Baseball Quarterly Report: Top 14 Teams of 2008

Well... if Lost can have the Oceanic Six.. we can have the NWOW 14! Tonight is Opening Night on ESPN... and many fantasy leagues held their drafts today. Now those of you home from your drafts will be sitting there tonight watching the Braves-Nationals game starting a 6 month odyssey/obsession with your stats.

The first full week of the baseball season gets underway this week.... of course we already had those 2 Boston Oakland games from Japan that nobody watched...(except for Barry the local Boston Red Sox fan) Were the A's fans really going to stay up till 3 AM! to watch a game? - This whole Japanese games things is just so silly. I still remember the good ol' days where the first game of the season always took place in Cincinnati and the rest of the games came on later in the afternoon. Now ESPN has a Braves Nationals game on tonight, and The Reds don't kick off till after 2 on Monday... 2 American League games will already have started by then.

Monday is the culmination of 5 terrific days in sports.. 4 days of the NCAA leading to the Final 4 and then Opening Day. Usually Opening Day coincides with the NCAA Championship Game.. but this year the first full day of the baseball season is March 31..


So who are the top 14 teams of the year... As usual we start in the National League and move East to West starting with....

THE METS - Time for my boys to get back to 2006 mode.. except this year, the St. Louis Cardinals will not interfere with their Road to the World Series.... the Cardinals will be too busy trying not to lose 110 games! The Mets go into the new year with some glaring holes on offense, but their bullpen is solid and the rotation looks much improved with Johan Santana, plus a full year of Pedro, and the ever improving John Maine and the surprisingly improved Oliver Perez. The outfield is a tad shaky.... but its always fun to watch ESPN Games to hear Jon Miller announce Carlos Beltraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. Hopefully Beltraaaaaaaaaaaaan will stay healthy because LF and RF are not solid. Luckily the Mets have a pretty strong left side of the infield and they are praying that Carlos Delgado has another year left in the tank.. I think they will grow to regret trading away Lastings Milledge... but Met fans will be too focused on the Pennant Race with the Phils and Braves to get overly worried. Nonetheless, the Mets probably should have acquired another outfielder during the spring... we'll see if it comes back to bite them in the tushie.

Philly - Now Enemy #1 to Mets fans after they took advantage of the Mets 2007 choke job and snatched the division. The Phils have a decent rotation anchored by young Cole Hamels and Brent Myers who is back as a starter after a year in the pen. Old man Jamie Moyer continues to chug along, and watch out for Kyle Kendrick who went 10-4 last year. Brad Lidge comes over from Houston as the stopper. Offensively, they have what they had last year. A lot of pop with Ryan Howard and a phenomenal hitting middle infield with Chase Utley and Jimmy Rollins. You gotta give credit to Pat Burrell also, he consistently hits close to 30 homers each year. Unlike last year they are going to be in the division race from Day One... so Mets fans wont have to worry about another late choke job with the Phillies making a huge comeback. The Phils are for real this year, and won't far too fall of the pace, and this might mean that the Wild Card is coming out of the East.

Atlanta - Tom Glavine is back in Atlanta rejoining John Smoltz, a rejuvenated Tim Hudson, and Mike Hampton who came back from years of injuries. Braves teams of yesteryear were built on pitching, and if these veterans can stay healthy, the East will be a 3 team race. However, Smoltz has some injury troubles that could drastically hurt this team, especially with Glavine's aging and Hamptons shakiness. He has been injured so much lately he could homeschool his kids. (A little dig at Hampton who didnt want to pitch for the Mets because of the local school systems.) Andruw Jones is gone, but Chipper had a great year, they get a full year of 1B Mark Texiera and Brian McCann is a terrific catcher so the team should contend for the Wild Card. Rafael Soriano comes in out of the bullpen as the stopper - he has already posted some pretty good numbers as the set up man.

Cubbies - They might cruise to the division, unless the Astros can get it together with their new look team. The Cubbies have some solid players with outfielder Alfonso Soriano and corner infielders Derek Lee and Aramis Ramirez. When I saw the new Japanese player was named Fukudome... I thought that was the name of a new stadium! Carlos Zambrano and Ted Lilly anchor the pitching staff - but who knows how long Kerry Wood can last as the stopper? He might actually thrive in that role since he won't be forced to pitch more than an inning at a time. Lou Pinella as manager should help them out in an incredibly weak division.

Houston - This is the team that could sneak up on a lot of people who are so into the Brewers this year...... Houston totally revamped their team for '08. but the major concern is the starting rotation. After Roy Oswalt, who is gonna pitch? Wandy Rodriguez as the #2 starter? Do any fantasy drafts today have any other Astros starters getting drafted? If the Astros discover a young rookie and make a trade they could quickly straighten out the rotation. Jose Valverde is a solid acquisition for the pen. Offensively, Carlos Lee and Lance Berkman are joined by a full year of young Hunter Pence plus Shortstop Miguel Tejada and speedy outfielder Michael Bourn who quietly had a terrific year with the Phllies in '07. The Astros also picked up former Met Kaz Matsui from Colorado... but he is out for now due to an Anal Fissure. Anal Fissure? Is that any relation to Ira Joe Fissure.

Arizona - Their already solid rotation got even better when they snagged Dan Haren from Oakland to join Brandon Webb and the ageless Randy Johnson. Brandon Lyon will save the games replacing Jose Valverde who went to the 'Stros. The hitting looks pretty good this year with some major speed in the outfield coming from Eric Byrnes and Chris Young. Both also have some pop in their bats. The rest of the offense leaves a bit to be desired, but the pitching staff is strong enough to carry the team through some low scoring 2-1 or 3-2 games... sort of like The Mets.

Colorado - Last years surprise pennant winners look to continue the hot streak. They also fulfilled a prediction I have made in previous baseball columns - there is so much parity in baseball (moreso in the NL than the AL where its either feast or famine) that a team can put together a big winning streak in September to catapult them right into the wild card race. Thats what the Rox did... and they bring back the same offense with Roy Halladay, Garrett Atkins, Todd Helton, Brad Hawpe and Todd Tulowitzki. That is some hitting team!! Manny Corpas took over as stopper last season and never looked back.. They only have one solid starter in Jeff Francis... and like a number of other teams, they will be shopping for pitching during the season.

San Diego - The last NL team to make the list... Wait, No Dodgers?? Sorry... Joe Torre ain't with the Yankees anymore and the LA Dodgers are nowhere near as good as the Yankees from '96-'00 when Torre really established himself... However, the Padres get the edge here, although they will probably finish with a slightly better record... but not by much. The starting looks solid with Jake Peavy, Chris Young... (not the same as the D-back outfielder) and veteran warhorse Greg Maddux who always figures out a way to get to 14 wins. Trevor Hoffman is a seasoned pro who should be able to bounce back from last years meltdown. Like LA, the offense is just ok.. and with that ballpark, it is going to be tough to get a lot of home runs, even though they have some solid hitters in 1b Adrian Gonzales, ss Khalil Greene and 3b Kevin Kouzmanoff. The Pods just barely make it in as the #14 team.

Yankees - First of all Let's hope Stadium PA Announcer Bob Shepherd makes a full recovery. The 90 something Shepherd is still "under the weather" and will not be around for the start of the season. He did conduct an interview with Neil Best from the Watchdog blog on Newsday... so apparently his age has not caught up with him. This season's team is putting a lot of faith in their young pitching staff with Chien Ming Wang being the only sure thing. Andy Pettite and Mike Mussina might be near the end of the rope, so the young guys they did not trade for Johan Santana might have to step up to cover the slack. Mariano Rivera is Mariano Rivera 'nuff said, and the offense remains basically the same as '07 so as usual the Bombers are going to be tough. Last year, they couldn't pull off the division title, but still got the Wild Card. This year's big question is will the starting pitching issues get them back to the playoffs.... and will ARod be hitting on other players' wives as he allegedly did with Mrs. Canseco? For more on this topic... see today's Clip of the Week.

Boston - The World Champs and more trash talking by local Red Sox fan Barry. He's still chirping about the Celtics terrific season, but his Patriot talk has been refreshingly quiet since The Super Bowl. :) He actually pointed out to me yesterday that he saw a T- Shirt that said... "2007 New England Patriots - 18 Wins and One Giant Loss'. Good to see that the Patroits fans are recuperating! Anyway, despite the loss of Curt Schilling the Sox look good again this year. The young players in the lineup are one year older, although Mike Lowell probably won't repeat his '07 stats, but the drop in his numbers will be offset by the monster year expected of Manny Ramirez who is playing for a new contract. He already has 5 RBIs. Jonathan Papelbon continues to anchor the bullpen. The Sox made mincemeat out of the Rockies in the World Series and they will probably do likewise to the American League during the '08 season.

Toronto - Is Toronto really in Eastern Canada?? If they said they were in Western Canada and moved to the Western Division, would anyone know the difference, especially since we Americans really don't know much about Canadian geography. Its tough to be a Blue Jay fan playing 3rd fiddle to NY and Boston. This years Blue Jays look pretty good except for that bizarre trade that got them oft injured Scott Rolen for the slightly less oft injured Troy Glaus. The rest of the team is back... with some good pop in the outfield provided by Vernon Wells and Alex Rios plus DH Frank Thomas. The rotation is solid with Roy Halladay, AJ Burnett, Dustin McGowan and the very underrated Shawn Marcum. (I had him on my rotis team and it's harder to find him on scouting sheets than it is to find Toronto on a map!). The Jays look pretty solid and might actually briefly contend for the top of the division if either The Yankees or Red Sox get off to a slow start.

Cleveland - If you follow the Indians, you realize that no stopper pitches into more trouble than Joe Borowski.. a modern day version of Doug Sisk. He is back again in '08 as the Indians will battle it out again with Detroit. CC Sabathia and Fausto Carmona could each win 20 but will sit white knuckled in the dugout during those 9th inning Borowski high wire acts. The offense has the usual cast who have gone from young players to superstars led by Catcher Victor Martinez, DH Travis Hafner and Outfielder Grady Sizemore. If Cliff Lee can bounce back to his pre-2007 form, the Indians could be on their way to the Playoffs.

Detroit - Their primary votes don't count, their mayor is in a ton of trouble... but The Tigers look terrific. They made the big trade of the offseason acquiring Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis from Florida... 2 more guys whose primary votes did not count. Everybody is high on Justin Verlander to anchor the staff with Jeremy Bonderman, Willis, Nate Robertson and 40+ Kenny Rogers. Todd Jones anchors the pen again for now. Offensively, Cabrera gets support from a strong supporting cast of Curtis Granderson, Magglio Ordonez, Carlos Guillen and Gary Sheffield. They may not be able to vote, but their team is strong. Just for fun, I hear MLB won't count their All Star Ballots either.

Seattle - The Mariners saw a decent rotation get a lot stronger with the acquisition of Eric Bedard from Baltimore. He joins Felix Hernandez and a deep staff featuring #5 starter Miguel Batista who won 15 games. JJ Putz has my favorite name of any player... although I do call Pirate Outfielder Nate McLouth - McLovin' in honor of the Superbad character. Offensively, if Adrian Beltre, Richie Sexson and Raul Ibanez can get it together, they along with leadoff man Ichiro Suzuki can score quite a few runs. The Angels were my original choice for the 1 spot from The AL West for this Top 14 list but the injuries to John Lackey and Kelvin Escobar have catapulted The Mariners to the top of the division.



NL Surprise - Houston Astros - If Tejada can get past his steroid controversy, this could be a good year for them... but they will need another starter.

AL Surprise - Chicago White Sox - They probably would be a contender if they were not in such a tough division. They will be the Denver Nuggets of Baseball.

NL Disappointment LA Dodgers - I like Joe Torre, but he always had problems in the NL.... This Dodger team has the pitching, but aside from James Loney and Russel Martin, the offense ain't too spectacular.

AL Disappointment LA Angels - the Lackey/Escobar injuries and the loss of Orlando Cabrera will be too much to overcome.

NL Division Winners - Phillies, Cubbies, D-Backs
NL Wild Card - The Mets

AL Division Winners - Boston, Detroit, Seattle
AL Wild Card - Cleveland

ALCS - Boston vs. Detroit
ALCS - Mets vs. Phillies

World Series - Mets against Detroit. Who else will I pick?? The Mets of course! Hey I didn't pick 'em in '06 when I picked St. Louis!


CLIP OF THE WEEK - Just in case you didn't get up to see the Red Sox and A's, Gary Thorne who I think is a terrific announcer, especially when he would fly across the country from late night hockey games to daytime Met games pulls a blooper here when he gets Jose Canseco mixed up with Jason Giambi. Might have been the jet lag flying to Japan?? Thanks to Awful Announcing for originally finding and posting this clip.



CLIP OF THE WEEK 2

Here to get you in the mood for another season... is the Terry Cashman song "Talking Baseball"



WIDGET OF THE WEEK - Here is a chance to follow the Opening Week Scores. I might move this to the sidebar if people like it.

The Living Daylights - A Movie Club Column

Well its that time of the year again... March Madness is in full swing... and if you can take a break from all the craziness in the news involving Spitzer, Bear Stearns, Darlene Rodriguez's husband, Obamas crazy minister, and the crumbling economy to keep track of your brackets... you are more organized than I am. And how about the Long Island supporters of John White who feel he should be free, but want the father of the boy he shot dead, arrested because in a fit of anger he hypothesized about the double standard if White's son had been killed! Ok... lets get it straight... the White supporters say he doesn't deserve to be jailed for the death of Daniel Cicciaro.. but the dad should be jailed for "threatening" White's son. Are these people nuts or what?? Talk about March Madness!

On top of that, Its also almost baseball season which means my rotisserie draft is just around the corner which means I get a little sporadic with my blogging schedule. Incidentally, I must have done something right last March because my hoops and baseball prep helped me finish 2nd in my baseball league and my 2007 brackets netted me an almost perfect 2nd NCAA weekend.... I nailed the Elite 8 and I was one UNC choke job away from picking the Final 4 until they lost to Georgetown. By the way, it was interesting listening to the Friday afternoon WFAN update when the reporter talking about Georgetown player Patrick Ewing, Jr., identified him as Patrick Ewing's son! Talk about overstating the obvious.

One other thing - all these people who jumped on Georgia's short lived bandwagon after their improbable SEC tournament win which featured a doubleheader victory last Saturday after a tornado ripped through Atlanta right before their scheduled quarterfinal game.... forcing them into the Saturday twinbill. Did you catch the coverage on CNN after the tornado hit?? Every night before midnight, CNN sends domestic viewers to a Larry King repeat and overseas viewers to a CNN International newscast anchored by a foreign correspondent right out of CNN Headquarters in Atlanta. It used to feature a very entertaining British guy who I watched when I went on a cruise a few years ago. That night, CNN switched everyone to CNN International for Tornado Coverage. Well this woman who was anchoring the news that fateful night is from some other country and all of a sudden found herself anchoring live coverage of a tornado hitting a city you could tell she did not want to live in and knew very little about! Some reporter was called in... and his live reports outside CNN Headquarters mentioned landmarks this woman had no clue about! It was almost as if she was holding up a sign begging her boss to transfer her out of the USA back to whatever country she is from!! And her attempts to explain the SEC Tourney game which was postponed due to tornado damage to the arena? Hysterical! First it was the basketball championships... then it was the college championships... then it was something else... she had absolutely no clue!


Anyway, I figured I need some time away from the news, ESPN, and Clark Kellogg so we could catch up with the Movie Club. Today we are going to review The Living Daylights - the James Bond movie starring Timothy Dalton.... the 4th of the 6 Bonds. Pumpstradamus and my buddy Steve who picked out the films for this series came over the other day and we popped in the DVD. By the way muchas gracias to Blockbuster in Somerset... I rented the movie during a rainstorm and their credit card machine was down and they very kindly allowed me to rent the video without paying in advance. I went back a day or two later and paid for it AND the Giants DVD.. but special thanks to Blockbuster for putting Nate on the honor system.

After seeing Connery and Moore as Bond, I knew we were in for a bit of a disappointment, but strangely enough Dalton's movie actually has a well presented storyline.. the problem is Dalton is not as Bond-a-licious as the previous Bonds. Whereas Sean and Roger played the part rather tongue in cheek with a dash of studliness, Dalton is all business here... with only the occasional wisecrack. In the last anthology we did here at NWOW, the 4th Robert Altman movie was Short Cuts (see the 9/6/07 column) which featured a key storyline involving a cellist. Coincidentally, the 4th Bond movie also features a storyline involving a cellist.

Heres the trailer...




After the opening segment introducing Bond, we hear the latest theme song, a recording by A-HA named for the movies title that basically sucks. Its definitely no Take on Me, nor anywhere as good as the other Bond movie theme songs. Once the opening credits are done, we get right to the meat of the storyline - Bonds is assigned to assist the defecting Russian general Koskov - a topical storyline for the 80s when the Russians Communists were the big meanies. Bond has to keep an eye out for snipers as the General chooses the intermission of a classical music concert to make his escape. Bond however realizes that a rooftop sniper is ready to pounce, and is amazed to discover that this KGB sniper is actually the hot cellist! Despite orders to shoot to kill, he instead opts to hit her in the arm.... which one would think would present him with the opportunity to get to know this babe a little better.

However, the Dalton Bond is more in touch with his instincts than his hormones in this movie. He insists that his refusal to kill the cellist was because he wasnt 100% sure of General Koskov's truthiness.... Koskov is a touchy feely huggy kind of guy....he gives Bond a big hug once he is safe... I could almost see Richard Simmons playing this role! Bond puts together an elaborate scheme to get Koskov outta town by driving him to a Pipeline guard station, and basically giving him a little ride in one of those tubes like they used to have in (Tr)action Park in the late 1980s... ... except this time was in a pipeline headed right to Vienna. Steve gets the geography gold star for pointing out Austria's proximity to Russia... while Pumpstradamus told us that while watching this film in the theater in 1987 , he informed his fellow viewers that a storyline sympathetic to Afghans was misguided since he predicted that these people would eventually turn out to be Al Qaeda terrorists. I wasn't there but I'll take his word for it.

Ultimately, Bond decides to find out more about this young chickie...Kara played by Maryam D'abo. After he continues to run into trouble with her, you start to wonder if maybe Bond might have been better off just shooting her in the beginning of the film. Bond helps Kara escape from Russia... but she won't go anywhere without her cello - and when its time to escape the Russians on a ski mountain, Bond realizes that a cello case makes a great snow board!! As it turns out, the cellist has amor for another fella... but Bond being Bond still tries to make his move including a trip to the Prater Amusement Park where he takes her up on a Ferris Wheel while wearing a tux. Ultimately, that is also the scene where another agent meets his demise triggering a mad manhunt which features a Russian assassin played by Andreas Wisniewski who back then bore an uncanny resemblance to Jason McElwain in 2008. Jason is that terrific Autistic kid who scored a ton of points in a high school basketball game 2 years ago.

As usual we see the cool gadgets at the laboratory... including a key ring whose explosion is triggered when one whistles at a hot chickie. Hopefully that wasnt what caused that crane collapse last week... you know how horny those construction workers can get. During the traditional gadget demonstration scene, one of them was actually activated offstage by.... Prince Charles! He was visiting the set that day with Princess Diana and just for fun, he got the chance to participate in that days filming.

The plot moves smoothly along with a number of twists and turns. I especially got a kick out of the pipeline escape and the scene where the not too attractive Russian female guard used her breasts to distract the incredibly bored male guard. The actor who played him also played a Jewelry forger in Octopussy. Ultimately, the whole story revolves around Koskov being mixed up in a plot with a wacko American arms dealer/military obsessed nutjob named Whitaker whose foyer features a hallway of lifelike wax figures of famous dictators. Joe Don Baker does a great job in this role... The bad guys end up hatching a plot to let Bond believe that a Russian general is involved in a plot to kill off secret agents... many of them friends of Mr. Bond.

In a moment of weakness, Kara trips up Bond... who ends up as a prisoner on a plane to Russia en route to a jail cell at an Afghan airfield. Back then, Russia was the big bad wolf, and Afghan rebels where these poor people trying to fight off the Russian Army using horses. However keep in mind our training of the Afghans ultimately led to the creation of the Al Qaeda terrorists, so although they might have been sympathetic 20 years ago, its really hard to root for them in this movie when you watch it in 2008. The movie culminates with a preposterous mid air fight outside an airplane that looks even scarier when you watch the extras on the DVD and see how ridiculously insane the filming was for these poor stuntmen! In any other Bond movie... everything is preposterous.. but with this one being played out so seriously... a crazy finale like this looks somewhat out of place.

One major change from prior movies - there is a new MoneyPenny!! The other Moneypenny was in her late 40s and a tad too plain for Mr. Bond, but she always flirted with him. The new Moneypenny... is played by Caroline Bliss who at 26 is just too good looking to be flirting with Bond without him wanting to get some action.... especially when the laboratory features a collapsible couch that has a hidden compartment perfect for the ol' hocus mcpocus. . By the way, IMDB says Bliss appeared in a 2nd Bond movie, but hasnt acted since 1996. The computers in this movie are pretty interesting... they don't really look too "futuristic".. but the internet research abilities are quite impressive for the late 80s. I was almost waiting for them to watch the NCAA tournament on CBSSports.com.

Overall as Bond movies go, Dalton was rather bland. But if this were another movie involving a character not named James Bond... lets say one of those Matt Damon/Nicholas Cage flicks or even one featuring a character named Gaydolf Titler... this would be a pretty good movie. (And why was Titler funny... but Oprah-Uma wasn't??) The theme song by A-ha just didnt do it for me... but the musical score was ok. but when all was said and done, this particular Bond despite his serious side got involved in a pretty good story. and the scenery looks terrific.. even though the end is just a tad absurd. The movie might have been better if they didn't sidetrack into the whole Afghan rebel storyline, but that might just be my own Post 9/11 bias. On a scale of 1 to 4 bladders meaning how less likely you would be to leave in the middle to go to the bathroom.... The Living Daylights gets 2 and a half bladders.


Next Movie: Pierce Brosnan in Tomorrow Never Dies.


Clip of the week I

Here is the review that appeared on The Siskel and Ebert show 20 years ago. Watch as Roger tries to figure out exactly how to pronounce the name Maryam D'Abo!


Clip of the Week II

Dalton on CBS this morning with Kathleen Sullivan plugging the movie including an interesting theory why Bond doesnt get as much hoochy mcscoochy in this flick....

His Lipas Are Sealed

Well originally, I thought the big news story of the week was the reappearance of Waris Dirie.. the 80s supermodel who recently vanished. The actress who had a brief part in "The Living Daylights" had been missing, but was found alive and well just one day before we screened her only movie for next week's Movie Club Review. But that story got out-Spitzered when the big scandalous news broke on Monday afternoon. The New York Times gets credit for breaking the Spitzer angle first... its second journalistic coup in 2 days... one day after the article on Sunday about Musical Genius Neil Fein's sister-in-law's wedding. See his blog to link to the article. In a Kevin Bacon-esque twist, you will notice that the bride is friends with All My Children's Melissa Claire Egan who appeared as a kid on Conan in a spelling bee skit with Scarlett Johanson whose first movie North was in 1994.. the same year of the miniseries Scarlett starting... The Living Daylights' Timothy Dalton!

The Spitzer fiasco is the most exciting scandal to hit these parts since Jim McGreevey. But even though there were rumors that McGreevey is gay, nobody had a clue that Spitzer was mixing it up with some high priced call girls! Interestingly enough, The Star Ledger had a story about the arrests of the 4 ringleaders of this prostitution ring in Friday's paper... but of course who woulda thought that Governor Spitzer was a part of this? The Ledger story was pretty matter of fact.. calling attention to the fact that a 62 year old male arrested was living with a 23 year old woman who was also nailed in the scandal. 32 year old Tameka Lewis who was also in the Ledger story allegedly was the liaison to Spitzer in booking the "entertainment"... she apparently is no relation to the Tameka who is in the process of bringing down former Newark Mayor Sharpe James.

It looks like the whole scandal was a witch hunt... since the FBI could care less if someone breaks the obscure 1910 Mann Laws which forbids bringing hookers across state lines. How ironic that Spitzer graduated from Horace Mann High School. Of course when you create a reputation as the poster child for morality, you are bound to fall hard when you get caught with you hand in the... well use your imagination. According to The Times, it seems that Spitzer was the source of an IRS investigation from Day One after some serious cash transfer irregularities were discovered by some banks... Why wasn't this prostitution ring set up to take Pay Pal?.

Its too bad for Spitzer.. he already drew a ton of criticism for favoring Drivers Licenses for illegal immigrants.. I guess letting them drive makes it easier for them to get down to DC's Mayflower Hotel. And these hookers were soooo expensive, charging thousands of dollars for a night of fun. But when Spitzer quits and his #2 man takes over, at least he is legally blind so you don't have to worry about supplying him really hot looking hookers. Of course he would never get involved in that type of activity!

Anyway, Waris Dirie had disappeared last week in Brussels, Belgium, and I was hoping she would turn up ok... I didn't want to put a damper on my movie night when the boys came over to see "The Living Daylights", Dirie who appeared in the movie as Waris Walsh, was a one time supermodel who in recent years has campaigned against the religious fanatics who force young girls to have female circumcisions... which basically cuts the clitoris as a way to take away sexual sensation. Last Wednesday she was supposed to appear at a women's rights conference with Condelezza Rice.. but vanished. Now she is saying that she was abducted by a taxi driver and held captive in his apartment. Whatever the case may be, she has done an outstanding job speaking out against the brutal mutilation of these young girls.

It seems that these religious leaders can go either way when it comes to being extreme. A buddy of mine from out of state lost a parent recently, and I felt terrible to find out that his synagogue had no rabbi, and this guy had a lot of unanswered questions about what was supposed to be done during the shiva mourning period. Luckily another friend who lives in the same state was able to bring the "Jewish Guide to Death and Mourning" book to his house within hours so he had some type of spritiual guidance during a very difficult time. It seems his synagogue had not rehired a new Rabbi after the last one had left, and that seems to be an all too common theme among many communities that run out of members AND money when it's time to bring on leaders for its members. As it turns out, my buddy has a family friend, who is a Rabbi who lives out of state. He drove into town and provided excellent leadership and guidance during a very difficult time.

Is there a middle ground somewhere? I was reading about a charity in Israel which raises money to pay for the weddings for people who have no parents. Great cause. Its big fundraiser was to be held Sunday night at Madison Square Garden in the form of a Jewish music concert featuring a singer named Lipa Schmeltzer. That would also give them enough time to clean up afterwards to get ready for the big Pete Sampras - Roger Federer exhibition the following evening. By the way I had never heard of Lipa, and Trophy Wifes amusement with his name brings back memories of a former non Jewish roommate who got a big kick out of the caterer Shmulka Bernstein. He even took it on as a nickname for a brief period.

The organizers were extreeeeeeeeeeeemely Orthodox. Not only do they conduct their prayers with separate seating, but they mandated that all concert attendees sit in separate mens and women's sections. I discussed this separation of the sexes in a column from last August 2nd.. (see the archives at left) noting that Rabbi Moshe Feinstein had mixed seating at the weddings of 2 of his children... but you get the idea that the March 9th concert was catering to an ultra Orthodox crowd.

Well... things did not go according to plan. A couple of extremist activists sabotaged this wonderful charity when they sneakily went to a group of Rabbis and without divulging all the details arranged for them to sign a petition prohibiting their followers from going to the concert! That prohibition was published in an ad in an Ultra Orthodox newspaper...which by the way sanitizes its news coverage to such an extent that I predict Spitzer's downfall will probably be referred to as "engaging in immoral activities" or "was seen attending a Reform synagogue"! That is similar to the concern for people attending the concert... I had never heard his music before and I checked him out on You Tube. Apparently he takes pop songs and changes the words to religious themes...but I couldn't find any such music on You Tube. He also puts on G rated wacky costumes and dances around the stage... but the activists thought would lead to separate seated "frivolity and levity"!

Ultimately, the newspaper proudly recounts what happened next. Some powerful Rabbis within that community called Lipa in... and apparently those extremist activists must have approached those clergymen on the day of their daughter's wedding because you can never turn someone away on the day of your daughter's wedding... As a result these Rabbis made Lipa an offer he could not refuse. He was called to the Brooklyn home of one of the Rabbis and asked to sign a document that he would not appear at this concert. Basically it was either his signature or his payis! Ultimately it was try the cholent but save the spongecake... (Is there a Jewish food that resembles canolis?) And the producer who lost a ton of money was figuratively dragged out to the middle of the lake for a Fredo-esque farewell.... because if the show was not cancelled, he would be swimming with the gefilte fish... or wake up in the morning and find himself in bed with the head of a horse radish.

Ultimately the whole event was called off.

The audience for that concert, and those that support this Rabbinical edict probably won't "get" that last paragraph. But the way Lipa was treated, was just wrong. Schmeltzer lost approximately 100,000 dollars and the charity missed out on a payday of substantially more money! And I get the feeling that it wasn't the concert itself that caused the issue.. but the increasing freedom that Lipa was enjoying by overstepping certain boundaries that were not within the total strict control brought on by these leaders.

Amazingly that newspaper published an editorial praising these Rabbis... and in that very same editorial never ever mentioned of the fact that this was a charity fundraiser to raise wedding money for orphans and that these Rabbis had been misinformed by these evil community activists... Of course the Rabbis couldn't turn back and admit they made a mistake by signing that petition... and notice how Matisyahu couldn't give a crap about any such edicts when it comes to his musical performances. Too bad for Lipa.. it seems like there must have been some interesting negotiations to get him to agree in writing to not honor his contract to appear at the concert.

Ultimately, we need our religious leaders - not to control our day to day lives.. but to provide guidance to us. But when they start forcing women to cut their clitorises and young brides to forego a beautiful wedding day.... it seems to me that they are stepping way over their boundaries.


CLIP OF THE THE WEEK:

Here is a perfect example of Lipa Schmeltzer's incredibly harmless music... This is a song about losing weight... it could be a demo tape for NBCs "The Biggest Loser". Did anyone see when Jillian went off on that "Days of Our Lives" chic during the weigh in Tuesday night??

Roger Over? Part II - We Have Clearance Clarence

Last week we kicked off our new Sunday posting schedule mentioning Barack Obama's theme of "change" among a country of people who are creatures of habit. Hillary Clinton continues to cling to her dream, hoping people will think that her administration will be similar to Bill's... and Bill Clinton was the best President this country has had as far as I can remember (going back to Nixon). Hillary by the way was quite funny on SNL last night although her appearance was upstaged by the skit involving the MSNBC debate where Obama got all the easy questions, but Clinton was peppered with questions so tough that at one point the Law and Order music came on and out walked Vincent D'onofrio who started grilling her as his detective alter ego. Quite funny.

But what is Bill Clinton's legacy? He came thisclose to sealing his place in history by securing a Peace Agreement that created a terrific plan that enabled Palestinians and Israelis to live side by side and conduct business with each other. Palestinians even built a casino that became quite popular with the Israelis. But Arafat sold his people down the river when he walked out on a phenomenal deal, and had to be chased down a driveway by a high heeled Madeline Albright. Unfortunately, even if there had been an agreement, Clinton's legacy will still go down as being an impeached President - impeached for the same thing that is destroying Roger Clemens - alleged lies during a witch hunt.

Last week we wrote about Peter Trainor who wrote an absolutely absurd editorial about his visit to Israel. The self hating Jew harshly criticized all things related to Israel and spoke lovingly of the "Palestinian non violent resistant movement against the Israeli military occupation”. Trainor's comments were reprinted 2 wks ago in The Jewish State. And the most recent paper surprisingly published only 1 Letter to the Editor on this topic where the writer complained that the paper dedicated more news space to Trainor's garbage than to the terrific counterpoint written by Liran Kapoano who writes a blog at RonMossad.blogspot.com

I correctly pointed out in that column that Trainor's grandmother, a Holocaust survivor is ashamed of him. If you read the comments in last week's column, you will note that a fella named John Mitchell from Markham Ontario posted a comment saying that he knew the grandmother and she "loves and respects" her grandson. Well I am sure she does, but if Mitchell asked directly if she was ashamed of him.... I am sure we all know the answer to that question, and frankly it is rather insulting that Mitchell would think that the grandmother is not disgusted.

If you look back to post World War II, all of these Holocaust survivors such as Trainor's grandmother needed a place to live. After the camps were liberated, these people were homeless and had no place to go. Britain which was ruling Palestine at the time, opened its door to the Holocaust survivors, and arranged for a smooth transition to the new Israeli government so the new immigrants and the Palestinians would peacfully live side by side. But the opportunistic Arab neighbors got a little greedy, warned the Palestinians to get out in advance of another Holocaust and launched an attack that the new military succesfully fought off. But Trainor is an idiot to say that survivors like his grandmother were "occupying" that land - his is the same attitude Nazis had towards Jews who were occupying their homes and both the '48 Palestinians and Nazis had the same result in mind.

Mitchell who is from Canada sarcastically encouraged me to write more about football - isn't the Canadian Football League about ready to start a new season? The Argonauts look pretty good this year, don't you think?

I wonder if Trainor noticed the article in Saturday 's paper that the Palestinians powers that be were encouraging the US State Department to allow them to weasel out of a 174 million dollar judgement they owe the relatives of the victims of a terrorist attack... the same ones launched by those of his friends with the "non violent resistance movement". The Palestinians say that being forced to pay the judgement would deplete their finances and jeopardize Mideast peace talks. Keep in mind that a lot of the Palestinian money comes from US Foreign Aid!

Trainor takes great pride in volunteering for a group that escorts Palestinians past Israeli checkpoints. Despite my disgust with this moron, I wish him a long life, but I must admit I can see a scenario where he escorts someone past a checkpoint only to have his escort unleash a homicide bomb and then we can see if his last words as his brains are blown to bits are "It's all Israel's fault - the Palestinians are not violent!" Again, I hope this never happens.

Trainer is just a minor little cog in the wheel - unfortunately there are a lot of self hating Jews out there. But the big villian in all this is Yasser Arafat and his fellow politicians who stole so much money from these poor Palestinians. Things started looking up for Palestinians to live peacefully with the Israelis in the 1990s, but his abandonment of the Clinton peace talks pretty much screwed over his own people who 40+ years later were already 2 generations seperated from the '48 invasion.

Despite that, people still associate Clinton with his impeachment. However, no matter what the crazy Republicans will say, Clinton was impeached for committing perjury. He perjured himself when during questioning about Whitewater, a question was thrown in about the totally unrelated irrelevant topic of whether he had sex with Monica Lewinsky. Unfortunately, as Roger Clemens can attest to, lying under oath seems to be THE biggest cardinal sin... especially when you lie to politicians whose reputations of honesty rank unfavorably to used car salesmen. Two weeks ago we wrote about those ridiculous Congressional hearings which was nothing more than a witch hunt. It was Clemens word against the Trainer,... and we aren't referring to Peter Trainor. Now, we see that Clemens might have lied to these oh so mighty politicans so they have apparentally stopped everything and continue to make a bigger deal about this non issue with possible criminal charges pending.

This week I was thinking about our wonderful lawmakers in Washington while I was putting together an episode of my Mortgage Podcast for YouTube. I keep a counter of the most downloaded podcasts, which I then put on YouTube after I edit in graphics. My most popular podcast right now is about what Congress needs to do to solve the mortgage disaster. Hillary is promising to impose a foreclosure moratorium. For Monday's video podcast, I was planning to include a graphic about how lawmakers are running in circles trying to solve this foreclosure problem, yet have enough time to chase after Clemens. We also have heroic soldiers fighting a ridiculous war in Iraq, creating new homes for a "rebuilt Iraq" yet there is no money to help Americans who are losing their homes. Oh and as I mentioned before, we are sending foreign aid to help Palestinians... tell that to the guy who lost his job and now has a Sheriff waiting at his door so he can start a foreclosure sale. Why doesn't Congress go after Peter Trainor's friend the terrorists who owe 174 Million instead of a baseball player?

And of course these moron politicians kiss up to rich Republicans by vowing no new taxes. And to help the poor in this country we cut taxes so rich people can spend more money! Hey the poor ones need every penny to pay their mortgage or for gasoline! Amazing! Yet these are all elected officials who lied to us to get our votes... and then create financial disasters like the one Jon Corzine has in New Jersey. The Governor just dropped a bombshell of a no new taxes budget but he is cutting out programs that provide services to poor sick people, along with scores of other needed programs. The state is also going to cut aid to towns, and that means those towns will have to....increase property taxes - I mean this whole thing is just crazy! And all the state jobs that will be cut... well there goes our unemployment stats... Yeah that really helps the economy. And what will the government do for those workers who lose their homes?? Send a check to the Palestinians?? Yet Republicans keep banging the drum about no new taxes, and the rightwingers are still trying to make immigration an issue, even though a lot of other issues are much more important. But we get all excited by these "No New Taxes" political lies that create huge deficits... job cuts... and happy rich people! Folks... stuff costs money - how will tax cuts pay for it??

Face it... politicians are mostly liars who tell us what we want to hear so we vote for them - Some lie more than others, but when they get up there to make their political speeches, a lot of these promises will never be fulfilled.

Yet why is it ok for politicians to lie to us... but an absolute career ruining tragedy for Roger Clemens to lie to politicians??



CLIP OF THE WEEK:

Just in case we do another Roger story, here is my source for future headlines...

A Change Will Do You Good

With all this talk by Almost President Obama about change.. I thought it might be time to make a very minor change to the blog… Keep in mind we changed the name and background in January 2006 (From the simply titled Nate’s blog using the same background DAS uses, and adding The Clip of the Week in January of 2007) So, just as an experiment, for now, I am going to move my postings from Thursdays or Fridays to Sunday Mornings.. (actually late Sat, nite).. That way the NWOW readers… (which now trail my mortgage podcast listeners by an ever growing majority!) can read it like the Sunday paper… at their leisure on a Sunday or later in the week.

Obama might be pushing for “change” but aren’t we a society of people who are creatures of habit? Personally, I do the same routine every day …for the first two years at my current job, I always popped in to the ground level deli to pick up my morning caffeine hit – a well priced 1 dollar bottle of Diet Coke. The owner of that deli knew the name of every single person who worked in that building, and had thought about retiring down the road and using the sale of the deli as a retirement nest egg.

Unfortunately, he never had the chance. In late spring/early summer a catering company started renting office space in the building. The caterer owner, a guy with a very poor toupee made a deal with the building owner to take over the deli on a very lengthy lease essentially booting out the deli owner. The landlord and the toupee guy basically told the deli owner that his lease would not be renewed and he would be out the door after Labor Day.

After that, the sodas went up to 1.50 and I started buying the Diet Coke 6-packs at the grocery store instead. The new owners redid the floors and counters – eerily matching the pattern in our house by the way…. But then, less than six months later while returning to work after the 3 day weekend last Tuesday, would you believe it… the deli was gone!! Nothing! Nada! Closed! Empty! Nobody home! I went upstairs to where the catering company had their “headquarters” and they were gone too! Apparently Toupee Guy came in on Saturday and cleaned all his stuff and moved out in the dead of night – just like The Baltimore Colts!

So as part of moving to a new day, I’m starting to write on Thursday night instead of the usual Tuesday or Wednesday. I gotta write on my laptop because my new Logitech Optical Mouse spazzed out on me and my desktop is not functioning. So as I sit in the living room watching Don Rickles on Craig Ferguson, its time to hammer out a Sunday column! By the way, this is the first time I have ever seen Ferguson and he ain’t bad; He just did a very amusing bit portraying Prince Charles that was actually funny.



And today’s topic – I think it is time for the Birthright Israel Program to make a change:

Friends of mine who have toddlers do a lot of changing... changing diapers! Then when it's time to potty train the little pishers, they buy them Trainer Pants. Apparently Trainers are ready for an accident because they can hold a lot of crap. How ironic after reading Peter Trainor’s ridiculous editorial in The Jewish State because like his namesake… all his writings contain is…. Crap.. and lots of it!

The paper apparently felt it was important to re-print an excerpt that Trainor wrote about Birthright Israel in a magazine nobody ever heard of called “This” magazine. To counter the Trainor ramblings, the paper published an excellent counterpoint article by Liran Kapoano; but in reality they should have just printed Kapoano’s article and replaced Trainor’s article with ads or community announcements or singles ads… anything else would have contained more quality.

Birthright Israel is a fantastic program. Some big machers donated a ton of money to establish this program so Jewish college age kids can take a trip to The Holy Land and it is absolutely free! Kapoano wrote a terrific piece describing his experiences that originally appeared on his well written blog, and it was reprinted in the paper.

Well I think its time for Birthright Israel to be a bit more stringent on who is allowed the privilege to participate on the trip. When you look at the content of Trainor’s character, you realize that the money should have gone to a more deserving college kid. I googled Peter Trainor to see what would come up and one of the first things to appear is Kapoano’s blog. Kapoano seems like a nice guy… he likes to write about Zionism, Poker, and The Yankees. Well except for The Yankees… Incidentally lets send out some get well wishes To Bob Shepherd… Even a Met fan wishes only the best for the 90 something “Voice of God”.

Anyway Kapoano lives near my office… I would invite him to join me for a soda.. but the deli is closed. He wrote about Trainor’s piece which first appeared in THIS magazine with a snappy headline called “THIS sucks”. Kapoano has some good stuff here… including the fact that Trainor’s momma is just as whacked out as Sonny Boy. Momma Vera Szoke is the daughter of Holocaust survivors… yet she feels an urge to sympathize with terrorists who want to eliminate Jews just like Hitler did. Who knows what went on in that dysfunctional home? My homeboy Kapoano points out that Mama Szoke boasted to The Canadian Islamic Congress website that her son had visited “Palestine” several times.

Obviously the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. The first two paragraphs of Trainor-crap are innocent enough but then you get to the 2nd sentence of the 3rd paragraph where he calls himself “A Long time supporter of the Palestinian non violent resistant movement against the Israeli military occupation”.

The Crap Meter was now running – Trainor was now officially out of the closet as a Self Hating Jew… something I sarcastically point out his Holocaust grandparents must be quite proud of. I am sure Petey is well aware that if they are still living, he has brought his grandparents much shame. If they are dead, they are rolling in their graves as their time they spent tortured in a concentration camp was all for naught since the cause they so valiantly fought for is now being totally minimized by their offspring, because people like Peter Trainor who just roll over to Worldwide Jew Hatred will accelerate a future that Hitler envisioned with saliva drooling out of his mouth.

First of all Mrs. Szoke should have made sure little Petey was paying attention in school, but I get the impression he was the senior the freshmen used to pick on, so he was probably too busy being bullied to pay attention to his teachers. History teaches us that Palestine was under British Rule and at the conclusion of World War II, the state of Israel was created as a haven for all of the Holocaust Survivors who were now homeless. The Israeli government took over in 1948.. we’re almost ready to celebrate 60 years! - and almost instantly, the Arab neighbors hatched a dastardly plot to launch a military attack. They got the word out to the Arabs living there to bolt outta town before the bloodbath started, because once Israel was overthrown, they could go back home.

Well of course Israel stood her ground and now these Palestinians… people who had plotted against their government.. a term one would refer to as treasonists or terrorists wanted to come back home again! Of course, they wanted to live under the Israeli government… short of moving to America, there was no better place for them to live. The Arab countries didn’t want them!

Petey actually gives a pretty good description how the tour included a re-enactment of the formation of The State of Israel featuring Prime Minister Ben Gurion’s reading of the Declaration of Statehood. But the crap starts flowing right after that… he questions an assertion by the tour guide that the army is run by a “moral” agenda.. Petey also refers to the “expulsion” of Palestinians.. although they left willingly mistakenly thinking that The Arab army would defeat the new Israeli army.

He also talks proudly of volunteering for some silly organization that escorts Palestinians past check points ostensibly past the security that does such a heroic job every day by catching homicide bombers before they can strike. He also says that when the trip was over, he felt more detached from Israel than when the trip started. He admitted that he asked questions during the trip…. He probably felt detached because he was socially rejected by the other participants who realized that Peter Trainor is just an annoying pathetic loser.

And finally, Petey must have obtained a list of all the participants… I’m sure he was not the guy that everybody really wanted to stay in touch with after the trip ended! After the trip he annoyed them even further by sending out mass emails spewing his Self hating Jew mashugas. The tour guide responded and summed it up very well in this paragraph….

“Just want to say that I admire Peter’s dedication to this cause even though it is the cause of a people who want to blow up my children. Peter’s misguided dedication proves how people, even intelligent people can be led astray by masking themselves in the banner of righteousness. This is what Hitler did and this is what Arafat did. You have chosen sides,…. The side of my people’s enemy”

And with that, he requested to be removed from Petey’s email list.

Special thanks to Liran Kapoano for outing Trainor…and sadly there are a lot of self hating Jews like Peter Trainor amongst us. Most of them don’t have the audacity to steal money from a wonderful organization like Birthright Israel. What a waste of money that a great organization allowed this garbage to participate on this wonderful program!

Word out to The Birthright People… Screen Your Participants!!!!


OSCAR PICKS

ACTOR – Johnny Depp
ACTRESSS – Julie Christie – (I’m still laughing about that Christy Minstrels line in Nashville from the Feb. 28, 07 column!)
SUP. ACTOR - Javier Bardem
SUP. ACTRESS – Tilda Swinton
DIRECTOR – Coen Brothers
BEST MOVIE – No Country for Old Men


CLIP OF THE WEEK

Last week's planned Grammy clips were all taken off by CBS! So this week.. here is A Change Will Do You Good... from Letterman!

Roger Over? (What's Our Vector Victor?)

First of all, before we start.... Is Amy Winehouse a real life person? Or is that Sasha Baron Cohen wearing a JoAnne Worley outfit?


The big news of the week seems to be Roger Clemens appearing before Congress in their steroids witch hunt. There is the old saying that you should be careful whose feet you step on climbing up the ladder of success because they will be the first ones to kick you when you slide down that ladder. And let's admit it... there are a lot of backstabbers we have encountered in our daily lives and we do enjoy watching them fall. I think that is actually kind of normal;

In Clemens case, I must admit I am a huge Mets fan and really never cared much for the guy. In 2000, I was there at Yankee Stadium at the 2nd game of the Shea-Yankee day night doubleheader when he plunked Mike Piazza with a pitch at the time when Piazza was writing the history books as The Best Met Hitter Ever... (We're still a few David Wright years away before Piazza gives up that title)... Then we had that heated World Series when Clemens threw a broken bat at Piazza and we all hated Clemens... although I think deep down we appreciated all of his stellar career accomplishments on the baseball field.

Fast forward now to 2008 and even though Piazza and the rest of us have put the Clemens ugliness behind us... I am still baffled by this circus going on in Washington. It's one thing to kick a dog when its down, but why gang up on Clemens? Shouldn't those elected officials be fixing the mortgage mess or getting our troops out of Iraq instead of asking Clemens which uniform he plans to wear at his Hall of Fame induction? And how about Waxman making a total ass of himself for criticizing Clemens for improperly contacting a witness (his former nanny) when it was his office that asked Clemens to track her down! Clemens later interrupted Waxman's closing comments.

Personally, I really don't care too much about The Clemens controversy. But all the news channels covered it Wed, and it became a battle of the liars to see who was more credible. Was Clemens at a party with Jose Canseco? Was the owner of a golf course able to "produce documentation" showing that Clemens was golfing during this party even though Brain McNamee insists Roger was getting stuff shot up into his body? And is any of this really important?

I can actually understand the whole backlash against Pete Rose, because he is known to be an arrogant jerk in real life who ticked a lot of people off during his career.... but who did Clemens really tick off en route to being such a fantastic pitcher?

One thing has become very obvious to me while watching all the new reality shows during the recently concluded writers strike... America is a country that likes to see people squirm. The most popular reality show during the strike, seems to be that lie detector show on Fox where people have to answer humiliating questions involving their family, friends, and even bosses, while they sit in the audience watching. Are we as a society so resentful of successful people that we have to snicker when everything starts to fall apart? And speaking of Fox.... is it really necessary to make us wait till January! to start 24 again?? They can't roll it out it out in April?? or September?? And no Heroes till September?? I guess I still have Lost... although after last night it appears that Sayid and Ben have been on the same team from Day One??

My nominee for 2007 Entertainer of the Year was Harvey Levin for creating the oh so popular TMZ website and TV Show. TMZ generally seeks to embarrass famous people. Is the daily chronicling of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan really that entertaining? Or other celebs who have problems? One of the funnier comedians I remember as a kid was Foster Brooks... in the era of The Dean Martin Roasts, he walked around "drunk" all the time.. but in reality he was always sober.. it was just his shtick. Nowadays, celebrities realize that being weird gets 'em in the headlines... .one of those Tilly sisters comes to mind, either Jennifer or Meg... and being in the headlines, makes 'em popular. How many of these celebs are pulling the ol' Foster Brooks and really acting weird? Are Michael Jackson and various other weirdos really that strange?? Have you ever seen Professor Irwin Corey in real life? Or Gilbert Gottfried? Or do celebrities realize that we enjoy seeing their downfalls so they put on the crazy act to attract attention?

Thursday, TMZ.com was showing that hysterical clip of a live discussion of The Vagina Monologues on The Today Show where Jane Fonda drops the c word on a stunned and mortified Meredith Viera. Its a funny clip, and even though Jane says it was the title of a monologue, you would think that the daughter of Henry Fonda would be savvy enough to know that you can't say the c word on TV.. even though its ok to have James Bond movies with Pussy Galore and Octopussy... Of course, they can talk about The Vagina Monologues till they're blue in the testicles... but God forbid Jane Fonda drops the C-word! Now all hell breaks loose... (even though The Today Show airs out of 30 Rock... the same building which created Triumph the Insult Comic Dog who recorded a song called "Cats are C-words".)

And isn't language all about context?? Hey The James Bond characters Pussy Galore and Octopussy, and The Sopranos Big Pussy are ok... and MTV can have a show called "pimp my ride" which has nothing to do with hookers.. but if an MSNBC commentator makes a wisecrack that Chelsea Clinton is being "pimped" out,.. everybody goes nuts because the word pimp could be looked at possibly as connecting Chelsea to the world's oldest profession! Just like Imus's usage of the word ho's which got him into such hot water. It was used as slang.... not to imply the Rutgers women were hookers... but nonetheless, the PC Police were all out in full force.

And speaking of Rutgers women... how insulting was that on Monday Night when I saw how Tennessee's clock operator totally screwed over the Rutgers womens team by stopping the clock so a post buzzer foul whistle was blown before the game ended. Don't you think this fiasco ticked off the Rutgers team a bit more than what some old man on the radio says? But despite this clock stoppage fiasco, barring some kind of collosal intervention, they are not replaying that last second or changing the outcome.. showing that you can't change sports history. It happened and that is the way it is.

Clemens has the Cy Youngs and the 350+ wins... and Bonds has the home runs, and like it or not, there was a period of time when steroids were not illegal in the Baseball Union Agreement. So, for us to go back in time, and strike down Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Rafael Palmiero for their statistical "accomplishments" is just a waste of time. I wonder what happens if it turns out that alcohol is found to enhance one's ability to hit the ball? Are they going to go back in time and try to change Mickey Mantle's Foster Brooks-esque attack on the record books?

On a related note, I heard that after the Grammys, Natalie Cole had some comments about Amy Winehouse. And let's admit it.. we all watched her performance to see if she would have a nervous breakdown on live TV. Cole says Winehouse should not be nominated for and given awards until she is treated for her demons... I disagree. This is the only opportunity they had to nominate her for New Artist of The Year... and based on the awards she won, she earned them since she was one Herbie Hancock stunner from a complete Barack Obama-esque February clean sweep... Speaking of Obama.. has anyone else seen John King on CNN and his crazy graphics machine that calculates the delegates? And if I'm not mistaken, isn't he engaged to CNN reporter Dana Bash? Have you noticed that every time she does an outdoor report on a windy day, she always seems to push aside her hair while flashing her gigantic diamond ring??

But should we take away sports records and award nominations for "personal demons" when there is drug use involved? Awards are the bread and butter of these industries.. they sell concert tickets and make memorabilia more valuable. Do we punish the performer who is caught by TMZ checking into rehab and reward those that keep their problems quiet and don't seek help? How many people came out of the wood work after Heath Ledger died claiming that he had an addiction problem?? Taking a performer's accomplishments and subsequent pay away is not the solution....

Maybe they should stand Pat? (not O'Brien; he's in rehab) In this TMZ (or maybe TMI) era of Lets Embarrass the Celebrity... a star might just choose to stay out of a "confidential" Rehab by saying... "They're tryin' to make me go to rehab; I said no, no, no."

Super Giant Tuesday..... Expialadocius!

We'll get to more of our Giant lovefest in just a moment... but first... some thoughts on Super Tuesday.

Personally I didn't decide till the very end that my vote would go to... Barack Obama. Yep, even though I recently compared his Presidency to starting Johan Santana on Opening Day at Shea (or Citi Field) after one year in the minors, I couldn't bring myself to vote for Hillary. I went to the voting booth... my first time voting in my new district since I moved last year.... and as the woman in front of me was given her little voting ticket, she informed the voting booth registrar that she was actually an Independent. "Well" said the Registrar...."In New Jersey, an Independent can't vote... and we don't have you registered as an Independent so actually you can vote". "Well" said the woman.... "Then I will have to go to Town Hall and change my registration, and then I'll come back..." And as she walked off with an odd sense of triumph, I wisecracked..."Yeah... hurry back so they can tell you that you can't vote!..."

Welcome to New Jersey!!

First of all, I didn't vote for Hillary because she is the NY Junior Senator and she should have been at The Giants Ticker Tape Parade on Tuesday. I know she is campaigning.. but this is an important event... and Governor Spitzer was there as was Senator Schumer. And as for New Jersey's politicians.. why wasn't Governor Corzine at Giants Stadium for the big celebration Tuesday afternoon? Corzine was too busy to attend that event.. but had enough time to go to The Skylark Diner in Edison for a Tuesday Night Hillary Clinton Supporters Party,... just a few short miles away from Route 440 where he is planning to plunk down some toll booths! By the way, The Skylark is THE best diner in NJ since the late lamented Clairmont that used to be on Route 3 until the late 80s.

My other reason I was annoyed at Hillary...., on Monday Night when Eli Manning got stuck at the airport in Arizona and couldn't make it to NYC in time to appear at an already delayed taping of Letterman, Hillary got an extra segment. And that is where she really went wrong when she started talking about the Mortgage Crisis and totally got mixed up on a very basic concept that she should have understood. She told Dave that she wanted to change the mortgage industry so they would get rid of prepayment penalties that change the interest rates of people who pay off loans early.

Huh?

Is Hillary confusing sub prime adjustable rate loans with Prepayment penalties? A prepay is just what it says.. the bank is paid a penalty fee if the loan is paid off early. The rate doesn't change... what rate is there.... the loan is paid off!! There's a zero balance! What do these banks in Hillary-land do... Charge 10% on a 0 dollar loan?? Did she encounter a prepayment penalty when she loaned her campaign a few million from her vast personal fortune? In reality she had her facts crossed and got mixed up with a sub prime loan but if she is getting this kind of easy stuff mixed up enough that I can catch it at 1220 AM .... will she get her facts mixed up when she is negotiating lenghty peace treaties in the Middle East??... Or giving Air Force Jets attack signs to bomb Iran??

Now that the Super Tuesday voting is done.... Obama and Hillary are back to Square One with no clear decisive winner, and the fight goes on. Ultimately, it might be a matter of who is mentally and physically stronger to maintain the 7 day a week grueling campaign pace in our society of people who are itching to skedoodle from their office as 5 o'clock approaches on a Friday afternoon!

The Republicans are making asses of themselves as usual. Rush Limbaugh bellows that likely nominee John McCain is not "conservative enough" by his lofty standards. Then he gets a letter from fellow Viagra user Bob Dole telling him how wonderful McCain is... and the voters seem to think so too as Mitt Romney is now out of the race. It's too bad. I think back to 1986 when The Mets beat The Red Sox in the World Series and I recall a great idea of a campaign commercial with Red Sox first baseman Bill Buckner.

"Hi this is Bill Buckner reminding you to Vote Romney For President - because everyone in America could use a good Mitt!!"

And speaking of World Champion Sporting Events where New York brought heartbreak to Boston...


The other Super part about Tuesday was that wonderful Parade... the first time a football team has been honored with a Ticker Tape Parade in New York City!! I stayed home most of Tuesday to watch it. I went to work afterwards and watched some of the Giants Stadium rally on Channel 4's website. The parade was pretty cool. I mostly watched Channel 4 with Darlene Rodriguez and Len Berman although I would have liked to have seen Carol Anne Riddel instead since a Rodriguez-Riddell pairing would have been quite the eye candy. The Parade was hastily arranged as apparently was the Coverage. Reporter Tracy Strahan speculated that she might be the 2nd most famous Strahan.. forgetting all about Michaels estranged wife who probably rooted for The Patriots on Sunday! Rob Morrison interviewed random Giants on the floats totally clueless about who he was speaking to at any given time... but all in all the whole day was excellent.. although I still have no idea why Whoopi Goldberg was there to warm up the audience. Huh?? Why not get someone from WFAN the flagship station of the NY Giants like a Steve Somers or Chris Carlin or somebody from Fox Sports? Whoopi? She was just as confused as The Channel 4 reporters and thankfully her appearance on stage was very short.

The speeches were entertaining... Tom Coughlin still hasn't loosened up.. Im sure Chris Snee who is his son in law has some interesting anecdotes from Coughlin family dinners. Schumer, who unlike Hillary, was there, gave the typical political silly speech even producing a unanimous declaration voted on by all 100 US Senators including Obama Supporter and Bostoner Ted Kennedy. As if all the Senators really voted?? Governor Spitzer was actually rather entertaining... but Michael Strahan tossed Tiki aside as THE Coughlin-era Giant who will have a HUGE broadcasting career with his incredibly hysterical speech which included that hysterical Stomp on the faces of those Patriots... (who by the way really had a fantastic season finishing at 18-1). Poor Eli Manning had to follow that act.. he might as well have just gotten up there and whistled the theme to "The Andy Griffith Show".

By the way since it was also Primary Day... there was an interesting twist to all the police blockades at The Parade. If a person needed to cross the street to vote.. they were allowed to bypass all the blockades to get across...literally walking right across the street of the parade route!

A couple of other notes from the game before we eventually return to our regular format. I forgot to mention that I was pleased to look at Patriot's punter Chris Hanson's tuchis all night as long as he was kicking the ball back to The Giants. Heck there was more Chris Hanson ass in that game than a Dateline NBC Predator Special! . Oh is that a different Chris Hanson??

And finally, in regards to today's first clip... just to address a question raised here a few weeks ago by a buddy of mine whether Eli Manning was worth 4 draft picks. (In that column he questioned in 2006 why the media didn't criticize The Giants for the deal) He defends his point quite articulately in this video... which was made just moments after the game ended and before Eli got the MVP.

Making such a comment at the end of 2006 was just a tad premature. And what happens if San Diego goes on an incredible run and starts winning a bunch of Super Bowls? Will Manning's one be good enough? Or does he have to win more than one? 2? 3? Personally, I am quite happy with Eli no matter what happens from hereon in... He was losing by 4 points in The Super Bowl with less than a minute left and he had the guts to get his team to the end zone. He told Letterman last night in his rescheduled appearance that he would prefer to be down by 4 instead of 3 where all he would need was a field goal to tie. He won all those road games at the end of the season... including playoff road victories in Dallas and Green Bay, the supposed Kings of The NFC. He might have that "Aw shucks" sweet boy look but the man is a warrior and I don't care how many guys they gave up... I believe The Giants made a fantastic trade and I doubt I will ever change my mind. Just making that drive to knock off the almost immortal Patriots from their undefeated perch is good enough for me!

By the way getting my buddy to agree that '06 was too premature to judge the trade was a peace treaty that even Hillary Clinton couldn't broker... although she may have thought we were talking about The Johan Santana trade which really slipped under the radar as Giant fans going to Shea in April will inquire...

"Santana?? When did we get Santana??"



CLIP OF THE WEEK NUMBER 1....

Here is my buddy the Manning basher just moments after The Super Bowl. Look how giddy I look... I was calmer at my own wedding!!



CLIP OF THE WEEK NUMBER 2

Here is that legendary STOMP with Michael Strahan!

They Must Be Super Bowl Champion Giants!

Wow Wow Wow Wow... I'm so freakin shocked I dont know where to start.

First of all I have been battling some kind of sinus infection for the last several days... or maybe its a nasty cold. Nonetheless, the medicine gets your brain a little funny... I noticed all The Kennedys endorsing different candidates and speculated if Name That Tune's Tom Kennedy would endorse Ron Paul.

Then I started reading something about how some of The Lubavitchers think that the late Rabbi Schneerson is really the Messiah. They don't know for sure because he has not come back from the dead to claim his title... but what happens if he did?? Would people believe it was him... or would they think it was just a look-a-like? These are the kinds of weird thoughts that race through the mind when you take too much cold medicine.

Then it occured to me.. lets say The Rebbe is the Messiah... Dont you think he would want to make his appearance in such a way that all would see it?? I mean will mainstream Judaism accept this as really being The Messiah if a few followers announce that he is back?? And then, as I decided to spend Giants Super Bowl Weekend watching old videos of the 1986 Mets, it occured to me. I remembered the guy that parachuted into Shea... and I realized that if a parachutist landed on the field during a timeout... wouldn't that be an incredibly faboulous way to greet The Messiah??

Once the medicine wore off, I reread the dosage and realized I took too much! So don't write nasty letters.. it was the medicine talking!!

Nonetheless, A Parachuting Rebbe became a much talked about theme during the pregame. Originally I was gonna go to my buddy's house.. but for a variety of reasons.. plus this nasty cold/sinus situation....I decided to stay home and watch the game on my 42 inch hdtv and invite a few serious Giants fans plus Pumpstradamus. I was kind of zonked out in the days prior to Sunday... I stayed home Friday and slept a lot and did the same most of Saturday. I was going to go to our synagogue on Saturday afternoon because my Patriot buddy Barry teaches a very popular class... but I just didn't feel up to going there to trash talk him after his class. Ultimately, I didnt wake up till the early evening and realized I had slept off most of the last 2 days and felt remarkably well rested. Trophy Wife and I went to Lowe's to buy a few things Saturday Night and that was the pretty much all I did that day.

Sunday was game day and I made sure to feel as well as possible so I would be mentally ready for the game. Trophy Wife and I stayed home most of the day except for a quick trip to Pathmark to pick up some munchees. I popped on Mike and The Mad Dog... quite impressed that Mike Francesa would do 3 shows on Super Sunday and after signing off from Mike'd up at 12:35, he and the dog would hop a redeye so they could do the radio show from NYC on Monday afternoon at 1pm. Pumpstradamus never quite made it that fateful day... he probably thinks the game is next week. And in what turned out to be the turning point of the day.... I got a call from a guy we'll call "Timmy"... a guy we know from a group Trophy Wife has been a member of for years, and I only mention this for one reason.... in my heart of hearts,.... I believe he helped the Giants win the game!

Timmy wanted to know of any parties going on... of course I had already published my blog saying I would have a few serious Giants fans over... and he must have seen that. He said he was inviting his friend Rich to his house... and I told him to have a good time and watch out for parachuting Rebbes. A minute later, my cell phone rang and it was Timmy again. Timmy, ever the salesman made me an offer I couldn't refuse... (coinciding I guess with the Godfather Audi spoof commercial)... His pitch... he and Rich... a supposed Giant fan would come and bring some pizza. I hit the deal button and told them were more than welcome to join the fun.

Timmy bought a pizza filled with all kinds of goodies... some not good for those with sensitive tummies (and he saved me a trip and a tip by picking up a 2nd pizza too!) Nessim the Cowboy fan was here too... he was allowed to join us on the condition that he keep his Eli Manning trade bashing down to only during the commericals... (See the column from a week ago Friday - I think he still thinks Manning needs to prove himself. In the post game euphoria, we made a video talking about the trade. Later when I calm down I will watch it.) The rules were set.. Silence during the actual game play.. speaking would be allowed between plays.. and I was hoping for a miracle if it was a Giant win or The Rebbe on a parachute! Neither seemed likely as the game got underway.

The first half moved along rather crisply and The Giants went to the break down 7-3. At halftime I got up from my new red couch.. stretched my legs and gave Timmy a quick tour of the house.. since it was his first visit here. I didnt want to waste too much time, and I was still puzzling why there has to be a concert at halftime. Is that so families with young kids have enough time to get home if they leave an SB party at halftime?? Timmy took note of the fact there was a bathroom on every floor... and seemed to not be too comfy with how his multi topping pizza was treating his sensitive tummy.

I cleared the rest of the story with him before publishing... so he knows I am sharing this with my readers. Because while I was clearing it up with him, he disappeared for a loooong time into one of the bathrooms to clear out his colon. He seemed to leave at some point in the 3rd quarter, and didnt come back till the start of the 4th quarter. I was actually concerned and felt that maybe I should have shared a Lactaid with him! He eventually returned, plopped down in a green chair and as I asked him how he was feeling...

"How's your tummy Timmy" I inquired as Manning proceeded to complete that huge 45 yard pass thanks to a missed Patiot tackle to injured Jeremy Shockey's replacement Kevin Boss. (Btw, that shot of Shockey in his luxury box... he must have had a drink in front of him for every minute New England had possession of the ball.) My fellow Giants fans also noticed this coincidence, and realized that maybe rooting for a parachuting Rabbi Schneerson (too much meds for ol' Nate again) was not in the cards. As the next play... we started a new tradition of asking Timmy how his tummy was doing... and voila another Giant completion.. And again... I asked Timmy how his tummy was... and would you believe it.. here we were 3 minutes into the 4th quarter and Manning had just tossed a TD pass to David Tyree giving the Giants an improbable 10-7 lead!

And there you had our new tradition for the rest of the game... before every Giants offensive play... I had to ask Timmy how his tummy was... he would answer and The Giants would march on. (Sometimes we asked about his colon and I thought of calling him "Colin"... How's Your Colon Colin? Roger? Over.) While the Pats were on offense, I prayed for good health for Timmy's tummy because I didnt want to sit and watch the game with him in the bathroom. As a matter of fact after The Giants took a 10-7 lead, Timmy switched to another seat where I promptly informed him that he must return to his original green chair for good luck. He didnt listen to me at first but once Brady tossed that TD pass to Randy Moss... I ORDERED him to return to that green chair!! And he listened.

The miracle pass to Tyree.. where he clutched that ball and it stuck right to his helmet bringing back memories of that infamous construction worker in that 70s Crazy Glue commercial! . I had just asked Timmy how his tummy was... and on and on it went... all the big 4th down clutch plays... I asked Timmy about his tummy. And what preceded the big TD pass to Plaxico?? "Timmy hows your tummy?"

It was just a fantastic night... The Messiah never came that night.. but believe me that was one miracle in Arizona!! Just seconds after the game I zipped off an email to Barry The Patriot Fan... I knew that if I called up he woulda just hung up on my trash talking big mouth...so I sent him an email asking where I could buy a Patriots 19-0 T-shirt? eBay perhaps?? ..

When all was said and done... it was a 17-14 win... which included a bizarre 4th down Patriot pass play when they should have tried a field goal... and dont you think the Patriots coulda used that extra 3 points as that one second didn't tick off the clock after The Giants swarmed the field in celebration, and the Patriots sulked off, minutes from immortality, but now one of 42 Super Bowl losers.... the victims of a fantastic Giant team.... and Timmy's sensitive tummy. (This reads like a Mamet play)

Now we await Super Tuesday... the big Ticker Tape Parade at the Canyon of Heroes!

Mazel Tov to the Giants and Best Wishes to the '72 Dolphins who also rooted us on for remaining the only NFL Super Bowl Champs to have an undefeated season!!

What an amazing night! By the way, I have some leftover pizza if anyone is interested....


CLIP OF THE WEEK - This comes from Vecman 86.

They Must Be Giants Part II

If you read last week's column... (and if you didn't, why not?) you are aware of a January 2007 column speculating if 2007 would be The Year of The Giant. Well, today we continue that theme, picking up where we left off last week.


A GIANT SUPER BOWL WIN??

Well folks.... it comes down to this. I have cleared out my schedule, cancelled any Super Bowl parties that are not in my sound proof living room and I am now mentally prepared for The Super Bowl. I might even wear a kittel to achieve total spirituality! This Sunday night... it's gonna be all Giants in my house!! The old Dolphins are holding their breath as the surprising Giants will try to keep The New England Patriots from undefeated immortality. This year I am having a few Serious Giants Fans over... and Pumpstradamus too as we get ready for what should be a fun evening. One of my buddies, a rather mild mannered fellow actually invited Trophy Wife and myself to his Super Bowl party, but I politely declined because a Giant Super Bowl is meant to be watched uninterrupted in a silent sound proof room!! Incidentally, he is quite mellow, but a more rabid Giant fan than myself and I sat in fear at my old apartment during the 2001 Super Bowl debacle because I was nervous that his David Banner/Incredible Hulk transformation during that horrific game was going to result in a hole being punched in a wall.

It didn't. The walls survived!

Anyway, this is it.. I am excited for my Boys... and I hope to be here next week kvelling about The Giants and trash talking my pal Barry who just goes on and on with his endless Patriot/Red Sox/Celtic trash talking! I even have banned any reference to that other quarterback.... the show with the blended family with six kids has now been renamed the Manning Bunch... and the gun safetly laws named for Ronald Reagan's press secretary shot by John Hinckley has been renamed The Manning Bill! Until Monday at least...

Both myself and Pumpstradamus are predicting... A Giant victory!! Actually Pumpy originally was going to stick to his original pick of ... The Colts.. and yes folks he has no clue that the Colts QB and Giants QB are brothers!! I asked him again... and sayeth The Pump:

I'm taking the Giants, because Giuliani (whose name also begins with "Gi") dropped out of the race this week to back McCain, who's from Arizona (and of course, the game will be played in Arizona) . Go Giants, and go McCain!

If they win.. Tuesday will be The Ticker Tape Parade... which coincides with... Super Tuesday.. Speaking of which....


A GIANT POLITICAL COLLAPSE

Well so much for the collosal crash of Rudy Giuliani. You gotta love a Republican who thinks he is going to reinvent the wheel and ends up falling flat on his ass!! The ol' "Lets just put our eggs in Florda's basket ended up with eggs not in the basket but on Rudy's face! I didnt think Rudy would get too far anyway because his pro choice leanings dont jive with the wacko right wingers who run The Republican Party... but to go from front runner to also ran so quickly is just purely embarassing for Camp Rudy.

Personally, I dont have an issue with Rudy, but I am really bummed about John Edwards. I was all set to vote for him in Tuesdays primary...and now I am left dejected and broken hearted. I thought for sure that Edwards had the hair that was necessary to become The President! What happened?? I like Obama but he doesnt quite have the experience...its like starting Johan Santana on Opening Day at Shea after one year in the minors... but he'll be great in a few years... and I just dont like Hillary. Maybe Bill will help her behind the scenes when things get tough? I dunno... but somebody has to go up there against McCain in November... unless God Forbid, Mitt Romney wins the nomination. I'd rather see Huckabee instead of Mitt... at least he has a human side,... heck he lost 100 pounds... He can have his inauguration coincide with the Season Premiere of The Biggest Loser... or as I like to call it in the era of the popular Deal or No Deal....... Tummy or No Tummy. Speaking of which....


GIANT SHOES TO FILL

Will we ever have tv again?? The TV Writers strike goes on and on and on... and networks are hammering us with Reality TV. I have always said that a competition reality show is basically... a game show.. but the networks come up with bells and whistles to make the shows more "entertaining". I was watching The Moment of Truth on Wed night and the show is really "Lets embarass regular people and pay them a lot of money". Contestants are given a pregame offstage lie detector set and then have to squirmily sit on a set and truthfully answer humiliating questions. This is the kind of crap we will have to put up with until the Writers Strike ends.

Despite the strike... one show came back last night....Lost... returning for a very brief season, one of a few shows that still has fresh episodes left. The season premiere was just ok... it looked more like a Survivor episode as our heroes formed alliances picking between John and Jack. Hurley appears to be a nutjob post rescue ...He ends up in a loony bin and runs into a guy who I momentarily thought was The Haitian from "Heroes". But why is everyone believing Charlie's "message" from Penny?? Does anyone really know Penny?? Other than the fact that she is incredibly hot.. keep in mind that thinking the rescuers are bad guys based on one woman doesnt seem enough to convince me. Besides, the actress who plays Penny played that incredibly annoying woman on HBOs Tell Me You Love Me... Incidentally, everyone is wondering the identities of the other 3 "Oceanic Six"... shouldn't it be only one other survivor since Walt and his dad left the island at the end of Season 2??

Then on Thursday we got big news for game show fans... it looks like plans are underway yet again to attempt to revive Match Game. I dont get too riled up about that since they keep trying to bring it back in some way, and the projects never seem to get off the ground. Fox looked like it had some potential by shooting a pilot with Fred WIllard called "What the Blank?"...but that show never developed and frankly it would be impossible to even try to recreate the old magic used on the original 70s version. You could take a panel from the Comedy Central roasts and try to cobble out a panel from that crew... By the way why was ESPN's Dana Jacobson suspended for making a drunken wisecrack during an ESPN roast? Are roasts now politically correct? What the heck is that all about?? Did anyone see The William Shatner roast on Comedy Central?? DId you hear the comments made about Betty White?? One of the tamer comments came from Lisa Lampanella who said Betty White is so old that the first game show she went on the grand prize was... fire! Now Jesus jokes are forbidden, but Betty White jokes are ok??

One poster on a game show bulletin board has an idea to bring back Brett and Charles... not the originals.. but Ms, Butler and Mr, Barkley in the Brett and Chuck seats. That could work, but as I have said before here on NWOW, the only way that show would work again is if you get a host who will lay his ego aside like Gene Rayburn did so masterfully so the panelists get the chance to get all the yuks. Then.... maybe you have a chance.



CLIP OF THE WEEK:

This is from The Australian Match Game... called Blankety Blanks. In this version which aired in 1978... you will see that they have their own goofy shtick, none of which makes much sense.. but the guy Dave in the Charles Nelson Reilly seat is quite funny in the episodes that I have seen as you will see in the very last shot. And check out the set!

They Must Be Giants

Tuesday Night I was watching Law and Order SVU and for once I actually predicted "the twist".. a wacko activist who stole embryos from a clinic was shot down by a client of that clinic whose wife was sent to Iraq. The cops tracked him to the airport where he had to gone to pick up his wife - in a body bag! Nice twist to make him seem sympathetic... and have you noticed that the military is very quiet about transporting bodies back home after somebody gets killed?

Then as the credits rolled, the screen split and with breathless despair Chuck Scarborough and Sue Simmons came on to tease the upcoming 11 o'clock news with the horrible news of the death of Heath Ledger... and the mugging of reporter Jay DeDapper. On and on the news went about Ledger... (I heard about it when I got a little blurb on my Yahoo messenger account that I got an email from TV Guide annoucing the news in the afternoon... Brokeback Mountain?? Never saw it! Oh yeah... hes the Joker in the next Batman movie!!) So as the news went on and on and on about Ledger... it occured to me... why dont they devote this much coverage every time a heroic soldier is killed while fighting in Iraq??


Heath Ledger notwhithstanding, the biggest news of the week was the Giants winning the NFC Title. And did I get to watch the game?? Nooooo.. I was at DAS's wedding but I did get to hear the 2nd half on the radio...and that was a great call by the radio team. We pulled into the driveway as the game winning field goal was kicked.. prompting me to get out of the car and literally jump up and down in my driveway in celebration. The Giants would be headed to the Super Bowl. I couldnt believe it... 3 straight playoff road wins including victories over supposed powerhouses Dallas and Green Bay and now, just one gigantic obstacle will keep the Giants from football immortalilty! Who woulda thunk that?? Well, let's go back in the time machine to January 11, 2007 and if you check the archives, that column was indeed entitled..."Will 2007 Be The Year of the Giant?"

That was the column I wrote about 3 Giants... The Giant Ego of Donald Trump... Giant Subs and The NFC Chamption NY Giants. I wrote about the Giant ego of Donald Trump who somehow has kept his silly Apprentice reality/infomerical show on the air. ... I also bragged about my discovery of The Kosher Subway in Flatbush.. and now I have gotten word that there is also one in Livingston which is fantastic since I don't have to spend money on a Verezzano toll to eat a kosher sub. Speaking of the Verezano... as I drove home from the DAS and Mrs. DAS wedding in Forest Hills to try to futilely catch the tail end of the game, my cockamimie GPS kept directing me to go through Brooklyn towards that evil Verezano toll!! Why oh why couldnt it just lead me to the promised land of Manhattan via a toll free bridge??

That column also pointed out an odd coincidence involving subs and a notorious crime spree in Union County during the 1960s. I took a rather unpopular stance defending the legal rights of Robert Zarinsky, the prisoner who was acquitted of killing a cop after his sister ratted him out when he caught her looting his hefty retirement account. Zarinsky however lost his civil suit and had to pay all that money to the cop's widow who got some lame-o legal advice and went on and spent the money. Zarinsky appealed the verdict and won... and then the widow was on the hook for the money. Zarinsky however should have quit while he was ahead because if you reread the original column, I was actually one of the few people who gave him the legal benefit of the doubt. Now Zarinsky has lost any iota of support from here,.... he keeps hounding this poor woman for penalties and interest... Also, his wife wisely dumped him and married a better man,....and this abusive son of a bitch seems to only be happy if he is harrasing someone like the poor widow.

Now ol' Zarinsky is about to go on trial for another crime and my tolerance of him has run out. He apparently has a health problem that forced him to be wheeled into a courtroom hooked to an oxygen tank that was helping him breathe. I think I have been watching too much lighting up on Mad Men on AMC because here is my opinion: I dont know what the indoor smoking laws are... but I think if the judge, prosecutors, or jury need a cigarette during the trial... they should get to have one right there in the courtroom. Unfortunately, the oxygen tank poses a risk to all our smokers.. but I think their comfort is more important... so I say anytime somebody needs a smoke... simply take the oxygen tank out of the room and force Mr. Zarinsky to just figure out a way to get some air. So what if he struggles a little bit...



The other Giant in that column was of course The NY Giants, and much maligned QB Eli Manning. Here is an excerpt to remind you guys of the praise I heaped on your NFC Title Winning Quarterback.....

The Giants played a brutal schedule especially during the early part of the season. Yet they got off to a 6-2 start that included big comebacks against The Eagles and The Falcons. However, everyone seems to have forgotten since they fizzled down the stretch to finish 8-8 (including a tough game against the division rival Redskins who wanted nothing more than to knock NY out of the playoffs). Now all these Giants/Eli Manning critics who are soooo eager to point out the poor 2nd half during the soft part of the schedule claim that the latter part of the season is most important.. If that’s the case, why don’t they give Eli credit for his late TD drive in the 4th quarter Sunday during a drive that included a 1st and 30? After tying the game at 20, the Giants defense couldn’t keep the Eagles from eating the clock and kicking a game winning field goal as time expired. Yet for some reason, my fellow Giant fans wants to blame the QB! Now the Ledger says that Bill Parcells was turned down when he made overtures to take over the vacant GM position. I guess they don’t love the Tuna.

By the way The Ledger refers to the Newark Star Ledger not the late actor Heath Ledger. Oh and by the way, if anybody ever finds me unconscious... don't call Mary Kate Olson... call freakin' 911!! I have now deleted all Olson sisters from my speed dial just to avoid the temptation!

Incidentally, once I was done jumping up and down in my driveway.... I bolted to my computer to my email to trash talk a buddy of mine who is a .... Cowboy fan... who has been blasting the Giants for trading for Manning and giving up Phillip Rivers and a few draft picks. This guy is The Phil Mushnick of our social group who will find the oddest topic to debate - by the way Mushnick is way off in today's Post when he opines about this theories about why Knick Announcer Mike Breen left his gig on The Imus Show. My opinion on any trade is to give it some time to gel... but once Rivers and his gang were sent home packing, I was ready for some trash talking and some crow eating. Interestingly enough, my buddy is still holding his ground.. which is odd because I dont see a lot of Giants fans particularly upset about the deal as The Giants prepare for the Super Bowl while The Chargers are playing golf!! In addition to that... if the roles were reversed and The Giants had traded away the first pick of the draft to San Diego, and Manning had led his team to The Super Bowl, you know that the phone lines on the all sports stations would be burning up with angry Giants fans upset that the team traded away a first pick who is now bound for The Super Bowl. I guess the Cowboys fans just haven't caught on that making it to The Super Bowl puts Mr. Manning in some very good company. If he beats The Patriots, he might be our generations Sir Edmund Hilary!



CLIP I OF THE WEEK;

Here it is.... no Giants game for me last Sunday, but Trophy Wife and I took our camera to DAS's wedding... Here is a clip where we refer to last weeks podcast replay from 2006 where I told my liberal pal DAS he should move back to the area from FL and marry his woman!! Well, ol' DAS is finishing up some kind of project so he is temporarily commuting back and forth... Also in the clip is my cousin Elly Sue who did a tremendous good deed and introduced DAS to Mrs. DAS. And since Trophy Wife and I sort of hooked Elly Sue up with her hubby... I am taking some credit for DAS. He also bears an uncanny resemblance to the Rabbi at the synagogue I went to as a kid.




BONUS CLIP OF THE WEEK

Here is a very funny scene from Coming to America, the movie that was notorious for the phrase... "This is beautiful... What is it, velvet?"