Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Hit the Road Jack: Sheppard, Bauer, and McCoy

I think I figured it out:

2 TV producer fans of "Party of 5" decide to do shows about the limbo between death and heaven. One thought it was a complicated reunion involving bonding several loved ones who have a major common life experience - another thought that all problems can be solved by Jennifer Love Hewitt!

That was my facebook status right after the Lost finale on Sunday Night. I think that now that Lost and The Ghost Whisperer are no longer on the air, there is definitely a gap in TV programming about talking to dead people. Maybe a psychic can be added to the cast of Jersey Shore so Snookie and The Situation can talk to their dead relatives and hear firsthand how proud they are of their lifestyle of tanning and fistpumping.

After 5 yrs of writing about Lost.....I thought I would weigh in with my opinion of the best finale in the post Suzanne Pleshette era, and I specifically want to address 2 paragraphs from last weeks column which defined the emotional pull of the finale,... and also made it totally irrelevant to fans who didnt watch this season!

Last season, the Lostaways had a brilliant idea that during their time travels to the past, it may not be a bad idea to blow up a hydrogen bomb and destroy the island. The theory was that their original plane crashed because electromagnetic energy was sent off from the island and caused the plane to come down. If the island is destroyed, then there is no plane crash and they can change the fates of their future selves.

So change the fates they did. Or did they? During this finale season, we saw a season premiere where the Lostaways are on the plane and the plane flies over Lost Island and continues on its merry way to LAX without crashing. But back on Lost Island although there was an explosion, the hydrogen bomb did not go off as it was supposed to because it shoulda killed the Lostaways allowing them to live on in the Parallelogram Universe, sort of like The Presitge where the magician killed himself and his clone lived on, but now, the Lostaways live 2 simultaneous lives as Island Crash Survivors and Los Angeles Non Crash Survivors or as The ICS and the LANCS!

That last sentence was where the producers were able to pull off the ultimate "Gotcha".. and gotcha they did. After watching the painstaking attempts to change their fate as plane crash survivors, the fans finally got what we wanted in the season premiere in the post bomb era when the plane flew over Lost Island and our beloved characters did NOT crash... a plot line we followed with breathless detail because after 5 seasons most Lost fans really grew attached to these characters and we wanted to see them 'happy"!! But to paraphrase Freud.. sometimes an island is just an island. And indeed it was... the Lost fans were manipulated into watching this normal parallel universe only to get Newharted and St. Elsewhered and Bobbys in the shower-ed even though hes still dead on Knots Landing.

I guess different people have different attitudes about what happens after death. I always imagined that once you buy the farm its off to heaven or hell for those who misbehaved. (I wonder where the owner of that CT monkey is going - to a Hell where she will be constantly attacked by wild monkeys?) Anyway, the way I see it, upon arrival in Heaven you go through a sort of customs staging area where a social worker checks you in and then stays with you as a wingman as you go through a door to have that very emotional reunion with all your dead friends and relatives.

As it turned out.... on Lost there was never a parallel universe. And even though it wasnt a dream or the visions of an autistic kid - it was part of something that seems to affect the former cast of Party of Five - that limbo between the moment of death and getting that ticket punched to heaven... which is also a belief of the goofballs that created The Ghost Whisperer. Instead, the limbo is a place that has no time, but is actually a reunion for a bunch of people who shared something special and all make the move together even though they all entered Limbo-land at different times. This Lost version of post death pre Heaven is a little preposterous to me, yet Lost made it look somewhat plausible by staging a reunion among the show's popular characters. This means that everything in the parallel universe never existed this season.... while EVERY bizarre weird unexplained moment on the island over the last 6 yrs. really took place.

In retrospect, I liked this finale. And even thought I only jumped aboard the show in Season 2, I really gotta admit that the cast reunion at the end was quite fun... it actually looked like the actors were really not in character as they said their final goodbyes to their friends and loved ones. And the show seemed to wrap the island happenings in a nice little bow. After having the island watching torch passed from Jacob to Jack, our pal Dr Shepherd basically used his brief time in power to lead the fake Locke to his own demise - both worked together to lower electromagnetic boy Des to the special part of the island which led to fake Locke's return to mortality and the end of non aging for Richard who actually if he was getting old would have smeared that eye liner he always wears along with a little too much lipstick that would leave marks on the cheeks of his little nephews and nieces.

But as the reunion interspersed with the end of Jack we all knew it would somehow end where it all started. Instead of opening an eye... one would close. They could have gone the horror movie route and ended with the opening of an eye of Fake Locke... but Family Guy recently went down that road with the Violent Chicken. I thought we might hear yells of "Jack Jack be careful" and Jack would see he is being yelled at by a confused Chloe from 24.

But this whole idea about parallel-land being Heaven's waiting room was quite the surprise. All the characters we ran into this season back in LA did not die at the same time, yet they all ended up at the church at the same "time". And their awareness of who they were happened to them at various points.. Des was one of the first when a drug addicted Charlie forced his car into water causing Des to flashback to Charlies drowning and his heroic "Not Pennys boat" which he scribbled on the back of his hand when he went underwater to unjam the frequency that was blocking any attempts the stranded Losties to transmit a "Hey were lost on this crazy island" report.

And so it went.. confusing all the viewers this season as nobody could figure out why these memories were seeping in to the Paralleliverse. Was this creation and elimination of memories like the movie Total Recall which made Sharon Stone famous? And for that you have to credit the producers and writers.. because for all the predictions that are scattered all over the internet... nobody ever saw this coming. We were so wrapped up in the concept of the plane not crashing and seeing what would happen if we could turn back time... that our enjoyment of the ride prevented us from seeing what was really going on! Yes folks. it was the perfect decoy.

And the questions pop up how much of the Paralleliverse was "real"? In reality anything that conflcted with the island story never really happened but was part of the therapeutic imagination of the characters post death pre Heaven healing.

Was Jack formerly married to Juliet and did they have a son? Or was this Jacks and Juliets way of being the parents they always wanted to be. Locke let the cat out of the bag when he told Jack he had no kids. And Sawyer a cop? Not a conman? Maybe he wanted to be a good guy... although his cop character had some big time character flaws. Ben especially got to experience being a humble simple easy going non controversial teacher... which taught him a lot about his island shortcomings as he presented a heartfelt apology to Locke who he brutally murdered...

And on it went... we saw their shortcomings on the island.. but in "paralleliverse", these flaws gradually got worked out... as these characters got another "chance" at life and when they realized their goals simultaneously - which is an odd word to use in a context that involves no "time' - they were ready to make the move. I must say that the Kate - Jack reunion was just incredible when she told him she missed him so much. Kate probably went on to have a long life and hadnt seen Jack since she left him at the island. It was such a touching moment to show that sometimes you need "time" to just work these things out until you are ready to move on to the next step. I guess they are ready to cross over when they are no longer...."Lost"...

Or.... they could just visit Jennifer Love Hewitt!!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Final Lost Predictions!

Welcome back from yet another hiatus.

And where the heck has NWOW been? Actually I haven't really gone anywhere... but my computer blogging time has dropped off substantially lately. I have noticed that since 2005 when we started NWOW, I have found writing these columns to be very relaxing... especially when there is job related stress. Simply put, the last few months in Mortgage Land have been pretty stress free - and quite busy too, taking me away from my little blogging corner of the universe.

I also discontinued my mortgage podcast. Clickcaster, the file storage site where I keep the podcast's audio clips posted an announcement in January that the site was down to scheduled maintenance. That "scheduled maintenance" update remained there until May when the website effectively disappeared into the sunset following the footsteps of the long forgotten previous website where I kept my audio files. I started a Twitter account about mortgages, but the rules about the length of the tweets are a tad restrictive when one talks about complex financial situations so ultimately I will probably start some no holds barred kvetching about mortgage news here at NWOW instead.

But that is not the topic for today - as we approach a crazy doubleheader of TV farewells... Sunday is the end of Lost followed by the 24 finale on Monday.. And with the end of Monk earlier this year, that ends 3 of the better 1 hour shows that have aired over the last several yrs. CBS has also cancelled Jennifer Love Hewitt's "The Ghost Whisperer", a show I found downright awful, which is odd because Lost has incorporated a lot of those seeing dead people concepts into this season - yet for some reason it comes out a lot less stupid in the context of the Lost universe.

Which brings me to how I would like to see Lost wrap things up -

Charlie Salinger wakes up after a night of drinking with Sarah Reeves in the back of the restaurant and all this talking to dead people silliness was all a drunken stupor inspired dream...

Is a Party of 5 reference too much of an inside joke? Then again, how much debate went on about a joke being "too inside" when the Newhart writers devised the idea of using Suzanne Pleshette for the Newhart finale, some 13 years after the original went off the air??

Anyway, it looks like we have finally learned what Lost is really about... (and these next few paragraphs could be helpful for people who are not entirely up-to-date in the world of Lost.) Two super human twins were raised on the island... Jacob is the good guy and his anonymous brother is the bad guy. Even though the "rules" aka the Lost mythology states that they cant kill each other, Jacob somehow is able to terminate his anonymous brother's mortal life which ultimately created the infamous Smoke Monster - Anon's post death way of making his presence known... However, Anon also has the skill to assume a human form by inhabiting a corpse on the island. So in the twisted craziness of the Lost-iverse, Anon has taken over the body of John Locke whose corpse ended up back on the island after he died off the island. The original Locke was killed by Ben - who then sent the corpse back, and once the body came back, Anon "took it over" and then as Locke successfully convinced Ben to kill Jacob.

Anon wants to kill his twin because he wants to get off that freaking island just like everybody else does... but Jacob has shared the info that letting his bad twin off the island will have catastrophic results, and in his post death state, Jacob "appears" to the Jennifer Love Hewitt Ghost Whisperers Crash Survivors to warn them that somebody among the Castaways needs to replace him, and assume the task of keeping Anon from jumping ship - or airplane.

That in itself would be a great road to the finale, but the Lost writers threw in a very clever monkey wrench this season. Last season, the Lostaways had a brilliant idea that during their time travels to the past, it may not be a bad idea to blow up a hydrogen bomb and destroy the island. The theory was that their original plane crashed because electromagnetic energy was sent off from the island and caused the plane to come down. If the island is destroyed, then there is no plane crash and they can change the fates of their future selves.

So change the fates they did. Or did they? During this finale season, we saw a season premiere where the Lostaways are on the plane and the plane flies over Lost Island and continues on its merry way to LAX without crashing. But back on Lost Island although there was an explosion, the hydrogen bomb did not go off as it was supposed to because it shoulda killed the Lostaways allowing them to live on in the Parallelogram Universe, sort of like The Presitge where the magician killed himself and his clone lived on, but now, the Lostaways live 2 simultaneous lives as Island Crash Survivors and Los Angeles Non Crash Survivors or as The ICS and the LANCS!

The rules of logic dictate that only 1 timeline can exist.. but since when does Lost apply any such rules? The show's heart and soul is Desmond who spent many years living underground on that crazy island regularly pressing buttons on an old 1980s computer (The type that probably programmed the original PacMan) to keep the island's electromagneticism under control. And of course, the time Desmond doesn't press the buttons, the Lost plane crashes. Now we find out that Des has some kind of bizarre superhuman power that enables him to survive high levels of electromagnetic waves. Somehow Des gets into Anon's clutches and ends up in the bottom of a well... until some mysterious person rescues him...(Prediction: Claire) and now it appears that the ultimate island goal of getting rid of the monster may depend on Des.

Meanwhile in Non Crash LA - Des seems to have realized that his fellow plane passengers have some greater calling and he has spent the last few weeks assembling them together. Ben - who didn't crash but lived on the island, gets into a fistfight with Des in Non Crash Land and starts having flashbacks to a fight they had in their parallel lives. This of course makes no sense to Ben - how can he flash back to an event that "never happened"? But somehow Des has it figured out and as we move towards Sundays finale he is assembling all the Non Crash Losties to gather at a concert in LA.

So there you have it - 2 parallel stories coming to a finale... and somehow intertwining in a way that as of now defies logic but by the time 1130 Sunday Night rolls around, will apparently make plenty of sense.

So for the last time - here are some of my predictions for Lost.

Whatever happens on the island -I predict that Anon will be defeated. The rule to defeat Anon is to kill first and ask questions later. But even if they defeat him, the Crashies have to get off the island too... so unless somebody (Ben?) knows to twist that wheel that gets 'em out,... they may have to fly outta there, but since their pilot is dead.. that might not be an option either. This raises a very interesting question from the first episode - the original crashed plane's pilot (who was also on Heroes) was killed by The Smoke Monster... wouldn't Anon want the pilot to survive to get him off? Or maybe Lost needed the pilot to die to allow the pilot to become a 6 season show??

But the Non Crashies now gathered together in LA has also caught my att'n... this concept of forming memories of things that "never" happened to them is very intriguing. Ideally could Des convince the concert attendees that they have a greater calling to rescue "themselves" off Lost Island? Or could their be some dramatic reunion right at the concert hall involving 2 sets of the same people? I get the feeling that the ability to defeat Anon is going to have something to do with the LA Non Crash survivors and now I am ready to proclaim my final prediction:

I remember an episode of Fantasy Island - where a guy wants to go back in time to catch Jack the Ripper. Mr. Roarke takes the guest back in time but not only does Jack the Ripper get away from the Fantasy Island guest... but he opens a door that connects the past to the present and ends up roaming around present day early 1980s Fantasy Island and putting little Tattoo in danger. I recall nothing else about that episode except that the FI guest did not do his job and by not protecting the border allowed Jack into present day 1980 Fantasy Island. Sorta like the situation in Arizona... except deadlier.

I predict Des is not recruiting the LA Non Crashers to save their alter egos - he is recruiting them to save humanity - saving the world sounds too much like Heroes, but keeping the World safe from Anon makes the most sense...unless of course The Smoke Monster gets away and becomes the next star of a buncha slasher movies! Or maybe moves into the attic with Roger on American Dad. And if Anon is able to kill off everybody on the island, leaving only the 1 survivor who can get him outta there,.... (perhaps Ben who knows how to work the Wheel of Escape?), then its up to Des's LA crew to somehow get the island to its season premiere form.. apparently sunken at the bottom of the sea. And if it involves a flyover with a bomb drop to do this... is he going to get the LA Crash Survivors back together on a plane and head back to the island and destroy it during the fly-over with seconds to spare just before Ben can turn the wheel that lets Anon out and into the real world! But what happens if that plane.... crashes??

Saturday, February 20, 2010

LOST: A fun TV show and a word that usually follows “Nets”!

We’ll get to Lost – the TV show in a moment, but first a quick glance at the Nets as they march towards 8 win immortality in their attempt to shatter the infamous 9-73 record set by the 72-73 76ers. Now that the Nets have hit the 5 win mark, their current 5-50 record is far better than that Sixers team that actually started out at 4-58 and those lovable Mavericks of 92-93 fame whose 11 win season consisted of a 4-57 start… Amazingly, both those teams had worse records than the Swamp Dragons who have just announced that they will be in Newark for the next 2 seasons before they move on to Brooklyn!

The key to setting the record at 8-74 will involve some more consistent losing over the last 27 games. Can a 5-50 team which has consistently been winning 1 out of every 11 games put together a 3-24 hot streak to hit that mark? A stellar 4-23 would only tie the record and a sizzling stretch of 5-23 would keep Philly in the record books! Or will they challenge the all time worst stretch run of the 1968 San Diego Rockets who went 1-32 over their final 33 games?? And if they get to the magical 8-74,… they would be 66 games under .500… Only 2 professional team have achieved that record in the last 50 years… the 40-120 1962 Mets and the 2003 Tigers who finished 43-119.

Net observers are noticing that the losses have been a lot closer over the last 10 or so games, and the way they have been playing lately it makes it possible that getting the record will be tough to achieve. In the meantime, now that they have 5 wins, the next goal is reaching not the mathematically impossible .500.. but actually the .100 mark which would mark the 1st time this season they have achieved that status. But if they have to pay .125 ball to avoid immortality it seems very possible that they will resume their losing ways and get to their next milestone - a 5-59 record which has never ever been done. Can they lose next 9 games to reach that record?? Its too early to tell, but at least it gives us something to look forward to!

Now time for Lost. I have tossed off so many theories about that wacky show over the years that I have run out of ideas. But as the show heads to its final episode this May, one can only wonder how this crazy show will wrap up. So instead of yet another crazy theory, I am going to speculate on what the finale will look like.

The cool aspect about this show is that we can write about what has been going on… but in reality we really don’t know what’s flying. Last season they cooked up this crazy idea that if they went back in time they could change the circumstances that led to their Episode 1 plane crash. Well faster than Cher can slap on a thong, they discovered that they could turn back time. Our Lost crew knew their plane crashed because of some kind of magnetic mashugas that was emanating from the island due to a hydrogen bomb. Last season’s madcap goal was to detonate the bomb. Then the Lost crew would die in the explosion, but their plane would never have crashed and they would end up living “happily ever after”. Sort of like the logic used in “The Prestige” – kill 1 but keep the clone.

The season ended with a flash of light as a badly injured Juliet smashed the bomb which didn’t quite go off as planned. Then we waited through 7 long months for the show to start up again! Now that its back, we see that the plane did NOT crash and everybody goes on their merry way with some interesting storylines… Locke is still paralyzed… Rose has cancer… Charlie almost overdoses…Kate is on the run from the law… and Claire’s adoptive parents foshnizzled on their offer to take her unborn baby. Doesn’t look like everybody is quite so happy off the island.

But wait a moment.. the show is not just about life off the island after the plane did not crash. We found out in the first episode of the season that the plane crash crew did NOT die when the bomb went off… Somehow the bomb went off and blew them into the future.. but since they had been in the past, they actually ended up in the present…Only Lost can produce such a sentence that actually makes sense!

I’m not quite sure what year they ended up in… but I think they are now in “present time” since Sawyer has shared scenes with both Jin and Fake Locke. And with Fake Locke being in the same timeline as Sun… that means that lovely reunion appears to be imminent! Which means that not only are they time travelers, but somehow they have changed the timeline and the “Crashers” and the “non Crashers” are co existing with themselves at the same time but in 2 different places! Kind of like when Stuie Griffin found his future self living in San Fransisco.

So while viewers await the Sun and Jin reunion – I am more interested in seeing the “Crashers” meet the “Non-crashers”

The non crashers have the common bond of being on the same flight…. which involved the escape of a criminal (Kate). Since there is a list of all of the flight’s passengers, maybe the cops will call everybody over to the local Bennigan’s for a little Q and A. Also, Hurley seems to be interacting with some of the non crashers…Rose and Locke were on that flight, and both of them were his employees… and the 2 people who were magically healed on the island too! Then we round up the “Crashers”… and rescue them from the island for a 2nd time… The first rescue was pretty exciting… but imagine how neat it would be the 2nd time around since “they” already are living in the real world.

I can just imagine that Oprah episode! Hopefully she wont mistake one of Ben’s scars for lipstick like she did with Drew Brees! People who were on an airplane find out that “they” have been rescued after being stranded on an island. Letterman could get 5 of them to do a Top 10 List. Maybe they could rent out a hotel ballroom for that reunion of the Crashers and the Non Crashers. Serve up some cocktails maybe? See if Sawyer has nicknames for the other Sawyer. And would he seek out Juliet to see if he can hook up with her? Would a respected doctor hook up with a self proclaimed con man? Would Hurley give the other Hurley a job? Would Sayid resort to torture if the other Sayid doesn’t tell him what he wants to hear about the island?

But I guess poor Locke would feel left out at the reunion… His alter ego is dead….He’ll just sit on the sidelines having coffee talk with his history teacher friend Ben Linus as ABC drools over the prospects of a spinoff featuring the 2 of them that would probably fizzle quicker than After MASH and Beverly Hills Buntz.

I think of all the crazy concepts on Lost, the idea of people finding out that they co-exist somewhere else is more mind boggling than anything else the show has come up with! I couldn’t even begin to imagine if there was another Nate floating around out there…although it would be pretty cool if there was a 2nd Trophy Wife! But then again you always hear that somewhere out there, your exact double is floating around… and I understand Facebook used Doppelganger Week to find people’s exact lookalikes due to their Google-esque algorithm research based on people who chose the same celebrity.

Only 2010 can produce such a sentence that actually makes sense!


I caught this recently… Newsweek got a bunch of its staffers who have never seen Lost to watch the Season Premiere… and then try to explain what is going on!


See the first 1:15 of this clip from Real Time with Bill Maher and you will see that Elliot Spitzer’s comeback trail probably should not include panels with Seth MacFarlane. Nonetheless, a very very funny clip!

Friday, January 29, 2010

J: Leno, Wow, Z, and E-T-S! Part II

Following our theme from our last column…

This week I will start with The Jets and congratulate my team’s co-tenants for an excellent season that led them into the AFC Title Game. Having a rookie quarterback gives them hope for future seasons, although just because a team makes it this far doesn’t mean they are an automatic to make it there the next season…. Check out the Giants of 2 seasons ago for a perfect example. Nonetheless, their coach’s wiseguy comments that the Jets will be THE main tenants in the new Meadowlands Stadium is a bit uncalled for… The fact is The Giants were the main tenants at Giants Stadium and were there first while the Jets were playing at the late lamented Shea Stadium. Now that they have a new Stadium it’s a fresh start so both teams might be on equal footing.. unless the new stadium’s corporate sponsor is the Giant Supermarket chain!

J ay Leno

It is interesting how the theme for Wednesday was Jobs and Jobs. In the morning, Steve Jobs announced the non menstrual related innovative I-pad. Im not quite sure what it does that the I phone doesn’t do… except it has a bigger screen and possibly a keyboard? Then in the evening, President Obama delivered his State of the Union and announced new plans to find jobs for non working Americans. It’s a jungle out there for job hunters and the competition is fierce… It seems like only the most competitive job seekers are able to find the jobs that are out there. That is the American way.

Yet there seems to be an exception when it comes to late night TV.

I have the late night Oprah – Jay Leno replay playing in the background and as I listen to it, I realize that Jay is really not the “bad guy” here. And I must say I am definitely NOT a Jay Leno fan and I like Conan a lot more. Leno stabbed Letterman in the back to get The Tonight Show… but I can’t find fault with him in this situation. I think Conan made a mistake leaving NBC because of his contention that “The Tonight Show” shouldn’t be on at midnight. Time slot? Conan is an Ivy League graduate but doesn’t realize how far that franchise already sank after Jonny Carson left.

Let’s say people start staying up till 11:30 on a weeknight when you are approximately 17 years old. People who are in their early 30’s and younger, have virtually no recollection of Johnny Carson… and you would have to be in your mid to late 60s to remember Jack Paar and Steve Allen as Tonight Show Hosts. For all intents and purposes… it may have been called “The Tonight Show”.. but it really was “The Johnny Carson Show” and he hosted it remarkably consistently well for 30 years.

And while Fox is good at ratings for its News Channel and Prime Time Lineup.. historically it has never been able to get ratings with its late night talk shows with Joan Rivers and Chevy Chase. And now that Conan may be trying to start a new late night franchise, will he really do that much better there than if he would have taken his lumps and stayed with NBC??

Granted Leno was a bit of a jerk when he took over The Tonight Show… (and apparently engineered Carson’s somewhat “early” departure). But this time? I really cant blame him. Leno was a team player five years ago when NBC told him he would lose the show in 2009 even though he was winning the timeslot. But NBC didn’t want to lose Conan or pay him an exit fee if he didn’t get the Tonight Show in 2009. Now after pulling the plug on the 10pm show, NBC loses Conan, a lotta money and has a big problem on their hands if Leno can’t take back the ratings.

The bottom line: Nobody will ever replace Johnny Carson… but at least Conan had a better show. Oh well I guess my idea last week of a 2 hour Leno – Conan Tonight Show ain’t gonna fly.

JWow –

I see where the stars of Jersey Shore are holding out for more money to return for a 2nd season. Following up from last week, I don’t think they need all of them… just Snookie, The Situation, and JWow and possibly Paulie and maybe maybe Vinnie. After watching the reunion show last week, you realize that Ronnie has done a tremendous public service to show people the dangerous mood swings that you get from alleged steroid use! He’s nuts.. especially when during the reunion he dumped Sammi because of something silly she said to The Situation 5 months ago on the “hidden video footage”.

In reality, look how much buzz MTV is getting from this show. The seasons over and people still talk about it. Granted, a lot of it is because it is very well edited, the soap opera scenarios are probably staged and the graphics are well done so you never forget all the character’s names. But I don’t remember the last time there was this much hype and ratings for an MTV show.

I think they should show them the money… if they don’t they risk hiring new wackos who will try to emulate and go even further and turn themselves into caricatures of this seasons group. Can you imagine a girl trying to out Snookie Snookie? And try to out talk and out muscle The Situation? Or top Paulie’s contention that the Israeli girl who doesn’t believe in sex before marriage is nuts one week, and somehow nonchalantly ends up in bed with her the following week? MTV needs these people back… but should also add a few new people to mix it up a little bit.. kind of like one of those All Star Survivor seasons!

J ay Z

Drats those Jay Z owned Nets narrowly avoided immortality winning on Wednesday Night to improve to 4-40. If they would have lost they would have been the first team to start 3-41. I was looking at the trends of other teams that came perilously close to the Sixers immortal 1972-73 73 loss season….thanks to the ESPN site I mentioned last week (which actually has a few mistakes on it). The Nets 4-40 record is still not a guarantee that they wont go 4-34 the rest of the way… actually now that they have 4 wins, the next futility record is the amazing 92-93 Mavericks who were 4-57, and the 72-73 Sixers who were 4-58. Can the Nets actually start a new 18 game losing streak to tie that record?? Or will their 5th win come so far down the road that they can beat the futility mark of 5-58 held by 3 teams?

And how bad a hole did the Nets dig with that 3-40 start? The #8 seed for the playoffs are the Bulls who are .500 dropping the Nets 18 1/2 games out of the last spot. IF the Nets were to win 18 in a row and the Bulls continued playing .500, the Nets would still be 10 games out of the last playoff spot with 20 games left to play!

Interesting note about those Sixers… after starting 4-58 they went on to win 5 of 7 to improve to 9-60… and then lost 13 straight to finish 9-73. However, if a 9 win team is able to run off a 5-2 record in a seven game period, you realize how hard it is to consistently lose so often over the course of a long 82 game season.

Trophy Wife isn’t happy with me that I root for the Nets to lose each night. She says its not nice. Good thing she didn’t know me during the 2000 World Series!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

J: Leno, Wow, Z, and E-T-S!

So how about that new background here at NWOW? You did notice, right? We finally changed the background on the site… also known as “the skin” this past New Years Day. I had thought about changing it for New Years 2009, but my attempts to visit a website that had some nifty looking skins a year ago turned disastrous when the site had a spyware virus planted in it.. which I shoulda noticed because I kept getting knocked off while using my usual terrific browser Mozilla Firefox.. Of course, I was a total moron because I went back to that virus filled website…. This time using Internet Explorer which instead of knocking me off like the superior Mozilla, instead instantly paralyzed my system with some horrific spyware and resulted in my hard drive getting wiped clean and I had to start my computer all over again from scratch. All because of a silly G rated “skins” site.. And of course, good lucking watching the computer store owner keep a straight face when you tell him you got the virus from a “skins” site.

This time, I took the easy route and downloaded a background provided by Blogspot/Google!

This year we will also be taking a new tactic with the annual Pumpstradamus predictions. The first two years we did an audio podcast.. the last 2 years we did a video podcast and this year we are doing a good ol’ fashioned Q and A so start posting your questions in the comments section, and we will then pass them along to Pumpstradamus who will then provide his incredible answers. Pumpy will be back in the next couple of weeks to answer all queries!

This week’s column is sponsored by the letter “J”

J ay Leno

I have been waiting to see how this NBC mess worked its way out before commenting on this topic. Over on Facebook, I posted a column by a blogger who questioned the relevancy of appointment television and “the timeslot” in this era of DVRs and watching TV shows on line. Nick Summers borrowed a theme from our most recent movie review with this comment on The Newsweek blog. Sayeth The Summers:

“The new comedy prestige─to be the material that dominates Twitter's trending topics list, to create the clips embedded on a million blogs─has nothing to do with airing on a certain network at a certain time”

First of all, NBC shouldn’t have been so wishy washy a few years back when they told Jay Leno that Conan would take his spot in 2009. But they worried about what would happen if they lost Conan to another network… never realizing that his ratings would be worse than Leno’s and Letterman. But they managed to keep Conan strung along dangling The Tonight Show in front of him… So using their King Solomon wisdom to keep both Leno and Conan, NBC announced there would be a Jay Leno show at 10pm. They thought it would be a cost effective hit.. its relatively low production costs would make it a money maker with lower ratings than a typical hour of network TV. But the local stations forced to carry the show were not exactly thrilled that Jay’s lower 10pm ratings were killing the ratings for the 11pm local news.

Here’s my 2 cents on this fiasco: Even though I agree he is getting screwed, why can’t Conan just swallow his pride and realize that he really is better off staying at NBC? If the Today Show can add 2 hours to itself… including the 10 am hour with Kathy Lee Gifford…why can’t The Tonight Show add an hour too? As crazy as it might sound… Leno would host the 1130 Tonight Show Hour and Conan would host the 1230 Tonight Show hour. And if Leno gets about 10 weeks off each year… on those 10 weeks, The Conan Tonight Show would move up to 11:30 followed by a rerun at 1230…

That would essentially kill The Late Night Show.. but frankly that show really belonged to Letterman and Conan… even though Jimmy Fallon has done a decent job the few times I have seen him.

But don’t you think this idea of The Tonight Show: Hour 2 would cause a lot less aggravation for Conan and his crew whose cross country move seems to be more sympathized than the numerous other shows that move around the world and get cancelled a lot sooner than Conan did.


And speaking of one of the shows that stole Jay Leno’s 10pm audience….

Is it true?? Are we really near the end of the road for the first season of Jersey Shore? If indeed that is the case, last week’s oddly scheduled double header (they couldn’t stretch the show another week, airing two 1 hour episodes on consecutive weeks?) may have answered the question… Who is the smartest person on Jersey Shore?

My answer is JWow’s boyfriend.. I will get to why I think that… but it is not because of his odd choice for female companionship… although that boobie displaying bandanna she wears as a shirt when she goes clubbing is quite the gravity defying piece of wardrobe.

Let us hearken back to Hour 1 of last week’s episode, when the crew took a trip to Atlantic City and as far as I can tell, never showed any of our lovable gang of 7 gambling in a casino. We did see Snookie fill a bubble bath with so many bubbles that she looked like a naked Eskimo drunkenly crawling back into an igloo after a crazy night of Penguin tipping. She also was ambushed when she thought she had the gang behind her when she thought everybody would support her confrontation with Sammi that she was spending too much time with Ronnie… eliticing memories of George being left hung out to dry when he confronted Jerry about his nauseating clingy Shmoopie girlfriend in the legendary Soup Nazi episode!

JWow had a little too much to drink that fateful night… and “The Situation” had a different agenda programmed into his Palm Pilot. While he has been increasingly annoyed with Vinny’s odd courtship of his sister, The Situation decided it was payback time in AC and promptly pulled a self proclaimed robbery and stole away some chickie that Vinny had been making out with, using the swift moves not seen since Jay Leno’s zipping back to 11:30 and bumping Conan.

The Situation was making out with this woman at this AC club, when a very drunk, JWow butts in and demands he take her up to their Jersey Shore comped hotel suite because she was too intoxicated to make it back on her own. The Situation told her to press her own elevator button… because he had other stuff to do… She smacked him somewhat gently in the keppie,… and got promptly tossed out of the club which she was really too nauseous to be at anyway.

She got back to the room and ranted and raved about The Situation… and once he returned to the room later that night… she ran right up to him and viciously punched him hard right in the head! This was when we realized that there is a huge crew of muscley Jerry Springer security guys on the sidelines because they all came running almost literally out of the woodwork to pull the crazed JWow away!

It was during the 2nd episode that JWow came back to Seaside… took out the duck phone.. and called her boyfriend… She was now sober, but hung over and as she told the boyfriend the story of the night before about her nightclub confrontation, nightclub ejection and subsequent violent attack of The Situation, the boyfriend responded with this brilliance…

“Maybe you shouldn’t drink so much?”

Ronnie had the line of the week when he was talking about how he and not The Situation had been able to hook up with Sammi. Sayeth the Ronnie:

“I closed that deal… I already have the title for that closing!”

Amazing how Ronnie can use a mortgage analogy at Jersey Shore. However, if indeed this is the end of the season, I wonder if all 7 will be coming back. Frankly, I’m not 100% sure that every single muscle on Ronnie is a result of bar and dumb bells… and based on Snookis fixation on boys who are juiced… I ponder to ask if indeed Mr. Ronnie has been taking some kind of supplement. If you watch the show closely and the silly little fights he and Sammi have.. you start to realize that even though is Sammi a little hormonal with her moods sometimes.. Ronnie seems to be on some kind of emotional mood swinging roller coaster. He gets into fights on the boardwalk because he is easily instigated and you start to wonder if this show is really exposing the ugly side effects of alleged steroid use.

If they bring the show back next year…and I hear they will… I wouldn’t be too upset if Ronnie and Sammie were left off the roster. You really only need Snookie, The Situation, and his trusty Tonto-esque sidekick Paulie. I guess you can bring back Vinny and JWow, because even though their summer was rather uneventful, their constant bickering with The Situation makes the show that much more entertaining.

J ay Z

He is part owner of the Nets and even the team management now admits that this season is done, and they are playing for “The future” when they will have the 1st pick and a halfway decent free agent or 2 before they move outta Jersey and head to Brooklyn.

I believe that the Nets might be the first team ever to spend every day of the season having the “games back from the 8th playoff spot” always higher than their win total! Right now they have 3 wins and they are approx,.16 games behind The Bulls for the 8th spot. Keep in mind the Nets didn’t win a game till they had already lost 18 so after win #1 they were already approx. 10 games out from the #8 spot… Now that we are at the halfway mark, they are on a pace to finish 32 games out of the 8th playoff spot, which means that if the last playoff team finishes .500 the Nets would be close to breaking the record for the worst team ever. They should be farther behind Chicago, but the Nets actually won their only road game in the Windy City!!

At this point, the only thing worth watching of this comical nightly loser fest is the historical perspective of this team’s horrific performance.. The all time worst team was the 72 sixers that went 9-73. ESPN has a terrific site over at . Check it out… and you can see how incredibly awful these Nets rank with other landmark lousy teams. The only difference is… the fans were buying tickets to see a team that would eventually get better. These Nets are leaving town so NJ fans will never see a good team… and the team has actually fessed up to its ineptitude. I got an email from the Nets marketing dept and they actually promote upcoming opponents and their star players… and the implied easy victory coming up during their visit to play those horrific little Swamp Dragons!

The 3-38 Nets have their next milestone lined up: Both the 97 Nuggets and 93 Mavericks started 3-40 but then went on to win the next game to get to 4-40. However if the Nets can lose their next 2 road games, they would return home to play the Clippers next Wednesday to become the first team in NBA history to have a 3-41 record! By the way those 72 sixers actually were 4-58 so the Nets would have to go 1-20 to match that record! (The 92 Mavs were almost that bad… going 4-57.) By the way Philly then went 5-2 to improve to 9-60 before losing their final 13 games.

J-E-T-S… Jets Jets Jets!

I’m a Giants fan and even though I enjoyed the Vikings-Cowboys game more than the Jets game, I wish them and their fans the best of luck on Sunday as they attempt to upset the Colts and head to the Super Bowl.

Friday, January 01, 2010

“The Prestige”-ious 200th Column – A Movie Club Review!

Hello everybody… Happy New Year and welcome to our 200th column!

We started NWOW back on November 10, 2005 and 11 days later we presented our first movie review… The First of our Star Wars reviews - Phantom Menace as we reviewed all 6 in chronological order. We have done a few other movie anthologies since, and from the feedback I get, the movie columns are quite popular among the NWOW readers.

But Nate has been a very very bad boy and has been neglecting the movie reviews. We are currently in the middle of the Christian Bale movies… our first review since March 6th (American Psycho) and only our second since October 17, 2008! when we reviewed Empire of the Sun.

Interestingly enough, today’s movie The Prestige is one of my favorites. I have owned the DVD since it came out, I have seen it a few times already, but I needed to sit down with pen and paper to jot down my notes about this incredible flick. This week I took my traditional vacation between Christmas and New Years and the other afternoon, after getting delayed en route to a matinee of Up in the Air (which I ended up seeing a day later), I decided to spend the cold winter afternoon on the couch in my snuggie watching “The Prestige”.

Here is the trailer…

The movie is directed by Christopher Nolan who did the incredible “Memento”.. and once again the story does not unfold in chronological order. We see that Bale’s character... Alfred Borden is in prison, and as he faces execution we discover that he has been convicted of killing another man, Robert Angier played by Hugh Jackman. We soon discover that Jackman and Bale are competing magicians in turn of the century England… not the century we started 10 years ago… the one before that.

The two fellas start out as friendly coworkers.. working as magician’s assistants who are “audience volunteers” They classify the magician they work for as rather vanilla, while at the same time watch with googly eyes as a Chinese magician (must not have been that much going on besides magic in those pre vaudeville days)… catches their attention because of an incredible trick he does at his show involving fishies in a fishbowl.

The two men watch the Chinese magician limp out from his theater into a waiting 1900s model car after the show… and even though he can barely walk with help from his assistants they start to wonder if to quote Doug Henning… the difficulty walking in all… “an allusion”… especially when they figure out what appears to be the only way to logically do the trick… walk around bow legged (or bowl-legged) with a fishbowl between your legs. ... But this appears to be doable only if the magician has incredibly strong legs that would enable him to walk while carrying the bowl under heavy leg obstructing clothing. This leads our boys to speculate that the Chinese magician is able bodied but pretends to be handicapped while in public. Wasn’t there a wheelchair bound shoplifter in the news recently who was caught red handed when he stood up and put merchandise in a hidden compartment under his chair?

And there you have one of the keys as both of these young magicians rise to the top – appearing one way “in public” while in reality hiding secrets about themselves to help sell tickets… However magicians deal in allusions, and one of these fellas decision to “keep a secret about himself” just may not have necessarily been inspired by seeing the Chinese magician.

The two become rivals when during their “audience volunteer” stint Bale’s character accidentally ties a knot that Jackman’s wife (a magicians assistant) can’t quite untie. This is especially a big problem when she is tied up and lowered into a big tank of water. When she can’t get out… the on stage trick engineer…(Michael Caine) has to break the glass to rescue her.. but the subsequent events of that day turn a friendship into a rivalry..

Jackman puts on a disguise and decides to check out Bale’s show but ambushes him while he is performing a magic trick that involves catching a bullet. That results in a long rivalry between the two which also is part of Jackman’s sad obsession with topping Bale’s tricks. We see in flashbacks that “in the end” Bale is on trial for killing Jackman… who drowns during a performance… not behind a curtain on stage, but instead beneath the stage where he drops into a water filled tank below through a trick door in the floor while he is tied up! . The movie then uses flashbacks to tell the story of how these two fellas try to one up each other every chance they get…. in an attempt to be The Best Magician.

And to achieve that Best Magician status is to properly achieve “The Prestige”… the punchline to the trick that usually results in huge ego feeding applause. Prestiges tend to involve making things disappear and then bringing “them” back….which sometime involves a beautiful white dove who has a lookalike return as part of the prestige.

Speaking of making things disappear… how do you like the audacity of those Brazilian kidnappers who seem to have notion that should get visitation rights for that poor little Goldman boy they took away from his dad. Now that the kid is home, I hope a grand jury pulls a Roman Polanski and indicts those kidnappers so if they come to NJ to get the kid, they end up getting arrested again!

In “The Prestige” the ultimate show stopping trick is a pre-Star Trek teleporter. This is where a person gets from Point A to Point B in a time frame that defies logic.,, sort of like when your wife tells you to take out the garbage and it ends up outside in less than an hour. Each man has his own unique way of doing this rather incredible trick…. And while Bale figures out how Jackman does it… Jackman develops an incredibly sickening obsession with figuring out every last detail about Bale’s method. That obsession takes him on a boat to Colorado (Don’t forget we are pre Wright Brothers) where he meets a scientist (played in a jaw dropping performance by an unrecognizable David Bowie) who invents a way for Jackman to do the Teleporting trick… which not only defines the movie’s entire plot, but when revealed to the viewer produces a “Whatchu Talking About Willis” moment. The moviemaker might think that revealing “the prestige” moment will generate applause.. but instead the viewer gets the urge to restart the DVD (or hide in the movie theater) so you can watch the movie again to see how the pieces fit into the puzzle.

Bale, Jackman and Caine are excellent in this movie…. as is the actor who plays Bale’s right hand man. Scarlett Johanson plays a magician's assistant/groupie who works for both of them at different times... She also attracts their male libidos and has an affair with both men - sort of like the T Shirt store owner's girlfriend in Thursday Night's episode of Jersey Shore. And as for Bowie – any time an actor plays a role so well that you don’t realize that is him till the very end… you know you are watching an incredible performance! And he is not the only actor accomplishing that feat in this movie….

And if you have never seen the movie and decide to see it – reread the review after you see it… you might find some clues laid right out in front of you… but like the movie.. you don’t quite catch it right away… because the key to an illusion is not really knowing where to look

This movie is just fantastic and this is coming from a person who is not a big fan of these period pieces… On a scale of 1 to 4 bladders meaning how less likely you would be to leave in the middle to go to the bathroom… The Prestige is a 4 bladder movie!!

PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK: Pumpy goes for his 4th straight winning year this weekend as he enters the final week with a record of 8-7-1. Since Jackman went to Colorado in “The Prestige”…we go there too this week as the Denver Broncos are 13 point favorites over the Chiefs. Sayeth The Pump: “I just got my year end income statement and I was so upset I took out my kerchief and sobbed!… So in honor of my kerchief… take The Chiefs!”

UNBIASED GIANTS FAN OF THE WEEK: Well we totally foshnizzled last week.. going 0-3 to drop to 22-26… 3-9 in the last 4 wks! The Giant game is irrelevant so this week we will visit the other Meadowlands inhabitants and 2 college games.

Bengals 10 doggies over THE JETS – The Jets will not cover this spread.

Boise St. 7 ½ doggies over TCU in the Fiesta Bowl – Gotta get in the habits of watching Monday Nights on FOX since 24 is just a couple of weeks away,

Alabama 4 over Texas – Can you believe its 20 years since Brent Musberger got canned at CBS??… Bear Bryant will be kvelling from the heavens when all is said and done!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Top 14 Shows to Watch in 2010

I am a little late with the column this week… getting it on line in the post midnight hours of Saturday Night! It has been an incredibly busy week as I took on new responsibilities at my synagogue’s annual 12/24 event and I must say the hard work paid off as we sold out with approx 230 people attending an event that in past years brought in approximately 100-150. Nonetheless, my usual blogging time got pushed back and I spent Christmas Day sleeping and watching movies including of course ---- A Christmas Story!

Today, NWOW presents a list of the 14 must see shows for next year – 2 of them will not have new episodes next season but I decided to list them anyway because you can still watch the reruns…

Here they are listed by their 2009 watchability rankings

1. Jersey Shore – This show achieved immortality moments into its premiere episode when a young musclehead named Mike proudly proclaimed that his nickname.. usually a name that is shorter than ones real name… is The Situation! A few minutes later a crazy little Elvira lookalike munchkin arrived, announced her name was Snooki and instantly got plastered. Must see TV… but needs an announcement before each episode that these people are not true representatives of typical Italian NJ young adults.

2. 24 – Year in and Year out..24 hits it out of the ballpark with its unique format. Some exciting new characters were brought aboard this year and the show ended on a cliffhanger with Jack Bauer contracting some type of deadly disease. The problem with 24 and the next show on the list is their season only runs January through May and by the time the end of the year lists are written up, you have to scratch your head to remember what was going on several months ago.

3. Lost – Speaking of the Devil… last season Lost really hit a home run with its mind boggling time travel elements and bizarre twists about John Locke and his ability to come back from the dead. I just reread the May 19th column…(Rivers. Islands and Sun – see the archives) to remember all that craziness that was jammed into my head about the season. The show has a ton of fans as is evidenced by the day after recaps on various websites. Even the fantasy baseball q and a’s on involve a weekly column where characters ask their questions using the names of Lost characters. Hopefully they will run a last season recap before the season premiere to remind us of what happened in May.

4. Curb Your Enthusiasm – The 2nd to last episode may have been the most brilliant episode of a comedy show in TV history. The whole sub plot involving fictitious Groats disease invading the set of the Seinfeld reunion led to the long anticipated "meeting” between Michael Richards and Leon who is black. Just in case you forgot, a few years back while performing standup at a comedy club, Richards had a meltdown and went into a rather prejudiced rant when he was heckled at a comedy club by some blacks. However, Leon followed the stereotype of black people not knowing the Seinfeld characters and instead went into an adlibbed rant while posing as “Groats survivor Danny Duberstein” about how “Richards” could be cured of Groats disease. Purely hysterical and when the season comes out on DVD… probably in time for the holidays next year…it will be a must have for all Seinfeld/Curb fans. See #14 also.

5. Family Guy – Seth McFarlane is a genius and each week the show gets 9 out of 10 jokes off successfully in this crazy cartoon about a dysfunctional family from Quahog, Rhode Island. Nobody likes the daughter, one son is a moron and the baby boy is possessed. One of the neighbors is paralyzed, the other is perennially horny, and the dog and baby talk better English than anybody else… The pop culture flashbacks are just hysterical 9 times out of 10. Currently its funnier than The Simpsons, but it will not run for as many years.

6. American Dad – Show #2 of 3 from Camp McFarlane ( The 3rd is Family Guy spinoff The Cleveland Show which may be on next years list) focuses on your typical crazy right wing Republican Family with the rebellious daughter. This guy works for the government and has a fish that talks with a German accent and a flamboyant Paul Lynde sounding alien who has a penchant for dressing up in outrageous wardrobes. Don’t we all have an alien living with us? The show does not use the Family Guy flashbacks, so it depends more on character development to move the story along and some weeks is better than Family Guy. The Christmas episode with Michelle the angel….aka the hooker with wings was very well done!.

7. Big Bang Theory – How could you not like a show with characters named Sheldon and Leonard named after the legendary TV producer who is a distant relative of Trophy Wife? Sheldon steals the show and Kaely Cuoco is perfectly cast as the lovely neighbor who has the bizarrely odd relationship with Leonard. The relationship is not too realistic, yet it gives Sheldon some great opportunities and if this show has a long run like the other CBS Monday sitcoms, the story might evolve into a Penny-Leonard breakup followed by a Penny-Sheldon hook up which would be incredibly oddly funny. The best show on Monday Nights and the best sitcom on network TV

8. Better off Ted – A new addition to our list; I just started watching this workplace gem a few weeks ago and unlike The Office I really find it funny. (I don’t know why, but I just can’t get into The Office)… Nonetheless, Ted is surrounded by a nutty boss played by Portia de Rossi and two bizarre scientists who look like they belong on a Jeopardy Tournament! Last weeks episode where one scientist was sleeping with the mother of another was incredibly funny capped off by a sight gag where a scientist reveals his latest invention – popcorn that pops using the heat inside your mouth. You had to see this to really appreciate it. I hope this show sticks around… it’s got great potential.

9. Jeopardy – There doesn’t seem to be anything else on at 7pm – and I even catch the reruns on GSN. I am leaving off the other classic game shows on GSN because except for the last 2 shows here, I am only listing shows that are still producing new episodes. Even though I don’t know most of the answers, I do feel happy when I know some of them.. and in those rare situations when I get a Final Jeopardy answer that the three contestants all miss… then I feel like a million bucks.

10. Millionaire – After seeing Slumdog Millionaire I started watching it again… The Meredith Vierra version got a little more adventurous this year when they added a timer. They also recently got rid of “phone a friend” much to Google’s chagrin… since friends were just googling to get the right answer. They also did a million dollar tournament in the fall that with a few tweaks could be very entertaining and add an element of contestants competing against each other. Its an entertaining game and more my speed than the much more challenging Jeopardy. The Regis reruns on GSN are also entertaining.

11. How I Met Your Mother – The show trying to stake its claim as the follow up to the Thursday Night Friends/Seinfeld powerhouse. Five entertaining characters who hang out at a local bar – the stories are well told in a non chronological fashion and Neil Patrick Harris has totally reinvented himself post Harold and Kumar with the incredible Barney who has remarkable methods to meet chics… For those of us who are married and live vicariously through our single friends… Barney is a very entertaining character… especially when he comes out with some bizarre philosophies. Great acting job by NPH who is gay in real life!

12. 30 Rock – The behind the scenes look at an SNL type comedy show is quite amusing on a regular basis. Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey lead a strong cast as the network executive and producer of a show hosted by “Tracy Jordan”. The show has been consistently funny this season including a recent episode loaded with gags such as a bizarre look at how high def adversely affects ones appearance when looking at a person close-up. Another bit involved a character who I thought did an incredible Gilbert Gottfriend impression until I found out that it was actually the voice of…. Gilbert Gottfried! Alec Baldwin hasn’t made Thursday Nights this entertaining since he was on Knots Landing!

13. Monk Final Season – Technically not a show I will watch in 2010 but it gets an honorable mention because the final episodes were so brilliantly put together. Monk’s original assistant Sharona returned in one of the late episodes and her character got some closure by hooking up with bumbling cop Randy. And ultimately Monk not only solved the murder of his beloved wife Trudy but also found out that she had had a daughter. That reunion was amusing and very touching. Monk found a new purpose in life.. getting to know Trudy’s grown daughter. We also saw the final scene where Monk goes to a crime scene and finally unbuttons that top button and dresses a little stylish… making you realize that in the world of Monk… alot of the foibles had gone away and in his world everything was going to be ok. I’m sure they will bring the characters back for a reunion movie.. unless a Monk reunion becomes the new project for Larry David on the next season of “Curb Your Enthusiasm”.

14. Seinfeld reruns – It was probably the top show in those “Best of the 90s” columns in the pre-blogging era of a decade ago. However that show had a less heartwarming episode as the 4 main characters were sent to prison for not helping a mugging victim. For more than 10 years we have heard the debates of that finale, and the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme this season was an incredible “Seinfeld reunion” which had a new “ending”. George got married, made millions, got ripped off by Madoff and then got dumped by his wife.. only to reconcile with her as long as he would sign a pre-nup not touching his money that she got in the divorce and wisely did not invest with Madoff. Amazingly the first scene with all 4 characters in the “reunion” included just 2 words – Madoff? Madoff. It was all in the tone And after watching this season of Curb… I have started to revisit the Seinfeld reruns which air nightly at 1130 and 1230.

And if we must follow the rules of shows to watch for 2010 you can always substitute 13 and 14 with any of the many CSI’s and Law and Orders.


Pumpie tied last week to remain evened up at 7-7-1. This week we go to Cleveland the city where they filmed “A Christmas Story”. In a game only Pumpy cares about, the Browns are 3 ½ point faves over The Raiders. Sayeth the Pump: “MY buddy just went to Cleveland.. so take the Browns!”


Last week we dropped under .500 by going 1-2 to drop to 22-23. The Giants hold the tie breakers and need to win 1 more game than the Packers or Cowboys in order to make the playoffs. In the unlikely event that the Giants lose and the other 2 win… next week we will be picking bowl games!

GIANTS 7 faves over Carolina – The Panthers are coming off a big 4th quarter in the Sunday night win over Minnesota.. but it was late at night and past Brett Favre’s bedtime. Huge game for NY.. in their last game at Giants Stadium.

REDSKINS 6 ½ doggies over Dallas – The Skins should be quite ticked after last weeks Monday Night Debacle… and you won’t be seeing that crazy trick play again where all the players ran away so quick you thought the center farted.

Seahawks 14 doggies over GREEN BAY – Hopefully Seattle can sneak in and help the Giants… but they will probably just cover the spread.

NEXT WEEK: We welcome a new decade with our 200th column!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Welcome to New Jersey Part III: Snooki? She Must Be Italian

“It seems today,
That all you see,
Is violence in movies,
and sex on T.V.”

Shouldn’t this be the theme song for Thursday’s episode of “Jersey Shore”?

Yes folks… we called it the night it premiered… not only is this program loaded with the most entertaining characters on reality show history… but you can find parallels between the shenanigans at the shore house and real life current events.

Lets catch up with the key highlights involving that wacky Cast of 6 plus Vinnie who is really like Chuck on Happy Days… he’s there but you really never see him:

This week the term “The Situation” became even more mainstream. Not only was it the punchline on a Letterman Top 10 list… but The Situation appeared as a guest on Conan O’Brien, on Wendy Williams, and in a comedy skit on Jimmy Kimmel Live. He even presented Conan with his own nickname - “The Solution”. It makes no sense.. but its still funny in that Situation-esque way.

During Thursday’s episode, Paulie discovered that Ronnie is getting a lot of screen time with his sordid affair with Sammie. By the way, who washes the housemates sheets? They never seem to do laundry! Paulie realized he needed a new way to get on the air. After seeing Vinny practicing his fist pumping off camera, Paulie did not want to be releaged to back burner status so he decided to become The Situation’s wing man and hang out with him as he attempts to introduce young ladies to “The Situation”.

The Sammi-Ronnie hook ups are one of those deals where you hope that if they have a kid their genes skip a generation so the kids will end up with at least some brains. The episode picked up where last week’s left off where Sammi mistakenly thought Paulie left a club with JWow/Sham Wow. Paulie truthfully reported that nothing was going on, but Sammi just wouldn’t let it go. A friend of mine claims that during part of the argument, Sammi actually sat on the toilet… but I wasn’t sure. Ultimately the episode revealed that Sammi has major insecurity issues.

Now let’s see if I have this right… Paulie and The Situation hook up with 2 chics at the bar while Snookie hooks up with a guy she thinks is Ron… yet his name is really Russ. Can you imagine the late Tim Russert referring to his dad as Big Ron? Has any other blogger been able to find a connection between Russert and this show? Meanwhile, it turns out that Russ is really friends with Sham Wow’s boyfriend… (or is it J-Wow?) and is on a spy mission to report that her braless fake bozooms have been bouncing around with young Mr. Paulie. The Situation and Paulie leave the club with their 2 girls en route to the hot tub, but then they see 2 better looking chics in a convertible so they simply walk away from Pair o’ Chics #1 to try to hot tub it with Pair o’ Chics #2…

Pair o’ Chics #2 end up headed back to the house as Snookie leaves with Ron-Russ. But in a moment that totally disproved last week’s theory that she is intelligent, Snookie gets lost finding her beach house and decides to take Ron-Russ to the beach instead where they just hang out. Meanwhile back at the house, Pair o’ Chics #2 turn out to be very dull and The Situation finds himself… in a situation. But not to worry… because there is a knock on the door, and guess who is standing there? Pair o’ Chics #1! Which means that Pair o’ Chics #1 were able to somehow figure out where the house is located… while Snookie who actually lives there was wandering the streets of Seaside!!

Ultimately Chic #1 from Pair o’ Chics #1 appears to be hooking up with The Situation… but Paulie wants no part of Chic #2 who is a tad annoying. He breaks the cardinal rule of being a wingman and just walks away from her leaving the 2 girls with The Situation… but Chic #2 starts kvetching again so ultimately her friend ditches her and heads back to a bedroom for some hoochie mscoochie. Of course not the smartest idea… what is the annoying girl going to do since the Wingman stopped guarding her?? She barges into the bedroom…. Interrupts our young lovers…and tells her friend she is making a big mistake. Once again, The Situation ends up…. in a situation!

Last week I discovered something very interesting about the Situation… despite his well proportioned 6 pack and his womanizing ways, he really deep down seems to be a half decent guy… And not only does he give himself a nickname… but he also has nicknames for other people too. He has one for Conan O’Brien… He called one of his many failed conquests Freckles McGee and he called another girl with an odd personality “The Grenade.”

This was when I realized that The Situation is really…. Sawyer from Lost. I mean c’mon.. he has the 6-pack… he can’t seem to get it right with women… AND he always has a nickname for everybody!

Now for the news stories this week!


Before we accuse our Gang of 6 plus Vinny of being New Jersey’s biggest embarrassment… The New Jersey Nets continue to have the stranglehold on that prestigious title. The Nets are already 9 1/2 games out of the last playoff spot… and they have only won 2 games! How are they supposed to make up that deficit? And whereas 2 wks ago I said the team has chutzpah to charge for tickets, the action of this past week shows that their audacity has no boundaries.

This week the move to Brooklyn edged closer to reality. The NY Court’s decision to allow Eminent Domain helped them considerably and now bonds are going to be purchased that will free up money to construct the new arena which means the Nets are pretty much finished in NJ after playing the next 2 lame duck seasons.

But… there was talk in Trenton this week about introducing a bill to create a truce between the Meadowlands Arena… home of the Nets.. and the new Prudential Center, which lured the Devils and Seton Hall basketball from the older arena. A lawmaker in Trenton introduced a bill this week that would allow a deal between the two competing arenas that sporting events would move to Pru and the Meadowlands would host non sporting events… This deal would be funded by a new $3 surcharge that would be added on to tickets purchased at either arena.

And the centerpiece to this deal is the Lame Duck NJ Nets would play in Newark for the next 2 seasons and then head off to Brooklyn.

Luckily, a loophole to bail out of this asinine deal came up when it was decided to table the discussions until the new Governor takes office in January! But without cooler heads prevailing, it would have meant that not only do Nets fans have to pay for tickets.. but all fans attending events at either arena would have had to cough up 3 bucks to allow the worst team in the NBA the privilege to play in a nicer arena! How crazy is that?

My solution: The Nets are so awful… send them packing right now.. If they want to play in Brooklyn… send them there for their next home games and all the games thereafter! If the Cincinnati college football coach had to leave immediately after taking the Notre Dame job, then let the Nets play at Brooklyn College! At least Brooklyn fans can get the chance to start to watch the Nets develop into a team that is not mathematically eliminated from the playoff race by Christmas!.

JERSEY SHORE CONNECTION: We New Jerseyans expect our teams to be loyal to us! And the day we see our lovable Gang of 6 plus Vinnie head to Nathan’s and Coney Island instead of Seaside… then they should get the boot too!


This past week’s episode also featured Snooki’s mom… a rather non descript woman who really wasn’t outrageous like her daughter… She just struck me as a nice lady, and as Snooki’s mom.. a very patient lady. The two hung out together and after she left you realized that Snooki is quite immature because she was near tears after her mom drove off. It was only 2 wks since they saw each other!! Didn’t she ever go to sleep away camp??

This week in the news we also saw that poor David Goldman is again at odds with that evil Brazilian family that stole his son. He hopped on a plane to rightfully claim his child from those kidnappers after the Brazilian Supreme Court ruled in his favor, but once again those corrupt bastards filed an appeal and again deprived the boy of being where he belongs. If his mother was still alive, one could understand keeping him down there.. but she kidnapped the kid, took him to Brazil and then punched her one way ticket to Hell when she died during childbirth. God works in mysterious ways.

JERSEY SHORE CONNECTION: See how happy Snooki is when is with her mom. Kids belong with their parents!


Bicylcists had their bike lanes removed in the ultra religious area of Williamsburg. Rumor has it that the religious Jewish community is upset because the female bikers are scantily dressed, but publicly the Chusids say the bike lanes run right past school bus stops putting the little pishers right in the way of the bicylcists. Saturday, a group of female bikers decided to hold a protest – topless as the chusids walked quickly to and from the synagogue!

JERSEY SHORE CONNECTION: If Snooki can go to a club and do back flips in a mini skirt that showed too many details about her thong – then I guess anything is possible!


Next Thursday Night is 24 hours of A Christmas Story… I already plan to watch next week’s Jersey Shore with regular pronouncements of “Snookie… she must be Italian!”. And again we will see Ralphie get his mouth washed out with soap for cursing and see his incredible violent attack on the school bully Scut Farkus!

JERSEY SHORE CONNECTION: If you wanted to see cursing and violence,… you may have watched the last five minutes of Jersey Shore. That was when we saw the much heralded but blacked out scene where Snooki was punched in the face by a drunk guy at a bar. MTV aired domestic violence disclaimers at the end of the show.

It is really unfortunate how rampant violence is getting. All of these people who want to be “reality stars” see the shenanigans on The Jerry Springer Show. Even though I am convinced it is almost entirely all staged, why is it acceptable that Springer Guests resort to violence to hash out their problems as a source of entertainment?

Take a lesson from Snooki.. there is no place for that type of behavior. During the Monk finale when Monk was poisoned, the doctor told him the poison will cause vomiting… and then death! Monk was very upset to hear he would be vomiting. In the preview for the next Jersey Shore episode - we see Snooki immediately after she is assaulted… and her first concern – “Did I crack a tooth?”


Last week Pumpy AND Unbiased Giants fan dropped to .500. Pumpy goes into next week all even at 7-7. This week in honor of Rutgers playing in the St. Petersburg Bowl, we go to Miami where the Dolphins are in Tennesee where the Titans are 3 point faves. Sayeth the Pump: “I decided to work out (like The Situation) and I lost weight so now I can Tighten my belt… so take The Titans!”


Last week we went 1-2 to even things up at 21-21.

Giants 3 faves over WASHINGTON – The Giants need to win 1 more than Dallas the next 3 wks to make the playoffs. I usually go with the home dogs on Monday Night.. but this week I will make an exception.

Minnesota 9 faves over CAROLINA– The Giants final 2 opponents face each other Sunday - if the Vikings win the next 2 they will bench their starters for most of Game 16 which could very well be a huge game for the Giants!

49ers 8 ½ doggies over PHILADELPHIA – Time for the Eagles to come back to Earth.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Welcome to New Jersey Part II

Happy Hannukah everybody!

Time for a recap of the Week in NJ… first the latest on the Gay Marriage Issue.. followed by the latest news from the best new show on TV… “Jersey Shore”

Gay “Marriage” is one on of those topics that I really am not that passionate about… yet I am writing about it today because I need to honor my commitment to turn out a column each week in the Fall to go along with the Pumpstradamus football picks.

This weeks update on Gay Marriage in NJ: Lame duck Governor Jon Corzine supports it…. Incoming Republican savior Chris Christie says he will veto it. I am not quite sure why Gay Marriage has become such a hot topic for the Republicans. The vote that was scheduled for last week was bounced from the State Senate and instead will be moved over to the State Assembly.

OK now time to recap the 2nd episode of “Jersey Shore”?

I mean, c’mon I may be in my very very late 30s but I just find the show very entertaining. It’s a reality show just for us Joiseyans. And although I am sympathetic to Italian Americans who take offense to the characters on this show… I think most people realize that the Guidos and Guidettes on this show are not truly representative of the typical younger generation of Italian Americans… remember that point, I will tie that in to gay marriage later in this column!

Thursday’s episode further showed evidence that if this was the strategic game of “Guido Seaside Heights Survivor” Snooki and The Situation would be the final 2 because they seem to have the most common sense among the rest of the crew. . Two of the girls – Jwow and Angelina somehow managed to get dumped by their boyfriends. Jwow had “cheated” last wk when she saw a Guido Shmeckle.. and when she fessed up on the phone to indiscretions.. her boyfriend abruptly hung up. Angelina was so distraught about her break-up that she was too sick to work her shift at the boardwalk t shirt store and subsequently copped a ‘tude to her boss and was fired, and then left the show. The rest of the house yawned,

Later that night at 11pm, I found myself skipping my nightly dose of Chuck and Sue and instead stayed with MTV for the “Jersey Shore” post game show… a panel show with a hostess and 3 cast members. The Situation was there along with Sammi and he used his “sleazy to the point that hes actually likeable” charm to show Sammi she missed the boat by hooking up with a different guy. During Thursday’s episode she went on a miniature golfing date with her boytoy Ronnie, he wore a wacky hat that made him look like Peter Pan.

They then brought out Angelina who continues to have delusions of mediocrity…. She announced that she and that bf are no longer together.. however that bf was also married at the time… even though Angelina used some kind of twisted white trash term to explain that he was separated from his wife. It was also interesting to note that Angelina admitted that she had met the Situation before the show had started taping… the 2 had “hooked up” once before – yet in the premiere they acted as if they had never met… which on 2nd thought could actually make sense… since most of these hookups appear to take place in an alcohol fueled daze.

But one of the wackiest moments involved loveable Snookie… who gets punched in next weeks episode – who brings her female bartender friend back to the hot tub…(still not used by the other female housemates; see last week’s column for my Warren Commission theory about why they don’t use it)… and the next thing you know, Snookie announces she feels like making out with someone and starts slobbering with her girl friend!

And then I started to wonder if this would change my mind about Gay Marriage.

And no – I won’t. I agree with Washington State’s “anything but” vote last November, but my issue with Gay Marriage is solely based on one reason – and that is the definition of the word “marriage”…Keep in mind I am more than 100% supportive of gay partners getting all of the legal benefits that a heterosexual couple is entitled to… although that does open a can of worms for straight couples who live together and can’t get those benefits.

The only thing with me.. is the word is the word… men can’t be “pregnant”… despite what that one loony kazoonie pregnant guy says… When it comes to math – numbers are black and white with no gray area. Language is a little different.. there is a gray area.. but if the definition of “marriage” is a union between a man and a woman… I don’t know how a same sex couple can be married to each other.

I think its also important to note the protests are being conducted by nutjobs living in the past who protest gay marriage because they think its an immoral lifestyle. Because even though gay sex is not my type of thing, many other things are not my type of thing such as voting for George Bush, chopped liver and going to the ballet. But who am I to say that others cant participate in an activity that isn’t “my type of thing”?

The Hasidic Jews who have been protesting gay marriage are attracting a lot of attention on this topic too… as has the Catholic Church. I think the chusids should have spent time protesting outside screenings of “Trembling Before God”… that movie that portrayed their anti gay stance and made them look a lot worse than the homosexual “sinners” they protest against. I think its time for people to accept that the concept of accepting homosexuals is here to stay.

And the one argument that is tough to debate is people who don’t want gays showing public displays of affection. We live in a society where its perfectly normal to see a straight couple holding hands or giving each other a peck on the cheek. I don’t want to see anybody doing more than that in public, yet how do you answer parents of confused young kids who witness 2 men or 2 women holding hands or giving each other a peck on the cheek.

And ultimately NJ will go like every other state. The politicians want the gay vote so they will vote for it… but ultimately once it goes on the ballot, the voters will probably end up rejecting it just like every other state. But most of us are not voting that way because we are the “anti gay” fringe… we are the anti gay ‘marriage“ group.

And like the Italian Americans who are annoyed with “Jersey Shore”, I think its important to differentiate those of us voting no on the language terms from those people who are anti Gay for some bizarre antiquated moral reason. We find ourselves in the same battle like the Italian Americans who don’t want to be compared to the wacky 5 on “Jersey Shore”

And I say 5 because Angelina is gone leaving 7 in that house, and I still think that “The Situation” and Snooki have brains that are loaded with common sense. If you saw the premiere episode, you saw how she misunderstood her roomies attacks on skanky girls as being a direct attack on her… even though that conversation had NOTHING to do with her. Was this paranoia… or a misunderstanding typical for a Three’s Company episode?? Incidentally one blogger described The Situation as Don Knotts with a 6 pack!

Actually Snooki is incredibly paranoid and insecure. She isn’t dumb… she just has some type of mental illness!. And her insecurity is as big as The Situations bizarre sense of self confidence. But just because she is paranoid and insecure doesn’t necessarily make her a dummy… unless she starts protesting that homosexuals are immoral people!


Pumpy improved to 7-6 with his incredible prediction of Miami over the Patriots. This week, with all this talk about gay marriage and "Jersey Shore"... Jersey is where we go as the New York Jets are 3 point road faves over Tampa Bay: Sayeth the Pump: "Take the bucs because between 2 kids and a new house - I need a lot of bucks!"


Last week we went 1-2 to drop to 20-19... and like Pumpy we go into week 14 1 game over .500.

GIANTS 1 fave over The Eagles - The Cowgirls fans are also rooting for the Giants this week.. but oddly there is a playoff possibility where an Eagle division win and a Giant wild card tie with Dallas would knock Dallas out of the post season. Nonetheless, I'm picking the Giants!

San Diego 3 doggies over DALLAS - The Chargers have been hot with a streak that started against The Giants.. a game we all remember with dread!

BEARS 3 doggies over Green Bay - Then again, Packers with the wild card, and Giants and Eagles getting in is also a nice scenario... this week take da bears!

CLIP OF THE WEEK: I like Neil Diamond... and amazingly he has remade The Adam Sandler Hannukah Song! Happy Hannukah!

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Welcome To New Jersey: The “Situation” State

I just watched the finale of Monk and I see they left the door open for a future Monk Movie. I can see it now – Randy calls Monk to come to NJ because Sharona got a job on the MTV Reality show “Jersey Shore” and he is worried that she is cheating on him. Hilarity ensues when Monk goes undercover to the beach house in Seaside and slowly eases his way into the hot tub filled with Guidettes that the House Guidos picked up at a local bar,

Just when I thought I was going to do a column about Tiger Woods’ marriage being as shaky as a Nets Season Ticket salesman’s job security…. I came across the greatest thing I have seen on Television since Danny Duberstein gave pep talks to Groats Disease sufferers – the premiere of the new MTV show “Jersey Shore”.

I really don’t know where to start – on the one hand you have the biggest joke in New Jersey… and then on the other hand I could talk about the other topic…. The biggest joke in New Jersey! Three years ago I went through a phase where I started watching all the crazy reality shows on MTV… I blogged about that here on NWOW back on August 4, 2006 where I shot the average demographic age of the MTV viewer through the roof.. I just reread that column for the first time in awhile, and it was interesting to note that during the summer of ’06 I got so fed up with cable coverage of the problems in the Middle East (along with idiot liberal Jews more concerned with giving Mel Gibson a 2nd chance than the wellbeing of heroic Israeli soldiers who were taken captive) that I started to watch MTV reality shows.

That column was actually about MTV’s 25th anniversary in 2006 and I talked about the dating show “Next”… There was also a dating show where the parents watched videos of their kids dates called Parental Control… along with a pretty neat “inspirational” – type show called “Why Cant I be You?” hosted by a guy named Nick Zano who I thought dropped off the face of the Earth until I discovered that he plays Josh on Cougar Town.

We are also home to The NJ Nets whose 0-18 start was the focal point of the sports universe.. but after starting a 1 game winning streak Friday Night, the 1-18 record gives them a little break from critical scrutiny. Keep in mind that now that they have 1 win they can realize that they are already 6 ½ games out a of a playoff spot.

The NJ Nets may go down as the worst team in NBA history. Just the events of the last week show how horrific the situation has gotten. Sunday they fired the coach.. actually I should say he was let out of his misery. They then proceeded to tie the 0-17 record by losing to the Lakers in LA. A day or so later they appointed Kiki Vandeghwe as “interim coach”… the ownership situation is so uncertain at the moment that nobody gets a long term contract. And if you caught the Star Ledger coverage of the story… Vandeweghe was pretty much forced into the job by the team’s President…

Then on the night that Jason Kidd came home, the Nets set the all time record at 0-18. And even though they will not end up winless like last year’s winless Detroit Lions 0-16 record, the fact is that this may be the biggest disaster in sports history… yet the team has the audacity to ask people to PAY FOR TICKETS! What a nerve!

The irony about Kidd is that that trade was actually a pretty good one for the Nets.. they unloaded his contract a few years ago after he told the team he wanted to get out and got a pretty good player in return- Devin Harris. However, the Nets front office looked at the Kidd trade not as a way to get good young talent.. but instead as an opportunity to dump their good players. They subsequently traded away Richard Jefferson and Vince Carter and got almost nothing in return. Nothing. But they saved a lot of money so instead of paying players, the disgraced lameduck owner Bruce Ratner can pay his lawyers to help him boot out local residents from their Brooklyn homes through eminent domain so he can build his sports complex that will make him richer.

I remember how MLB kicked out George Steinbrenner in the early 1990s when he got mixed up with some monkey business. Maybe NBA commissioner David Stern should boot out Ratner too… and do it soon because New Jersey Nets basketball should not be charging "fans" to watch a very substandard product with no hope for improvement until they move out of state.

And speaking of the early 1990s…I remember the post collegiate years of trips to the Jersey Shore and the “people watching” I used to do there. Now almost 20 years later, its good to see that the next generation is still pretty much the same as evidenced by Thursday Night’s premiere of “Jersey Shore” on MTV,

This is one of those reality shows that is not a competition or a life improvement … its just watching 8 goofballs who don’t know each other thrown together in one house. Its not an unusual sequence. But when you take 8 self proclaimed guidos and guidettes and toss them in a house in Seaside… and then get a very slick video editor… you know you have something special.

The premiere aired Thursday night and has been airing repeatedly ever since. Once you start watching this … you start to Thank God that you it is not an eclipse because you can’t just look away. Of the 8, a few got more airtime than the others… with the standouts being a small girl named Nicole aka Snooki, a guy nicknamed “The Situation” and a girl whose nickname is based on Ms Lopez and calls herself JWow… you might know her cousin the ShamWow. Theres also a guy who proudly announces he is a college graduate and demonstrates his 4 yrs of higher education by showcasing his excellent skills as a fist pumper. And then there is Sammi.. a Guidette who is also the only NJ resident on the show.

We meet all 8 in the premiere 2 hr episode – and of course its interspersed with well edited “talk to the camera” segments where each character moves the story along talking about what is going on… as their name appears on screen… while grainy Jersey Shore footage rolls in the background. The 8 get to live at the house, but have to work for their landlord.. a guy named Danny who owns a Boardwalk T Shirt store.

Two of the women have boyfriends… yet one proclaims that she has officially cheated when she catches a glimpse of a Guido shmeckle. Another girl with a boyfriend rips a t shirt off one of the guys and then leaves the club with the shirt leaving him shirtless (Not a bad idea when you work at a t shirt store)… Instead she decides to go eat ham and drink water which might really mean something else.. but then again what do I know?

But the heart and soul of the premiere is “The Situation”…. A man who announces that he will hook up with Sammi… when he decides they will. The 2nd night when they went clubbing… (one of the housemates caught pinkeye and couldn’t get a replacement for the pm shift at the store because everybody else had to “get ready”: for their evening activities.. even though the T shirt store closes 2 hrs before the scheduled departure time)… “The Situation” was making his move only to see her walk away from him and start making out with another Guido cast member instead. Of course a fight later breaks out. By the way, you gotta see the shirt this girl wore to this club!

But the other thing I find interesting is how these girls talk about their boyfriends but get ticked off when the guys bring girls back to the house.. which is not too difficult when you have a camera crew following you around. We also catch on to Nicole Snooki’s intense paranoia when she hears the other girls criticizing the “whores and skanks” and Nicole thinks they are talking about her!

But the funniest thing is when those female guests go into the Jacuzzi with the Guidos and proceed to remove clothing. The female housemates (Not Nicole who is either puking or with a guy who is puking) start heckling the girls in the hot tub. But if they have boyfriends… why would they care so much? And then it occurs to me… The Guidettes on “Jersey Shore” (except Nicole)… never ever go in the hot tub probably because they are so worried about the germ killing abilities of the chemicals in their Jacuzzi that they think that those one night stand chics are leaving some kind of diseased deposits in the Jacuzzi water.

Or maybe they just watch a lot of Monk?


Last week Pumpy won to get back to .500 at 6-6. This week we go to Florida where Tiger Woods is doing some major damage control after he was caught doing some hocus McPocus. The Dolphins are (only) 3 point home doggies to The Patriots. Sayeth The Pump: “I just went to get a Shark tattoo, but instead they gave me a Dolphin,… Oh wait. That wasn’t me.. I saw that in a commercial… Take The Dolphins!


Last week we went 2-1 to improve to 19-17.

GIANTS 2 doggies over Dallas – A must win if the Giants want to play in the post season. They are still alive if they lose, but they would need A LOT of help.

ATLANTA 5 ½ doggies over Philadelphia – That Eagles comeback over Washington last week was a tough blow for Giants fans…

Baltimore 3 doggies over GREEN BAY – The Ravens are coming off a good win… of course that logic hopefully won’t apply to the Eagles.