columns about tv, movies, and baseball but also noticed that as the election drew closer we included a lot of political talk and columns that addressed the mortgage crisis. Even this week, lame duck George W left his legacy intact by implementing a program that will save homes from foreclosure. But if you read the fine print it's not quite what it is touted out to be. When this crisis was first starting, I remember the words of a former co-worker who is a Scott Garrett-esque right wing Republican. (Garrett was just on CNN saying we shouldn't bail out the automakers - which mean more Japanese cars and more American job losses.) This co-worker said helping people in foreclosure doesn't make sense to him because it would screw over wealthy Wall Street investors.

Some mortgage loans are split among investors. Let's say Shemps loan is split into 3 pieces and they are bought by Larry, Moe and Curly. If Shemp defaults, then Larry Moe and Curly lose money. If you read the fine print of the Bush announcement, you will see that mortgages that qualify are those that were sold off to investors. Which means his "Shemp" bailout is really a "Larry Moe and Curly" bailout.

So without any further ado, let's get this party started and look back at 20 of my favorite wisecracks from the past year.


1. This comes from the Nov. 22, 2007 Thanksgiving column relating to the controversy involving members of the Hoboken SWAT team that got caught in some monkey business with some Hooters girls...

"One thing I am thankful for today... besides Trophy Wife.. is the Cops who make our streets safe! Thank you! Also kudos to the Hoboken SWAT Team who should be reinstated! Next time there's a hostage situation, all they need to do is toss in some Hooters Babes and everybody can go home happy."


2. This is from December 13 of last year as I recall a crazy delirious night after getting sick with a nasty bug that led me to take some medication that was apparently somewhat mind altering! It involves a dream I had about Bil Keane from The Family Circus whose wife the inspiration for the Mommy character passed away earlier this year...

"I decided that I needed to sleep so I popped in some comfort food into the dvd player... "The Sound of Music".... the legendary Rogers and Hammerstein musical and the cure to soothe all of us who have a fever. I also had been reading through an old book of cartoons written by the legendary Bil Keane of The Family Circus but as I drifted off to cough medicine induced sleepy-land, I had the strangest dream. It was like a long movie trailer with a narrator...


Bil Von Keane led the charmed life. A retired Navy Captain, his life was filled with structure and discipline. Every morning after he woke up at precisely 0600, he drew a circle and moments later had a funny cartoon about his kids. The early successes of his cartoons gave him the opportunity to publish many books along with book signings across the country including a Barnes and Noble in NJ where he had the opportunity to once meet Former NJ Governor Tom Kean prompting Von Keane to declare.. "Why the hell do you pronounce your name cane? It should be Keane!"

Buyers of his books noticed something very interesting. On the back covers it had a biography of Bil Von Keane which told people that he was the father of 5 kids. But in The Family Circus strip.. there was only Billy, Jeffy, Dolly and PJ. What happened to the 5th kid? Why wasn't the 5th kid in the strip? What could that kid have done that was so bad to be left out of the strip?? Did Von Keane once threaten.. ."Either you finish your Brussels Sprouts... or I am dropping you from the comic strip!" Did he hit Dolly in the head with a frying pan?

The kids were a bit much.. as was his wife. She always complained that she only had one hairstyle change since 1950. But Bil Von Keane was a strict disciplinarian and he knew he needed help with the kids and the house. He hired an ex nun named Maria to be their governess. He was always entertaining guests at his big house and every evening prior to bedtime all the children had to come to the steps to bid the guests Good Night. And every night it was the same. Von Keane stepped forward... blew his whistle and each child stepped forward and announced his name...

"Billy"

"Jeffy"

"Dolly"

"PJ"

"The Fifth Kid"...

And then they would all join in... "So Long, Farewell, auf weedershen adieu... Adieu Adieu to You and You and You and You and You.... Doo doo doo doo doo.

But a lot of secrets were hidden in the Von Keane house. Dolly had a telegram delivery friend named Elmo who lived near Dagwood Bumstead. Elmo used to spend a lot of quiet moments with her in the Von Keane gazebo. But Dolly was starting to lose Elmo... as the delivery boy was getting seduced by a growing militia from the Evil German Empire. The Germans were trying to persuade Von Keane to show his support for the incoming German regime...and join their military... but he refused! Ultimately the Von Keanes had to leave town, but just as their escape was complete there facing them with a drawn pistol was... Elmo??"



3. From the December 13th TV Quarterly Report - a plot I hatched to save the late and lamented Journeyman including a very accurate prediction of the 2008 Mets!

"Last year, the Jericho fans sent nuts to CBS execs because it related to that show's plot and with all those nuts pouring in CBS relented and is bringing the show back. As I pointed out in the comments section on TV critic Alan Sepinwall's blog, Monday's episode revealed that the son on Journeyman was conceived when his parents got frisky during a SF Giants game. So on the heels of the CBS-nuts-Jericho mailing campaign, I think that since Barry Bonds played for The Giants, Journeyman fans should mail steroids to NBC. Can you imagine Journeyman fans sneaking into NBC headquarters and injecting corporate bigshots with a shot of steroids in the tushy? Unless NBC comes to its senses, the only journeyman I will get to see is the parade of drek that will come out of the Mets bullpen starting in April."


4. The Jan 18 Octopussy review which featured a shot of Enco, the former name of Exxon (in the south - up here it was called Esso) discussing the impact of all these Indians moving to our area...

"Interestingly enough this movie was filmed in the early 1980s when a lot of us thought of India as an exotic foreign country.... but as Esso/Enco shifted to the back burner of our memory banks... Indians living in my part of NJ shifted curry to the front burners of their stoves taking away a lot of the mystery of this oh so exotic land" .


5. Jan 25, 2008 - discussing my preparations in case I meet an untimely end after learning a valuable lesson from Heath Ledger.

"By the way The Ledger refers to the Newark Star Ledger not the late actor Heath Ledger. Oh and by the way, if anybody ever finds me unconscious... don't call Mary Kate Olson... call freakin' 911!! I have now deleted all Olson sisters from my speed dial just to avoid the temptation!"


6. As we hit Feb. 1, the excitement of the Giants in the Super Bowl reached NWOW... this is from our Super Bowl Preview column... including a very interesting comment from Obama Supporter Pumpstradamus...

"I am excited for my Boys... and I hope to be here next week kvelling about The Giants and trash talking my pal Barry who just goes on and on with his endless Patriot/Red Sox/Celtic trash talking! I even have banned any reference to that other quarterback.... the show with the blended family with six kids has now been renamed the Manning Bunch... and the gun safetly laws named for Ronald Reagan's press secretary shot by John Hinckley has been renamed The Manning Bill! Until Monday at least...

Both myself and Pumpstradamus are predicting... A Giant victory!! Actually Pumpy originally was going to stick to his original pick of ... The Colts.. and yes folks he has no clue that the Colts QB and Giants QB are brothers!! I asked him again... and sayeth The Pump:

I'm taking the Giants, because Giuliani (whose name also begins with "Gi") dropped out of the race this week to back McCain, who's from Arizona (and of course, the game will be played in Arizona) . Go Giants, and go McCain!"



7. Then we had this nugget about Mitt Romney from Feb, 7th...

"I think back to 1986 when The Mets beat The Red Sox in the World Series and I recall a great idea of a campaign commercial with Red Sox first baseman Bill Buckner.

"Hi this is Bill Buckner reminding you to Vote Romney For President - because everyone in America could use a good Mitt!!"


8. On Feb 15th we discussed the trend of self destructing celebrities and the importance of using words in the proper context...

"Thursday, TMZ.com was showing that hysterical clip of a live discussion of The Vagina Monologues on The Today Show where Jane Fonda drops the c word on a stunned and mortified Meredith Viera. Its a funny clip, and even though Jane says it was the title of a monologue, you would think that the daughter of Henry Fonda would be savvy enough to know that you can't say the c word on TV.. even though its ok to have James Bond movies with Pussy Galore and Octopussy... Of course, they can talk about The Vagina Monologues till they're blue in the testicles... but God forbid Jane Fonda drops the C-word! Now all hell breaks loose... (even though The Today Show airs out of 30 Rock... the same building which created Triumph the Insult Comic Dog who recorded a song called "Cats are C-words".)

And isn't language all about context?? Hey The James Bond characters Pussy Galore and Octopussy, and The Sopranos Big Pussy are ok... and MTV can have a show called "pimp my ride" which has nothing to do with hookers.. but if an MSNBC commentator makes a wisecrack that Chelsea Clinton is being "pimped" out,.. everybody goes nuts because the word pimp could be looked at possibly as connecting Chelsea to the world's oldest profession! Just like Imus's usage of the word ho's which got him into such hot water. It was used as slang.... not to imply the Rutgers women were hookers... but nonetheless, the PC Police were all out in full force."


9. On March 11th, singer Lipa Schmeltzer was a hot topic. The ultra Orthodox singer was forced to cancel a concert in a manner that evoked memories of an early 70s cinematic masterpiece...

"Ultimately, the newspaper proudly recounts what happened next. Some powerful Rabbis within that community called Lipa in... and apparently those extremist activists must have approached those clergymen on the day of their daughter's wedding because you can never turn someone away on the day of your daughter's wedding... As a result these Rabbis made Lipa an offer he could not refuse. He was called to the Brooklyn home of one of the Rabbis and asked to sign a document that he would not appear at this concert. Basically it was either his signature or his payis! Ultimately it was try the cholent but save the spongecake... (Is there a Jewish food that resembles canolis?) And the producer who lost a ton of money was figuratively dragged out to the middle of the lake for a Fredo-esque farewell.... because if the show was not canceled, he would be swimming with the gefilte fish... or wake up in the morning and find himself in bed with the head of a horse radish."


10. Coming in at No. 10 - hey I feel like Casey Kasem. March 30th - our baseball preview and a bizarre injury involving a former Met.

"The Astros also picked up former Met Kaz Matsui from Colorado... but he is out for now due to an Anal Fissure. Anal Fissure? Is that any relation to Ira Joe Fissure."


11. This clip from May 11th is pretty self contained...

"Speaking of the Devils, I saw in the newspaper this week that a judge has issued arrest warrants for 2 former Meadowlands based athletes... onetime NY Giant Bart Oates and former NJ Devil Ken Daneyko because they failed to show up to give depositions in a real estate lawsuit. The judge in Newark is Judge Michael Giles, who it was revealed a few weeks ago got into a bit of trouble for cursing in his courtroom. What happens if these 2 guys show up in court, and the judge roots for The Jets and The Rangers? Is he going to yell at them.... "You bastards....." etc.??"


12. More political yuks from June 4th

"Hillary appeared at Baruch College and added an atta adonay to pray that she can somehow not give up her race for the Democratic ticket"


13. From June 16th, discussing the death of Family Man Tim Russert where he was described here as...

"... a tough, well prepared interviewer who was notorious for being such a big family man especially to his dad Big Russ and son Luke who he talked about endlessly. And you can tell by NBC and MSNBC's weekend coverage that this was one well liked fella. Can you imagine him at the hospital introducing himself to his newborn son with a Vader-esque..."Luke I am your father".


14. On July 7th NWOW weighed in on the Christie Brinkley divorce trial from that kooky ex husband..

"And he pays for porn? Hey save your shekels.. there is a TON of free porn out there – at least that is what I have heard. I would think that this is only such a hot topic since Brinkley was a former model who has aged quite well now that she is in her 50s…. I woulda thought she would have started to look like David Brinkley by now…"


15. Here are a couple of nuggets about the All Star Game that I posted shortly after that marathon game ended including an observation about George Steinbrenner..

"Incidentally, George wore his sunglasses at night at a game that ended on a throw by... Corey Hart!"

and

"I think the Tampa Bay Rays have the right combo of hitting and starting pitching led by former Met Scott Kazmir. Therefore I pick the Rays for the Wild Card even though everyone still calls them by their old name of Devil Rays. Can we call them Blu Rays instead? And maybe refer to the Yankees as the HD-DVD of the 2008 season?"


16. On September 4th, it was time for the Republican convention - and our first introduction to Sara Palin!

"I watched Palin Friday and the first thing that came to mind was she was wearing Amy Winehouse's hair. (If you were born before 1970... she was wearing Ruth Buzzi's hair). Now she has let her hair down and looks pretty hot. That 18 year old boy who impregnated her jailbait daughter probably had a few "Stiffler's Mom" shrieks during his evenings of passion with the first daughter.

Now on Labor Day we heard that the older 17 year old daughter is pregnant by an 18 year old boyfriend whose hockey abilities obviously include being able to slip one past the goalie. The Republicans who think that pregnant teens only exist on The Maury Povich Show quickly announced that this girl's pregnancy has no relevance."


17. That same September 4th column also featured the 1st of 3 wacky observations about John King and his crazy CNN map... here we refer to a comment Roger Ebert made about his former co-worker, columnist Jay Mariotti... where he told his former colleague.... 'On your way out, don't let the door bang you on the ass."

"Also John King has his amazing little election map that he smacks with his hand..... you almost wish he would yell Big Bucks, No Whammies and Stop beforehand,.... to show how each area has voted. It was cool to see him at his map talking to Governors who might have lost a Geography Bee to King about regions of their own state. He even let some Governors touch the map....which they seemed to find very exciting. I wonder if he takes that map home at night.. throws fellow CNN colleague/fiance Dana Bash on top of it and does the ol' Hoochy McScoochy right on top of it. If Dana positions herself correctly on the midwest.. one could see Ebert making more wisecracks about being banged on the ass...."

This topic was revisited again on October 17th,....

"Dana married her first husband - a guy named Bash and took on his name. Now she is married to John King.. but still goes by the last name of her ex husband. It's kind of odd that John King will speak to her on the air and refer to her by her previous husband's last name! Imagine if she hyphenated her name... then divorced hubby #2 and married Tony Robbins... her name would be Dana Bash-King Robbins! By the way, just like the aforementioned Elizabeth Banks, John King converted to Judaism prior to the wedding, which is physically more painful for a man than a woman. Mazel tov to the King family and tune in later today on CNN as John King and Larry King will have a Shmini Atzeret trivia contest."

And again on Halloween, this time using his map as a teaching tool about other topics...

"Btw, can you imagine if he uses that map highlighter to teach his kids about the birds and the bees? Here on the east coats is the daddy and his shmeckle - Over in California, this is the mommy and her eggs. Now if the shmeckle juice ends up swimming through the midwest...."


18. The changes to Rutgers Football Stadium were mentioned on September 19th...

"I actually live near the new and improved Rutgers Stadium and it is pretty cool to drive past it during a game. The stands are positioned so that the fans appear to jut out almost on to River Road and as I drive by I see the fans cheering (well maybe not this season) and I can almost imagine them saying... "Great driving job Nate!... Great footwork on the gas pedal!"


19. Speaking of Stadiums, on October 3rd we had these comments about Shea and Yankee Stadiums

"I was kind of curious what the Shea finale would be like after seeing the great show that was put on at Yankee Stadium the previous week. It was neat to see Yogi Berra who had a key role for both franchises participate at both Stadium Closing ceremonies. Perhaps Yogi should be hired for other closings.... like bank closings? Hey join us this week as we close the doors on Wachovia... with a special appearance by Yogi Berra!!

At that point it was time for the last pitch - an incredibly clever idea which Tom Seaver tossed to Mike Piazza. The two then walked to the outfield to In My Life by The Beatles... don't forget The Beatles concert was an important part of Shea's history - and strolled to the center field wall... at which point they closed the wall behind them essentially closing the Stadium.

It would have been nice if right before that, they would have tossed a grenade into the bullpen and just blow it up... but that was not meant to be."


20. And finally from October 31 - some keen observations about Republicans right before the elections, including several late campaign speeches by Sarah Palin where she attempted to win the Jewish vote by making harsh comments about Palestinians.

"One campaign that caught my attention is the Republican hot bed in Northwest NJ where a blind Rabbi named Dennis Shulman is running for Congress against incumbent Scott Garrett. Hey, I'd rather have a blind Rabbi than a blind mohel.

And, with all this anti Palestinian talk, Sarah Palin is starting to look like Meir Kahane with boobs"


And there you have it.... 20 wisecracks from the last year.. incidentally the original version had it as Meir Kahane with a different female body part, but some people thought that might be too rough for the possible future VP... Well, Palin lost... although I get the feeling we haven't seen the last of her - and Bloggiversary #7 could very well be a recap of her Election Day loss to President Obama!


PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK - Pumpy tasted defeat last week to drop his record to 7-3. Two bloggiversaries ago, we started the tradition of picking the San Fransisco game after Nancy Pelosi's big showing in 2006. This week its the enthralling match up between the 49ers and The Rams. The Niners are 6 and a half point faves. Sayeth The Pump: "In honor of Obama's selection of Rahm Emanuel I gotta go with the obvious - The 49ers, because Rahm will celebrate his 49th birthday in 2 weeks!".

UNBIASED GIANTS FAN PICKS OF THE WEEK: Last week we went 1-2 to drop to 19-11.

GIANTS 6 1/2 point faves over Baltimore - I heard that a Jersey City Councilman got arrested for pishing off a balcony at a bar last week. I hope that if he attends this game his seats are in the pish proof lower deck!

Detroit 14 doggies to CAROLINA - Even though everybody thinks the Lions-Titans game will be 0-11 vs. 11-0, an 0-9 team can be very dangerous and shouldn't be taken for granted.

Vikings 3 1/2 doggies over TAMPA BAY - The more Tampa and Atlanta lose, the closer the Giants get to a playoff berth. I think Minnesota-ans are so tired of the Coleman-Franken race that they will welcome the distraction!

TV Quarterly - Obie-Wan, Obie-Won and Lost Meets Kojak

I just realized... no more elections.... no more baseball... now what do I do??

The election season that is now finally over was unlike any other we had ever seen... which is what we seem to say every 4 years. In '04 I was on a cruise ship with Trophy Wife watching CNN International with Wolf Blitzer and it took great restraint not to jump overboard as the concept of Bush II became a reality. Luckily we stayed afloat and didn't sink unlike the economy during Bush II.

The big change this time around was not only that blogs have become more popular - NWOW celebrates its 3rd bloggiversary next week - appears to be the instant messaging capabilities on Facebook. The time leading to election day was a bit annoying with people constantly repeating their political views and then right before Tuesday "donating their status" to their candidate! I donated mine to the local sandwich franchisee who let me cut in front of him in the voting line in exchange for this announcement - all subs are now 5 bucks!

Now I am seeing all the commentary about the decision to add Rahm Emanuel. Personally, I think Obama deserves a little vaca time after that endless campaign and you know the next 4 yrs are gonna be tough... Did you ever see the before and after pics of Presidents from Election Day to 4 years later? I'm curious how much he is going to age in that time - he might look like Redd Foxx in 2012!

Emanuel is an interesting choice for the post and that will put an end to any speculation that the Obama White House will be an Open House for Louis Farakhan. Emanuel reportedly has a short fuse and doesn't take crap from anybody. In addition, his talent agent brother Ari Emanuel is the inspiration for the Ari Gold character on "Entourage"! Apparently, Rahm has a similar Ari Goldesque temperament... I can just see him bringing Congressman Barney Frank to the White House to be his "Lloyd". All of a sudden this Obama administration looks like it could be entertaining!

Today we present our TV Quarterly Report. We will start with the Election Coverage and then go to the Fall Season which for me begins after the World Series. WE will talk about the fact that there are only 2 good nights of TV with one very notable exception. By the way, last week we moved one of the tvs into the bedroom which had been tv less since we moved into our house last year. I rarely watch TV in our bedroom, but Trophy Wife and I decided to move one there. As a child, my parents had a tv in their bedroom and here is a pic of a very young Nate the TV critic watching - probably a game show!




TUESDAY'S ELECTION COVERAGE.

I mostly watched CNN even though I was kind of baffled by the glowing Will.I.Am hologram interview. Pretty cool idea - maybe that might be how news will be presented. Back in the old days, people were just as stunned that Huntley and Brinkley were anchoring the news from 2 different studios.. maybe Star Wars stuff is the wave of the future. But it still strikes me as being odd beaming somebody in like the Princess Leia scene in Star Wars - "Hey Obie Wan - Obie Won!" My friend Jake has an autographed pic of Adrienne Barbeau on his Facebook but I will now use my holographic powers to beam that pic right here.... Adrienne... welcome to NWOW



As things started to look good for Obama on Tuesday, I decided to tune over to Fox News to see how they were handling it. It was rather amusing to watch their long faces as 8 years of a Republican White House had come to an end. (Nauseatingly enough the GOP has been in the White House for 20 of the last 28 years - blech!) Watching the Fox News Channel the night Obama won the election was like watching the losing locker room interviews after the Super Bowl.

CNN didnt use as much as John King's magic map as I had anticipated... or maybe I just was not watching too closely. As part of the new generation of media coverage I found myself watching News Radio 88's camera coverage of its radio broadcasts that they were showing on their website. It was quite fascinating to see 2 anchormen sitting there playing commercials, going live to Tony Guida and basically holding down the fort with a lot of down time. One of the anchors seemed to spend a lot of time on his black berry while the other guy just kind of sat there looking at an unseen monitor. They rarely spoke to each other off air although one guy did get a drink for the other guy. On the radio it sounded smooth, but watching them made their job seem a tad dull.

I also found myself tuning it to ABC late at night.. .this was the first Presidential Election in the post Peter Jennings era... and I was mesmerized by how remarkably good Diane Sawyer was looking even though she must have been putting in a 20 hour day. I presume she was able to make it back the next morning for Good Morning America? I didn't bother getting up early to watch to see if she was back on.

BEST NIGHT OF TV NUMBER ONE

Sunday has become one of the 2 best days on TV - after all the Sunday football I am ready for some yuks which is why Seth MacFarlane continues to be the King of Sunday Night cartoons! He rules the roost with the classic Family Guy and the extremely amusing American Dad. The episode with Roger the alien having a split personality and having one persona steal the id from the other one in order to get a credit card was quite hysterical. Now Family Guy is spinning off Cleveland into his own show as he bluntly pointed out to Quagmire while they were being held against their will in the Griffin's basement in the "Home Alone" episode. How often does a guy being held prisoner turn to his fellow captive and say - "Hey Im getting a spinoff!".

I have also noticed there is a bit of a Simpsons vs. Family Guy competition because McFarlane has been pointing out Family Guys pulling in a larger audience than The Simpsons in the weekly TV ratings. McFarlane is finally getting some long deserved credit but even though I think The Family Guy is funnier, I don't think it will last anywhere near as long as The Simpsons will. I used to watch Desperate Housewives, but now i have been watching it on ABC.com later in the week. However, ABC did something with their video player and the audio and video never seems to be in synch, which makes it a bit difficult to watch. It could be an issue with my computer.

After The Fox cartoons its off to HBO to watch Entourage. The 4 guys and Ari Gold provide for a very amusing and entertaining show. Jeremy Piven is absolutely brilliant as Ari and the 4 boys interact with each other quite well. Even Turtle's character who is somewhat irrelevant has some big moments - his little handy run in on the plane with the girl from The Sopranos made him the butt of jokes from Drama - but when his bragging about his studliness came back to bite him and he got dumped, Drama was the first person to immediately step forward to defend his pal who he had been endlessly picking on for the last several episodes. Nice to see somebody has a heart. Its like a buddy movie with a nutty power hungry agent and a gay assistant (Lloyd) who seems to be the target of every gay joke that has ever been written.

After Entourage I tend to flip to the NFL game or Fox 5 Sports Extra. For those of you not in our tv market - sports caster Andy Adler is a woman and homina homina homina! You oughta see the outfits she wears. After that its over to Channel 4 for the night to see the late news... now anchored by Darlene Rodriguez although last Sunday Sue Simmons co anchored with Chuck Scarborough and Sue had the craziest looking perm I had ever seen! Her hair was back to its normal self Monday night. Maybe she was sending a message to management that she doesn't like working weekends??

After getting my sports wrapup with Mike'd Up with Mike Francesa - I just discovered that early seasons of Monk are being rerun on Channel 4. I had never seen the earlier seasons and everyone raves about his original assistant, so now I will get to see what I was missing.

BEST NIGHT ON TV NUMBER TWO

Nothing is better on back to work Monday than coming home to get some yuks. CBS has the hysterical Big Bang Theory at 8 and then How I Met Your Mother at 8:30. Heroes follows at 9 - and even though there has been a lot of controversy swirling around the show this season - 2 producers were fired this week - I think the show is quite entertaining.

What will it take to fix Heroes? Well let's keep one concept intact - Heroes has a very good way of creating good guys and bad guys and then painting them with a shade of gray to make the bad guys look good and vice versa. This vagueness with who do you root for makes for some excellent storytelling you don't see too often on TV. The problem is what are these guys up to? Parkman meets Heroes version of Pumpstradamus and knows he will hook up with Daphne, while at the same time she has to abduct him for her bosses. At the moment they meet for the first time... they already know each other yet they have never met or spoken. But what is the end game to all this?? Well maybe the Heroes should be crime fighting superheroes - kind of like the Fantastic 4. Unfortunately the writers have created so many freaking characters with so many different tangents and time traveling time lines that its getting harder to get the plots under control. While I like the idea of not so bad bad guys and not so good good guys... it would be nice if they team up to fight a villain. The episode with Claire and her 2 moms teaming up to defeat the puppeteer was not only quite suspenseful but also set a good example of the kind of super hero team work that could make the show work even better.

The night wraps up at 10 with the silliness of CSI Miami..(what are they doing to Emily Procter? Did she get some collageon or something? She doesnt look right) and at the same time ABC is airing Boston Legal pitting David Caruso against William Shatner in the battle of the worst actors. Shatner has either gotten to be a better actor or a caricature of himself since we have gotten so used to his poor acting skills, that he seems to be just imitating himself.

BEST NEW SHOW OF THE FALL

I usually dont get too involved with the new fall shows because half the time they get canceled anyway. Last year's time traveling Journeyman was a typical example,. That is why when I heard another show involving a time traveling element would premiere this fall, I got a little nervous that I would get hooked. Well I got hooked on Life on Mars which is by far the best new TV show of the season.

Over the summer I started watching Swingtown on CBS - a show that took place in the 70s involving 3 couples... one swinging couple,... one square couple,.... and one couple sort of in the middle. While the "swingers in prime time" aspect got all the attention - in reality the show had a lot of heart warming moments and it turns out that as the season ended, the swinging couple emerged as having the strongest marriage.

Once the show wrapped up (and sadly probably for good) in September I had this nostalgia for the 70s that only seemed to be fulfilled by watching old game shows on GSN. Along came Life on Mars with this crazy concept about a cop who gets smacked in the head.. and wakes up living in the 1970s where he is working as.... a 1970's cop. And if you watched the crime shows in the 70s and the crime shows of today, you know that cops were different back then - at least on TV. Nobody really knows how he ended up back in the 70s.. much like the mystery surrounding the time traveling abilities of the main character on Journeyman.... so the premise of a 2008 cop on a 70s cop show with a bizarrely mysterious back story - is kind of like a cross between Lost and Kojak.

If you watch the old '70s cop show reruns, you kind of get a little nostalgic because the current era shows are basically out of the Law and Order and CSI format. And the occasional cop show involving a cop with an offbeat personality don't seem to do well. One case was Boomtown on NBC a few years back - the lead character in that show is the same actor who plays mysterious Dave Williams on Desperate Housewives.

The 70s cops on that show are well played by Havey Keitel and Michael Imperioli from The Sopranos. Imperioli's character has a pretty accurate 70s sideburns and mustache look while both cops are incredibly Archie Bunker-esque in their political incorrectness. The fact that they nicknamed a female cop No Nuts pretty much explains how these guys operate.

The other mystery is how did this guy bang his head and wake up 35 years ago? This show ran in England and already explained it... but nobody knows if the American version will follow the same path although I hear the first few episodes were strikingly similar. I don't know anything about the British Life on Mars so I will have to stay in suspense to see how all this falls into place. Nonetheless, the mystery combined with the old 70s cop show characters makes Life on Mars by far the best new show of the season!


STUFF ON THE OTHER NIGHTS

Other than Life on Mars the non Sunday - Monday shows are pretty lame. I do catch a couple of other shows on Fox - Kitchen Nightmares is entertaining but it's the same thing every week. A restaurant is poorly run... Gordon comes for a visit, hates the food, curses a few times, fixes the place up, reopens it, watches them struggle with the crowds for the reopening, and then everybody is happy and sings cumbaya at the end.

Friday also has a couple of goodies - Don't Forget the Lyrics could bring in a lot of money if I can ever convince Trophy Wife to go on the show. Wayne Brady is the perfect host for this karaoke game show. And Bill Maher's show on HBO has been terrific when he gets a good panel - although I think the show's quality might drop a bit now that the elections are over.

One last show I have really started to enjoy - oddly enough I work from my home office in the mornings and Friday afternoons so I catch The People's Court. I think this is the best of all the court shows because Judge Milian is not only easy on the eyes but also seems to have a lot of common sense and doesn't yell at everybody like the more popular Judge Judy. I am also trying to figure out the logistics of how Harvey Levin balances his New York People's Court tapings with his LA TMZ daily show. And I recently found out on Wikipedia that Levin is openly gay. I never knew that - not that there is anything wrong with it of course. Unless you want to get married in California - but that my friends is a topic for another day!


PUMPSTRADAMUS NFL PICK OF THE WEEK - For the 6th time in 7 weeks, Pumpy was right again last week to improve to 7-2. This week we go to Chicago, home of President Elect Obama. The Bears are 3 point home dogs against Tennessee - Sayeth the Pump - "To paraphrase Oprah, I couldn't bare to watch the results if McCain would have won - take the Bears!"

UNBIASED GIANTS FAN PICKS OF THE WEEK - We went 2-1 last week - we are actually 15-3 over the last 6 wks - the season record is now 18-9.

Giants 3 point doggies over PHILLY - A 3 point home favorite essentially means the oddsmakers feel the teams are very equal. I politely disagree with that.

RAIDERS 9 doggies over Carolina - The Giants and Carolina are battling for home field in the playoffs. Pumpy had his gutsy Raiders pick against the Jets a few weeks ago, and he won. They should at least cover.

Saints 1 doggie over ATLANTA - Each Philly and Atlanta loss gets the Giants closer to a playoff berth. GO Saints!

Republicans, Israel and The Jewish Vote

Well we are almost at the homestretch of the election now.. as Tuesday we head to the polls to cast our votes for our next president. Gosh, I wonder who I'm gonna vote for. Hmmmm.

I am pretty oblivious to election advertising. I already knew from day 1 that I would not vote for a Republican... so whatever the ads say basically goes in one ear and out the other. In addition, since I live in NJ, I don't get to see the rough and nasty anti Obama ads that the Republicans have been buying throughout the country since they already have conceded that NJ and NY are going to vote Obama... so why spend the money here?

Even Frank Lautenberg isn't spending a lot of money on his re election campaign. One campaign that caught my attention is the Republican hot bed in Northwest NJ where a blind Rabbi named Dennis Shulman is running for Congress against incumbent Scott Garrett. Hey, I'd rather have a blind Rabbi than a blind mohel.

I remember Garrett when he was in the NJ State Assembly in the early 90s.. and you have never met a person more Conservative. His blood is redder than a red state. This guy earned the title of most right wing voting Congressman from NJ, based on his Brad Lidge-esque consistency of voting for all things Conservative. That is how he earned a perfect 100 percent score with the American Conservative Union. Some of the things he has voted against include unemployment benefit extensions, stem cell research, aid to Katrina victims, and amazingly child safety locks on guns. What happens if somebody in his district has a problem and needs to "call his Congressman?" Do they really think he is going to actually help somebody if it is going to go against his Republican mantra of "Don't spend taxpayers money".

I also see that my new fellow Hebrew John King (he recently converted after marrying his fellow CNN colleague Dana Bash) is getting a lot of attention for his amazing CNN map. It's not that the map is so impressive... it's his amazing knowledge of geography, a subject we Americans are very weak in. As much as I am aware of how voting goes around NJ and NYC, his map can pinpoint local markets all across the country and predict how people will vote. Unfortunately, as much as I would like to see Obama win, I can see King smacking around his map next Tuesday pointing out locations around the US that are still not ready to accept a Black man as President. Btw, can you imagine if he uses that map highlighter to teach his kids about the birds and the bees? Here on the east coats is the daddy and his shmeckle - Over in California, this is the mommy and her eggs. Now if the shmeckle juice ends up swimming through the midwest....

Anyway, since I don't get to see the anti Obama ads, I still want to see what those Republicans are up to because the old saying goes, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. That is why I make it a point to check out what's going on on Fox News. Every night like giggly eyed school girls they show the latest Sarah Palin speech and frankly I gotta admit, those Republicans are really bending over backwards to get the Jewish vote. Palin has been the poster girl for the rhetoric unleashing says some nasty comments about the Palestinians.. especially this alleged Palestinian spokesman Rashid Khalid's friendship with Obama that is on some video tape, hidden somewhere at the LA Times... With all this anti Palestinian talk, Sarah Palin is starting to look like Meir Kahane with boobs.

Obviously, Israel is very important to me, and my Republican colleagues are amazed that I am a Zionist that does not support McCain. In reality, Israel occupies a place close to my heart... and I am extremely right wing when it comes to politics there. I am also not too tolerant of the Palestinians there. I don't have an issue with the ones who are struggling to get by financially since everybody knows that Yasser Arafat and his co horts stole all their money and screwed them over way worse than what they allege the Israelis have done.. despite what the bleeding heart Jewish liberals might think. The Palestinians that worry me are the treasonists who constantly plot against the government and terrorize Israelis who are just trying to get on with their daily lives. It appears that the violence has subsided there, but they always have to be on the lookout for the homicide bombers.

That is why I get such a kick out of Sarah Palin - she has the guts to speak out against the PLO. I really like that about her... but not enough for me to vote for her. But I can see Palin getting a little chic show on the Fox News Network after the election with Elizabeth Hasselbeck that might be watchable if Palin wears that short skirt - boots combo she wore during the closing credits on SNL a few weeks ago.... This would go along with my predicted CNN show with the bearded journalist and horny former Governor called Blitzer and Spitzer. I just hope a future Palin show doesn't bounce out Greta van Susterin.

However, as much as I might agree with Palin on this ONE issue, I see exactly what she is up to. Her latest attacks this week have been for Obama's alliance with Khalid who she claims is a former PLO spokesman. CNN however says that the guy is a Columbia professor who is a PLO sympathizer. Believe it or not, as anti PLO as I might be, I don't have an issue with people feeling sorry for them, as long as they are not sending over a lot of money to them that goes to terrorist operations. But for a college professor to speak out on their behalf doesn't bother me. I might not agree with him, but there are a lot of issues I don't agree with... and frankly being based in New York and sympathizing with Palestinians is not something I find to be too dangerous.

In reality, this is Palin's way of trying to steer Jews away from Obama. People seem to equate pro Israel with the Jewish vote.. but in reality every politician is pro Israel and it's not for the Jewish vote.. it is because it makes sense. Israel is the only normal country in that crazy Middle East and the US government knows it is dealing with the only sensible democratically elected government in that area. Americans find Israelis a pleasure to work with compared to its neighbors. This is in direct contrast to dealing with Israelis at electronics stores. One day I went to a now defunct electronics store to buy an advertised technological gadget that was manufactured by Microsoft. When I got there, the actual product was made by some company I had never heard of. The salesman said... "Buy this one.. its better; who knows how long Microsoft will be around?".

I think my fellow Jews are smart enough to see through Palin's rhetoric. We will always be pro Israel as long as we continue to work together to keep the Middle East safer and saner. And keeping Israel as a safe tourist area helps both Jews and Christians since that is the Holy Land for everybody.

According to the Jewish Week, the GOP is actually getting a lot of support from the Ultra Orthodox Jewish community. An article in the latest issue talks about how the ultra Orthodox are more on the same page with Republicans when it comes to "moral" issues such as taking away the right to choose etc. This weeks Jewish Week has a report that Democrat Congressman Jerry Nadler appeared at a pre Election Day event in Boro Park and pointed out that a lot of the local programs that are specifically important to that community that has a lot of kids, but not a lot of money are actually supported by Democrats. According to the Jewish Week, Nadler told them that before voting for McCain they should keep in mind that 98% of the people pushing for Section 8 and increased social services are Democrats.

Another issue with that community is they are immune to pop culture - no TV, no NY Post, etc, so the stuff they hear about the politicians is basically hearsay. Many of them still think that Obama is a Muslim. And now the rumors about his relationship with a PLO sympathizer is gonna cause more trouble. One of their newspapers - Hamodia - printed an editorial ripping into Obama for jumping to conclusions about somebody innocent till proven guilty, because he criticized Agriprocessors the house of horrors slaughter house in Iowa that faces 9000 criminal charges after an immigration raid earlier this year. As if Obama's criticism was worse than what went on in Iowa?

And as we head to the homestretch and this crazy call your bubby and zaida in Florida to vote for Obama movement, I really find it hard to believe that my fellow Jews would not vote for Obama ONLY because he is black. We as a people were marched to the gas chambers because we were "different" than the Aryans. So what if he looks different... the color of his skin is not going to affect his ability to do his job.... and I hope you will join me Tuesday in helping him get the job of President of the United States.


PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK: Last week Pumpy lost to drop to 6-2. This week Pumpy has an Election Day theme to his pick which is very interesting since Wayne Root who made a fortune by selling his NFL picks is amazingly the Libertarian's Vice Presidential Candidate. Does Pumpy have a political future? This week we go to Washington where George W. is packing his suitcases to get out by Inauguration Day. This week the Redskins are at home and are 1 1/2 point faves over the Pittsburgh Steelers. Sayeth the Pump: "According to tradition if the Redskins lose their last home game before Election Day, then the incumbent party loses the election.... so I'm backing the Steelers.... because Obama's going to steel the White House!"

UNBIASED GIANTS FAN OF THE WEEK: The 12 game winning streak bit the dust last week. We went 1-2 for a season record of 16-8. This week I am picking a week of doggies - except McCain!!

Dallas 9 doggies over GIANTS - The Giants will win, but I think the Cowboys will cover.

KC 8 1/2 doggies over Tampa Bay - The more the Bucs and Eagles lose, the closer the Giants get to a playoff spot. Hopefully the Chiefs will stop that "play not to lose" mentality and take this one.

Pittsburgh 1 1/2 doggies over WASHINGTON - I'm with Pumpy on this one - I think the Steelers are ticked after they blew last week's game against the Super Bowl Champion Giants.

Socializing and Socialism

Before we start today's column....how about those football picks? Unbiased Giants fan is 12-0 over the last 4 weeks! And Pumpstradamus is 6-1!! Stay tuned for this week's picks to see if the hot streak continues. And we welcome all the new readers who are joining us today after googling "NFL Betting".

This weeks marks the end of the Jewish Holiday season... a terrific time of year where we can take a lot of time off from work... and nosy co-workers wondering about ANOTHER holiday are reminded that alternate side of the street parking regulations are suspended... confirming that yes indeed, it is another holiday.

Well, once again with all the celebrating, and praying and of course socializing... I waited till late in the week to start my column and guess what happened?? That bronchial bug that has been afflicting Trophy Wife for the last few weeks, found its way over to me and attacked and at the worst possible time. I have a pretty good immune system and I rarely get sick, but this bronchial infection started floating around my system on Tuesday Morning and finally struck full force late Tuesday night. It actually forced me to miss... my all time favorite holiday Simchas Torah... or as I like to call it... an 18 hour celebration interrupted by about 4 hours of sleep.

Nate missing Simchas Torah is like Santa Claus missing Christmas! ST is the celebration by my fellow Hebrews and Shebrews that God gave us the Five Books of Moses. Each Saturday morning at services, a portion of the Torah is chanted right out of the hand written Torah scrolls, set up in such a way that the Five Books takes one year to complete - and then restarted from "In the beginning" on Simchas Torah.... which leads to the celebrations.. the end of Deuteronomy and the beginning of Genesis.

For the celebrations, each synagogue takes all of its Torahs, and marches around 7+ times during services on the evening of the holiday and again the following morning. In the evening all the men (and at some synagogues all the women) each carry the Torah scroll and the next morning they repeat the process, plus each man over the age of 13 (and again in some places, each woman) is called up to the Torah one at a time for an aliyah where they say a special prayer and a few sentences of the Torah portion are chanted out loud.

Since I was a kid, this has always been my favorite holiday. The kids who are too small to carry a heavy Torah scroll (trust me, they're heavy) are given little flags and they get to march around the sanctuary like cutie pies. The idea of the holiday is you are so happy that you dance with the Torahs with joy. As a kid I liked it that me and my fellow little pishers got to march and we got candy.

As I became a teenager I realized what the adults were really up to. At the orthodox synagogues, the adults traditionally dont eat till after morning services which comes after the recitation of the post-synagogue, pre-lunch prayer of the kiddush. The Simchas Torah service traditionally runs so long that you won't get to eat till after 2pm. In order to keep everybody's bloood sugar in check, a person is allowed to recite the kiddush AFTER his aliyah, at which point he and his family can eat. The kiddush also involved the consumption of an adult beverage or 2 or 3.(The observant dont drive on this holiday.) In addition, the traditional Priestly blessing which is usually recited after the Torah reading, is moved up to before the Torah reading, because traditionally everybody had done so much celebrating at that usual point in the service that they can't perform that part of the service all liquored up. Incidentally, I have rarely encountered too many drunks in my day... but I have encountered a lot of levity during that holiday. Also, in Israel, they also do the somber Yizkor Memorial service on ST, but I have never seen how they do it and how it is worked into the whole scheme of things. If anybody has seen this, please feel free to explain it in the comments section.

The levity is part of why I like the holiday so much... they do stuff you never ever see except for that one day. The kids get to run all over the place.... they also get a special aliyah when they are called to the Torah..., the adults fire off wisecracks as if they were on Hollywood Squares... (Moshe Moskowitz for the block), and the Priestly Blessing is moved to a different timeslot. The part that I find to be most incredible... it is the only day of year that we read from the Torah at night. I find this very cool for some reason, yet I don't know why. I also like the levity and socializing... which gives kids the notion at a young age that a synagogue is a fun place to be. All the traditional prayer tunes are tossed out the windows and replaced with melodies that remind you of a Weird Al Yankovic parody. For 17 yrs at my old synagogue, I used to lead part of the service with a carefully choreographed series of musical tunes... usually to blank faces, unless I stuck to the old traditions of Yankee Doodle and Fiddler on the Roof songs.... but the year I tossed in some Take a Walk on the Wild Side by Lou Reed - crickets.

In the mid 90s, I began a new tradition that I mentioned in the Yankee Stadium column last month. I started traveling on the holiday (you're not supposed to, but my religious observances or lack thereof is not really the point) and I discovered the Bnai Jeshurun synagogue on Manhattan's Upper West Side. I remember going with my friend Mike and it was like we had discovered a new island - I had never seen anything quite like this. For the first several years I went, they closed off part of West End Avenue and danced like maniacs for hours and hours. In 2001, the Jewish holidays were right after 9/11 so for security concerns they moved the festivities indoors, and that has been the case ever since. But again, they still celebrated up a storm there... and that is how they have done it ever since.

After leaving there, I would walk a few blocks over to the Carlebach synagogue, a wonderful Modern Orthodox synagogue that has an incredible night of dancing that apparently goes till the wee hours of the morning. This creates a tough dilemma. One year, I drove into the city, but Mike was not where he was supposed to be, and since we didnt have cellphones, I just assumed he wasn't coming. I had to pick up a few friends but I couldn't find parking so I momentarily parked in front of a church and went to ring their buzzer to tell them I was there. I was gone for maybe 2 minutes.. and as I got back I saw Mike had driven to the city, and parked right behind me! And I had gotten a parking ticket... yet amazingly he didn't!!

Since parking is so hard, the train seems to be a better option, but you really have to watch the clock to get outta Carlebach in time to make it to Penn Station for the last 140 train back to Jersey. As I wrote last month, in 2000 I got so caught up in all the activity there, that I lost track of time and almost missed the last train.. however because the Met Yankee World Series Game 1 went extra innings (Thank You Armando Benitez) the last train's departure was delayed, so the fans at the game were given enough time to get the train!

Now, Simchas Torah has become an annual opportunity to catch up with old friends in the city, followed by an early wake up call to get to the morning services and all the related frivolity. And yes, they actually don't discourage you from heckling and make wisecracks during services.... but only after a certain amount of people have had their little shot or shots of adult beverages. This year unfortunately, Trophy Wife and I were under the weather... we decided in advance we wouldn't trek to the City. I did muster enough energy to go to nearby Highland Park to visit 2 local synagogues on Tuesday Night. At the first, my friend Barry the Red Sox fan shmaneuvered me into carrying a Torah, even though the bug was causing some bad tummy aches... luckily the Immodium kicked in during my turn to march. After that, I visited another nearby service and ran into Rabbi Green who married me and Trophy Wife and he gave me such a bear hug I think I cracked a rib. As I strolled home at around 945 pm, I realized that my buds in the city were probably just getting their party hats ready. Oh well, I still had the Wednesday Morning activities to look forward to.

Wednesday Morning I woke up sicker than a dog and I realized what it would take to get me to miss Simchas Torah. We ended up staying home, but later in the day we felt much better so we took a little mini Torah I have had since my bar mitzvah and an Israeli flag and spent about 10 minutes marching around the living room singing Simchas Torah songs. After that, we went back to bed and zonked out from our excessive partying until I woke up and realized I had not started this week's column!

After that, I brought in the mail, and saw that a local Jewish paper published a very interesting letter to the editor during this holiday season. A doctor (of theoretical physics, whatever that means) who supports McCain wrote that if Obama wins, "The government would become much more socialistic, with the focus on helping people - this sounds like welfare". Well this guy might be a big hotshot in the physics world but its obvious he doesn't know about how tax dollars relate to welfare vs helping non welfare. Where do republicans get this idea that all tax money goes to lazy people who refuse to get a job and want to mooch off the government? Socialism Shmocialism! Government is there to help people - all people... rich, poor, middle class etc. How about the roads that are built, the police and firemen who keep us safe in our homes... the schools that provide education for all kids, and the efforts to make cars and planes safer - or work done by the FDA to make drugs safer and affordable, even for rich people? And the bank bailout which now "socialized" the banks? It will ultimately reopen the credit markets and hopefully get the economy moving back in the right direction.

Nobody except for a few fringe wacko liberals believes in giving free rides to welfare recipients who refuse to work.... and the idea of "helping all people" - not just those on welfare..... is the entire point of what we are here for - and really, isn't that what we just celebrated last week during Simchat Torah? And when did socialism get to be such a bad word? On Simchas Torah we sing a song "Next Year in Jerusalem".... maybe next year we will be in Jerusalem - on a kibbutz! Or is that too "socialistic"



PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK - Last week Pumpy won again improving his record to 6-1. This week we go to Tampa Bay the home of the Rays who we Met fans hope will beat the Phillies in the World Series. This week the Tampa Bay Bucs are in Dallas where they are 2 point doggies to the Cowboys. Sayeth the Pump: "Let's go with the Bucs, because I need some to make up the bucks that I lost in this abysmal stock market"



UNBIASED GIANTS FAN PICKS OF THE WEEK - For the 4th straight week we went 3-0... I have no idea how! That 12-0 run has put our season record at 15-6.

Giants 3 point doggies over PITTSBURGH - Could this be a Super Bowl Preview?

DETROIT 7 1/2 doggies over Washington - Is it wise to risk a 12 game winning streak with another underdog? I think the Lions will cover.

Tampa Bay 2 doggies over DALLAS - We did this a few wks ago going all doggies and struck gold. How can I possibly go against the Amazing Pumpstradamus??

Empire of the Sun - A Movie Club Column

Greetings from the NWOW sukkah where today's column is originating.... I'm sitting here pecking away at my laptop - This weekend we are going to do the traditional Chinese Food in the sukkah.... which is a perfect opportunity for a movie review column of "Empire of the Sun". This is part 1 of our Bateman to Batman 4-pack featuring Christian Bale movies.

It seems like the only banks doing well nowadays is Elizabeth Banks...the actress is in 2 new movies this month... the new Oliver Stone movie "W" and "Zack and Miri Make a Porno". I think Banks turned in her star making performance a few years back with her brief appearance in "The 40 Year Old Virgin" during that that sizzling hot jacuzzi seduction scene. Oy Vay! Homina Homina Homina! By the way did you know that her last name is actually Mitchell but she changed it to Banks? When she became an actress there already was an Elizabeth Mitchell... the hot blonde who plays Juliet on Lost. Banks also could have also taken her husband's last name of Handelman.... by the way she converted to Judaism prior to her wedding.

Speaking of name changes, I just found out the other day that Dana Bash and John King from CNN got married over the summer. And gosh did they look cute sitting next to each other during CNN's debate coverage Wednesday Night!! A few weeks ago in the Yankee Stadium column, I wrote about my buddy who missed 6 innings at a Yankee game back in the 80s. I think his sister who went to that game with us actually went to school with Ms. Bash who back then was Dana Schwartz. She married her first husband - a guy named Bash and took on his name. Now she is married to John King.. but still goes by the last name of her ex husband. It's kind of odd that John King will speak to her on the air and refer to her by her previous husband's last name! Imagine if she hyphenated her name... then divorced hubby #2 and married Tony Robbins... her name would be Dana Bash-King Robbins! By the way, just like the aforementioned Ms. Banks, John King converted to Judaism prior to the wedding, which is physically more painful for a man than a woman. Mazel tov to the King family and tune in later today on CNN as John King and Larry King will have a Shmini Atzeret trivia contest.

OK... enough silliness.... let's get on with the movie review....... here is the trailer...



World War II has a different meaning to different people - it depends on who you ask I guess. Veterans have first hand accounts of what they went through - so do Holocaust survivors. Steven Spielberg decided to take a different look at things based on what was going on for Westerners living on Japanese soil during WW II. Japan rounded out all of its "enemies" so that they would be in "camps" as Pearl Harbor was being attacked on December 7, 1941 (The week that both my mom and Pumpstradamus's mom were born!) - and those westerners remained there until we dropped the atom bomb on Nagasaki on August 19, 1945. I have really never thought much about what was going on in Japan then.. until I saw this terrific movie!

Christian Bale was only 13 when he took on this role playing Jamie Graham... Spielberg cast him after his wife (at the time) Amy Irving recommended him after they acted together in a miniseries. In this movie, Bale plays a young boy growing up in Shanghai..(at that time part of Japan) . which at the time was inhabited by a lot of Brits; they moved there from England and instead of being British people living in Japanese territory, they turned it into another England... sort of like what the Indians did to Iselin, NJ! As a matter of fact, I was just thinking about this on Columbus Day that in 1492, if Columbus had landed in Iselin and declared the people he saw there as "Indians".... people really wouldn't think much of it now, would they?

The movie starts with a brief back story of words scrolling on the screen... just like Star Wars. Bale is introduced to us just days before the Japanese military started rounding up the westerners in Japan. The Japanese military waited very very patiently to get their official orders just to make sure everybody would be well behaved on Pearl Harbor Day. While attending a costume party at a family friend's mansion, the little guy actually stumbles into a Japanese hideout but manages to safely get away.... as the adults realize that the Japanese are just going to sit there marking time until just the right moment. It's almost Hitchcockian to see the Japanese just patiently sitting there.. with untold horrors awaiting the non Japanese residents.

Ultimately, the horrors turn out to be bad, yet not quite as bad as one would imagine. The movie tells the story of how Bale's character grows up in the labor camp during WWII... in almost a style we saw in "Life is beautiful" this movie attempts to show a somewhat lighter side of what the boy goes through. Based on a true story by JG Ballard, (who appears in a cameo at the party where the young Bale discovers the Japanese hideaway), the movie is typical of a pre-Schindler's List Spielberg movie... (although this film doesn't have a final scene as touching as the finale to Schindlers List... nor does any movie for that matter...) featuring a lost boy separated from his parents and looking for something to cling to. Jamie actually has a picture of a Norman Rockwell family painting which he carries around with him all the time. In this movie, the boy has a fascination with airplanes and plays with them all the time. Ultimately, it will be an American bomb dropping airplane that will rescue Jaime from his camp.... That's kind of like my fascination with blondes.. imagine if I was imprisoned somewhere and rescued by Elizabeth Banks, Elizabeth Mitchell and Dana Bash.

The plane leads to poor Jamies downfall. He and his parents try to evacuate Shang hai but he gets separated form his mom when he reaches down to pick up the toy airplane he dropped. Once separated, he is all alone and tries to give himself up to the invading Japanese army which just kept marching past him. Of course if it was the Nazis, they would have just shot him dead. Ultimately, he runs into 2 American soldiers played by John Malkovich and Joe Pantoilano who seem more interested in selling his non existent dental gold fillings. Even though they have no use for the kid.. he starts to hang with them and ultimately invites them to his mansion where they are ultimately caught and sent to the camp.

As Jamie ages... the make up is remarkable because Bale goes from looking like a little boy to looking like a young version of Christian Bale... he starts to make the best of his situation. He becomes quite the businessman trading materials between different people.... His American friends live in the American bunk house while he stays with a married couple. And while the British do not make the best of the situation, the American bunk resembles something of a MASH episode with a strong camraderie developing between the imprisoned. The Malkovich character almost seems to be living in a country club!

Ultimately, Jamie strives to work his way in with the Americans... partly by plotting a daring "escape" to the other side of the barbed wire fence in order to plant "pheasant traps" which is really an attempt by the Americans to use him to check for landmines so they can plot an escape. When it looks like Jamie might get caught by the Japanese guard, the Americans cruelly start a betting pool wagering on whether he will get away or get caught. Jamie ultimately is able to utilize his friendship with a Japanese teen at a Japanese air hangar on the other side of the barbed wire to bail himself out of a dicey situation; later on watching that teen go through the pre suicide mission traditional ritual is quite touching.

It's an interesting comparison to 2008... back then the Chinese were the good guys and the Japanese were the bad guys. Amazingly the movie was shot in China, the first American movie to be shot there. I guess when your name is Spielberg you carry a lot of clout with the Chinese government! The Japanese invasion of Shanghai is a very touchy topic for the gazillions of extras, especially those who were still alive during WWII. During that shoot they converted the streets to make them look like just as they did back then, shooting some amazing scenes involving the invasion by the Japanese military. Watching the young Jamie separated by his parents as a young boy is heart wrenching... and seeing him as a young teen with a Davey Crockett hairpiece is mesmerizing when you realize that he looks exactly how Bates will look when he evolves into Bateman and Batman.

Before we get to my bladder scale... here is what Siskel and Ebert had to say....



Now even though I think Siskel and Ebert was/is two of the best movie critics.. I really have to disagree. The movie runs an incredibly long 2 hours and 40 minutes and even with my ants in the pants, I was glued to the screen from beginning to end. Speilberg is a legend and this is one of his many masterpieces. The cast is terrific especially young Bale but also Malkvoich and a rather brief appearance by Miranda Richardson as a British woman who lives in the British bunk. That character has a turning point in her life just as we dropped the Atom Bomb on Hiroshima, giving young Jamie what he thinks is an incredible spiritual moment...... On a scale of 1 to 4 bladders meaning how less likely you would be to leave in the middle to go to the bathroom..... Empire of the Sun is a 4 bladder movie!!


PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK: Pumpy won again last week improving his record to 5-1. This week we go to Hofstra, the site of the last Presidential Debate at Hofstra. Up until recently Hofstra was the practice home of the NY Jets. This weekend, the Jets are in Oakland to play the Raiders. The Jets are favored by 3. Sayeth The Pump: "Since one of my favorite Spielberg movies is Raiders of the Lost Ark - take the Raiders!"

UNBIASED GIANTS FAN PICKS OF THE WEEK - The incredible run continues.... we went against all 3 NFC East teams last week to go 3-0 for the 3rd straight week running our winning streak to 9 games! I might have to charge for these picks soon. The season record is 12-6.

THE GIANTS 10 1/2 faves over San Fran - I usually don't like such large spreads, but I think the Giants have a little anger after Monday Night.

Cleveland 7 doggies over WASHINGTON - Didn't these people see what happened Monay Night?

ST. LOUIS 7 doggies over Dallas - The spread has dropped 3 1/2 points with the Romo injury situation. Maybe a TD is a tad much to expect Dallas to cover.

Did World Savings Save the World? Nope

I gotta make a note to myself that the next time Yom Kippur falls on a Thursday, I should not wait till Thursday night to write a Friday column! I am actually a good faster on YK,.... I'm a bad fast breaker! I have some dehydration issues, so even though I'm not particularly hungry or thirsty or headachey like many of my fellow Hebrews and Shebrews, I do run into some problems after the fast is over.

My YK fasting activities are also quite consistent. Every year except for 1999 and 2003 I always spent the Day of Atonement in either one of 2 synagogues.. Anshe Chesed in Linden from age 1 to 1996, and then The Highland Park Conservative Temple since '97 after my mom sold her Roselle house and moved to Edison. The one year I made an exception was '03 when I went with Trophy Wife (who back then was Trophy Girlfriend almost Trophy Fiance) to services with a bunch of her graduate student friends at Rutgers University... The services were terrific but during the break in the afternoon we trekked over to musical Genius Neil Fein's house to hang out... and I grossly underestimated the walking distance from his house to Rutgers. The walk to his house was ok.... but the walk back that day was sheer torture, and thankfully Highland Park has a lot of benches for me to sit... but in retrospect, that was not my smartest moment. I actually was home on YK in 1999 because I had a badly sprained ankle (that I sprained on the 2nd day of Rosh Hashana while walking to services!) and I couldn't walk to services on Yom Kippur. And yes, on that 2nd day in '99, I amazingly did the 3 mile walk from the synagogue to my mom's condo on that badly sprained and swollen ankle and by the way just to put it in perspective, that was NOT worse than the 2003 walk back to Rutgers!

Speaking of Rosh Hashana... I really have lost almost all respect for Ben Stein. While Congress was voting on the bailout last week, its first go round fell through and the 2nd attempt was scheduled for after Rosh Hashana out of respect to the Jewish House Members who planned to spend the day at services. Stein went on Larry King and said that those Jewish members should be at work instead! The actual rules for those who observe The High Holy Days, are that one is not permitted to perform work activities and while many people do not observe those rules, it's absurd that one Jew would make a comment insulting the beliefs of others who are observing the holiday.

I am also surprised by the amout of people who blow off the 2nd day to go to work, although I understand why certain business owners feel an obligation. Maybe they should move the 2nd day of Rosh Hashanah to Thanksgiving Friday.... how many of those people would give their boss a "Whatcha talking about Willis?" look of shock if they are asked to work that Friday, yet were willing to work the 2nd day of 5769?


Now that Saturday Night Live is relevant again... and you wonder if Sara Palin was purposely chosen because of her resemblance to Tina Fey.. I see that SNL had to re-edit a skit from last weekend before NBC allowed it to be posted on their website. The skit parodied the post bill signing press conference with those 2 wacky liberals Nancy Pelosi and Barney Frank. Incidentally, I think most Democrats are more like me, moving away from the liberal ideas of Ms. Pelosi and Mr. Frank, and I find it odd that those 2 are at the forefront at such a momentous occasion.

The skit was of C-Span's coverage of that press conference showing other subprime "victims" including a borrower who got a loan even though he was jobless and a yuppy couple, that reminded me of that goofy dog training couple from "Best In Show". The skit also featured Herb and Marion Sandler. They are the couple that sold World Savings to Wachovia in 2006.. and now Wachovia has shut its doors just like Yankee Stadium! When the Sandlers appeared on the screen the C-Span graphics introduced them as "people that deserve to be shot". The subsequent online posting of that skit deleted that graphic.

I dont know that they deserve to be shot, but the whole World Savings situation has played quite a role in this mortgage debacle. The Sandlers walked away with a bundle of money after they sold their "portfolio" to Wachovia. That portfolio was actually not subprime loans which were loans that were given to people with shaky credit, but actually consisted of those infamous negative amortization loans that were advertised as loans with 1 or 2 percent rates.

Here is how they worked: World Savings would send its borrowers a coupon each month with a choice of 4 payments. Among those choices were an absurdly low 1 or 2 percent payment, an interest only payment at a rate approx 1-2% higher than a regular interest only loan, and a 15 or 30 year fixed option, which was also at a rate of 1 or 2% higher than a typical rate. The rationale for the higher rate actually makes sense... since that is the price these borrowers paid for being allowed the so-called "privilege" of having the low payment option.

But if your rate on the interest only option was 7% and your payment on that coupon was $1000, and your 1% rate payment was $400... guess what happens. The difference between those 2 payments would "negatively amortize"... For example... cars historically lose value - the moment you drive a new car off the lot, its value goes down... and thus it negatively amortizes. In a typical housing market, values are supposed to go up.. so a house would positively amortize over time... but lately home values have been going down. This creates a situation where even interest only loans are negatively amortizing, and these "payment option" loans were negatively amortizing at a much higher rate.

Now let's say a home owner makes that $400 dollar payment... he negatively amortizes $600. He has to pay at least the interest only payment to avoid negative amortization... the 1% option was just a carrot dangled in front of them... But that $600 which is now deferred interest is tacked on to the loan. So math students get your pencils... if a person made 10 months of minimum payments on a $150,000 dollar loan.... that loan now carries a balance of $156,000. And if that balance shoots up to the $160s and $170s as the value drops to the $150s and $140s, everybody involved is in a tight spot... since the home owner is paying on a house he owes more than its own value. Multiply that loan scenario by thousands and now you see the portfolio of loans that the Sandlers eagerly sold to Wachovia as truckloads of cash were delivered to the Sandlers.

World Savings also imposed tough pre payment penalties so many people who didn't quite grasp the way loan works, wanted out... and they were stuck. And, they also bypassed laws such as the ones in NJ that ban prepays since their federal charter allows them to charge those prepayment penalties. Those loans were priced in such a way that created an incentive for the borrower to agree to take the pre pay. The loans were also structured that only a certain amount of minimum payments would be allowed, until the borrower would be required to make the payments on the higher rate.

Are Herb and Marion Sandler responsible for this crisis? No. Did they bring down Wachovia? Probably Not. But they did carve their niche by offering a gimmicky loan that has caused a lot of aggravation. But there is one key factor here that one should keep in mind and that is many people who took these loans did not fully grasp how the loan worked, and really thought they had a "1% interest rate". Many of these borrowers took a 1 or 2% because that was all they could really afford. Once the ability to pay the low payment was taken away - they were screwed. And the fact that so many World Savings customers took out loans that they did not understand, is extremely unfortunate.



PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK

Pumpy was right again last week improving to 4-1. This week we go to the Bay Area in CA... the home of mortgage villians Herb and Marion Sandler. This week the San Fransisco 49ers host the Philadelphia Eagles. Sayeth the Pump: "I hear the Eagles have a player named Trent Cole...and since we chanted Kol Nidre on Wednesday Night... I gotta take the Eagles"


UNBIASED GIANT FAN PICKS OF THE WEEK

For the 2nd straight week we went 3-0! Now we are at 9-6. This week it's all about the doggies.

CLEVELAND 8 doggies over Giants - It's a Monday Night game and you know the old saying about home dogs on Monday Night. The Giants will win but won't cover.

ARIZONA 4 1/2 doggies over Dallas - Could this really be Arizona's year? Dallas almost blew it last week against the Bengals if Cincy had not gone for that ill advised 2 point conversion after that late TD.

St. Louis 13 doggies over WASHINGTON - A hot team against a winless team with a 2 td spread? The Skins could be ripe for an upset.


CLIP OF THE WEEK

Here is that SNL clip which many say explain the mortgage crisis better than the news media!