Thursday, December 13, 2007

A Letter to Blogspot

Dear Mr. Blogspot,

Hi its Nate from Nate's World of Words. Got a question about the sick days package with Blogspot... Y'see I have this weekly commitment to provide football picks and I have been sick all week with bronchitis. Do I still have to do a regular column too or can I just do picks and a Clip of the Week?

I started feeling sick on Sunday morning... we had about 30 people over the night before, and both Pumpstradamus and Musical Genius Neil Fein came over with their colds... but I don't blame them for this bug.... DAS had a cold too, but he blames it on the Republicans that we don't have good health care in America.

Speaking of liberals it was neat to hear Alan Colmes on with Imus this morning. I got a kick out of how Imus had no recollection of where he was when WNBC went off the air with Alan at the helm and switched the 66 singnal over to WFAN while Imus was live.... at Shea Stadium. But I couldn't believe it when Alan said he thought Edwards was going to win the Democratic nomination because of his hair... it's all about the hair!! That is exactly what I said here on NWOW back on October 25th!

I did put together the Clip of the Week. As you know my Temple, the place where I met Trophy Wife back on December 29, 2001 is sponsoring a fantastic show that answers the age old question "What do you do Christmas Eve if you are Jewish"? And we welcome those of you who googled their way over here after asking that question! Well this year our Temple along with East Brunswick Jewish Center is sponsoring a fantastic show starring singer Avi Maza. It will be held on December 24th starting at 7pm at The East Brunswick Jewish Center on 511 Ryders Lane in East Brunswick, NJ. Avi is known for doing shows and bar/bat mitzvahs and weddings.. heck we would have used him for our wedding, if we knew he would allow Trophy Wife to grab a microphone and sing along as she did that fateful day! Anyway, I have been helping out with the publicity and Avi sent me some video and music he had done.. and voila we have a promotional video! Avi's show will be "The Great American Songbook" featuring music by legendary Jewish singers such as Manilow, Streisand, Gershwin, The Beastie Boys, etc. Just kidding about The Beastie Boys. And you won't have to fight for your right to party because as you can see... Avi puts on a great show. And on top of that, they will have an All You Can Eat Glatt Kosher Chinese Buffet! The price is $40... 36 in advance if you call 732-545-6482. Now aren't you happy you googled "What is there to do for a Jew on Christmas Eve?"

And as a add on bonus... here is another slightly different version that was the original promo. A couple of graphics are different, and the music is slightlly altered...

Anyway Mr. Blogspot, I spent Wednesday at home watching my first Drew Carey episode of The Price is Right... coincidentally it was Bob Barker's b'day. It's nice to see Drew with his Barker-esque reminder to help control the pet population - and I was really amazed that the showcase showdown actually had a very familiar theme song come up. I stood up in my couch like a bolt when I heard the Match Game music come on and saw that the models mismatched answers was actually the prize in the showcase - Good thing the answer wasn't old Match Game '7x favorite "tinkle"! I would have known I was delirous if the ghosts of Brett, Chuck and Gene would have appeared on the screen... but alas it was not to be.

The other thing I watched that day was the annual Dateline NBC Ann Curry update of the McCaughey Septuplets who are now 10 years old. I can't wait till down the road in one of the annual specials that they have become unruly teenagers and if God forbid one of them shows starts dating a tattooed guy with a Harley! Can you imagine if one of the boys on the 18th special tries to put the shmaneuver on the ageless Ann Curry?

The 11 o'clock news came on next but all it was that night was teases touting the infamous Mitchell Report that was going to out the players who were taking steroids. I really don't know why baseball continues to shoot itself in the foot by airing its dirty laundry. Don't they know how to manage their PR and put on a happy face and make everything sweet and sugary for the little pishers who love baseball and the memoribilia store owners who make a ton of profits in the 2 wks before Christmas? What does publicizing these names accomplish??

The strike from 1994 crippled the game and just by luck it was able to bounce back the following year when Cal Ripken broke Lou Gehrig's game playing record for baseball to look fun again. And even urban legend has it that Ripken's streak would have ended earlier than it did but a game was postponed when he caught his wife in bed with a famous actor and was too distraught to attend, so the Orioles "faked" a stadium lighting problem forcing the game's postponement. The story is apparently just an urban legend... but the fact is that if it was any unknown player whose wife was found in bed with an actor, we would shrug it off since actors and actresses apparently have sex with anybody. If that is the case, doesn't the publication of this steroid list by MLB do the same image damage that the acting world would do if they listed every actor and actress that had adulterous sex in order to earn a job! I don't see that list being published, and theoretically adultery violates one of the ten commandments so isn't that worse than steroids?

Finally Mr. Blogspot, I decided that I needed to sleep so I popped in some comfort food into the dvd player... "The Sound of Music".... the legendary Rogers and Hammerstein musical and the cure to soothe all of us who have a fever. I also had been reading through an old book of cartoons written by the legendary Bil Keane of The Family Circus but as I drifted off to cough medicine induced sleepy-land, I had the strangest dream. It was like a long movie trailer with a narrator...

Bil Von Keane led the charmed life. A retired Navy Captain, his life was filled with structure and discipline. Every morning after he woke up at precisely 0600, he drew a circle and moments later had a funny cartoon about his kids. The early successes of his cartoons gave him the opportunity to publish many books along with book signings across the country including a Barnes and Noble in NJ where he had the opportunity to once meet Former NJ Governor Tom Kean prompting Von Keane to declare.. "Why the hell do you pronounce your name cane? It should be Keane!"

Buyers of his books noticed something very interesting. On the back covers it had a biography of Bil Von Keane which told people that he was the father of 5 kids. But in The Family Circus strip.. there was only Billy, Jeffy, Dolly and PJ. What happened to the 5th kid? Why wasn't the 5th kid in the strip? What could that kid have done that was so bad to be left out of the strip?? Did Von Keane once threaten.. ."Either you finish your Brussells Sprouts... or I am dropping you from the comic strip!" Did he hit Dolly in the head with a frying pan?

The kids were a bit much.. as was his wife. She always complained that she only had one hairstyle change since 1950. Ultimately he befriended 2 young boys who were hired to "take care of her". Actually they ended up adopting her as their mom and she was always baking and cooking and sewing and the young men never drove her nuts. It was a nice arrangement.. she even changed her hairstyle on a regular basis. Later on she studies Kabballah and like Madonna, changed her name to Esther.

But Bil Von Keane was a strict disciplinarian and he knew he needed help with the kids and the house. He hired an ex nun named Maria to be their governess. He was always entertaining guests at his big house and every evening prior to bedtime all the children had to come to the steps to bid the guests Good Night. And every night it was the same. Von Keane stepped forward... blew his whistle and each child stepped forward and announced his name...





"The Fifth Kid"...

And then they would all join in... "So Long, Farewell, auf weedershen adieu... Adieu Adieu to You and You and You and You and You.... Doo doo doo doo doo.

But a lot of secrets were hidden in the Von Keane house. Dolly had a telegram delivery friend named Elmo who lived near Dagwood Bumstead. Elmo used to spend a lot of quiet moments with her in the Von Keane gazebo. But Dolly was starting to lose Elmo... as the delivery boy was getting seduced by a growing militia from the Evil German Empire. The Germans were trying to persuade Von Keane to show his support for the incoming German regime...and join their military... but he refused! Ultimately the Von Keanes had to leave town, but just as their escape was complete there facing them with a drawn pistol was... Elmo??

Thankfully Trophy Wife woke me up at that point to remind me to take my medicine to help me sleep!

Thanks for your consideration Mr. Blogspot. I am almost 100% better and I plan to have my usual silliness posted right here next week!


Nate from Nate's World of Words

PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK: What's happening with Pumpie? He lost again last week dropping to 10-4. This week we go to New Jersey which is now the first state to repeal the death penalty. This week, The Jets travel to New England, where the Patriots are a historical 23 1/2 point favorite. Pump was very proud because he heard Frank Deford talking about Bill Belichick on NPR.. "Is he with the Jets" asked the Pump... When informed that he is the Patriots Coach, the Pump said.. "Frank Deford is the Patriots coach?" Moments later he had his pick ready: "Since my friend Barry is a Patriots fan, and since Barry is helping us with the Avi Maza concert.. in his honor I take the Patriots!"

UNBIASED GIANTS FAN PICKS OF THE WEEK: Last week we went 1-2 to get to 21-19-2. This week let's start predicting the downfall of the Giants prospective first round opponents since it looks like they have pretty much wrapped up a playoff spot.

GIANTS 4 1/2 faves over Washington - Gosh a prime time game where a win would clinch a playoff spot? Why does this game make me sooooo nervous?

Atlanta 13 1/2 doggies over TAMPA BAY - It's been a rough week for the Falcons - especially after their coach bolted for Arkansas and former QB Michael Vick pretty much said adios to his teammates.

CAROLINA 7 1/2 doggies over Seattle - I see a late season pre playoff swoon for the Giants probable first round opponents... Hopefully it won't be the Giants who have the swoon.

BONUS CLIP OF THE WEEK; From the subliminal seduction department.... since the Avi Maza Christmas Eve Show features Chinese Food... here is a song about Jews eating Chinese Food on Christmas! Mmmmmm Yummy.,... The song is called "Chinese Food on Christmas",... but I renamed it Chinese Food and Avi Maza on Christmas!

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