This blog started on Nov 10, 2005 with a Movie Club column where I announced that I would be watching the 6 Star Wars movies in chronological order... We're planning something special to celebrate the blog's 1 yr anniversary this Nov. 10th and on that day Cinemax will run all 6 Star Wars movies in chronological order. Coincidence? I‘ll leave it to my fellow conspiracy theorists to decide.
In last week's column we talked about the importance of a good name...This week, in honor of Columbus Day, we continue that theme with a Movie Club column about the Corleone Family in the Godfather and how one man built up the family's name, while another destroyed it. The Columbus Day tie-in is not because the movie is about an Italian family per se.. but because Columbus was the ultimate immigrant, and a large part of G2 is the story of how an immigrant came to America with nothing, and makes something out of his life... just like many of our ancestors.
The movie is not exactly a sequel to the Original Godfather - It is actually a half new story and half back story that was actually part of the original Godfather book -The producers smartly left the flashbacks out of the first movie because it would have been waaaaaay too long. Therefore part of the movie is the Robert DeNiro show as flashbacks tell the story of how Vito Corleone built his family and the rest is the Al Pacino Show as we see Michael Corleone destroy his family.. You will leave the movie saying the opposite of the old Nike campaign - I don’t like Mike!
Speaking of Mikes that I am not too happy with… I can’t believe the sheer audacity of Mike Francesa and Chris Russo of WFAN in their ambush interview with Corey Lidle on Monday afternoon. (Incidentally, Lidle and Thurman Munson are 2 Yankees to die in plane crashes on Jewish Holidays.. Lidle on Sukkot.. and Munson died on Tisha B’Av.) Lidle had been quoted in a tabloid paper saying the Yankee players were “unprepared” for the Detroit series… Mike and the Mad Dog ranted and raved that Lidle’s comments were dissing the beloved sacred Mother Teresa-esque manager Joe Torre.. Lidle called in to defend himself, and repeatedly told Mike and the Mad Dog that he was referring to the players not being prepared and that the comments were no reflection on Torre. However, the two co-hosts in full Bill O’Reilly/Nancy Grace attack mode claimed he was criticizing Torre. (Torre by the way was the first person to confirm to CNN Wed. afternoon the plane belonged to Cory Lidle - Mayor Bloomberg wouldn’t give out names pending notification of family members-And Lidle’s wife was in a plane from NY to CA the whole afternoon apparently unaware of what was going on.) The ultimate insult came when Lidle remarked how he was just enjoying the day in NY City when a friend text messaged him about the content of the radio show... so he called in. To which Mad Dog retorted… “How can you be enjoying the day so soon after the Yankees lost?”…. Now who the heck are these two guys to question Lidle for enjoying himself during his last 48 hours on Earth?
In the flashback portion of the movie, Vito comes off as being rather likeable.. As a young kid he watches his family slaughtered by a ruthless gangster in Corleone, Italy; He is then smuggled away to avoid getting killed, and ends up on a ship bound for New York. Once he arrives in Ellis Island, an overworked staffer just stamps his name as Corleone when it reality that was not his name but the town from which he emigrated. This kind of hits home for me because when my father and his parents came over here in 1948, they decided to “Americanize” their name to Kean.. but the worker at Ellis Island just wrote Kean for my dad, and "Keane" for my grandparents. From then on, they always had different spellings.
Vito advanced through the ranks purely by chance. He was in his apt minding his own business one day when his neighbor throws him a bag and asks him to hide it... and would you believe it was loaded with guns? Later the neighbor, played by a very young Bruno Kirby decides to repay him with an expensive rug... which he then steals from a rich neighbor. Ultimately, Vito ends up stealing clothes and re-selling them, and when the local gangster - Don Fannucci adds Vito to the list of people he terrifies with demands for "protection money", Vito decides to just kill him - and from then on, we see Vito as the man about town who goes around helping ladies who have issues with mean landlords. Sounds very sweet and sugary… almost like The Waltons.
The ultimate last flashback - is Pearl Harbor Day - Vito's birthday... the kids are grown up and are in their 20s and they all gather around the kitchen table preparing to surprise him with a cake. James Caan is there (At that time he was a big star post “Brian’s Song” and was credited as a "special appearance") plus there is a cameo by Abe Vigoda. You can see how well they all get along - except for Michael. He is the outsider not involved with the camraderie with his siblings, and when its time to surprise his dad with the cake, he just sits alone in the kitchen... moments after informing his family that he joined the Marines, as did many other people who signed up when the Japanese attacked us. His family is upset with him, but he doesn't care... but oddly enough later in life he would bellow to his siblings how they "disappoint" him. yet you wonder with his lousy husband and parenting skills whether they really cared too much for him, or just liked him because he is their brother.
The plot in the non-flashback part of the movie consists of Michael Corleone's battle with Florida Jewish gangster Hyman Roth. The 2 team up while simultaneously attempting to double cross each other. Roth, played by legendary acting coach Lee Strasberg lives in a small house in Florida and while watching a college football game tells Michael what a big sports fan he is, while at the same time admitting how much he admires Arnold Rothstein for fixing the 1919 World Series.
There are other interesting trends to note in this film… the movie starts at the Christening of Michael’s son and the law enforcement milling around the parking lot are enjoying hors deuvres and drinks… a contrast to the first movie where the cops were treated rather unfriendly during Vito’s daughter Connie’s wedding. That scene also introduces us to the fascinating Nevada Senator Geary whose mispronunciation of the name “Vito Corleone” makes one think the good Senator is an outsider to the hijinks of the Corleone family. Indeed it turns out that he is very aware of the names and pronunciations when he tells Michael in no uncertain terms that his kind of people are not welcome in his state. How interesting to see the tables turn when Senator Geary “blacks out” and wakes up to find his favorite hooker dead and bloodied… in a Corleone hotel… only to be reassured by Tom Hagen that everything is gonna be ok because it’s a Corleone hotel!
There is another smooth segue scene when Michael travels to Cuba to see Roth. This is the pre-Castro Cuba before the Revolution and Roth speaks lovingly of the Cuban government which does not regulate him as much as his nearby home base of Florida. During the New Year’s Eve visit, Michael notices the Cuban rebels and admires their ability to rise up against the establishment.. (which was a well placed dig at Roth and his old school way of doing things.) We then go to a flashback scene of Young Vito Corleone rebelling against gangster Don Fannucci by refusing to pay him the requested “protection money”.
There is also the character Pentangeli..portrayed in an Oscar winning performance by Michael V. Gazzo, another old school gangster who survives a choking by the Rosato brothers. In the beginning of the movie at the Christening he drunkenly starts leading the band in “Italian Music” only to see them perform “Pop Goes The Weasel”.. Later on in the movie he prepares to testify as a Gravano-esque snitch before Senator Leary’s committee investigating organized crime, only to back down when his brother flies in from Italy and sits in the audience to hear his testimony..
It was cool to see how young some of the actors are in this movie.. Bruno Kirby looks like a kid.. Danny Aiello who plays a Rosato brother looks exactly the same. And the character of Johnny Ola (who ultimately led to the demise of Fredo Corleone) is unrecognizable as he looks today as Uncle Junior on “The Sopranos”
The theme that ultimately sticks out in my mind is how Michael Corleone can’t hold his family together while conducting his business affairs while his dad was able to maintain the balance. Michael achieves shmuck status for killing his brother… and also for denying his kids time with their mom who leaves him after she gets tired of his shenanigans.. Michael doesn’t even go home for Christmas because he is too busy hanging out with Roth in Cuba. Instead he dispatches Tom Hagen to get his son a gift. The first movie ends with Michael closing a door to keep his wife out of business… in the 2nd movie she visits her children, and as she waits for her little son to give her a good bye kiss at the doorway Michael silently walks over and closes the door leaving her out in the cold. Now we see why his family did not like him.
Even though Michael disintegrates in this film… The Godfather Part II is a total masterpeace… with 2 legends DeNiro and Pacino.. who of course never share a scene… I may have to rent Heat to see that colossal acting duo work together.,…The screenplay is flawless as we go from flashback to “present time“. . and the characters are well fleshed out and very fascinating.. specifically Senator Leary, Hyman Roth and Pentageli. On a scale of 1 to 4 bladders meaning how less likely you would be to leave in the middle to go to the bathroom.. Godfather Part II is a 4 bladder movie!
Ok now on to the picks… Last week we were 7-4-3; our record now is 30-38-6. Pumpstradamus is 3-1-1. Remember team in caps is at home… And this week for the 1pm games were taking all Road games except for 1!
Giants 3 point doggies over ATLANTA – Now that the NY Baseball team has shown Atlanta who is boss.. the Giants have a chance to throw around some muscle.
Miami 2 doggies over NY JETS – The Jets do well against the Dolphins.. but they are coming off such a horrendous loss.. do they deserve to be favorites?
Bengals 6 faves over TAMPA BAY – I get nervous after 5 or 6 weeks with these winless teams…but the Bengals are for superior.. For more logic see Pumpstradamus below.
Titans 10 doggies over WASHINGTON – See above and I’m not too impressed with the Skins..
Texans 13 doggies over DALLAS – Huh? Has Nate lost his marbles.. I don’t think the evil Cowboys will cover against Houston… (also remember I love the Giants and hate the Cowboys.. if youre betting shekels, keep that in mind!)
Seattle 3 faves over ST. LOUIS – Poor St. Louis fans.. looking ahead to Game 4 against the Mets and losing to Seattle on the same day. I don’t think the Mets are gonna sweep ‘em though… I like the Mets in 5.. but if they beat Carpenter Fri. night.. hmmmm.
Eagles 3 faves over NEW ORLEANS – How sacrilegious.. the Saints are at home and are America’s team.. but the Eagles look pretty good so far this year..
Panthers 3 doggies at BALTIMORE – Hey how many road teams are going to cover the 1pm games? I’m taking 8.. in honor of Shmini Atzeret… (which is the 8th day of Sukkot)
DETROIT 1 doggies over Buffalo – Hey a Detroit – NY matchup.. sounds like The World Series. The only difference is Detroit is going to win this one.. the only 1pm home team I am picking..
San Diego 10 OVER SAN FRANSISCO – The 49ers have been a halfway decent home team.. but despite not being a fan of double digit spreads.. this one is reasonable.
STEELERS 6 ½ faves over The Chiefs – I’m thisclose to jumping off the Steeler bandwagon – If KC plays like they did last week.. it could be a long season for Steeler fans. They always have the Penguins who looked good on Thurs night.. (By the way The Star Ledger again doesn’t have a Ranger beat writer!)
Oakland 15 doggies over DENVER – The Broncos will win.. but so far they have only averaged 12 points a game.. so that spread might be a bit too large.
ARIZONA 10 ½ doggies over Chicago – Probably a dopey pick but you gotta go with Home Dogs on Monday Night.. By the way.. isn’t MNF getting higher ratings on ESPN than the regular Bachelor – What About Brian garbage on ABC?
PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK: This week in honor of Hyman Roth… we pick a game from his home state of Florida.. and since George Steinbrenner is home in Tampa watching the Mets in the playoffs while his Yankee season is done… we’re picking the Tampa Bay – Cincinatti game. The pick is Cincy because they are in Ohio, the home state of the Hamilton Ohio prosecutor who got caught on a courthouse closed circuit camera walking around butt naked.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
A Week of Name Clearing Accurate NFL Picks
Well folks… it looks like the old football picking ain’t going as well as expected. So far after the 1st four wks, the only reliable pick has been the one provided by renowned psychic Pumpstradamus. He is 3-1. Our picks? An incredibly embarrassing 23-34-3….. a lowly 11 games under .500 this after last weeks 4-9-1 debacle. It appears that I have brought shame to my good name.
Speaking of bringing shame to a name…
Is there any human being more disgraceful than that punk Tom Kean, Jr. who is running for Senate against Robert Menendez. Kean has no record to speak of..yet he is threatening to pull out of a League of Women's Voters debate if Menendez doesn't debate him on NBC's Meet the Press. Little Tommy's only legacy is being the son of former NJ Governor Tom Kean.. arguably the worst NJ governor in my lifetime. Jim McGreavy gave him a run for the money but thankfully quit and rode out of Dodge in his Brokeback Mountain horsey before he could inflict too much damage. Governor Kean did a good job with the 9/11 Commission and is actually a nice man. His son is not.
Listen to what The Star Ledger says sleazy Little Tommy did. There was this political bigshot in NJ named Robert Janiskewski who now spends his time in prison for corruption charges. Tommy Jr. has decided his campaign will consist of attacks on Menendez’s character and through an intermediary has established a pen pal relationship with Robert J. and has been exchanging mail where Robert J. has been providing “insider sleaze” about Menendez that Little Tommy is then using for his campaign propaganda. According to Ledger Columnist Tom Moran, Little Tommy Kean has hired a political consultant who was shown the door by the New Hampshire Attorney General after his tactics were deemed too sleazy for that fine fine state. According to Moran, this goofball went around spreading rumors that the wife of a political candidate had joined a cult that – worships orgasms.
Here is an orgasmic concept… Election Night at Kean Headquarters when Little Tommy loses to Senator Menendez and has to disappear into the woodwork with his tail between his legs. Former Governor Tom Kean was a man of class – it’s too bad his son brings such shame to the name.
Now time for the picks…
Remember we take ‘em from the Friday Star Ledger.. Home teams are in CAPS… And this week since fantasy baseball is over… I dedicated more time to researching these freakin’ games!
JAGUARS 6 ½ point faves over the Jets – The Jets have shown an ability to cover big spreads though.. but a TD isn’t so big.
COLTS 18 ½ faves over Tennesee – that is a huge spread.. but the Colts are that good and the Titans fans always have the Grand Ole Opry.
VIKINGS 6 ½ faves over Detroit – Two very disappointed baseball towns.. but the Tigers look like they have some life!
Tampa 6 ½ doggies over NEW ORLEANS – Time for the Bucs to show some life.. they may lose.. but they should cover.
Rams 3 faves over GREEN BAY – Did someone say the Rams were gonna stink this year?
GIANTS 5 faves over Washington – Let’s see what Jeremy Shockey says during the Post Game Show this week.
PHILADELPHIA 2 faves over Dallas – Only 2 point favorites? Huh? Y’think the sweet Philly fans are gonna pick on TO?
NEW ENGLAND 10 faves over Miami – I thought Miami was better this year? It is a big spread.. have you noticed I’m avoiding the doggies this wk?
BEARS 10 faves over Buffalo – First Rex Grossman played on Yom Kippur; now on Sukkot – Is he Jewish by the way?
CAROLINA 8 faves over Cleveland – Another big spread that Nate is not questioning…
Chiefs 3 ½ faves over ARIZONA – Looks like the Chiefs have bounced back from Trent Green’s injury.
Raiders 3 ½ doggies over SAN FRANSISCO – I gotta take the doggie here.. what a dreadful game? This is a Gus Johnson game.. poor Gus.. he’s got this game and The Knicks to look forward to!
Pittsburgh 3 doggies over SAN DIEGO – The Padres aren’t the only disappointment in San Diego this weekend.
DENVER 4 point faves over Baltimore – The Ravens keep burning me.. because I pick against them.. Maybe next wk?
PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK – Current Record 3-1; Last week was a victory in the Bears game. Since FL Congressman Foley has been in the news all week, let’s pick the Dolphins game. This week we are picking The Patriots over Miami because team owner Robert Kraft’s wife is an alumnus of Brandeis just like The Great Pumpstradamus!
Speaking of bringing shame to a name…
Is there any human being more disgraceful than that punk Tom Kean, Jr. who is running for Senate against Robert Menendez. Kean has no record to speak of..yet he is threatening to pull out of a League of Women's Voters debate if Menendez doesn't debate him on NBC's Meet the Press. Little Tommy's only legacy is being the son of former NJ Governor Tom Kean.. arguably the worst NJ governor in my lifetime. Jim McGreavy gave him a run for the money but thankfully quit and rode out of Dodge in his Brokeback Mountain horsey before he could inflict too much damage. Governor Kean did a good job with the 9/11 Commission and is actually a nice man. His son is not.
Listen to what The Star Ledger says sleazy Little Tommy did. There was this political bigshot in NJ named Robert Janiskewski who now spends his time in prison for corruption charges. Tommy Jr. has decided his campaign will consist of attacks on Menendez’s character and through an intermediary has established a pen pal relationship with Robert J. and has been exchanging mail where Robert J. has been providing “insider sleaze” about Menendez that Little Tommy is then using for his campaign propaganda. According to Ledger Columnist Tom Moran, Little Tommy Kean has hired a political consultant who was shown the door by the New Hampshire Attorney General after his tactics were deemed too sleazy for that fine fine state. According to Moran, this goofball went around spreading rumors that the wife of a political candidate had joined a cult that – worships orgasms.
Here is an orgasmic concept… Election Night at Kean Headquarters when Little Tommy loses to Senator Menendez and has to disappear into the woodwork with his tail between his legs. Former Governor Tom Kean was a man of class – it’s too bad his son brings such shame to the name.
Now time for the picks…
Remember we take ‘em from the Friday Star Ledger.. Home teams are in CAPS… And this week since fantasy baseball is over… I dedicated more time to researching these freakin’ games!
JAGUARS 6 ½ point faves over the Jets – The Jets have shown an ability to cover big spreads though.. but a TD isn’t so big.
COLTS 18 ½ faves over Tennesee – that is a huge spread.. but the Colts are that good and the Titans fans always have the Grand Ole Opry.
VIKINGS 6 ½ faves over Detroit – Two very disappointed baseball towns.. but the Tigers look like they have some life!
Tampa 6 ½ doggies over NEW ORLEANS – Time for the Bucs to show some life.. they may lose.. but they should cover.
Rams 3 faves over GREEN BAY – Did someone say the Rams were gonna stink this year?
GIANTS 5 faves over Washington – Let’s see what Jeremy Shockey says during the Post Game Show this week.
PHILADELPHIA 2 faves over Dallas – Only 2 point favorites? Huh? Y’think the sweet Philly fans are gonna pick on TO?
NEW ENGLAND 10 faves over Miami – I thought Miami was better this year? It is a big spread.. have you noticed I’m avoiding the doggies this wk?
BEARS 10 faves over Buffalo – First Rex Grossman played on Yom Kippur; now on Sukkot – Is he Jewish by the way?
CAROLINA 8 faves over Cleveland – Another big spread that Nate is not questioning…
Chiefs 3 ½ faves over ARIZONA – Looks like the Chiefs have bounced back from Trent Green’s injury.
Raiders 3 ½ doggies over SAN FRANSISCO – I gotta take the doggie here.. what a dreadful game? This is a Gus Johnson game.. poor Gus.. he’s got this game and The Knicks to look forward to!
Pittsburgh 3 doggies over SAN DIEGO – The Padres aren’t the only disappointment in San Diego this weekend.
DENVER 4 point faves over Baltimore – The Ravens keep burning me.. because I pick against them.. Maybe next wk?
PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK – Current Record 3-1; Last week was a victory in the Bears game. Since FL Congressman Foley has been in the news all week, let’s pick the Dolphins game. This week we are picking The Patriots over Miami because team owner Robert Kraft’s wife is an alumnus of Brandeis just like The Great Pumpstradamus!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Baseball '06 4Q: Fair and Balanced Coverage From The Eyes of a Met Fan
Well folks, the 2006 regular season has come to an end.. Time to stop checking those fantasy league standings and get ready for the playoffs. Today we will look back at the ‘06 season, make some playoff and award predictions, and look back at some of the lame-o predictions made here back in March. And yes, these predictions are coming after the start of the playoffs.. Did you expect me to post a witty column Monday Night after fasting all day on Yom Kippur? And what a day it was! My fellow congregants kept losing the place in their prayer books.. I was finding more pages than Congressman Foley.
First, baseball needs to make some changes. Why not push the start of the playoffs to Wednesday or Thursday? They wait 2 weeks for the Super Bowl, surely they can wait a couple of days to start the playoffs. The season makes no allowances for late season rainouts, and the possibility of the Cardinals playing a make-up game on Monday against the Giants and then a possible tie-breaker game Tuesday against the surging Astros would have been absurd under the current post season schedule. Same thing for the Phillies… they had to wait out a rain delay in Washington Thursday night so the game started after 11pm… didn’t end till 2 in the morning, and the team didn’t get to their Florida hotel rooms for their Friday night game until after 8 in the morning because they were caught in Friday morning rush hour traffic! If they had a couple of extra days for make up games, they could have just gone back to Washington to play the game on Monday, and not endure that wacky all night marathon.
I also have some issues with TV Coverage too. This may be a Cablevision issue and not ESPN‘s fault….. but during the 15 inning game on Wednesday night.. It was a tie game in the bottom of the ninth, bases loaded. 2 out and a 3-2 pitch…. And ESPN goes to a commercial. The same thing happened a couple of days later.. ESPN was showing a documentary about Ernie Banks.. And right in the middle.. ESPN drops out for a Malouf Car Dealer commercial!! Again, it’s probably a foul up on Cablevision’s part.. But they gotta fix that. FOX Sports is also guilty.,.. Geoff Jenkins was in the middle of an at bat during the Saturday Brewers-Cardinals game.. And poof.. There is Jeannie Zelasko breaking in to tell us that the rain delay is over in Florida so they’re switching to the Phillies-Marlins game.. Whereas we then got to see Kenny Albert and Tim McCarver announce proudly that it had stopped raining and then we got to see about 3 minutes of commercials!! Don’t you think it’s a bit disrespectful to Geoff Jenkins to cut away in the middle of his at-bat? He doubled by the way.
I made preseason picks right here in March.. (Look to the left at the March archives) and some of the trends I predicted were actually accurate. I mentioned that former Mets Mike Cameron and Mike Piazza would combine for more than 40 homers, and I also questioned how it would be possible for the Braves to finish higher than 3rd.. (although I respectfully picked them for 1st place.) I also said the Astros would finish 2nd to St. Louis due to Tony LaRussa’s managerial brilliance, but it was really the bat of Albert Pujols that catapulted the Cardinals to the top spot. I also accurately predicted the end of the Red Sox playoff streak and didn’t buy into the hype that trading Bronson Arroyo for Willie Mo Pena was a smart deal. I pointed out to a fellow congregant who is a Red Sox fan on Yom Kippur afternoon during the reading of the story of Jonah and the Whale that that legendary story is similar to the Yankees and Red Sox of '06 - The Yankees were the whale.. they chewed up The Red Sox (Jonah) and then spit him out.
The Column addressed the 14 Most Relevant Teams of ‘06 and included such lovable losers like The Cubbies, The Braves, The Giants, and The Indians who I had winning the Pennant and losing to St. Louis in The World Series! I also only correctly picked 3 playoff teams… St. Louis, The Mets and The Yankees. As you can see my incompetence is not limited to just the weekly NFL picks! Then, to add insult to injury, I did a mid season column and again made some mulligan picks and used this brilliant logic why the Braves would be in the post season.. But not the Yankees! Here is the exact quote:
“So I’m picking the White Sox to move into first, paced by Cy Young contender Jose Contreras. Im sure the Yankees wish they had him now since they will finish THIRD to the Red Sox and the Blue Jays. What? The Yankees are just as far from the Wild Card as the Braves! Why the Braves and not the Yankees?? That’s because the teams in the AL are much better than the NL wild card wannabes. And the Yankees really need to address the loss of Hideki Matsui and Gary Sheffield”
Now time for the Post Season Awards and then the Post Season Series Picks….
NL MVP - Albert Pujols.. Ryan Howard had a great season.. but who is in the playoffs? If Pujols wasn't on the Cards.. the Astros would be getting ready for the post season.... therefore since the award is based on value you gotta give it to Pujols for single handedly muscling his team into the post season..
NL CY YOUNG - Chris Carpenter - another Cardinal- just ekeing it out over Brandon Webb. Zambrano also deserves consideration, but Carpenter's games were more pressurized since he was pitching for a team playing for its post season life, and Carpey knew he had to go deeper into games because his bullpen is such a disaster.
NL ROOKIE - Hanley Ramirez - 17 homers, 51 steals.. The Marlins version of Jose Reyes.. he is definitely the real thing..
AL MVP - Justin Morneau - monster numbers for just his 2nd year.. Do you think the Twins would be in the playoffs if it weren't for Morneau?
AL CY YOUNG - Johan Santana - slam dunk.
AL ROOKIE - How about Jonathan Papelbon? Notice how unhittable he was before the Yankee massacre in August, and how the team went down the tubes once he was injured? You gotta give credit to a rookie who saves 35 games, has an ERA less than 1 and whose team sank after he got hurt.
SERIES PICKS - Padres over the Cards - Cards limped into the post season.. No Mulder, No Isringhausen, Jim Edmonds is platooning and has post concussion issues. This is not a typical Cards team and they might have a hard time winning games not started by Carpenter.
Mets over LA - May not be as easy.. since LA has some decent starters.. And the Mets lose at least a start from El Duque, but the Mets offense is so much better than everyone else.. and those pitchers who feasted on those other NL offensively challenged teams may be in for a rude awakening. Perez in Game 4? How's Zambrano's rehab going? Any chance he can pitch?
Yankees over Detroit - Again.. not the cakewalk the Yankees expect.. the season is a marathon, not a sprint, so don’t get too excited over the Tigers late season swoon, and they have a very well rounded, well managed team. This could go late into the 5th game before its decided.
Oakland over Minnesota - You get the feeling that the Tigers and Twins wanted to face the Yankees and not the amazing A’s pitching staff? The Twins can only go so far with one great starter and the other drek in their rotation. The A's have no hitters besides Frank Thomas, Eric Chavez and Nick Swisher but their pitching is superb with Zito, Haren, Harden and Blanton. They always say pitching goes far in baseball!
League Championship Series Predictions
Mets over Padres- Reunion time with Mike Cameron and Mike Piazza. without the standing ovations! The Pods have those 2 hitters.. And Chris Young is their only reliable starter… although David Wells may be able to crank it up a bit. Jake Peavy doesn’t seem to have it this year… That means the Mets go to the World Series.. Which begs the question.. Will it be a rematch of the ‘73 World Series against Oakland.. Or that hideous 2000 Subway Series…
2000 revisited
Yankees over Oakland - A’s great pitchers will have their hands full with this killer Yankee line-up.
Mets over the Yankees in the World Series - Picked with the heart AND the brain!
First, baseball needs to make some changes. Why not push the start of the playoffs to Wednesday or Thursday? They wait 2 weeks for the Super Bowl, surely they can wait a couple of days to start the playoffs. The season makes no allowances for late season rainouts, and the possibility of the Cardinals playing a make-up game on Monday against the Giants and then a possible tie-breaker game Tuesday against the surging Astros would have been absurd under the current post season schedule. Same thing for the Phillies… they had to wait out a rain delay in Washington Thursday night so the game started after 11pm… didn’t end till 2 in the morning, and the team didn’t get to their Florida hotel rooms for their Friday night game until after 8 in the morning because they were caught in Friday morning rush hour traffic! If they had a couple of extra days for make up games, they could have just gone back to Washington to play the game on Monday, and not endure that wacky all night marathon.
I also have some issues with TV Coverage too. This may be a Cablevision issue and not ESPN‘s fault….. but during the 15 inning game on Wednesday night.. It was a tie game in the bottom of the ninth, bases loaded. 2 out and a 3-2 pitch…. And ESPN goes to a commercial. The same thing happened a couple of days later.. ESPN was showing a documentary about Ernie Banks.. And right in the middle.. ESPN drops out for a Malouf Car Dealer commercial!! Again, it’s probably a foul up on Cablevision’s part.. But they gotta fix that. FOX Sports is also guilty.,.. Geoff Jenkins was in the middle of an at bat during the Saturday Brewers-Cardinals game.. And poof.. There is Jeannie Zelasko breaking in to tell us that the rain delay is over in Florida so they’re switching to the Phillies-Marlins game.. Whereas we then got to see Kenny Albert and Tim McCarver announce proudly that it had stopped raining and then we got to see about 3 minutes of commercials!! Don’t you think it’s a bit disrespectful to Geoff Jenkins to cut away in the middle of his at-bat? He doubled by the way.
I made preseason picks right here in March.. (Look to the left at the March archives) and some of the trends I predicted were actually accurate. I mentioned that former Mets Mike Cameron and Mike Piazza would combine for more than 40 homers, and I also questioned how it would be possible for the Braves to finish higher than 3rd.. (although I respectfully picked them for 1st place.) I also said the Astros would finish 2nd to St. Louis due to Tony LaRussa’s managerial brilliance, but it was really the bat of Albert Pujols that catapulted the Cardinals to the top spot. I also accurately predicted the end of the Red Sox playoff streak and didn’t buy into the hype that trading Bronson Arroyo for Willie Mo Pena was a smart deal. I pointed out to a fellow congregant who is a Red Sox fan on Yom Kippur afternoon during the reading of the story of Jonah and the Whale that that legendary story is similar to the Yankees and Red Sox of '06 - The Yankees were the whale.. they chewed up The Red Sox (Jonah) and then spit him out.
The Column addressed the 14 Most Relevant Teams of ‘06 and included such lovable losers like The Cubbies, The Braves, The Giants, and The Indians who I had winning the Pennant and losing to St. Louis in The World Series! I also only correctly picked 3 playoff teams… St. Louis, The Mets and The Yankees. As you can see my incompetence is not limited to just the weekly NFL picks! Then, to add insult to injury, I did a mid season column and again made some mulligan picks and used this brilliant logic why the Braves would be in the post season.. But not the Yankees! Here is the exact quote:
“So I’m picking the White Sox to move into first, paced by Cy Young contender Jose Contreras. Im sure the Yankees wish they had him now since they will finish THIRD to the Red Sox and the Blue Jays. What? The Yankees are just as far from the Wild Card as the Braves! Why the Braves and not the Yankees?? That’s because the teams in the AL are much better than the NL wild card wannabes. And the Yankees really need to address the loss of Hideki Matsui and Gary Sheffield”
Now time for the Post Season Awards and then the Post Season Series Picks….
NL MVP - Albert Pujols.. Ryan Howard had a great season.. but who is in the playoffs? If Pujols wasn't on the Cards.. the Astros would be getting ready for the post season.... therefore since the award is based on value you gotta give it to Pujols for single handedly muscling his team into the post season..
NL CY YOUNG - Chris Carpenter - another Cardinal- just ekeing it out over Brandon Webb. Zambrano also deserves consideration, but Carpenter's games were more pressurized since he was pitching for a team playing for its post season life, and Carpey knew he had to go deeper into games because his bullpen is such a disaster.
NL ROOKIE - Hanley Ramirez - 17 homers, 51 steals.. The Marlins version of Jose Reyes.. he is definitely the real thing..
AL MVP - Justin Morneau - monster numbers for just his 2nd year.. Do you think the Twins would be in the playoffs if it weren't for Morneau?
AL CY YOUNG - Johan Santana - slam dunk.
AL ROOKIE - How about Jonathan Papelbon? Notice how unhittable he was before the Yankee massacre in August, and how the team went down the tubes once he was injured? You gotta give credit to a rookie who saves 35 games, has an ERA less than 1 and whose team sank after he got hurt.
SERIES PICKS - Padres over the Cards - Cards limped into the post season.. No Mulder, No Isringhausen, Jim Edmonds is platooning and has post concussion issues. This is not a typical Cards team and they might have a hard time winning games not started by Carpenter.
Mets over LA - May not be as easy.. since LA has some decent starters.. And the Mets lose at least a start from El Duque, but the Mets offense is so much better than everyone else.. and those pitchers who feasted on those other NL offensively challenged teams may be in for a rude awakening. Perez in Game 4? How's Zambrano's rehab going? Any chance he can pitch?
Yankees over Detroit - Again.. not the cakewalk the Yankees expect.. the season is a marathon, not a sprint, so don’t get too excited over the Tigers late season swoon, and they have a very well rounded, well managed team. This could go late into the 5th game before its decided.
Oakland over Minnesota - You get the feeling that the Tigers and Twins wanted to face the Yankees and not the amazing A’s pitching staff? The Twins can only go so far with one great starter and the other drek in their rotation. The A's have no hitters besides Frank Thomas, Eric Chavez and Nick Swisher but their pitching is superb with Zito, Haren, Harden and Blanton. They always say pitching goes far in baseball!
League Championship Series Predictions
Mets over Padres- Reunion time with Mike Cameron and Mike Piazza. without the standing ovations! The Pods have those 2 hitters.. And Chris Young is their only reliable starter… although David Wells may be able to crank it up a bit. Jake Peavy doesn’t seem to have it this year… That means the Mets go to the World Series.. Which begs the question.. Will it be a rematch of the ‘73 World Series against Oakland.. Or that hideous 2000 Subway Series…
2000 revisited
Yankees over Oakland - A’s great pitchers will have their hands full with this killer Yankee line-up.
Mets over the Yankees in the World Series - Picked with the heart AND the brain!
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Oprah: "People Love Nate"
Well, actually the quote does not refer to moi.. but instead to a guy named Nate Berkus who is doing a home design show on the new Oprah Radio Network. I took that quote out of context… kind of like Chris Wallace did on Sunday in that absurd Fox “News” interview with former President Clinton where those crackpot Republicans still try to blame Clinton for 9-11.
Just in case you haven’t heard about it… and with all the media blitz how could you miss it?.… Oprah started a new radio network on XM Radio this week… featuring shows hosted by frequent guests on her show such as financial writer Jean Chatzky and this doctor who did a bizarrely fascinating show last year about “being regular”.. with just a bit more detail than one would want to see at 4 in the afternoon…
Two things to note about this new venture: First, Oprah’s bestest bestest pal Gayle King does a weekly show with Oprah about… gasp… their personal phone calls. That’s right folks, the best buds sit and chat for hours on end on the phone at night, and “highlights” of these chats will be edited down for this show. There have been rumors that the two are more than friends and that Steadman.. Oprah’s longtime boyfriend/fiance is just a decoy. Yet why do we assume that 2 women who are bestest buds are automatic lesbians? Is that because we’re a bunch of horny yentas who like to imagine 2 women getting it on? I have always said that men like lesbians because they imagine how far a hot woman will go to seduce an avowed equally hot heterosexual woman. It’s the fantasy of the seduction that gets these dudes all horned up.. Oh bummer here we go with the lustful thoughts before Yom Kippur!
However even though its not nice to out straight people.. Or gay people who want to remain in the closet.… how does Oprah have all this time to spend yakking with Gayle? After all she runs a multi-bazillion dollar empire.. She’s gotta work a good 12 hours a day… don’t you think when she comes home at night that she would want to spend some “quality time” with Steadman? And how do hourlong chats with Gayle fit into that oh so busy schedule? And who fills in when they go on vacation? Janine Piro and Bernard Kerik?
My other point - for now, all the Oprah Radio Network shows are not live - they are prerecorded.. Yet people pay money for this? Now that dial-up is a thing of the past like beta players, The WB and Pedro Martinez‘s pitching skills… pod casts continue to explode in popularity. Why pay to hear a show when they can be put on a website and listened to on-line or on an ipod or mp3 player? I really think pod casts are going to make a big dent into radio’s audience, and yes folks I am now doing one too. By the way getting back to Pedro.. I wouldn‘t get too upset about losing a pitcher who won only 4 games since May 1st considering how dominant his team has been for the last 5 months... We’ll do ok with a rotation of Glavine, El Duque, Steve Trachsel and John Maine. And if the starters are bad.. They can always get a quick hook and bring in the talented relievers.
If you look to the left you will see a link to a new pod cast I started doing in August. I also do occasional pod casts here on this blog.. The new pod cast consists of 2-3 minute commentaries about finance and I update it every couple of weeks. I started thinking about embedding files on line about a year and a half ago when I decided to snazzy up my eBay sales by embedding commercials on my ads. By doing this I learned the HTML codes to embed media players and that leads to today‘s topic… .. The easiest seminar you will ever see about how to build a pod cast. It’s kind of Nate’s World of Words Build a Bear Workshop. By the way, my word processor program breaks the word podcast into 2 words for some bizarre reason.
1. Repeat after me - This is not easy. Ok. Lotsa people make it seem simple - it’s not. And once your done, brag to your friends how you got your pod cast going. Feel free to credit me if you would like.
2. Pick a topic - You’re on your own for that one.
3. Record it - It’s easy. Almost every comp has a program called Windows Movie Maker.. And you can use it to record audio tracks. The program is pretty self explanatory to record audio and them save the file to your computer. To record your voice, you can buy a computer microphone really cheap.. I got a gooseneck for about 10 bucks on ebay that folds in my laptop bag so I can take it on the road with me.
4. Upload it - Originally I subscribed to a site called Streamload which is now called Media Max. It gives me a place to “host” my audio and video files. The site has a prompt to upload files.. which gives you the option to check off the audio file on your computer that you would like to store on-line for listeners to download.
I then type in a code on Blogspot which includes a link to the hosted audio or video clip. The reader doesn’t see the HTML code - just the embedded player or the link to play the clip. Incidentally, I purposely don’t embed clips on the new pod cast; I want listeners to play it on their Windows Media Player since I programmed the file to display marketing information for potential future clients. Isn’t that clever?
When I started doing pod casts here on blogspot, I found out that a website called click caster had picked it up. (That is part of Step 5 - Syndicating it so people can get it automatically). Clickcaster has a way of searching the web for sites that have audio and video files and then they start to carry those pod casts on their website. Therefore the NWOW pod casts automatically show up there. When I decided to do my new pod cast I housed it at Clickcaster. They make the whole process very easy. I just upload it to them.. And it’s there. No html code to type in. However I have that pod cast’s audio files based on 2 websites.. Clickcaster and Blogspot, so I also upload the clips to Streamload too.
5. Syndication - This is the magic step that enables people to get your pod cast. Since a lot of pod casts are garbage.. Let’s use garbage as an analogy… How does garbage get from your house to the dump? Simple - you put it outside and the garbage men pick it up and it ends up at its final resting place. Likewise, if you put your pod cast “on the curb” by syndicating it, pod catchers will be like garbage men and deliver them to your computer - the proverbial garbage dump.
I get my podcasts on I Tunes, My msn and My Yahoo. In order it to be “seen” by those websites, (they are programmed to seek out pod casts) you need to “burn a feed”.. which means “putting it to the curb” in computer-ese. I went to a site called “feed burner.com” and they create a new url for your podcast which is your address for what is called rss syndication. When listeners see the rss prompt, they just type in the feed burner created address and kaploo-ey.. Your homies can now automatically receive your pod cast! My RSS address for this blog is http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/msNl and the url for the feed for the new pod cast is http://clickcaster.com/clickcast/rss/1906.
6. Make it user friendly - There is one last step - make sure its in mp3 format so all ipods and mp3 players can play it. Some of ‘em don’t play wma files, so you need to convert them. There is a free website I use called switch which copies your files to the desired mp3 format.
This might be the easiest tutorial you will ever find for pod casting.. Now maybe Oprah will get everybody to love me too! Or maybe Gayle King? Or Steadman?
Now time for the weekly football picks. Last week we went 6-6-2.. and the season to date record is a very embarrassing un-Nate-like 19-25-2. But now that the rotis season is wrapping up, I will have more time to devote to the Pigskin. x-is home team...
Colts 9 faves over x-Jets - Nice game last wk for the Manginis - now it's time to come back to Earth.
Vikings 1 doggies over x-Buffalo - Minny fans will be switching channels during the game to watch Joe Mauer win the batting title over Derek Jeter and Robinson Cano.
x-Titans 9 1/2 doggies over Dallas - The Cowboys had a pretty quiet week, don't you think? My reaction to TO's female publicist at his wacky press conference - Va Va Voom. Cowboys win but don't cover.
49ers 7 doggies over x-KC - Another spread that won't cover.
Saints 7 doggies over x-Carolina - How long will the feel good story Saints continue? It probably ends this wk.. but yet again, another big spread that won't cover. (I will probably eat my words on Monday - after Yom Kippur ends!)
Chargers 2 1/2 faves over x-Baltimore - Somebody leaves unbeaten. Won't be the Ravens.
Arizona 7 doggies over x-Atlanta - Cards are better than in the past; Atlanta got smoked in Orleans last Monday.. I like the Cards to cover.
Dolphins 3 1/2 point faves x-Houston - The Texans are due for a win..but not just yet.
x-Rams 5 1/2 faves over Detroit - The only Ram that concerns me is the one whose horn will be blown to signify the end of Yom Kippur.
Patriots 6 doggies over x-Bengals - Huh? No way.. Boy have the Bengals come a long way.. This week it's back to Earth.. (although that is what I mistakenly said about their last game against the Steelers!)
Jaguars 3 faves over x- Washington - 4:15 game? Fans attending this game should watch out for the traffic leaving the Nationals-Mets regular season finale, assuming they don't have a 4 and a half hour rain delay like they did on Thursday night.
x-Raiders 3 point doggies over Cleveland - The Raiders can't be that bad, can they? Look for a rebound win.
Seahawks 3 doggies over x-The Bears - The Kol Nidre Special. Sorry folks, I won't be catching this game. I saw enough of Seattle during last weeks Giants game! (See Pumpstradamus's pick below!)
x-Eagles 11 faves over Green Bay - I'm not a big fan of double digit spreads, especially on Monday Night, but how can you pick against the Eagles?
PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK: Since this column is about Oprah lets pick The Chicago Bears over Seattle. Hey isn't Rex Grossman Jewish? And he is playing on Yom Kippur? Oy.
Just in case you haven’t heard about it… and with all the media blitz how could you miss it?.… Oprah started a new radio network on XM Radio this week… featuring shows hosted by frequent guests on her show such as financial writer Jean Chatzky and this doctor who did a bizarrely fascinating show last year about “being regular”.. with just a bit more detail than one would want to see at 4 in the afternoon…
Two things to note about this new venture: First, Oprah’s bestest bestest pal Gayle King does a weekly show with Oprah about… gasp… their personal phone calls. That’s right folks, the best buds sit and chat for hours on end on the phone at night, and “highlights” of these chats will be edited down for this show. There have been rumors that the two are more than friends and that Steadman.. Oprah’s longtime boyfriend/fiance is just a decoy. Yet why do we assume that 2 women who are bestest buds are automatic lesbians? Is that because we’re a bunch of horny yentas who like to imagine 2 women getting it on? I have always said that men like lesbians because they imagine how far a hot woman will go to seduce an avowed equally hot heterosexual woman. It’s the fantasy of the seduction that gets these dudes all horned up.. Oh bummer here we go with the lustful thoughts before Yom Kippur!
However even though its not nice to out straight people.. Or gay people who want to remain in the closet.… how does Oprah have all this time to spend yakking with Gayle? After all she runs a multi-bazillion dollar empire.. She’s gotta work a good 12 hours a day… don’t you think when she comes home at night that she would want to spend some “quality time” with Steadman? And how do hourlong chats with Gayle fit into that oh so busy schedule? And who fills in when they go on vacation? Janine Piro and Bernard Kerik?
My other point - for now, all the Oprah Radio Network shows are not live - they are prerecorded.. Yet people pay money for this? Now that dial-up is a thing of the past like beta players, The WB and Pedro Martinez‘s pitching skills… pod casts continue to explode in popularity. Why pay to hear a show when they can be put on a website and listened to on-line or on an ipod or mp3 player? I really think pod casts are going to make a big dent into radio’s audience, and yes folks I am now doing one too. By the way getting back to Pedro.. I wouldn‘t get too upset about losing a pitcher who won only 4 games since May 1st considering how dominant his team has been for the last 5 months... We’ll do ok with a rotation of Glavine, El Duque, Steve Trachsel and John Maine. And if the starters are bad.. They can always get a quick hook and bring in the talented relievers.
If you look to the left you will see a link to a new pod cast I started doing in August. I also do occasional pod casts here on this blog.. The new pod cast consists of 2-3 minute commentaries about finance and I update it every couple of weeks. I started thinking about embedding files on line about a year and a half ago when I decided to snazzy up my eBay sales by embedding commercials on my ads. By doing this I learned the HTML codes to embed media players and that leads to today‘s topic… .. The easiest seminar you will ever see about how to build a pod cast. It’s kind of Nate’s World of Words Build a Bear Workshop. By the way, my word processor program breaks the word podcast into 2 words for some bizarre reason.
1. Repeat after me - This is not easy. Ok. Lotsa people make it seem simple - it’s not. And once your done, brag to your friends how you got your pod cast going. Feel free to credit me if you would like.
2. Pick a topic - You’re on your own for that one.
3. Record it - It’s easy. Almost every comp has a program called Windows Movie Maker.. And you can use it to record audio tracks. The program is pretty self explanatory to record audio and them save the file to your computer. To record your voice, you can buy a computer microphone really cheap.. I got a gooseneck for about 10 bucks on ebay that folds in my laptop bag so I can take it on the road with me.
4. Upload it - Originally I subscribed to a site called Streamload which is now called Media Max. It gives me a place to “host” my audio and video files. The site has a prompt to upload files.. which gives you the option to check off the audio file on your computer that you would like to store on-line for listeners to download.
I then type in a code on Blogspot which includes a link to the hosted audio or video clip. The reader doesn’t see the HTML code - just the embedded player or the link to play the clip. Incidentally, I purposely don’t embed clips on the new pod cast; I want listeners to play it on their Windows Media Player since I programmed the file to display marketing information for potential future clients. Isn’t that clever?
When I started doing pod casts here on blogspot, I found out that a website called click caster had picked it up. (That is part of Step 5 - Syndicating it so people can get it automatically). Clickcaster has a way of searching the web for sites that have audio and video files and then they start to carry those pod casts on their website. Therefore the NWOW pod casts automatically show up there. When I decided to do my new pod cast I housed it at Clickcaster. They make the whole process very easy. I just upload it to them.. And it’s there. No html code to type in. However I have that pod cast’s audio files based on 2 websites.. Clickcaster and Blogspot, so I also upload the clips to Streamload too.
5. Syndication - This is the magic step that enables people to get your pod cast. Since a lot of pod casts are garbage.. Let’s use garbage as an analogy… How does garbage get from your house to the dump? Simple - you put it outside and the garbage men pick it up and it ends up at its final resting place. Likewise, if you put your pod cast “on the curb” by syndicating it, pod catchers will be like garbage men and deliver them to your computer - the proverbial garbage dump.
I get my podcasts on I Tunes, My msn and My Yahoo. In order it to be “seen” by those websites, (they are programmed to seek out pod casts) you need to “burn a feed”.. which means “putting it to the curb” in computer-ese. I went to a site called “feed burner.com” and they create a new url for your podcast which is your address for what is called rss syndication. When listeners see the rss prompt, they just type in the feed burner created address and kaploo-ey.. Your homies can now automatically receive your pod cast! My RSS address for this blog is http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/msNl and the url for the feed for the new pod cast is http://clickcaster.com/clickcast/rss/1906.
6. Make it user friendly - There is one last step - make sure its in mp3 format so all ipods and mp3 players can play it. Some of ‘em don’t play wma files, so you need to convert them. There is a free website I use called switch which copies your files to the desired mp3 format.
This might be the easiest tutorial you will ever find for pod casting.. Now maybe Oprah will get everybody to love me too! Or maybe Gayle King? Or Steadman?
Now time for the weekly football picks. Last week we went 6-6-2.. and the season to date record is a very embarrassing un-Nate-like 19-25-2. But now that the rotis season is wrapping up, I will have more time to devote to the Pigskin. x-is home team...
Colts 9 faves over x-Jets - Nice game last wk for the Manginis - now it's time to come back to Earth.
Vikings 1 doggies over x-Buffalo - Minny fans will be switching channels during the game to watch Joe Mauer win the batting title over Derek Jeter and Robinson Cano.
x-Titans 9 1/2 doggies over Dallas - The Cowboys had a pretty quiet week, don't you think? My reaction to TO's female publicist at his wacky press conference - Va Va Voom. Cowboys win but don't cover.
49ers 7 doggies over x-KC - Another spread that won't cover.
Saints 7 doggies over x-Carolina - How long will the feel good story Saints continue? It probably ends this wk.. but yet again, another big spread that won't cover. (I will probably eat my words on Monday - after Yom Kippur ends!)
Chargers 2 1/2 faves over x-Baltimore - Somebody leaves unbeaten. Won't be the Ravens.
Arizona 7 doggies over x-Atlanta - Cards are better than in the past; Atlanta got smoked in Orleans last Monday.. I like the Cards to cover.
Dolphins 3 1/2 point faves x-Houston - The Texans are due for a win..but not just yet.
x-Rams 5 1/2 faves over Detroit - The only Ram that concerns me is the one whose horn will be blown to signify the end of Yom Kippur.
Patriots 6 doggies over x-Bengals - Huh? No way.. Boy have the Bengals come a long way.. This week it's back to Earth.. (although that is what I mistakenly said about their last game against the Steelers!)
Jaguars 3 faves over x- Washington - 4:15 game? Fans attending this game should watch out for the traffic leaving the Nationals-Mets regular season finale, assuming they don't have a 4 and a half hour rain delay like they did on Thursday night.
x-Raiders 3 point doggies over Cleveland - The Raiders can't be that bad, can they? Look for a rebound win.
Seahawks 3 doggies over x-The Bears - The Kol Nidre Special. Sorry folks, I won't be catching this game. I saw enough of Seattle during last weeks Giants game! (See Pumpstradamus's pick below!)
x-Eagles 11 faves over Green Bay - I'm not a big fan of double digit spreads, especially on Monday Night, but how can you pick against the Eagles?
PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK: Since this column is about Oprah lets pick The Chicago Bears over Seattle. Hey isn't Rex Grossman Jewish? And he is playing on Yom Kippur? Oy.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Iranian Porn, Game Shows, and Pirates: Thoughts for the Waning Moments of 5766.
Before we get to today’s stuff.. I just wanted to comment about Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Ahmad in Ejad is the title of a porn movie by the way!) and his recent trip to the UN. It reminded me of the Rabbi at the Edison Hanukah candle-lighting ceremony last year who asked the participants to pray that Mahmoud drop dead.… yet amazingly a guy wrote a letter to the late and lamented Jewish State criticizing The Rabbi for doing that and saying that we should instead teach this Holocaust revisionist about what really happened in WW II.
After seeing Mahmoud's interview with Anderson Cooper on CNN, it is obvious that this guy is pretty smart and he knows the Holocaust really happened… All this Genocide Minimalist wants to do is downplay its relevance so he can borrow from Hitler’s playbook and start another one. Every Cooper question about the Holocaust was deflected to comments about Post WW II Jews moving to Israel when it became Israel in 1948. It’s ironic that he goes on and on about the “horrible plight” of the Palestinians,.. I betcha these Palestinians, especially the women, would rather live in Israel than Iran! Heck, when they started paying tax money to Arafat and the Palestinian authority, notice how virtually nothing went to infra-structure and all of it went to Arafat’s pockets. The reason the terrorist groups did so well in the elections is they exploited the government’s corrupt embezzlement, and drove home to voters the images that the politicians were filthy rich while the Palestinians were dirt poor.
Cooper had the line of the night at the end of the chat… After basically giving up on the Holocaust questions, he said he was moving on to another topic.. The lowlife flashed him a sleazy smile and asked… “Did you hear the answer you wanted about the Holocaust?”… Cooper who seemed a bit surprised that Mahmoud would have even cared, told him he had a lot of other stuff to cover with only a limited amount of time allowed for the interview, and was about to start his next topic when Mahmoud cut in again with “Are you asking the questions on your mind, or the ones given to you by “others“?..
And without missing a beat, Cooper responded to the “others” implication with the line of the year… “In America…. WE have a free press…. unlike IRAN!”
I’ll take Anderson Cooper for the block!
Speaking of Hollywood Squares, I haven't watched a lot of non sports TV during baseball season, and I’m really not going to be into the new season until after the World Series.. But I did catch the much hyped “The Wire” on HBO. Trophy Wife and I also saw Alfred Hitchcock’s mid ’60’s rare off-movie “Marnie” a few weeks ago. (Sean Connery’s character’s reaction to catching Marnie stealing from him requires a huge suspension of disbelief.) The Baltimore rowhouse that the kids live in on “The Wire” is the exact same Baltimore rowhouse that was used for the house Marnie’s mother lived in! Still recycling soundstages 40 years later? Wow.
Over the summer, Game Show Network ran a series of specials about The Top 50 Game Shows. I wanted to address their rankings because I had also ranked the Top 14 in a series of columns earlier this year. (See the archives in Feb.) Interestingly enough we agree on 11 of the 14, of which only 2 finished in the same spots. We both have Match Game and The Price is Right at #1 and #4 respectively… but aside from that we didn't agree too much. The three NWOW shows that didn’t crack their Top 14 were my #3 Password - which they ranked 15th (!)… To Tell the Truth which I had at #10 and they ranked 19th; and The Bobby Van version of Make Me Laugh… which I ranked 14th but did not make their list. Their 3 which didn’t crack my list were #7 Lets Make a Deal… a show I never really got into… #9 The Newlywed Game which just missed the Top 14, and #14 What’s My Line which was before my time.
The Game Show Forum (and thanks to the Buzzer Blog for this info)… also ranked their Top 100... And Make Me Laugh made their list at 98. They also oddly ranked Match Game 5th and put The Price Is Right at #1. Three of their Top 14 also didn’t make my list…Concentration (9), Card Sharks (13) and What’s My Line (14). Card Sharks? Hmmm.. That’s a bit odd.
When GSN ran their Top 50 list, they showed episodes of all the ranked shows that they had legal rights to… (They are not allowed to show The Price is Right and Name That Tune due to licensing legalities.) It’s good to know we both agreed on Match Game as Number 1... But I’m surprised my 2nd rated Hollywood Squares didn’t make their list till the 11 slot. Likewise ranking Password (#3 for me) in the 15 slot was strange too. We both had the Gong Show on the list.. I had it 9th and they had it 12th.. We also went the Chuck Barris route with The Dating Game making both lists.. #13 for me,.. No. 10 for GSN. I thought they had Family Feud a bit overrated with #3... while I had it 11th.
Here are the Top 14s from my blog and GSN…
NWOW 1. Match Game; 2. Hollywood Squares; 3. Password; 4. The Price Is Right; 5. Jeopardy; 6. Pyramid (not the Donny Osmond version); 7. Press Your Luck; 8. Who Wants to be a Millionaire; 9. The Gong Show; 10. To Tell The Truth; 11. Family Feud; 12. Wheel of Fortune; 13. The Dating Game; 14. Make Me Laugh.
GSN 1. MG; 2. Jeopardy; 3. FF; 4. TPIR; 5. WWTBAM; 6. WOF; 7. Lets Make a Deal; 8. Pyramid; 9. The Newlywed Game; 10. The Dating Game; 11. HS; 12. The Gong Show; 13. PYL; 14. WML
Now on to the football picks… Last week we bounced back from the disastrous opening wknd with a 9-7 record to bring us to a rather lame 13-19. Here are the wkly predictions...The spread is from Friday's Star Ledger; home teams are noted with an "x".
x-Bills 5 faves over the Jets - Thanks NFL for making the Giants the late game on Rosh Hashanah!
Giants 3 1/2 doggies over x-Seattle - The Giants can take revenge on the Seahawks and then Andrew can take revenge on Bree on the Season Premiere of Desperate Housewives! (I will of course tape the family guy)
Packers 7 doggies over x-Detroit - The Lions will win.. but won't cover.
Redskins 4 faves over x-Texans - I hope Daniel Snyder does a little extra praying for the Skins to salvage the season this wknd.
x-Colts 7 faves over Jaguars - Can the Jags beat the Steelers and Colts back to back and belly to belly? I doubt it.
x-Steelers 2 faves over Cincy - The Bengals look great and Roethslisberger looked pretty lame on MNF... plus Cincy beat 'em in Pitt last wk...Despite that.. Ill take the Steelers.
Panthers 3 faves over x-Tampa Bay - Are the Bucs really that bad? See Pumpstradamus's prediction below.
Titans 11 doggies over x-Miami - Dolphins not good enough to deserve that many points. They will win but not cover.
Bears 3 faves over x-Minnesota - Vikings Shmikings... This is Twins country... (Take that Derek Jeter.. Joe Mauer's gonna win the batting title!)
Ravens 6 1/2 faves over x-Cleveland - Ravens 3-0? Hmmm
Rams 4 1/2 doggies over x-Arizona - St. Louis fans can boo the Cardinals this week in the NFL and next wk when they get swept in the first round of the playoffs.
Eagles 6 faves over x-49ers - Y'think the Eagles are a bit annoyed after last weeks collosal choke against the Giants? Or was that just a birthday present for me?
x-Patriots 7 faves over Denver - That's a big spread against a damn good Bronco team.
x-Saints 4 doggies over Atlanta - The first post Katrina game to be played at a sold out Superdome. And they're home dogs on Monday Night to boot! Huge win for the Saints!
And the Pumpstradamus Pick of the Week - Time to rebound from last weeks loss which dropped us to 1-1.… Since this past week, we celebrated “Talk Like a Pirate Day”… and spent it questioning why Jeromy Burnitz is still on the team… this weeks pick is the Buccaneers over Carolina!
After seeing Mahmoud's interview with Anderson Cooper on CNN, it is obvious that this guy is pretty smart and he knows the Holocaust really happened… All this Genocide Minimalist wants to do is downplay its relevance so he can borrow from Hitler’s playbook and start another one. Every Cooper question about the Holocaust was deflected to comments about Post WW II Jews moving to Israel when it became Israel in 1948. It’s ironic that he goes on and on about the “horrible plight” of the Palestinians,.. I betcha these Palestinians, especially the women, would rather live in Israel than Iran! Heck, when they started paying tax money to Arafat and the Palestinian authority, notice how virtually nothing went to infra-structure and all of it went to Arafat’s pockets. The reason the terrorist groups did so well in the elections is they exploited the government’s corrupt embezzlement, and drove home to voters the images that the politicians were filthy rich while the Palestinians were dirt poor.
Cooper had the line of the night at the end of the chat… After basically giving up on the Holocaust questions, he said he was moving on to another topic.. The lowlife flashed him a sleazy smile and asked… “Did you hear the answer you wanted about the Holocaust?”… Cooper who seemed a bit surprised that Mahmoud would have even cared, told him he had a lot of other stuff to cover with only a limited amount of time allowed for the interview, and was about to start his next topic when Mahmoud cut in again with “Are you asking the questions on your mind, or the ones given to you by “others“?..
And without missing a beat, Cooper responded to the “others” implication with the line of the year… “In America…. WE have a free press…. unlike IRAN!”
I’ll take Anderson Cooper for the block!
Speaking of Hollywood Squares, I haven't watched a lot of non sports TV during baseball season, and I’m really not going to be into the new season until after the World Series.. But I did catch the much hyped “The Wire” on HBO. Trophy Wife and I also saw Alfred Hitchcock’s mid ’60’s rare off-movie “Marnie” a few weeks ago. (Sean Connery’s character’s reaction to catching Marnie stealing from him requires a huge suspension of disbelief.) The Baltimore rowhouse that the kids live in on “The Wire” is the exact same Baltimore rowhouse that was used for the house Marnie’s mother lived in! Still recycling soundstages 40 years later? Wow.
Over the summer, Game Show Network ran a series of specials about The Top 50 Game Shows. I wanted to address their rankings because I had also ranked the Top 14 in a series of columns earlier this year. (See the archives in Feb.) Interestingly enough we agree on 11 of the 14, of which only 2 finished in the same spots. We both have Match Game and The Price is Right at #1 and #4 respectively… but aside from that we didn't agree too much. The three NWOW shows that didn’t crack their Top 14 were my #3 Password - which they ranked 15th (!)… To Tell the Truth which I had at #10 and they ranked 19th; and The Bobby Van version of Make Me Laugh… which I ranked 14th but did not make their list. Their 3 which didn’t crack my list were #7 Lets Make a Deal… a show I never really got into… #9 The Newlywed Game which just missed the Top 14, and #14 What’s My Line which was before my time.
The Game Show Forum (and thanks to the Buzzer Blog for this info)… also ranked their Top 100... And Make Me Laugh made their list at 98. They also oddly ranked Match Game 5th and put The Price Is Right at #1. Three of their Top 14 also didn’t make my list…Concentration (9), Card Sharks (13) and What’s My Line (14). Card Sharks? Hmmm.. That’s a bit odd.
When GSN ran their Top 50 list, they showed episodes of all the ranked shows that they had legal rights to… (They are not allowed to show The Price is Right and Name That Tune due to licensing legalities.) It’s good to know we both agreed on Match Game as Number 1... But I’m surprised my 2nd rated Hollywood Squares didn’t make their list till the 11 slot. Likewise ranking Password (#3 for me) in the 15 slot was strange too. We both had the Gong Show on the list.. I had it 9th and they had it 12th.. We also went the Chuck Barris route with The Dating Game making both lists.. #13 for me,.. No. 10 for GSN. I thought they had Family Feud a bit overrated with #3... while I had it 11th.
Here are the Top 14s from my blog and GSN…
NWOW 1. Match Game; 2. Hollywood Squares; 3. Password; 4. The Price Is Right; 5. Jeopardy; 6. Pyramid (not the Donny Osmond version); 7. Press Your Luck; 8. Who Wants to be a Millionaire; 9. The Gong Show; 10. To Tell The Truth; 11. Family Feud; 12. Wheel of Fortune; 13. The Dating Game; 14. Make Me Laugh.
GSN 1. MG; 2. Jeopardy; 3. FF; 4. TPIR; 5. WWTBAM; 6. WOF; 7. Lets Make a Deal; 8. Pyramid; 9. The Newlywed Game; 10. The Dating Game; 11. HS; 12. The Gong Show; 13. PYL; 14. WML
Now on to the football picks… Last week we bounced back from the disastrous opening wknd with a 9-7 record to bring us to a rather lame 13-19. Here are the wkly predictions...The spread is from Friday's Star Ledger; home teams are noted with an "x".
x-Bills 5 faves over the Jets - Thanks NFL for making the Giants the late game on Rosh Hashanah!
Giants 3 1/2 doggies over x-Seattle - The Giants can take revenge on the Seahawks and then Andrew can take revenge on Bree on the Season Premiere of Desperate Housewives! (I will of course tape the family guy)
Packers 7 doggies over x-Detroit - The Lions will win.. but won't cover.
Redskins 4 faves over x-Texans - I hope Daniel Snyder does a little extra praying for the Skins to salvage the season this wknd.
x-Colts 7 faves over Jaguars - Can the Jags beat the Steelers and Colts back to back and belly to belly? I doubt it.
x-Steelers 2 faves over Cincy - The Bengals look great and Roethslisberger looked pretty lame on MNF... plus Cincy beat 'em in Pitt last wk...Despite that.. Ill take the Steelers.
Panthers 3 faves over x-Tampa Bay - Are the Bucs really that bad? See Pumpstradamus's prediction below.
Titans 11 doggies over x-Miami - Dolphins not good enough to deserve that many points. They will win but not cover.
Bears 3 faves over x-Minnesota - Vikings Shmikings... This is Twins country... (Take that Derek Jeter.. Joe Mauer's gonna win the batting title!)
Ravens 6 1/2 faves over x-Cleveland - Ravens 3-0? Hmmm
Rams 4 1/2 doggies over x-Arizona - St. Louis fans can boo the Cardinals this week in the NFL and next wk when they get swept in the first round of the playoffs.
Eagles 6 faves over x-49ers - Y'think the Eagles are a bit annoyed after last weeks collosal choke against the Giants? Or was that just a birthday present for me?
x-Patriots 7 faves over Denver - That's a big spread against a damn good Bronco team.
x-Saints 4 doggies over Atlanta - The first post Katrina game to be played at a sold out Superdome. And they're home dogs on Monday Night to boot! Huge win for the Saints!
And the Pumpstradamus Pick of the Week - Time to rebound from last weeks loss which dropped us to 1-1.… Since this past week, we celebrated “Talk Like a Pirate Day”… and spent it questioning why Jeromy Burnitz is still on the team… this weeks pick is the Buccaneers over Carolina!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Thoughts for 5767 - Lust!
If any Rabbi anywhere in the World is going to quote from a blog in his or her sermon during the High Holy Days… it sure as heck won’t be this one.
Today’s topic: Lust.
On Yom Kippur we symbolically pound our chest for each of a series of transgressions committed during the prior year. In past years, I have joked that I double up for the transgressions involving “lust”, yet now that I have been married for 2 years I wonder if it is ok to lust since no matter how hot any woman might be.. there is no way she could be as terrific as my wife! I am lucky in many ways, and one of those reasons is that Trophy Wife doesn’t care if I point out a good looking woman walking down the street.
For some reason a well meaning very orthodox relative hooked me up with a subscription to an ultra-orthodox newspaper. I have mentioned here in the past that I get a kick out of reading some of the letters to the editor on the editorial page. Hopefully the readers have enough savvy to see past some of their “news reporting” policies. A 9/11 insert had a “news” article about how the Left Undermined National Security Pre-9/11 that was written by David Horowitz - the same buffoon who hit all the talk shows this summer defending that disgraceful jackass Ann Coulter for her uncalled for attacks on the 9/11 widows from NJ. Their “news” is also heavily edited…a reprinted wire service article about a politician being treated for breast cancer edited out any reference to the word “breast”.
One other thing about this paper - they never ever show a picture of a female. I have seen on the Orthodox blogs that a book publisher had to alter a book cover in an ad because a Jewish book had a picture of a young girl on its cover!! I wonder what happens when they have an Amber Alert involving a female! These policies are due to strict rules concerning modesty.. .. also referred to as “tznius”. The ultras have strict rules about how women “present” themselves in public, ostensibly so Moshe Yankel doesn’t have to double down on the lust sins like I do. There is a strict dress code involving long sleeves and long skirts, and a married woman’s hair must be totally covered since a man should not see it. In addition, the voice of a woman also tends to be arousing.. (Do single guys still save answering machine messages from hot chics who return phone calls?) Therefore they do not listen to a woman sing… AND some go out of their way to avoid hearing a woman speak in public. This is actually written in the book of Berachot and I got this info from a website promoting nudism in Israel!.
Which makes me wonder about a thought provoking concept - Hasidic Nudists… and amazingly I am not the first blogger to bring up this concept. That’s right folks.. There is an Israeli based “naturists” aka nudist website that has a lengthy article presenting Talmudic arguments why nudism is permissible. (The guy who wrote it has since died). The nudists are entitled to their opinion, but I don’t know enough to debate this.. Keep in mind where the concept of clothing originated… and how the multibillion dollar fashion industry was born. When Adam was caught eating forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden.. God wanted to have a chat with him. He called out to Adam but there was no response.. Then he tried a 2nd time and when God asked him where he was the 1st time.. Adam said he couldn’t come out to see him because he was naked and embarrassed… Is this why we wear clothes? Because of a lame-o excuse? What would have happened if he said the dog ate his homework… Would we starve dogs? Nonetheless, Adam later scolded the snake telling him “Listen Tough Guy, years from now you and your buddies on a plane will be the biggest overhyped summer movie flop of all time."
But here is why I think the concept is not so far out of Left Field.
Years ago when I was in college, I went on a beach trip with some buddies to Sandy Hook. One of the guys went for a walk with me and as we advanced from one beach to the next, a guy walks by with his shmeckle hanging out. It didn’t even register right away.. But a minute later I saw a tuchus and I started to wonder what the heck was going on. Well unbeknownst to me at the time, there was a nude beach! We decided to walk through it to get to the next beach and then we walked through it again on our way back to our original beach, And yes we kept our clothes on.
Here is what I found interesting.. Whereas guys drool over babes in bikinis on regular beaches.. there wasn’t really any of that going on at the nude beach. I also used to work with someone who went to nude beaches (Thank God I didn’t see him there that day!) and we discussed the atmosphere at these beaches.. I agreed with him… It seemed to be a very normal healthy environment… and people who look at the nude body there do not sexualize it. It is a very odd concept in a society where we drool over naked women and porn is so popular, but if you saw how those people interacted, once they were over the initial discomfort of their first trip there.. they all seemed very normal and it was quite a healthy approach. Incidentally I am sure the multi billion porn industry is against nude beaches because if nudity were to be more mainstream in society…. then their portfolio of publications, movies, and websites would seem less “forbidden”
I can’t imagine Nudist Chusids, but what is the deal with sexualizing women to such an extent? Is the goal to make any display of skin erotic? Incidentally many women have said they are not visually stimulated by naked men in magazines… to them the eroticism comes from the intimacy and closeness. Like the bikini beach… guys lust by using their imagination about what they cannot see. So what is the big deal if a woman wears a short skirt or a sleeveless shirt? Is glimpsing any part of a woman’s “forbidden” elbow or kneecap or hair going to really cause that much lust to stir in the heart? Or maybe just maybe does exposure to it on a regular basis make it very common and no big deal? Think about how many guys check out women’s breasts on a topless beach. There are so many of them there they all kind of get lost in the shuffle. That is why Scores has lap dances.. because after awhile the whole topless scene gets kind of dull.
Modesty rules are different if you are in the presence of members of your gender.. But what happens if there is a gasp homosexual in the midst? And as we know from “Trembling Before G-d” there are Jewish homosexuals although I don’t believe for a New Jersey minute that Golan Cipel is one of them. I think Governor McSleazy’s book should be filed in the fiction section and I wish he would just go away already. He didn’t resign because he is gay.. He resigned because of all the other shenanigans that were going on in Trenton and the gayness was just a decoy to divert attention from his other problems. I mean c’mon he was making comments about Golan “Heights of Passion” while his poor unknowing wife lay in a hospital bed preparing to give birth after a difficult pregnancy? I happen to know Cipel’s lawyer…and although I have not seen him in the 2 years since this story broke, there is no way he would look into TV Cameras and make false accusations that McSleazy was sexually harassing his client!
Here is a goal I set for the New Year.. Every time a beautiful non - tznius woman walks down the street and I point it out to my wife.. I will also make it very clear that no matter how hot that woman may be… even if she looks like Liz Cho… I would rather be with my wife!. Because these hot babes’ beauty is only skin deep… but all wives beauty transcends that.. Our wives put up with our crap, create a beautiful home for us.. cook for us…laugh at our bad jokes, and love us despite our shortcomings.. Who would want to spend time with some hot chic walking down the street in a miniskirt who might just be a psycho or a chain smoker, or who knows what? C’mon guys… let’s make 5767 the year that we let our wives know how much we appreciate them…
Now we will have to ask the Rabbi if lusting for your own wife is a chest beater. If so, we may have to fast an extra day this Yom Kippur!
Happy New Year!
Today’s topic: Lust.
On Yom Kippur we symbolically pound our chest for each of a series of transgressions committed during the prior year. In past years, I have joked that I double up for the transgressions involving “lust”, yet now that I have been married for 2 years I wonder if it is ok to lust since no matter how hot any woman might be.. there is no way she could be as terrific as my wife! I am lucky in many ways, and one of those reasons is that Trophy Wife doesn’t care if I point out a good looking woman walking down the street.
For some reason a well meaning very orthodox relative hooked me up with a subscription to an ultra-orthodox newspaper. I have mentioned here in the past that I get a kick out of reading some of the letters to the editor on the editorial page. Hopefully the readers have enough savvy to see past some of their “news reporting” policies. A 9/11 insert had a “news” article about how the Left Undermined National Security Pre-9/11 that was written by David Horowitz - the same buffoon who hit all the talk shows this summer defending that disgraceful jackass Ann Coulter for her uncalled for attacks on the 9/11 widows from NJ. Their “news” is also heavily edited…a reprinted wire service article about a politician being treated for breast cancer edited out any reference to the word “breast”.
One other thing about this paper - they never ever show a picture of a female. I have seen on the Orthodox blogs that a book publisher had to alter a book cover in an ad because a Jewish book had a picture of a young girl on its cover!! I wonder what happens when they have an Amber Alert involving a female! These policies are due to strict rules concerning modesty.. .. also referred to as “tznius”. The ultras have strict rules about how women “present” themselves in public, ostensibly so Moshe Yankel doesn’t have to double down on the lust sins like I do. There is a strict dress code involving long sleeves and long skirts, and a married woman’s hair must be totally covered since a man should not see it. In addition, the voice of a woman also tends to be arousing.. (Do single guys still save answering machine messages from hot chics who return phone calls?) Therefore they do not listen to a woman sing… AND some go out of their way to avoid hearing a woman speak in public. This is actually written in the book of Berachot and I got this info from a website promoting nudism in Israel!.
Which makes me wonder about a thought provoking concept - Hasidic Nudists… and amazingly I am not the first blogger to bring up this concept. That’s right folks.. There is an Israeli based “naturists” aka nudist website that has a lengthy article presenting Talmudic arguments why nudism is permissible. (The guy who wrote it has since died). The nudists are entitled to their opinion, but I don’t know enough to debate this.. Keep in mind where the concept of clothing originated… and how the multibillion dollar fashion industry was born. When Adam was caught eating forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden.. God wanted to have a chat with him. He called out to Adam but there was no response.. Then he tried a 2nd time and when God asked him where he was the 1st time.. Adam said he couldn’t come out to see him because he was naked and embarrassed… Is this why we wear clothes? Because of a lame-o excuse? What would have happened if he said the dog ate his homework… Would we starve dogs? Nonetheless, Adam later scolded the snake telling him “Listen Tough Guy, years from now you and your buddies on a plane will be the biggest overhyped summer movie flop of all time."
But here is why I think the concept is not so far out of Left Field.
Years ago when I was in college, I went on a beach trip with some buddies to Sandy Hook. One of the guys went for a walk with me and as we advanced from one beach to the next, a guy walks by with his shmeckle hanging out. It didn’t even register right away.. But a minute later I saw a tuchus and I started to wonder what the heck was going on. Well unbeknownst to me at the time, there was a nude beach! We decided to walk through it to get to the next beach and then we walked through it again on our way back to our original beach, And yes we kept our clothes on.
Here is what I found interesting.. Whereas guys drool over babes in bikinis on regular beaches.. there wasn’t really any of that going on at the nude beach. I also used to work with someone who went to nude beaches (Thank God I didn’t see him there that day!) and we discussed the atmosphere at these beaches.. I agreed with him… It seemed to be a very normal healthy environment… and people who look at the nude body there do not sexualize it. It is a very odd concept in a society where we drool over naked women and porn is so popular, but if you saw how those people interacted, once they were over the initial discomfort of their first trip there.. they all seemed very normal and it was quite a healthy approach. Incidentally I am sure the multi billion porn industry is against nude beaches because if nudity were to be more mainstream in society…. then their portfolio of publications, movies, and websites would seem less “forbidden”
I can’t imagine Nudist Chusids, but what is the deal with sexualizing women to such an extent? Is the goal to make any display of skin erotic? Incidentally many women have said they are not visually stimulated by naked men in magazines… to them the eroticism comes from the intimacy and closeness. Like the bikini beach… guys lust by using their imagination about what they cannot see. So what is the big deal if a woman wears a short skirt or a sleeveless shirt? Is glimpsing any part of a woman’s “forbidden” elbow or kneecap or hair going to really cause that much lust to stir in the heart? Or maybe just maybe does exposure to it on a regular basis make it very common and no big deal? Think about how many guys check out women’s breasts on a topless beach. There are so many of them there they all kind of get lost in the shuffle. That is why Scores has lap dances.. because after awhile the whole topless scene gets kind of dull.
Modesty rules are different if you are in the presence of members of your gender.. But what happens if there is a gasp homosexual in the midst? And as we know from “Trembling Before G-d” there are Jewish homosexuals although I don’t believe for a New Jersey minute that Golan Cipel is one of them. I think Governor McSleazy’s book should be filed in the fiction section and I wish he would just go away already. He didn’t resign because he is gay.. He resigned because of all the other shenanigans that were going on in Trenton and the gayness was just a decoy to divert attention from his other problems. I mean c’mon he was making comments about Golan “Heights of Passion” while his poor unknowing wife lay in a hospital bed preparing to give birth after a difficult pregnancy? I happen to know Cipel’s lawyer…and although I have not seen him in the 2 years since this story broke, there is no way he would look into TV Cameras and make false accusations that McSleazy was sexually harassing his client!
Here is a goal I set for the New Year.. Every time a beautiful non - tznius woman walks down the street and I point it out to my wife.. I will also make it very clear that no matter how hot that woman may be… even if she looks like Liz Cho… I would rather be with my wife!. Because these hot babes’ beauty is only skin deep… but all wives beauty transcends that.. Our wives put up with our crap, create a beautiful home for us.. cook for us…laugh at our bad jokes, and love us despite our shortcomings.. Who would want to spend time with some hot chic walking down the street in a miniskirt who might just be a psycho or a chain smoker, or who knows what? C’mon guys… let’s make 5767 the year that we let our wives know how much we appreciate them…
Now we will have to ask the Rabbi if lusting for your own wife is a chest beater. If so, we may have to fast an extra day this Yom Kippur!
Happy New Year!
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Time Management
The group of 32 spread themselves out over the ground floor balcony and eagerly awaited their cue. They had already run through a smooth practice drill, but now the time had arrived for them to do their thing. “The moment” everyone had been waiting for was here...
**********************************************************************
Twelve hours earlier I had woken up from a sound sleep.. it was a Saturday morning and even though it was a shorter work week due to Labor Day... it was still a tiring week. Trophy Wife and I ate some lunch but something disagreed with me and I realized that this was not going to be a fun day. My original plan was to go to an event in Atlantic City, but Trophy Wife did not want to go because friends of ours were coming in from out of town and were going to hang out at another friend’s house in Union County.. We had actually been to AC for our wedding anniversary earlier in the week and Donald Trump already had taken enough of my money. (While we were there, Trophy Wife again played the Match Game slot machine which I mentioned in this blog during our trip in June. Amazingly that column was quoted on a slot machine PR website!) However, as the day went on it turned out the out of town friend was not going to be able to make it and instead of our other friend’s house, we were going to see her participate in a panel discussion at my old elementary school. I don’t know how these plans suddenly changed, and although I was happy to hear my old pal make a speech I started to wonder, how the heck did I end up going to a panel discussion on a sunny Saturday afternoon?
Just before we were to leave for our adventure, Pumpstradamus suddenly appeared at my doorstep. "What the heck are you doing here?" I asked our local psychic.. .. It turned out he had been at synagogue services that day (held outdoors at the Y as our Temple gets rebuilt following the recent fire) and he wanted to tell me that the man that organizes honors for the service told him that on Rosh Hashanah I would be called to the Torah. "Wow" exclaimed Trophy Wife "isn’t that great?" I nonchalantly told them that they had mailed me a letter and I already knew about it.. Trophy Wife looked at me rather sadly and said “Oh, we were gonna surprise you”. “Well” I confidently replied.. “Nothing surprises me. I’m aware of everything going on around here” (Although the next day I was pleasantly surprised that Pumpstradamus picked the Jets to win.)
Trophy Wife went on to give Pump a box of stuff he needed for some people that were going to do the floors at his house and I started to get ready to see the panel.. As you can tell I was quite "thrilled".. although I was psyched to see my friend‘s portion of the program. Walking into my old elementary school was quite strange too.. the cafeteria which I recall as a huge room when I was a little pisher was actually nowhere near as large as I remembered from my childhood…. and the loooong flight of steps that took you in out of the lunch room was actually - 4 measly steps. We meandered to the gym. the location of many hard hits to the face during elementary school dodge ball games where I was always the last kid picked... even when I was the captain..
As it turned out, the panel discussion was actually ok. It was about time management, and different people spoke about how they balance work with family and other important commitments, and it didn‘t drag on as some of these programs tend to do. Since I work in the sales and marketing industry I know firsthand that the successful sales people are the ones who know how to strike a balance between all of the different aspects involved in obtaining and keeping clients. I also try to balance time for work and Trophy Wife, and my new pod cast and of course this blog, yet I knew that barring anything unexpected, the September 15 column would concern a recent GSN program that ranked the Top Game Shows of All Time.
Afterwards it was a blast from the past as I ran into the former librarian from my high school who also was attending the program. I hadn’t seen him since I graduated high school many moons ago, and Trophy Wife is always reminding me of my age, especially since I have a birthday coming up on Sunday the 17th! The librarian is a rather eccentric guy but when you talk to him you realize that he is really quite brilliant and a heckuva nice guy. Back in high school I went to the library every morning to read the paper and we always had a brief chat. I think libraries put newspapers on those long poles to make it impossible to sneak 'em out and read 'em in the Men's room! It was really great to see him after all these years… and he hasn’t aged a day!
After that we briefly stopped off at our friend’s friend’s house. This woman’s mom was an elementary school teacher of mine at that school and I remember when she took maternity leave to give birth to that daughter! Now I really felt old.
After Shabbat we headed home, and as you know from prior columns, I met Trophy Wife through our mutual friend Carrie and she herself recently got engaged. She also has a ton of postings at the OnlySimchas.com website. She and her fiance wanted to meet us for dinner later that night at Jose Tejas in Woodbridge.. but knowing how long you wait for a table at that oh so popular eatery, and how cranky, tired and hungry I had gotten during this endlessly long day, I told her I would go, if we could just stop to get a sandwich first. As I munched down my Panera tuna sans onions and tomatoes. I speculated about possibly making an early escape from Tejas since I was already dog tired, and thought of maybe just renting Godfather II which was overdue to be featured on a movie club column on this very blog. That would be good time management.
Trophy Wife said she would drive to Tejas and found a spot just on the right of the outdoor balcony. It was a beautiful night and I was hoping we could get to bed at a decent hour because I wanted to go to the Met game on Sunday knowing full well that a lousy Steve Trachsel performance would get John Maine a start in Game 4 of the playoffs. As we strolled in front of the terrace, the group of 32 spread themselves out over the ground floor balcony and eagerly awaited their cue. They had already run through a smooth practice drill, but now the time had arrived for them to do their thing. “The moment” everyone had been waiting for was here...
SURPRISE!!!!!
Holy-oke Massachusetts I bellowed.. except to paraphrase "A Christmas Story".. I didn’t say “Oke Massachusetts“... Trophy Wife had done it again.. She had pulled off a surprise birthday party and all the party props that Pumpstradamus had picked up in the afternoon when I arrogantly announced that I could not be surprised were now hanging on the terrace. That wife of mine had gone behind my back and successfully recruited more than 30 people to come out to celebrate my b'day…. just 2 years after she had surprised me at another local eatery. It was at that 2004 party that I told her that would be the only time she would be able to pull it off!!
Neil has some great photos at his blog. And some of the captions are quite amusing.. although he doesn’t seem to know the names of some of my friends. I didn’t realize he didn’t know Nessim who I have known since ’83! Basically it was a great night. You would be amazed how quickly you forget you were tired when you are running on adrenaline with a little bit of shock thrown in. Trophy Wife had started working on this back in early August, and had obtained as many emails as she possibly could.. Although a few pals probably felt left out that they weren’t contacted, it was just a matter of how many emails she and our friends were able to obtain. I don’t know if she contacted DAS, but since the restaurant is on the right side of the street, and he only moves towards the left, I don’t know if he would have gone. (He also lives in FL) Since my wife has her own separate email account that I never look at, she was able to put the whole shindig together right under my nose on my very own computer.
And yes I was totally surprised, shocked stunned you name it. I thought she might try to pull something on the actual birthday.. That is this Sunday the 17th when the Young Women’s Hadassah of which she is President will hold its inaugural event.. a picnic at a local park. That day they are also scheduled to announce that they will start The Ester Kean Scholarship Program… named in memory of my mom who had been a lifelong member of that fine fine organization. Nonetheless, she got me good and now I have to try to find someway to out smart her and throw her a surprise party. Maybe for Arbor Day? Or perhaps a party to celebrate the Vernal Equinox? I really feel like Wiley Coyote sometimes!
Anyway I will push my original scheduled column to next wk… now its time for the wkly picks featuring the wkly Pumpstradamus Pick of the Week! I got off to a great 4-12 start, while Pumpstradamus is 1-0. Anyway, it usually takes a week or two to shake off the rust.. Here are the picks! Home team has an "x" in front. The spreads are from the Friday Star Ledger.. and remember.. if you win shekels.. give some of it to charity.
Giants 3 point doggies over x-Philadelphia - Coach Coughlin probably made grandiose promises to the team if they avoid 0-2 such as being only 15 minutes early to a team meeting... won't get you a "late" fine.
Bills 6 point doggies over x-Miami - Big spread for the Dolphins to cover.
Lions 9 doggies over x-Bears - Wow 3 consecutive road underdogs!
x-Colts 9 faves over The Texans - The trend ends here!
Panthers 1 1/2 faves over x-Minnesota - The Vikes tend to win when they are home doggies. Maybe not this time.
Patriots 6 faves over x-Jets - Back-to-earth time for Chad.
Redskins 6 doggies over x-Dallas - Picked with the heart, not with the brain!
Raiders 12 doggies over x-Baltimore - Is Baltimore worthy as 12 point faves?
Bucs 5 1/2 doggies at x-Atlanta - Lotsa doggies this week... Go Simms!
x-Saints 2 1/2 faves over Green Bay - Which network is hiring Favre in '07?
x-Bengals 10 faves over Cleveland - Boy the Reds really tanked, didnt they? Time for football.
x-Seahawks 7 faves over Arizona - How the mighty have fallen - lask wk the Cards were big faves... See Pumpstradamus comment below!
Rams 3 faves over x-San Fran - Wow. what a low spread!
Titans 11 doggies over x-San Diego - 11 is just a tad high for the Chargers.
Chiefs 10 1/2 doggies over x-Denver - Sentimental? The Chiefs may snag one for their injured QB, but "major concussion" is worrisome. Keep in mind that baseball players Corie Koskie and Jim Edmonds were out for the season with "mild concussions". (Yeah Yeah, Edmonds "may" return)
x-Jaguars 1 1/2 doggies over Pittsburgh - Is the Home Dogs on Monday Night really Home Dogs for Al Michaels games? That rule didnt work last wk!
And last but not least:
This week’s PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK is in honor of this week's theme of "Surprise"... and since their is a Surprise Arizona, Pumpstradamus says “The Cardinals pick the pope so I am picking the Cardinals to cover against the favored Seahawks."
**********************************************************************
Twelve hours earlier I had woken up from a sound sleep.. it was a Saturday morning and even though it was a shorter work week due to Labor Day... it was still a tiring week. Trophy Wife and I ate some lunch but something disagreed with me and I realized that this was not going to be a fun day. My original plan was to go to an event in Atlantic City, but Trophy Wife did not want to go because friends of ours were coming in from out of town and were going to hang out at another friend’s house in Union County.. We had actually been to AC for our wedding anniversary earlier in the week and Donald Trump already had taken enough of my money. (While we were there, Trophy Wife again played the Match Game slot machine which I mentioned in this blog during our trip in June. Amazingly that column was quoted on a slot machine PR website!) However, as the day went on it turned out the out of town friend was not going to be able to make it and instead of our other friend’s house, we were going to see her participate in a panel discussion at my old elementary school. I don’t know how these plans suddenly changed, and although I was happy to hear my old pal make a speech I started to wonder, how the heck did I end up going to a panel discussion on a sunny Saturday afternoon?
Just before we were to leave for our adventure, Pumpstradamus suddenly appeared at my doorstep. "What the heck are you doing here?" I asked our local psychic.. .. It turned out he had been at synagogue services that day (held outdoors at the Y as our Temple gets rebuilt following the recent fire) and he wanted to tell me that the man that organizes honors for the service told him that on Rosh Hashanah I would be called to the Torah. "Wow" exclaimed Trophy Wife "isn’t that great?" I nonchalantly told them that they had mailed me a letter and I already knew about it.. Trophy Wife looked at me rather sadly and said “Oh, we were gonna surprise you”. “Well” I confidently replied.. “Nothing surprises me. I’m aware of everything going on around here” (Although the next day I was pleasantly surprised that Pumpstradamus picked the Jets to win.)
Trophy Wife went on to give Pump a box of stuff he needed for some people that were going to do the floors at his house and I started to get ready to see the panel.. As you can tell I was quite "thrilled".. although I was psyched to see my friend‘s portion of the program. Walking into my old elementary school was quite strange too.. the cafeteria which I recall as a huge room when I was a little pisher was actually nowhere near as large as I remembered from my childhood…. and the loooong flight of steps that took you in out of the lunch room was actually - 4 measly steps. We meandered to the gym. the location of many hard hits to the face during elementary school dodge ball games where I was always the last kid picked... even when I was the captain..
As it turned out, the panel discussion was actually ok. It was about time management, and different people spoke about how they balance work with family and other important commitments, and it didn‘t drag on as some of these programs tend to do. Since I work in the sales and marketing industry I know firsthand that the successful sales people are the ones who know how to strike a balance between all of the different aspects involved in obtaining and keeping clients. I also try to balance time for work and Trophy Wife, and my new pod cast and of course this blog, yet I knew that barring anything unexpected, the September 15 column would concern a recent GSN program that ranked the Top Game Shows of All Time.
Afterwards it was a blast from the past as I ran into the former librarian from my high school who also was attending the program. I hadn’t seen him since I graduated high school many moons ago, and Trophy Wife is always reminding me of my age, especially since I have a birthday coming up on Sunday the 17th! The librarian is a rather eccentric guy but when you talk to him you realize that he is really quite brilliant and a heckuva nice guy. Back in high school I went to the library every morning to read the paper and we always had a brief chat. I think libraries put newspapers on those long poles to make it impossible to sneak 'em out and read 'em in the Men's room! It was really great to see him after all these years… and he hasn’t aged a day!
After that we briefly stopped off at our friend’s friend’s house. This woman’s mom was an elementary school teacher of mine at that school and I remember when she took maternity leave to give birth to that daughter! Now I really felt old.
After Shabbat we headed home, and as you know from prior columns, I met Trophy Wife through our mutual friend Carrie and she herself recently got engaged. She also has a ton of postings at the OnlySimchas.com website. She and her fiance wanted to meet us for dinner later that night at Jose Tejas in Woodbridge.. but knowing how long you wait for a table at that oh so popular eatery, and how cranky, tired and hungry I had gotten during this endlessly long day, I told her I would go, if we could just stop to get a sandwich first. As I munched down my Panera tuna sans onions and tomatoes. I speculated about possibly making an early escape from Tejas since I was already dog tired, and thought of maybe just renting Godfather II which was overdue to be featured on a movie club column on this very blog. That would be good time management.
Trophy Wife said she would drive to Tejas and found a spot just on the right of the outdoor balcony. It was a beautiful night and I was hoping we could get to bed at a decent hour because I wanted to go to the Met game on Sunday knowing full well that a lousy Steve Trachsel performance would get John Maine a start in Game 4 of the playoffs. As we strolled in front of the terrace, the group of 32 spread themselves out over the ground floor balcony and eagerly awaited their cue. They had already run through a smooth practice drill, but now the time had arrived for them to do their thing. “The moment” everyone had been waiting for was here...
SURPRISE!!!!!
Holy-oke Massachusetts I bellowed.. except to paraphrase "A Christmas Story".. I didn’t say “Oke Massachusetts“... Trophy Wife had done it again.. She had pulled off a surprise birthday party and all the party props that Pumpstradamus had picked up in the afternoon when I arrogantly announced that I could not be surprised were now hanging on the terrace. That wife of mine had gone behind my back and successfully recruited more than 30 people to come out to celebrate my b'day…. just 2 years after she had surprised me at another local eatery. It was at that 2004 party that I told her that would be the only time she would be able to pull it off!!
Neil has some great photos at his blog. And some of the captions are quite amusing.. although he doesn’t seem to know the names of some of my friends. I didn’t realize he didn’t know Nessim who I have known since ’83! Basically it was a great night. You would be amazed how quickly you forget you were tired when you are running on adrenaline with a little bit of shock thrown in. Trophy Wife had started working on this back in early August, and had obtained as many emails as she possibly could.. Although a few pals probably felt left out that they weren’t contacted, it was just a matter of how many emails she and our friends were able to obtain. I don’t know if she contacted DAS, but since the restaurant is on the right side of the street, and he only moves towards the left, I don’t know if he would have gone. (He also lives in FL) Since my wife has her own separate email account that I never look at, she was able to put the whole shindig together right under my nose on my very own computer.
And yes I was totally surprised, shocked stunned you name it. I thought she might try to pull something on the actual birthday.. That is this Sunday the 17th when the Young Women’s Hadassah of which she is President will hold its inaugural event.. a picnic at a local park. That day they are also scheduled to announce that they will start The Ester Kean Scholarship Program… named in memory of my mom who had been a lifelong member of that fine fine organization. Nonetheless, she got me good and now I have to try to find someway to out smart her and throw her a surprise party. Maybe for Arbor Day? Or perhaps a party to celebrate the Vernal Equinox? I really feel like Wiley Coyote sometimes!
Anyway I will push my original scheduled column to next wk… now its time for the wkly picks featuring the wkly Pumpstradamus Pick of the Week! I got off to a great 4-12 start, while Pumpstradamus is 1-0. Anyway, it usually takes a week or two to shake off the rust.. Here are the picks! Home team has an "x" in front. The spreads are from the Friday Star Ledger.. and remember.. if you win shekels.. give some of it to charity.
Giants 3 point doggies over x-Philadelphia - Coach Coughlin probably made grandiose promises to the team if they avoid 0-2 such as being only 15 minutes early to a team meeting... won't get you a "late" fine.
Bills 6 point doggies over x-Miami - Big spread for the Dolphins to cover.
Lions 9 doggies over x-Bears - Wow 3 consecutive road underdogs!
x-Colts 9 faves over The Texans - The trend ends here!
Panthers 1 1/2 faves over x-Minnesota - The Vikes tend to win when they are home doggies. Maybe not this time.
Patriots 6 faves over x-Jets - Back-to-earth time for Chad.
Redskins 6 doggies over x-Dallas - Picked with the heart, not with the brain!
Raiders 12 doggies over x-Baltimore - Is Baltimore worthy as 12 point faves?
Bucs 5 1/2 doggies at x-Atlanta - Lotsa doggies this week... Go Simms!
x-Saints 2 1/2 faves over Green Bay - Which network is hiring Favre in '07?
x-Bengals 10 faves over Cleveland - Boy the Reds really tanked, didnt they? Time for football.
x-Seahawks 7 faves over Arizona - How the mighty have fallen - lask wk the Cards were big faves... See Pumpstradamus comment below!
Rams 3 faves over x-San Fran - Wow. what a low spread!
Titans 11 doggies over x-San Diego - 11 is just a tad high for the Chargers.
Chiefs 10 1/2 doggies over x-Denver - Sentimental? The Chiefs may snag one for their injured QB, but "major concussion" is worrisome. Keep in mind that baseball players Corie Koskie and Jim Edmonds were out for the season with "mild concussions". (Yeah Yeah, Edmonds "may" return)
x-Jaguars 1 1/2 doggies over Pittsburgh - Is the Home Dogs on Monday Night really Home Dogs for Al Michaels games? That rule didnt work last wk!
And last but not least:
This week’s PUMPSTRADAMUS PICK OF THE WEEK is in honor of this week's theme of "Surprise"... and since their is a Surprise Arizona, Pumpstradamus says “The Cardinals pick the pope so I am picking the Cardinals to cover against the favored Seahawks."
Friday, September 08, 2006
Are You Ready For Some Football?
Hey folks.. today we start a new feature here at NWOW… weekly NFL picks.. I am not turning this into an NFL blog.. but each Friday, part of the column will show off our amazing skills and talent when it comes to my uncanny knack for making pro picks. Last year just for fun I would make the picks along with the so called “experts” in the Friday paper and through some sort of bizarre luck, my win loss record at the end of the season was an astounding 50 games over .500. Basically, IF I had wagered 100 bucks on every game. I would have ended the season with 5000 smackers. This year we are going to put them in the blog based on the point spreads in the Friday Star Ledger… If I end up going away near the end of the season, we’ll use a different paper... hopefully one from a warm weather state!
Even though the NFL has become the National Pastime, I am not one of these football mavens who devours every single off-season magazine. I also don’t profess to be an expert, and I don’t have a fantasy NFL team. As a matter of fact, I go into the season fresh knowing virtually bubkus about the ‘06 teams. Who has time with baseball, The US Open, my new pod cast and everything else going on in August?
So far I have followed some stuff about the Giants.. my favorite team... a little bit about the Jets, and even less about the other teams.. as you can tell from my Thursday night pick of the Dolphins. I do know the most important stuff.. Fox and CBS retain the NFC and AFC... James Brown hosts the CBS Pregame and Greg Gumbel becomes a game announcer and Joe Buck will host the Pregame AND announce the game. The Sunday Night Game is now on NBC with Al Michaels and John Madden, and ESPN now has Monday Night Games, which will apparentally include a West Coast Doubleheader that won't end until about 2am Eastern Time. ABC and ESPN are "branding" their products together which makes me wonder if they might stick some of the games on ABC since it would reach a wider audience.. especially if MNF on ESPN beats out whatever silly shows end up in the 9pm Monday slot. Gosh how I miss TV Guide and the Fall Preview!! I don't even know yet what The Family Guy's new time slot is going to be!
Two things to keep in mind.. This week we will also feature the weekly pick of the Amazing Pumpstradamus.,…. And most importantly, if you are going to wager some shekels on these games, and you win.. why don’t we think about throwing a percent of the winnings towards a charitable organization? My recommendation for this year: The Highland Park Conservative Temple Restoration Fund. (That’s my synagogue which was badly damaged in a horrible fire 2 wks ago: See Diary of a Crummy Day in the archives for more details)
Here go the Picks... The team MENTIONED FIRST is the pick..
Giants 3 1/2 doggies hosting the Colts. - I know about the rule about Home Dogs on Monday Nights.. but does that apply to Sunday Night? Is there an Al Michaels carryover?
Titans 2 1/2 faves hosting the Jets - The Jets may take some time to Mangini-ize.
Broncos 3 1/2 faves at the Rams
Bills 9 1/2 doggies at Patriots - I'm not a big fan of double digit spreads in the early part of the season. The Pats will win but not cover.
Bucs 3 faves hosting the Ravens
Chiefs 2 1/2 faves hosting the Bengals - That's a tough pick especailly since the Bengals are so much better and the Cincy fans have nothing much else to root for now that the Reds have fizzled.
Seahawks 6 faves at Detroit
Panthers 5 faves hosting Atlanta
Saints 3 doggies at the Browns - I'm still rooting for the Saints this season.. and the Hornets too!
Jaguars 2 faves hosting the Cowboys - I do not like the Cowboys!
Packers 3 1/2 doggies hosting the Bears - Is Brett Favre the Mike Piazza of the NFL? He ain't what he used to.. but we still root for him.
Arizona 7 1/2 faves hosting the 49ers - The Cardinals a pick with that many points? Only because its the 49ers.
Eagles 5 faves at Texans -
Redskins 3 faves hosting the Vikings - First game of the Monday Night ESPN twinbill. Will we watch Kornheiser or listen to the Radio? Is Marv Albert doing the radio games on Monday Night again?
Raiders 3 doggies over the Chargers - ESPN Shmee-SPN... Home Doggies on Monday Night Rules are in effect!
PUMPSTRADAMUS Pick of the Week: The Jets (2 1/2 point doggies): This is a salute to Walter who is a big fan, and the original Pump who inspired Pumpstradamus to assume an identity with the word Pump in it. Just in case you didnt hear this on a prior podcast, Walter owns Nagel’s Bagels.. which prompted me to inform him that it’s a good thing his name isn’t Shmenis Pump. Therefore in his honor.. Pumpstradamus picks the Jets!
Even though the NFL has become the National Pastime, I am not one of these football mavens who devours every single off-season magazine. I also don’t profess to be an expert, and I don’t have a fantasy NFL team. As a matter of fact, I go into the season fresh knowing virtually bubkus about the ‘06 teams. Who has time with baseball, The US Open, my new pod cast and everything else going on in August?
So far I have followed some stuff about the Giants.. my favorite team... a little bit about the Jets, and even less about the other teams.. as you can tell from my Thursday night pick of the Dolphins. I do know the most important stuff.. Fox and CBS retain the NFC and AFC... James Brown hosts the CBS Pregame and Greg Gumbel becomes a game announcer and Joe Buck will host the Pregame AND announce the game. The Sunday Night Game is now on NBC with Al Michaels and John Madden, and ESPN now has Monday Night Games, which will apparentally include a West Coast Doubleheader that won't end until about 2am Eastern Time. ABC and ESPN are "branding" their products together which makes me wonder if they might stick some of the games on ABC since it would reach a wider audience.. especially if MNF on ESPN beats out whatever silly shows end up in the 9pm Monday slot. Gosh how I miss TV Guide and the Fall Preview!! I don't even know yet what The Family Guy's new time slot is going to be!
Two things to keep in mind.. This week we will also feature the weekly pick of the Amazing Pumpstradamus.,…. And most importantly, if you are going to wager some shekels on these games, and you win.. why don’t we think about throwing a percent of the winnings towards a charitable organization? My recommendation for this year: The Highland Park Conservative Temple Restoration Fund. (That’s my synagogue which was badly damaged in a horrible fire 2 wks ago: See Diary of a Crummy Day in the archives for more details)
Here go the Picks... The team MENTIONED FIRST is the pick..
Giants 3 1/2 doggies hosting the Colts. - I know about the rule about Home Dogs on Monday Nights.. but does that apply to Sunday Night? Is there an Al Michaels carryover?
Titans 2 1/2 faves hosting the Jets - The Jets may take some time to Mangini-ize.
Broncos 3 1/2 faves at the Rams
Bills 9 1/2 doggies at Patriots - I'm not a big fan of double digit spreads in the early part of the season. The Pats will win but not cover.
Bucs 3 faves hosting the Ravens
Chiefs 2 1/2 faves hosting the Bengals - That's a tough pick especailly since the Bengals are so much better and the Cincy fans have nothing much else to root for now that the Reds have fizzled.
Seahawks 6 faves at Detroit
Panthers 5 faves hosting Atlanta
Saints 3 doggies at the Browns - I'm still rooting for the Saints this season.. and the Hornets too!
Jaguars 2 faves hosting the Cowboys - I do not like the Cowboys!
Packers 3 1/2 doggies hosting the Bears - Is Brett Favre the Mike Piazza of the NFL? He ain't what he used to.. but we still root for him.
Arizona 7 1/2 faves hosting the 49ers - The Cardinals a pick with that many points? Only because its the 49ers.
Eagles 5 faves at Texans -
Redskins 3 faves hosting the Vikings - First game of the Monday Night ESPN twinbill. Will we watch Kornheiser or listen to the Radio? Is Marv Albert doing the radio games on Monday Night again?
Raiders 3 doggies over the Chargers - ESPN Shmee-SPN... Home Doggies on Monday Night Rules are in effect!
PUMPSTRADAMUS Pick of the Week: The Jets (2 1/2 point doggies): This is a salute to Walter who is a big fan, and the original Pump who inspired Pumpstradamus to assume an identity with the word Pump in it. Just in case you didnt hear this on a prior podcast, Walter owns Nagel’s Bagels.. which prompted me to inform him that it’s a good thing his name isn’t Shmenis Pump. Therefore in his honor.. Pumpstradamus picks the Jets!
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Summer News Round-Up
Well folks.. As Jerry Lewis belted out his annual rendition of “You Will Never Walk Alone”…the summer of '06 drew to its inevitable unofficial conclusion. This was supposed to be the summer of “Snakes on a Plane“, yet most of us ended up watching “Anchorwoman on a Toilet“ instead... which has led to the new catch phrase for control freaks across the nation..."You are such a Kyra Phillips sister-in-law!"
Tuesday night, Katie Couric announced at the end of her first CBS Newscast that she needed some help from her viewers to design a new sign-off for the end of the program. Here's one... "I'm taking off my microphone and I'm going to pish! Good Night America!"
Thankfully Phillps ill fated bathroom break did not take place during Presidential comments on the release of info about CIA worker Valerie Plame or else the puns would have been flying about The Bush Leak. I wonder if this was all part of a CNN bladder busting bar drinking game where the loser had to throw departing news anchor Daryn Kagan a going away party and purchase all gag gifts relating to former boyfriend Rush Limbaugh's need for Viagra. Phillips got what she had coming to her since everyone knows its impolite to start chatting with adjacent stall sitters unless you are asking if they can spare a square... and as the ol saying goes.. "you cant spell Phillips without Pish".. and we are all happy that that is not how the conversation started. Viewers of “The Family Guy” are also happy that Phillips and her ladies room amiga did not recreate the infamous adjacent stall scene featuring Peter Griffin and Michael Moore and their rendition of “Dueling Banjoes”.
CHARGES DROPPED IN THE JON BENET RAMSEY CASE
The summer is always a quiet time for news... Usually a hurricane or 2 will blow through in August giving news reporters a chance to stand out in a storm and tell us how lousy the weather is. Thankfully we didn’t get hit with any major storms this summer so the news starved all news networks were forced to saturate us with coverage about the arrest of John Karr.. the loony tune who thinks he killed Jon Benet Ramsey. The guy’s general demeanor showed he was not operating with a full deck and many were aware that there were holes in the case. Nonetheless, once Karr was brought to the USA from his elementary school teacher job in Thailand, DA Mary Lacey was blasted by the media when his DNA cleared him. However, maybe Lacey was on to something. He may be innocent in the Ramsey killing (even though he probably has deluded himself into thinking he really did it) but at least Lacey got this admitted pedophile off the streets of Thailand.. and I’m quite sure the parents whose kids were in his school are quite ecstatic that he is out of the classroom! Why don’t we start arresting all child molesters and charge them in the Ramsey case? Megan's Law has the list.. just take 'em off the streets.. and bring 'em in... By a show of hands.. does anybody object to this? Just think.. the ACLU will have a field day...
Speaking of poor little Jon Benet Ramsey, I saw a pretty good movie this summer addressing the whole topic of little kids entered in beauty pageants called "Little Miss Sunshine". It was actually made a couple of years ago and I got a chance to see it a few weeks ago at the local multiplex. Here is some interesting irony,... the air conditioning was broken in the theater showing World Trade Center and a couple left the movie and asked for a refund because the theater was uncomfortable. Uh, folks you’re watching a movie where thousands of people died a horrific death and you’re upset because the AC is not at a crispy 67.
Anyway LMS was filmed before Steve Carrel was famous... and he plays the uncle of a little girl entered in the LMS beauty pageant. I will not spoil the plot but some of the girls in the pageant were made up so scarily that I wonder how the parents of the young actresses were not cringing in horror during the filming.. kind of like the parents of the kid who plays the little daughter on "Life with Louie"... However the movie does address this horrible sexualizing of little kids, and although the movie is supposed to be funny. it's tragic how these little girls are forced to grow up so fast.. and its unfortunate that there are so many creeps out there who enjoy these “pageants” for the wrong reasons. Its ironic that this movie was finally released at around the same time of Karr's arrest because it really makes you wonder about the hypocrisy of these talent show producers who draw this bizarre line where they will scoff at certain performances, yet applaud others while pedophiles lurk in the wings enjoying every second of it.
JACKIE MASON SUES THE JEWS FOR JESUS CULT
Its interesting to note that Mason filed suit during the same week that Tom Cruise paid a visit to Brooke Shields to apologize for his nasty comments he made about her for seeking help for post partum depression. Cruise belongs to that wacky Church of Scientology which rejects all uses of professional psychiatry. That kind of makes sense because if a Scientologist goes to see a shrink.. The shrink will just tell them.. “Hey you’re in a cult.”.
Then you have the wacko Jews for Jesus aka Messianic Jews cult. The J for J premise is about as logical as the PETA President wearing a fur coat. I like Christians.. But the idea of telling someone that you can be Jewish AND "accept" Jesus religiously is pure silliness since Judaism by definition rejects that notion.. But this cult pulls the ol’ Scientology rigamarole. Out of sheer boredom one day… I actually read some of the stupidities on their website and one of their tenets is that they reject all teachings of Orthodox Rabbis. Well duh… of course.. Because like the psychiatrist… the Rabbi like anybody else with half a brain calls this group of morons a fund raising cult. How many poor people do they recruit by the way?
This group of morons just wrapped up their big summer recruitment campaign which included advertising featuring Jackie Mason that prompted the lawsuit. Then the buffoons even tried to infiltrate the Hasidic community for new recruits. They would have a better shot of getting the Lubavitcher Rebbe to eat a ham sandwich in Macy’s window on Yom Kippur Morning. But folks, the major campaign really begins now.. when they target young freshmen on college campuses. Most of these kids are away from home for the first time and are lonely and vulnerable and are prime for cult recruitment. If you know of someone who is going to a new school.. See that they have a good support system during the first few months.
HOW TO START YOUR OWN CAR COLLECTION
This one takes the cake: A guy walks into a Hillside auto dealer and decides to buy a luxury car. A few months later he decides to resell it but finds out that the car had actually been recalled by the manufacturer due to “a defect”. The guy sues the dealer and the judge awards him 300k as part of the Lemon Law! When the car dealer couldn’t come up with the cash… 3 luxury cars were seized at his lot and were to be sold at auction through a Sheriffs Sale in Union County. The dealer wanted his cars back but first he had to find out where the auction was going to be since it was only advertised in the Sheriff’s Office!
The dealer showed up at the auction and every time he bid, another bidder kept bidding moving the price up. Finally, the bidding ended at 110k and the dealer was able to buy his cars back. Or so he thought. It turned out he needed a certified check to pay the auctioneer and even though he had a courier en route with the necessary shekels, the plaintiff in the suit refused to allow him the extra time to get the moolah. As a result the other bidder was declared the winner. But at that point he said …. “Y’know what, I don’t want those cars after all”.. so it was on to Plan C… which means the “default bid”. The default bid was for 300 bucks and the bidder was the plaintiff who now has all 3 cars for 300 bucks while the car dealer still owes him the entire sum of the lawsuit minus 300 bucks!
The car dealer thinks there has been some monkey business going on so the cars remain impounded pending a court hearing this Friday. And by the way the original car’s defect involved a problem with the radio… and the plaintiff in the suit is the stepson of the Union County Sheriff.
THE NFL SEASON PREMIERES THURSDAY NIGHT
Here is my pick for Thursday Night’s NFL Season Premiere… we’re taking the Dolphins over the Steelers in a pick ‘em while all the Steelers fans google “appendectomy” and “motorcycle crash” to see if Ben Roethlisberger’s emergency surgery is more than just a coincidence. Our picks will appear in this spot each Friday starting later this week. See you then!
Tuesday night, Katie Couric announced at the end of her first CBS Newscast that she needed some help from her viewers to design a new sign-off for the end of the program. Here's one... "I'm taking off my microphone and I'm going to pish! Good Night America!"
Thankfully Phillps ill fated bathroom break did not take place during Presidential comments on the release of info about CIA worker Valerie Plame or else the puns would have been flying about The Bush Leak. I wonder if this was all part of a CNN bladder busting bar drinking game where the loser had to throw departing news anchor Daryn Kagan a going away party and purchase all gag gifts relating to former boyfriend Rush Limbaugh's need for Viagra. Phillips got what she had coming to her since everyone knows its impolite to start chatting with adjacent stall sitters unless you are asking if they can spare a square... and as the ol saying goes.. "you cant spell Phillips without Pish".. and we are all happy that that is not how the conversation started. Viewers of “The Family Guy” are also happy that Phillips and her ladies room amiga did not recreate the infamous adjacent stall scene featuring Peter Griffin and Michael Moore and their rendition of “Dueling Banjoes”.
CHARGES DROPPED IN THE JON BENET RAMSEY CASE
The summer is always a quiet time for news... Usually a hurricane or 2 will blow through in August giving news reporters a chance to stand out in a storm and tell us how lousy the weather is. Thankfully we didn’t get hit with any major storms this summer so the news starved all news networks were forced to saturate us with coverage about the arrest of John Karr.. the loony tune who thinks he killed Jon Benet Ramsey. The guy’s general demeanor showed he was not operating with a full deck and many were aware that there were holes in the case. Nonetheless, once Karr was brought to the USA from his elementary school teacher job in Thailand, DA Mary Lacey was blasted by the media when his DNA cleared him. However, maybe Lacey was on to something. He may be innocent in the Ramsey killing (even though he probably has deluded himself into thinking he really did it) but at least Lacey got this admitted pedophile off the streets of Thailand.. and I’m quite sure the parents whose kids were in his school are quite ecstatic that he is out of the classroom! Why don’t we start arresting all child molesters and charge them in the Ramsey case? Megan's Law has the list.. just take 'em off the streets.. and bring 'em in... By a show of hands.. does anybody object to this? Just think.. the ACLU will have a field day...
Speaking of poor little Jon Benet Ramsey, I saw a pretty good movie this summer addressing the whole topic of little kids entered in beauty pageants called "Little Miss Sunshine". It was actually made a couple of years ago and I got a chance to see it a few weeks ago at the local multiplex. Here is some interesting irony,... the air conditioning was broken in the theater showing World Trade Center and a couple left the movie and asked for a refund because the theater was uncomfortable. Uh, folks you’re watching a movie where thousands of people died a horrific death and you’re upset because the AC is not at a crispy 67.
Anyway LMS was filmed before Steve Carrel was famous... and he plays the uncle of a little girl entered in the LMS beauty pageant. I will not spoil the plot but some of the girls in the pageant were made up so scarily that I wonder how the parents of the young actresses were not cringing in horror during the filming.. kind of like the parents of the kid who plays the little daughter on "Life with Louie"... However the movie does address this horrible sexualizing of little kids, and although the movie is supposed to be funny. it's tragic how these little girls are forced to grow up so fast.. and its unfortunate that there are so many creeps out there who enjoy these “pageants” for the wrong reasons. Its ironic that this movie was finally released at around the same time of Karr's arrest because it really makes you wonder about the hypocrisy of these talent show producers who draw this bizarre line where they will scoff at certain performances, yet applaud others while pedophiles lurk in the wings enjoying every second of it.
JACKIE MASON SUES THE JEWS FOR JESUS CULT
Its interesting to note that Mason filed suit during the same week that Tom Cruise paid a visit to Brooke Shields to apologize for his nasty comments he made about her for seeking help for post partum depression. Cruise belongs to that wacky Church of Scientology which rejects all uses of professional psychiatry. That kind of makes sense because if a Scientologist goes to see a shrink.. The shrink will just tell them.. “Hey you’re in a cult.”.
Then you have the wacko Jews for Jesus aka Messianic Jews cult. The J for J premise is about as logical as the PETA President wearing a fur coat. I like Christians.. But the idea of telling someone that you can be Jewish AND "accept" Jesus religiously is pure silliness since Judaism by definition rejects that notion.. But this cult pulls the ol’ Scientology rigamarole. Out of sheer boredom one day… I actually read some of the stupidities on their website and one of their tenets is that they reject all teachings of Orthodox Rabbis. Well duh… of course.. Because like the psychiatrist… the Rabbi like anybody else with half a brain calls this group of morons a fund raising cult. How many poor people do they recruit by the way?
This group of morons just wrapped up their big summer recruitment campaign which included advertising featuring Jackie Mason that prompted the lawsuit. Then the buffoons even tried to infiltrate the Hasidic community for new recruits. They would have a better shot of getting the Lubavitcher Rebbe to eat a ham sandwich in Macy’s window on Yom Kippur Morning. But folks, the major campaign really begins now.. when they target young freshmen on college campuses. Most of these kids are away from home for the first time and are lonely and vulnerable and are prime for cult recruitment. If you know of someone who is going to a new school.. See that they have a good support system during the first few months.
HOW TO START YOUR OWN CAR COLLECTION
This one takes the cake: A guy walks into a Hillside auto dealer and decides to buy a luxury car. A few months later he decides to resell it but finds out that the car had actually been recalled by the manufacturer due to “a defect”. The guy sues the dealer and the judge awards him 300k as part of the Lemon Law! When the car dealer couldn’t come up with the cash… 3 luxury cars were seized at his lot and were to be sold at auction through a Sheriffs Sale in Union County. The dealer wanted his cars back but first he had to find out where the auction was going to be since it was only advertised in the Sheriff’s Office!
The dealer showed up at the auction and every time he bid, another bidder kept bidding moving the price up. Finally, the bidding ended at 110k and the dealer was able to buy his cars back. Or so he thought. It turned out he needed a certified check to pay the auctioneer and even though he had a courier en route with the necessary shekels, the plaintiff in the suit refused to allow him the extra time to get the moolah. As a result the other bidder was declared the winner. But at that point he said …. “Y’know what, I don’t want those cars after all”.. so it was on to Plan C… which means the “default bid”. The default bid was for 300 bucks and the bidder was the plaintiff who now has all 3 cars for 300 bucks while the car dealer still owes him the entire sum of the lawsuit minus 300 bucks!
The car dealer thinks there has been some monkey business going on so the cars remain impounded pending a court hearing this Friday. And by the way the original car’s defect involved a problem with the radio… and the plaintiff in the suit is the stepson of the Union County Sheriff.
THE NFL SEASON PREMIERES THURSDAY NIGHT
Here is my pick for Thursday Night’s NFL Season Premiere… we’re taking the Dolphins over the Steelers in a pick ‘em while all the Steelers fans google “appendectomy” and “motorcycle crash” to see if Ben Roethlisberger’s emergency surgery is more than just a coincidence. Our picks will appear in this spot each Friday starting later this week. See you then!
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Damn Yankees - Baseball '06 Quarterly Report
This just in… Disney has just announced that Pluto will no longer be considered a dog! All references to Pluto as a dog will now be removed from all Disney movies.. Which means we no longer have to wonder about why Goofy speaks but Pluto doesn’t!
This column had already been written early in the week and would have been timelier had it been posted as scheduled on Thursday.. However, I delayed it due to Thursday’s fire… (See Diary of a Crummy Day in the archives.) Just to update you, the blaze started due to electrical wiring in the area between the ceiling of the basement and the floor above it. The synagogue is set up in such a way that there is a sanctuary and immediately behind that is a social hall. Due to the synagogue’s popularity, they have overflow crowds each week so a divider is opened up and chairs are placed out in the social hall making it one huge room. According to an eyewitness, there is now a 25 foot hole in the floor of the social hall, and extensive smoke and water damage to the sanctuary. The rest of the ground floor and the second floor have lesser damage.
As for the baseball column…. we start with a note to the Red Sox fans…. those annoying Yankee fans may be celebrating all they want after their five game sweep last weekend in Fenway Park... but no matter how you slice it.. a five game sweep in August is nowhere as bad as losing 4 in a row after leading 3-0 in the best of 7 LCS like the Yankees did in 2004.
Greetings folks.. from Red Sox country.. The central point of baseball last wknd.. (although the Mets ‘86 reunion at Shea was also kind of exciting)... Boston, MA is the site where today’s column was conceived.. along with the baby by the couple in the next room in our hotel with the wafer thin walls! . Boston baseball has been the hub of all excitement since last week when thousands of people started downloading the You Tube video of Denis Leary in the Red Sox TV booth totally ripping into Mel Gibson as Jewish ballplayer Kevin Youkilis, made some sparkling defensive plays. Now, the Mets have traded for Youkilis’ fellow Yid…. OF Shawn Green. The marketing tie-ins are endless… there aren’t any games scheduled for Yom Kippur (its the day after the regular season ends) so I’m sure local synagogues will clamor to get Green to attend as was the case for Sandy Koufax when he pitched for the Dodgers. He can even attend synagogue with me.. I’m still not sure where our services will be held... but I’ll happily buy him a seat even though I may have to have a talk with him about his 2004 season long slump which totally messed up my rotisserie team! The Florida Marlins even scheduled a Jewish day in honor of first baseman Mike Jacobs only to later find out that Jacobs isn’t Jewish… they just assumed it..
Trophy Wife and I ventured off to Beantown last wknd for a very quick 24 hour trip to attend a party for one of her friends. By the way if you have a Tom Tom GPS device… it doesn’t work in Boston… It appears to be reading maps that were drawn before the massive Big Dig that moved the highway system underground. After spending a lot of time lost, we left there Sunday evening just before the ESPN Game 4 began.. but not before a quick stop at Ruben’s Kosher Deli in Brookline for an artery clogging deli sandwich... We also ran into my friend Jeff there, which is funny because he lives in Hillside, NJ! I snuck up on him and asked him how to get to Union County and when he turned around to see where this bizarre question was coming from... he was quite stunned to see me!
We also spent some time at Faneuil Hall on Sunday... we got a nice free parking spot outside a bar filled with Yankee fans that was right in front of the Holocaust Memorial. At Faneuil Hall there was this silent woman who paints herself red and does some kind of act, and then expects you to leave a tip. I like those wacky "silent performance artists" because its an opportunity to rip off a funny joke to see if they will laugh or maybe chortle. Instead I pulled Trophy Wife over and bellowed to the Silent Red Woman.. "This is my wife and she told me it was ok if you would be my celebrity affair!"... Silent Red Woman looked at me and then retorted.. "Yeah but the silver guy might kick your ass!"... at which point she blew me a good natured kiss.. and made me realize that I would have something funny for the 6th paragraph of today's column as long as something interesting would happen later that day at Ruben's Deli to give me an amusing 5th paragraph.
I dislike the Yankees more and more each day. In the old days, I never had an issue with them.. I even liked listening to their games on WABC with Phil Rizzuto, Frank Messer and Bill White… and I was happy for them when they won the World Series in 96, 98 and 99. But after 2000 when they had the audacity to beat the Mets and party at Shea like it was 1999.. .I started to dislike them, and the sheer enjoyment of watching them lose in '01 to Arizona made me realize that 2001 could not get any better. Of course I later met Trophy Wife on 12-29-01 at The Highland Park Conservative Temple and Center while I was talking to my pal Carrie, and in my love at first sight moment I bellowed "Wow... and I thought the Yankees losing the World Series was the highlight of my year".. What a great pickup line. Unfortunately she is a Yankee fan.. And I’m not sure how much Shalom in the Home we’ll have if there is a Subway Series this year!
As we head to the final quarter of the '06 campaign, the Evil Empire in Yankeeland is gearing up for a matchup with the Mets in what looks to be a replay of that 2000 Series.. a big media event in the NY Metropolitan Area.. but a yawner for fans in the rest of the country… It’s also an opportunity for Fox Sports On Air Hog Joe Buck to try to squeeze in a Sunday Giants Stadium game… AND an 8pm World Series game for a Deion Sanders type marathon day. That could happen October 22nd because Fox will broadcast the 1pm Jets-Lions in NJ, and then it could also take place on October 29th if there is a Game 7 and if he calls the Giants-Tampa 1pm game at Giants Stadium. The Yankees theft of Bobby Abreu and the pick up of Cory Lidle as the 5th starter has them on their way. Nifty move on the Yankees part sneaking Lidle on the bereavement list so they could add a reliever for the 4 games in 3 days at Fenway.. Lidle wasn’t gonna miss a start anyway but the Yanks took full advantage of a loophole in the rule that should be changed to "the family leave" rule since it also allowed Richie Sexson to leave his team last wk while his wife had a baby. I also must eat crow and admit I was wrong at the All Star break for picking the Yankees not to make the wild card because they were too far back in the standings.
The Yankees really made their big move in the off season when they signed former Red Sox CF Johnny Damon as a free agent. That started a chain reaction where the Red Sox traded for Indians CF Coco Crisp and neither team has been the same ever since. The Indians got Guilermo Mota for their hideous bullpen and they just traded him to the Mets for a bag of baseballs, some cracker jacks and a copy of the dvd of the William Shatner Comedy Central Roast. I guess nothing beats sex jokes tossed at good ol’ Betty White!
The A’s look like they’re gonna take the West.. but the Angels and Rangers are hanging tough, and the Angels have a deep Bartolo Colon-less rotation with young rookie superstuds Jered Weaver and John Saunders trying to lead them to the top of the division.. Colon’s total of 1 win not only hurt the Angels in ’06 but totally killed my rotisserie team! Is Colon Jewish? I may have to have a Yom Kippur chat with him also! The offense is a bit lacking though.. and they haven’t done anything to improve it.. while the Rangers pitching is quite mediocre.. but they improved their offense by trading for Carlos Lee who once again is showing that he can’t maintain his first half pace after the All Star Break. Did anyone realize how good Mark DeRosa would be? Was he actually drafted by any rotisserie teams?
The wild card is either going to be the Red Sox or the 2nd place team in the Central. Are the Red Sox finished after last weekend’s total destruction? More than likely the Central holds the wild card team. The Tigers have faded a bit and the pitching has dropped a notch but if they can keep from plummeting to 3rd, a playoff spot will be theirs for the taking. I was not really sure if the Twins had enough to beat out Chicago, .. especially after the injury to Fransisco Liriano, but they are now the Wild Card leaders........ but between those 3 central teams and the Red Sox.. 2 of 'em are headed home in October and when all is said and done I think it’s going to be the Twins and Red Sox...just because Chicago has a deeper more experienced offense and starting rotation. I think the Twins have some fantastic young players such as M and M boys Justin Morneau and catcher Joe Mauer whose batting average has slipped into the 350s… Maybe those Red Sox fans should rethink the idea that trading Bronson Arroyo for Willy Mo Pena was a good idea?
In the National League the teams there are lining up for a chance to lose to the Mets. The question is which Wild Card loses in the 1st round and which division winner will make it just to lose in the 2nd round to the Mets? Although if the Phillies are the wild card.. they will get a break and probably face St. Louis instead. The Mets took a brilliant strategic approach during the off season by making their bullpen the priority, and building up an insurmountable lead in April and May and then cruising to the finish line while all the other mediocre teams beat each other up. Ultimately if the Mets face the Cards in the post season.. lets hope John Maine just walks Albert Pujols each time,… but then again even if he gives up a bunch of Pujols round trippers… you know the Cardinal bullpen will just cough up the lead…Don’t be surprised if Oliver Perez turns out to be a valuable situational lefty coming out of the bullpen during the post season.
The Cards and Reds look to be the Central Winner and Wild Card respectively... The Cards have had 2 8 game losing streaks, but thanks to the Reds (and Astros) incompetence, the Cards still maintain a slim lead. All the Central bullpens are just awful and the Reds have been trying every possible reliever they can find to help them stumble into a first round loss to the Mets. Over in the West each month a different team takes the lead.. The Dodgers had been hot the last few weeks before being swept by the Padres, but aside from Jeff Kent and Nomar Garciaparra, they have no steady bats, although Wilson Betemit and Andre Ethier have the potential to become solid young ballplayers. They already have traded away Dennys Baez and Duaner Sanchez and their best reliever Eric Gagne is again out with an injury so who knows how long the starters can survive their lengthy 100+ pitch outings.. not to mention Greg Maddux pitching like he is 10 years younger. If they clinch the division, they will probably go down meekly to the Cards in the first round.. but strangely enough, on paper The Padres and Rockies still appear to have more talent, but they all look like pretenders as evidenced by their sweeps at the hands of the Mets these past couple of wks.. and Mike Piazza went 0-28 and has had just 2 hits in the 2 and a half weeks wks since the game he hit those 2 hrs off Pedro Martinez! Not that Pedro has done much since then, but he will be back for some tune-ups in September before the playoffs.
As for the Mets, kudos to Omar Minaya to building a winner.. but lets hope we don’t have to witness another Yankee celebration at Shea where Games 3, 4 and 5 will be held because of that ridiculous rule that awards home field to the league that wins the All Star game. Now if the Red Sox could only get their act together and face the Yankees in the playoffs.. we know the Yankees can beat them in the regular season.. but we also know that in the post season the Boys in Beantown can win 4 in a row! Actually, I don’t know if the Mets really want to face the Red Sox, or the Tigers, or the White Sox, or the Angels nor any of those teams in the American League! Have the Royals been mathematically eliminated from the Wild Card yet?
Enjoy the rest of the summer.. Coming Soon: Another movie club column with The Godfather II and our NFL weekly picks!!
This column had already been written early in the week and would have been timelier had it been posted as scheduled on Thursday.. However, I delayed it due to Thursday’s fire… (See Diary of a Crummy Day in the archives.) Just to update you, the blaze started due to electrical wiring in the area between the ceiling of the basement and the floor above it. The synagogue is set up in such a way that there is a sanctuary and immediately behind that is a social hall. Due to the synagogue’s popularity, they have overflow crowds each week so a divider is opened up and chairs are placed out in the social hall making it one huge room. According to an eyewitness, there is now a 25 foot hole in the floor of the social hall, and extensive smoke and water damage to the sanctuary. The rest of the ground floor and the second floor have lesser damage.
As for the baseball column…. we start with a note to the Red Sox fans…. those annoying Yankee fans may be celebrating all they want after their five game sweep last weekend in Fenway Park... but no matter how you slice it.. a five game sweep in August is nowhere as bad as losing 4 in a row after leading 3-0 in the best of 7 LCS like the Yankees did in 2004.
Greetings folks.. from Red Sox country.. The central point of baseball last wknd.. (although the Mets ‘86 reunion at Shea was also kind of exciting)... Boston, MA is the site where today’s column was conceived.. along with the baby by the couple in the next room in our hotel with the wafer thin walls! . Boston baseball has been the hub of all excitement since last week when thousands of people started downloading the You Tube video of Denis Leary in the Red Sox TV booth totally ripping into Mel Gibson as Jewish ballplayer Kevin Youkilis, made some sparkling defensive plays. Now, the Mets have traded for Youkilis’ fellow Yid…. OF Shawn Green. The marketing tie-ins are endless… there aren’t any games scheduled for Yom Kippur (its the day after the regular season ends) so I’m sure local synagogues will clamor to get Green to attend as was the case for Sandy Koufax when he pitched for the Dodgers. He can even attend synagogue with me.. I’m still not sure where our services will be held... but I’ll happily buy him a seat even though I may have to have a talk with him about his 2004 season long slump which totally messed up my rotisserie team! The Florida Marlins even scheduled a Jewish day in honor of first baseman Mike Jacobs only to later find out that Jacobs isn’t Jewish… they just assumed it..
Trophy Wife and I ventured off to Beantown last wknd for a very quick 24 hour trip to attend a party for one of her friends. By the way if you have a Tom Tom GPS device… it doesn’t work in Boston… It appears to be reading maps that were drawn before the massive Big Dig that moved the highway system underground. After spending a lot of time lost, we left there Sunday evening just before the ESPN Game 4 began.. but not before a quick stop at Ruben’s Kosher Deli in Brookline for an artery clogging deli sandwich... We also ran into my friend Jeff there, which is funny because he lives in Hillside, NJ! I snuck up on him and asked him how to get to Union County and when he turned around to see where this bizarre question was coming from... he was quite stunned to see me!
We also spent some time at Faneuil Hall on Sunday... we got a nice free parking spot outside a bar filled with Yankee fans that was right in front of the Holocaust Memorial. At Faneuil Hall there was this silent woman who paints herself red and does some kind of act, and then expects you to leave a tip. I like those wacky "silent performance artists" because its an opportunity to rip off a funny joke to see if they will laugh or maybe chortle. Instead I pulled Trophy Wife over and bellowed to the Silent Red Woman.. "This is my wife and she told me it was ok if you would be my celebrity affair!"... Silent Red Woman looked at me and then retorted.. "Yeah but the silver guy might kick your ass!"... at which point she blew me a good natured kiss.. and made me realize that I would have something funny for the 6th paragraph of today's column as long as something interesting would happen later that day at Ruben's Deli to give me an amusing 5th paragraph.
I dislike the Yankees more and more each day. In the old days, I never had an issue with them.. I even liked listening to their games on WABC with Phil Rizzuto, Frank Messer and Bill White… and I was happy for them when they won the World Series in 96, 98 and 99. But after 2000 when they had the audacity to beat the Mets and party at Shea like it was 1999.. .I started to dislike them, and the sheer enjoyment of watching them lose in '01 to Arizona made me realize that 2001 could not get any better. Of course I later met Trophy Wife on 12-29-01 at The Highland Park Conservative Temple and Center while I was talking to my pal Carrie, and in my love at first sight moment I bellowed "Wow... and I thought the Yankees losing the World Series was the highlight of my year".. What a great pickup line. Unfortunately she is a Yankee fan.. And I’m not sure how much Shalom in the Home we’ll have if there is a Subway Series this year!
As we head to the final quarter of the '06 campaign, the Evil Empire in Yankeeland is gearing up for a matchup with the Mets in what looks to be a replay of that 2000 Series.. a big media event in the NY Metropolitan Area.. but a yawner for fans in the rest of the country… It’s also an opportunity for Fox Sports On Air Hog Joe Buck to try to squeeze in a Sunday Giants Stadium game… AND an 8pm World Series game for a Deion Sanders type marathon day. That could happen October 22nd because Fox will broadcast the 1pm Jets-Lions in NJ, and then it could also take place on October 29th if there is a Game 7 and if he calls the Giants-Tampa 1pm game at Giants Stadium. The Yankees theft of Bobby Abreu and the pick up of Cory Lidle as the 5th starter has them on their way. Nifty move on the Yankees part sneaking Lidle on the bereavement list so they could add a reliever for the 4 games in 3 days at Fenway.. Lidle wasn’t gonna miss a start anyway but the Yanks took full advantage of a loophole in the rule that should be changed to "the family leave" rule since it also allowed Richie Sexson to leave his team last wk while his wife had a baby. I also must eat crow and admit I was wrong at the All Star break for picking the Yankees not to make the wild card because they were too far back in the standings.
The Yankees really made their big move in the off season when they signed former Red Sox CF Johnny Damon as a free agent. That started a chain reaction where the Red Sox traded for Indians CF Coco Crisp and neither team has been the same ever since. The Indians got Guilermo Mota for their hideous bullpen and they just traded him to the Mets for a bag of baseballs, some cracker jacks and a copy of the dvd of the William Shatner Comedy Central Roast. I guess nothing beats sex jokes tossed at good ol’ Betty White!
The A’s look like they’re gonna take the West.. but the Angels and Rangers are hanging tough, and the Angels have a deep Bartolo Colon-less rotation with young rookie superstuds Jered Weaver and John Saunders trying to lead them to the top of the division.. Colon’s total of 1 win not only hurt the Angels in ’06 but totally killed my rotisserie team! Is Colon Jewish? I may have to have a Yom Kippur chat with him also! The offense is a bit lacking though.. and they haven’t done anything to improve it.. while the Rangers pitching is quite mediocre.. but they improved their offense by trading for Carlos Lee who once again is showing that he can’t maintain his first half pace after the All Star Break. Did anyone realize how good Mark DeRosa would be? Was he actually drafted by any rotisserie teams?
The wild card is either going to be the Red Sox or the 2nd place team in the Central. Are the Red Sox finished after last weekend’s total destruction? More than likely the Central holds the wild card team. The Tigers have faded a bit and the pitching has dropped a notch but if they can keep from plummeting to 3rd, a playoff spot will be theirs for the taking. I was not really sure if the Twins had enough to beat out Chicago, .. especially after the injury to Fransisco Liriano, but they are now the Wild Card leaders........ but between those 3 central teams and the Red Sox.. 2 of 'em are headed home in October and when all is said and done I think it’s going to be the Twins and Red Sox...just because Chicago has a deeper more experienced offense and starting rotation. I think the Twins have some fantastic young players such as M and M boys Justin Morneau and catcher Joe Mauer whose batting average has slipped into the 350s… Maybe those Red Sox fans should rethink the idea that trading Bronson Arroyo for Willy Mo Pena was a good idea?
In the National League the teams there are lining up for a chance to lose to the Mets. The question is which Wild Card loses in the 1st round and which division winner will make it just to lose in the 2nd round to the Mets? Although if the Phillies are the wild card.. they will get a break and probably face St. Louis instead. The Mets took a brilliant strategic approach during the off season by making their bullpen the priority, and building up an insurmountable lead in April and May and then cruising to the finish line while all the other mediocre teams beat each other up. Ultimately if the Mets face the Cards in the post season.. lets hope John Maine just walks Albert Pujols each time,… but then again even if he gives up a bunch of Pujols round trippers… you know the Cardinal bullpen will just cough up the lead…Don’t be surprised if Oliver Perez turns out to be a valuable situational lefty coming out of the bullpen during the post season.
The Cards and Reds look to be the Central Winner and Wild Card respectively... The Cards have had 2 8 game losing streaks, but thanks to the Reds (and Astros) incompetence, the Cards still maintain a slim lead. All the Central bullpens are just awful and the Reds have been trying every possible reliever they can find to help them stumble into a first round loss to the Mets. Over in the West each month a different team takes the lead.. The Dodgers had been hot the last few weeks before being swept by the Padres, but aside from Jeff Kent and Nomar Garciaparra, they have no steady bats, although Wilson Betemit and Andre Ethier have the potential to become solid young ballplayers. They already have traded away Dennys Baez and Duaner Sanchez and their best reliever Eric Gagne is again out with an injury so who knows how long the starters can survive their lengthy 100+ pitch outings.. not to mention Greg Maddux pitching like he is 10 years younger. If they clinch the division, they will probably go down meekly to the Cards in the first round.. but strangely enough, on paper The Padres and Rockies still appear to have more talent, but they all look like pretenders as evidenced by their sweeps at the hands of the Mets these past couple of wks.. and Mike Piazza went 0-28 and has had just 2 hits in the 2 and a half weeks wks since the game he hit those 2 hrs off Pedro Martinez! Not that Pedro has done much since then, but he will be back for some tune-ups in September before the playoffs.
As for the Mets, kudos to Omar Minaya to building a winner.. but lets hope we don’t have to witness another Yankee celebration at Shea where Games 3, 4 and 5 will be held because of that ridiculous rule that awards home field to the league that wins the All Star game. Now if the Red Sox could only get their act together and face the Yankees in the playoffs.. we know the Yankees can beat them in the regular season.. but we also know that in the post season the Boys in Beantown can win 4 in a row! Actually, I don’t know if the Mets really want to face the Red Sox, or the Tigers, or the White Sox, or the Angels nor any of those teams in the American League! Have the Royals been mathematically eliminated from the Wild Card yet?
Enjoy the rest of the summer.. Coming Soon: Another movie club column with The Godfather II and our NFL weekly picks!!
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