TV Quarterly Report Part I - Jacks and Noahs

Well folks it seems like we missed our last TV 1st quarter report with all the hullaballoo involving my big move… However now that the TV season has officially concluded with the crowning of the new American Idol and the stunning conclusion to Lost.. Its time to look back. By the way we will have the Baseball quarterly report within a wk or so for those of you who have been waiting for that.. But this past week’s TV season finales were so stunning.. I had to rearrange the columns a little bit.

TV really has changed.. mostly due to the original shows being cranked out by the cable networks combined with the popularity of the reality shows and serialized programs. The old days of network seasons running from September to May are as out of date as the small TV Guide Fall Preview magazine. Now, networks realize that they have to shoe - horn the shorter seasons of the popular shows so in reality the season really seems to start in January when American Idol and 24 get underway. Why start in September…. You have the baseball playoffs and The World Series.. Then you have a few sweeps wks in November before the holiday season starts… it seems that TV really is a vast wasteland till January! HBO schedules its popular shows like The Sopranos whenever they damn well please, and now based on the fact that AI, the most popular show runs on its own schedule.. the networks have followed suit. Jack Shepherd’s bizarre airport reunion with Kate that served as the finale to the 3rd season of Lost will not continue until next January.

Today I am going to float yet another one of my bizarre Lost theories. . Just remember.. I have had some on the money predictions in this column… especially the recent one that the family of the late St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock would sue the bar where he got drunk prior to his fatal crash. What I didn’t predict is that they would sue the driver of the disabled car whose life was saved when the intoxicated Hancock smashed into a tow truck that was helping the driver. I sympathize with the Hancock family over their loss, but grief has overtaken the brain cells and common sense cells. The Hancocks are suing Justin Tolar saying that he didn’t properly maintain his car which caused him to stall out on the side of the road! Of course if Hancock’s car had not been blocked by the tow truck he would have smacked right into Tolar. Had Hancock survived and went on trial for Tolar’s death, would his lawyers defense be that it’s Tolar’s fault because he didn’t maintain his car?? Hancock’s blood alcohol level was double the legal amount.. he was on a cell phone.. and wasn’t wearing a seatbelt and now Tolar has to dig into his pockets to pay a lawyer to defend himself against Hancock’s high powered lawyer! And if he doesn’t have the money to fight the lawsuit.. they could win a judgment against him and put a lien on his house! Unbelievable!

LOST/ DÉJÀ VU TIE IN Lets address the Lost finale first… and toss in my own rogue theory. I am a really big fan of Jerry Bruckheimer… This is the man who has brought us The Amazing Race, the CSIs and every other one hour non serialized show on CBS.. One of these days on CSI Miami David Caruso will prepare to say an over acted dramatic line and will reach in his pocket for his sunglasses… only to find out that they aren’t there. I can just see him fumbling around for them while not being able to spit out his brilliant line that tosses the show to the opening theme song. “Mr. Wolfe, my glasses appear to be….. Missing….”

Anyway, last summer Bruckheimer produced the movie Déjà Vu which brings up some interesting questions about what really went down on Lost. While all the internet bulletin boards say that the flashbacks were flash forwards… I have another idea.. In Déjà Vu, the main character Doug Karlin hooks up with the FBI to go back in time to prevent terrorists from blowing up a boat. However, at the end of the movie it occurs to the viewer that Karlin kept going back in time until he got it right,… so what we saw in the movie Déjà Vu was not really the first time he was on this mission… (He kept leaving clues for himself for the next time around.. Go see the movie if this is confusing!)

Well.. What happens if Lost is the same idea? Karlin was on a mission and had to keep going back till he got it right… maybe Jack was on a mission to go to the island until he “got it right”. Do you really think ABC would allow the show to become a tale of the Losties post island after a similar concept flopped so badly on “The Nine”? My theory is the flashback was not a flash forward…. and Jack is on a mission on that island until he gets it right. Therefore he crashed on the island knowing all along that he had something he had to do.. And Kate knew him and is in on it.. I know there is an issue with the very modern cell phone he was using in the flash back/forward… . Just remember that cell phones produced in Asia and Europe are much more advanced than the ones sold here, and a lot of people here like to import their cell phones.. I read the Washington Post Tech column - some of these phones of the future are so advanced they can core a apple! Another thing to keep in mind that all of the plane crash survivors on the island are basically unhappy people. Hurley feels cursed after he won the lottery.. The pregnant Korean woman cheated on her husband.. Rose has cancer.. Locke can’t walk.. Etc. There could be something to the theory that they are happier in their little island society. Maybe they were all on a field trip for Tsuris Anonymous.

There are 3 characters who make me wonder about this scenario… Jack, Kate, and Juliet… Lets say he would have gotten off with Juliet as was the original deal, before Locke blew up the boat. Would he have wanted to come back for the rest of them? Yet here he is back in the real world with Kate and he feels that he has some unfinished business. And Kate is always eager to go back and rescue people… now she’s happy to be back home? Unless of course they were rescued and USA time doesn’t correspond with Island time and they are at a point where Jack’s dad is alive and Kate has not been arrested for murder!

The question in my mind is who is to say that the first 3 seasons are not his “return mission”? And if there is an agenda…. maybe it behooves Kate and Jack to act like they don’t know each other… Of course, the whole agenda wouldn't involve rescuing the Losties.. They weren’t stranded there before their own plane crash. . (And Jack actually makes a comment about surviving another plane crash and not caring about the other passengers.. Hmmm) Maybe something else is on the island that he came back for.. And now is the time for him to leave with “it“….. Its unlikely it’s the others… since Jack kicked some major Ben ass… Or.. Maybe there was someone else somewhere in that crazy island? Or Survivors of Dharma? Or maybe it’s a time travel thing where he can save the people that Ben murdered. Hey, it worked on Heroes where Hiro went to the future to figure out how to change the past.. Why can’t Lost use it too?

To paraphrase eBay…. What is “it” that Jack needs to bring back? And it looks like he found “it” since he is very eager to get the heck outta there. Could “it” be Juliet? They’re both brilliant doctors…plus Elizabeth Mitchell is hotter than a pistol!! (While youre renting Deja vu.. Pick up the movie Gia)… He had a little smoochie kiss w/ her but moments later did tell Kate that he loves her. Maybe his mission is to bring her back because she holds the key to some amazing medical breakthrough in the real world that the others recruited her to do for them? She did pull off some incredible scientific feats prior to her departure to Lost Island.

SPEAKING OF JACK.. It looks like Jack Bauer and his compatriots at 24 are getting the shark jumping gear ready. They haven’t jumped it just yet.. But they are on the beach getting their flippers ready.. That is of course unless they can turn things around with a “new concept” we are being promised for 2008. Maybe they will have hot babes holding 24 suitcase bombs and each week Jack Bauer asks another one to “open the case”. One highlight was Powers Boothe rendition of Noah Daniels.. The craziest vice president since Dick Cheney. His overacting was actually getting enjoyable and the way his lovely blonde assistant totally cheated on him with a spy when he thought they were in love actually led to the creation of a fascinating new character. This after they wasted the talents of the Logans and Aaron Pierce from last season in one exciting episode that had zero follow up. I’m giving 24 a free pass for this season.. But things better pick up next year. After all, how long can I go on watching 24 live and Heroes on NBC.com on Tuesday might? And those of us who do that, have to be social outcasts every Tuesday to avoid any watercooler Heroes chat.

SPEAKING OF NOAH - So the horned rim glasses guy in Heroes is named Noah, eh… Wow.. I Just loved that finale.. Although I did get a bit distracted when I saw that both the cheerleader and Ali Larter were finally in a scene together. Va va voom!! “Save The Cheerleader Save the World” became quite relevant at the end of the season when it became obvious that the earlier episode that kept her away from the power hungry brain eating Sylar prevented him from acquiring her talent of being un-killable. You gotta give the producers credit.. They took an incredibly preposterous idea and turned it into a wildly entertaining television show.. I mean this episode featured home nurse Peter Petrelli finding out that his patient from the first episode knew all along about Petrelli’s role in the upcoming explosion? And he has the ability to communicate with time traveling Peter Petrelli and regular time Peter Petrelli at the same time. And at the end, ol Nate turns out to be a good man… Brilliant! Now we gotta find out if Sylar survives… I think Zachary Quinto already clinched his Emmy. And who is the boogie man that the little cutie pie/human lojack was speaking of? And what is the true identity of the character who can change her/his appearance at will? My only complaint is they didn’t do too much with that nice Jewish Girl Hannah Gitelman aka Wireless who was in and out in one episode. Heroes is currently the best show on TV.. Even better than 24... The Heroes finale has less watercooler talk than Lost.. But definitely a fantastic season!

Coming Soon: In Part II, we will talk about other new shows that caught my fancy this season, and a look ahead at the new TV season.



Now time for the clip of the week.... and our salute to the retiring game show legend Bob Barker. Today we present the first segment of the episode that started it all... keep an eye out for the first item up for bids, and what the legal rights holders did to the episode to make Bob happy!

Speaking of game show legends.. I just heard as I was posting this that my old pal Charles Nelson Reilly has passed away. Here's a pic of Chuck to look at before you watch Bob!